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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > his credit card declined when he went to pay?      Home login  
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 Sweetbabeblues
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 51
his credit card declined when he went to pay?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
One of my dates from another site asked me to lunch to one of the local resturants here in my town. He had never been there and said he wanted to take me for lunch. I agreed.
I had all intentions of paying for my own meal, and left a $20 on the table for mine. I even asked him if the waitress came around, to pay for my meal as I excused myself to the restroom. When I cam back the $20 was gone, and he had in fact also payed for his lunch out of my money and gave her the $3 or so left as a tip...

He took me to lunch allright. He actualy "took me".... Now that was low!!!!
 realtalk2me
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 52
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:12:45 PM
Cant you see the guys a tight woad l would never be out with a woman and be in that position to embarrising. And if l couldn't cover it l wouldn't go . Man needs to get some standards . And you need to take the blinkers off.
No offence intended.
 BoudaciaSmile
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 53
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:38:14 PM
He was someone who had taken out a woman for lunches and dinners so that he could impress her. She ended up with another man. He felt used.
So, now he's doing a vengence thing and you were there for him to vent his little behavior on.
Some really "nice" guys end up doing this.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 54
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:29:40 PM
Ive asked him if he could contribute toward the tip those times, and he said he doesnt have any cash on him each time.

This might change things slightly but I donno. I *think* from what he says he's in the process of buying a house, and yeah that can bring a lot of money and be expensive, but that is still no excuse for not being up front about things!

Like I said before, I'll be getting my own tab from now on.

Hs words on why the card was declined is that he forgot he was too close to his limit and didnt realize how much it was going to be. Nothing about it being blocked, or fraud or anything like that on the card.

Its one thing to be frugal and such, but perhaps he just needs a few words on how to handle it.

Actually I did start divorce proceedings based on a declined card. My ex husband had just got paid that particular day, and I went to take the kids for pizza. On Pay day (with no other checks or bills pending on the account, and yes the wages had been deposited and made "available"), a $10 pizza check got declined. I was furious! Turns out rightly so too. He had just taken all our family money out and spent it on another woman's rent. OK so that is completley different but that is because I knew what should and shouldn't be happening.
 BoudaciaSmile
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 55
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:37:49 PM
Jeez! How many times have you gone out with this "cheapskate"?
He's curb material...
 Going2TryAgain
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 56
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:41:27 AM
maybe he didnt know it would be declined?? Sometimes banks and CC companies make mistakes too ya know.. And I drink water with meals.. I dont like soft drinks, and and water lets you enjoy the flavor of a good meal..Does that make me a loser?? You were the only one that came prepared to pay??lol One out of 2 aint bad.. If it was me id a been gracious enough to just pick up the tab and say well must have been a bank error, Ill take care of it and you can square up next time we see each other.. then if you feel as badly as you do DONT GO TO EAT WITH HIM AGAIN!

Also I use my debit card for most transactions so I very rarely have ready cash on me.. I work in the oil patch running equipment etc and in the bush there is very little need for cash anyways.. Food/lodging is usually at the rigs camp.. so noty having cash is not a bad thing either
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 57
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 8:49:18 AM
If this guy is that close to his limit, I would think irresponsible. Finances right now have got to be watched. If he asked you out and then you ended up paying because his card was declined, he obviously is living beyond his means. That is a red flag. My ex husband went through my money like water. I never went out with a man for his money, but now that I know warning signs of someone irresponsible, I won't go out with them.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 58
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 12:23:50 PM
almost anytime we've ever been anywhere, all he ever orders is water. Nothing else to eat or drink. I'll be in this long enough to see how he makes up for it next time, but I wont be investing anything in this guy. He is a fun person and good to talk with but I will be keeping my funds close to me when I come across him.
 Tyegolfsndallas
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 59
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 3:17:31