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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > his credit card declined when he went to pay?      Home login  
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 Mxchic
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 26
his credit card declined when he went to pay?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
You should bring it up before the next date is being planned if you plan on seeing him again or simply state at the time of ordering that you want seperate checks....

I don't know, this has never happened to me. I would think that if a person can't afford to pay then they shouldn't be eating out in the first place. I am always prepared to pay my way - but I am not always prepared to pay someone elses way.
 Sanguine_Kiss
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 27
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 5:02:34 PM
Good lord, get rid of this clown. Is he really worth all this greif?
 montana39
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 28
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 5:06:28 PM
go do something that doesnt involve spending money,go for a walk,sit on a bench and talk get to know each other and maybe you'll find out something you didnt know before.Not being able to pay a bill once isnt a capital offence lightnen up..maybe god honest truth he's broke it happens paycheck to paycheck I think we've all been there
 infoseekngeek
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 29
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 5:06:54 PM
If I'm going on a date I bring backup cash. Once when dining out with my kids my debit card was declined, and of course we had been celebrating and had appetizers, meals, AND desserts, so the bill was high. I had enough cash, barely, to cover the meal and the tip, so learned my lesson. And my account had plenty of money in it, and the card worked at the ATM next door as well as Target, so it was likely the restaurant's processor that was wonky.

Anyway I don't want to go through that again, so I bring cash. I'd be mortified if it happened on a date!
 life2you
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 30
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:00:11 PM
I have 2 credit cards, one debit card and some cash...All I need now is a date!
Seriously, this guy is not a keeper. Major red flag here.
 dixielady40
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 31
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:17:25 PM
This is a weird thread. Sounds like maybe you've seen some financial red flags for awhile now and you just don't want to admit it, for whatever reason. If you want to keep seeing him..tell him it's dutch/separate checks from now on (his reaction will probably be interesting!). If it's bugging you that much, then break it off and find someone who is a little more financially compatible with you. I really think there is much more to this story than what we have been told.
 Keiper7
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 32
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:54:38 PM

I really think there is much more to this story than what we have been told.


I agree. Something is fishy here.

If I went out, intending to pay, and my card was declined, I would hope my date would understand that it was not intentional. Stuff happens, cards get declined, people forget cash/cards/ wallets. Its not the end of the world IF THATS ALL IT IS.

I don't see any problem with splitting the check, each person chipping in, or taking turns picking up the tab. IMO, that is actually an attractive trait in a woman, one who is willing to split the 'burden'...even though I always make sure I cover more in the long run.

BTW, I almost always order water. Its not because I am cheap, its because I like to drink water.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 33
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:05:02 PM

I didnt see the server come back with the response when they ran his card, but do you think this was just a way to get out of paying?


I have been bartending for years, this makes no sense. When we take a credit card, we have to bring it back. The server has to bring the card back with the approved credit card slip, or a decline paper, its that simple....

I agree with others, there is something not being told here. At first you said it only happened once, then you say you have paid for him before....
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 34
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History
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:57:27 PM
I didnt see the response because I was away from the table, and he told me this when I got back to the table. This is just what he said, I dont know what actually happened.

I was correct when I said The "card declined" excuse only happened once.
I was also correct when I said I have had to pay for him more than once (the other times he asked me to).
Both are correct and true.

I asked him about it tonight and he said it was an accident, (see below) and that he'd pay me some money back.

The other times I didnt have a problem because it was only for a drink, and did it as a favor. But when you add to that the fact that he asked me to pay the other times, and the fact that he said he "forgot" how close he was to his card limit and declared he did not carry any other forms of payment or cash, then it starts to look weird. It isnt that I had to pay, its his excuse and how he handled it coupled with the other examples that have made me think.

Its that he stuck me with the bill after implying he was going to pay for what we were going to do earlier. I dont mind springing once in a while, but I plan ahead when I do.
I'll be keeping my own separate tab from now on.
 alinux
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 35
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History
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:49:59 PM
............................. lol (the server was prolly down) happens to me from time-to-time
on eBay :o) ... sorta seldom, but has happened before. But regardless, it sounds yous
two were a lil awkward - he and yourself should have been open enough to laugh about
it (at least) or come to some type of manage.
 JulieC29
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 36
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:08:06 PM
He is using you. Run away fast. I don't care if you are male or female, if you are going out with someone just so you have someone to pay for your meals and fun, that's just wrong. Likely he is using you and even if he isn't setting out to do it, he looks really bad.

I would be pissed if I had to pay for someone all the time. When I don't have money, I don't go out and even if it's for long periods of time, I don't care. And I certainly wouldn't pull half the stuff he's done withough being completely embarrassed.

It's only to get worse from here. Get out while you can or you only have yourself to blame.
 Sidewinder154
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 37
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:25:28 PM

I didnt see the response because I was away from the table, and he told me this when I got back to the table. This is just what he said, I dont know what actually happened.

I was correct when I said The "card declined" excuse only happened once.
I was also correct when I said I have had to pay for him more than once (the other times he asked me to).
Both are correct and true.

I asked him about it tonight and he said it was an accident, (see below) and that he'd pay me some money back.

The other times I didnt have a problem because it was only for a drink, and did it as a favor. But when you add to that the fact that he asked me to pay the other times, and the fact that he said he "forgot" how close he was to his card limit and declared he did not carry any other forms of payment or cash, then it starts to look weird. It isnt that I had to pay, its his excuse and how he handled it coupled with the other examples that have made me think.

Its that he stuck me with the bill after implying he was going to pay for what we were going to do earlier. I dont mind springing once in a while, but I plan ahead when I do.
I'll be keeping my own separate tab from now on.


And WHY are you still seeing him??? I think from here on out, I'd bring just enough cash to cover myself and let him worry about his own bill. My guess is as soon as he realizes you aren't going to pay for him, he'll be out that door quick. You're his sugarmama, OP...face it.
 Gigglemepink
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 38
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 12:55:16 AM
Had something sort of similar. Went on a date with a guy at a fancy place. I'm a burger and fries kind of gal, so it was hard to find something that I wanted to eat. He ordered several expensive items while I ordered something relatively cheap. I only order what I know I'd be willing to pay. The check comes and the guy says he left his wallet at home. I told the waiter it would be seperate checks.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 39
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:27:40 AM
the "it declined my card" excuse has only come up once. Its happened more than once where he has asked me to pay. It isnt his share just this time I've had to pay for, its happened almost every time we've been out.

The water thing, he is always saying he doesnt have any money. You think that doesnt have anything to do with it? But he day I met him, he was paying his own tab.


The declined card, once, I wouldn't read that much into right off the bat. Multiple times, I'd consider it a red flag - and you saying that he's "always saying" he's broke would be a red flag. Not that I'm a "gold digger" man (), but I value "responsibility" - and that doesn't mean "can't have a CC balance", sh*t happens - I had a roommate years ago who got rear-ended and was in a legal hassle for over a year trying to get his insurance money (3 car accident, the person who hit him "pushed" him across the yellow line and someone hit him which was "his fault", and all the insurance companies were delaying settling)... he had his "new" pickup truck on his CC - needed transportation to work, y'know - but he did manage it responsibly. Didn't stop him from dating, he made it clear he couldn't be 'extravagant' but still paid, never complained about being broke (although he did b**ch about the "f**king lawyers" sometimes ).

Everyone has moments when things are tight. Last July I had house taxes, car taxes, car insurance, car registration, license renewal, and my 2 cats died (vet bills) within weeks of each other... things were pretty tight for me financially (and emotionally, losing my 2 "boys", I wasn't in the best of spaces). Life happens, I just had to watch my finances for a couple months and get things paid off. I'd worry about anyone where it was a *regular* thing, though - doesn't speak well of them being able to manage things financially. I'd take it as a big 'red flag' though that he can't *talk* to you about it, and arrange dates that he can afford, and doesn't know how much he can afford (until his CC is declined, etc).
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 40
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History
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:23:10 AM
OP,
I'm not going to give you any stories about how it could be possible there are mistake or how excuse why this guy is having money problems.
But I am going to give you food for thought.
You have a grown man that wants to date, but he can't get his financial act together.
He likes to wine and dine, but has asked you to pick up the tab a few times.

OP, I don't know whether it's because I'm an american living in Europe, but I a have more than one credit card.
I have a company business card, a debit bank card and 2 credit cards. One of those credit cards have zero balance and it is for emergencies only and one I do my regular shopping on.
If a man is taking you out to dinner and he is over-extended on his credit card and asking his date to spot him some money, that is a SERIOUS red flag. Not just on the credit card front, but on his general character on a whole.

And yeah, I've had my card declined a few times. but never because of not having enough money. One time I brought something that cost 5 thousand (I have a 10 grand limit) and later that evening the company put a hold on my card because of "suspious activity". I had to call them to let them know, yes, I just spent 5 grand on this card.
However, I damn sure was about to use my debit card to buy dinner.

I don't know about you, but would you REALLY want to have long term with someone wheres you don't know if they can foot the bill for their own drinks?
 atlantian75
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 41
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:54:44 AM
oh dear, its a terrible situation to find yourself in on both sides really. If you meet him again, ill bet he will be carrying cash!!!

It does happen to the best of us..and if it was only a once off, then im sure its nothing to worry about. It did happen to me, and i left my date satnding at the cash desk while i made a mad dash to to the ATM..higly embarrasing at the time, and very funny 10 mins later...but by the time i had returned my date had paid and left the building, and then came the battle to get him to take the money off me...

Dont worry to much about it, its all part of the fun in hindsight.
 kickingfate
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 42
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:09:18 AM
I had mine declined standing at a gas station after i filled up when i was on date a number of years back. It was embarrassing to say the least, the cc companies computer thought my purchase was "not within my normal spending habits" so protecting me it declined my purchase. Thankfully i had my debit card with me as well and when i got home i straightened that out.

there are more reasons for a cc to be declined then the guy is a loser. The card could have been compromised and they canceled it until he contacted them.

I find it very narrow minded , considering we are in the deepest recession since the 30's and we have the biggest companies in North America going tits up in bankruptcy that we still assume someone is a loser because of a cc card being declined. the fact is there is a lot, millions in fact, Americans and Canadians one paycheck away from being homeless, there just dont want to change there lifestyles. I have one cc for emergencies. and yes i only make 2 purchses a year with it to keep it active..and i work on cash now..and have never been happier.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 43
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History
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:29:24 AM
Kickingfate,

I think I establish having your card declined is NOT a sign on being a deadbeat. Mine use to be declined about every other month. You want to know true embarassment?
My wife at the time would use the card to buy groceries and I would had made a major purchase earlier in the day, so the company would put a hold on the card and she would be in the grocery store witha a declined card.

The OP has established that there is a pattern of his "frugality" and asking her to pony up the tab on a few outings.
 thatguyyoulike
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 44
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:11:55 AM
I've alluded to the fact that I have had a financial situation in my past and I am rebuiliding my finances. Yet, never did I imagine going out without the capacity to pay. And if that meant me ordering less so she could have more and the bill wouldn't be sky high so be it.

In the situation of the OP, if I had to get her to pay I would be deeply apologetic/embarrassed and immediately set something up where I could return the gesture. I would ensure that she didn't feel like she was put out by my mistake.
 thatguyyoulike
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 45
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:17:14 AM
I also want to highlight that I have dated a couple of amazing highly indebted women. They didn't expect me to pay and we always did things that were reasonable costs and which we could both affiord. My tastes are simple so it didn't feel like I was giving something up.

I don't see someone as having debt problems as having a character flaw.

Dating and trying to exploit someone so you can live a certain lifestyle is a character flaw; as is someone who uses you to bail them out of trouble.

Taking responsibility for your issues is good character.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 46
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:58:06 AM
On any outting, always be prepeared to pay-not just with the money in hand, but mentally as well.

I go dutch, or get seperate checks, then I can feel free to order what I really like, and not worry abot a man thinking I am there for a free ride. I also dont expect a man to pay for my Tbone steak when all he ordered was chicken fingers.

Always discuss theses terms in advance, so there are no surprises. Sometimes poop happens. A check someone wrote you bounced and now you run short...just talk about it. I thought we were all adults.
 VF102
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 47
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 9:31:55 AM
$ issues can tank a relationship. If he can't afford a date then he shouldn't be dating. My budget is $400 a month for dating. I make a religious effort to keep it under $100 a week. If I go over I cut back the week after. If things are too pricey I tell her. Best to be strait up from the get go.

I have no credit card debt and my only bill is a house payment. I like to keep it that way.

Jason the Fed
 Purplespidersplash
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 48
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 9:35:37 AM
I will agree... be prepared to pay for your share...some people cant discuss finances with a basic stranger...embarrassing...whatever the reason.

Discussing before hand? Yes i understand we are all adults..but really what is grown up?

I know i will be a child forever..with responsiblity of course!

Spida
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 49
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 9:52:18 AM
This happend to me once...his card was declined, so he ended up splitting the bill up with 2 other cards....he insisted on paying, even though I offered. It was just a lunch date and the bill couldn't have been much more then $40....poor guy
 KaneBrake
Joined: 1/29/2009
Msg: 50
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:18:34 AM
It happened once and you're concerned about it? What happens when you marry someone and their credit card gets declined at dinner? Are you going to go looking for marriage counseling or a divorce attorney?

Good rule of thumb. Anytime you go out with anyone anywhere have enough money to pay if the need should arise. If for whatever reason you feel it is not appropriate for you to have to pay then tell him you need to be paid back. But make sure the bill can be paid. It's as much your responsibility as it is his.

Credit cards get declined. It happens. Nothing to become concerned about.
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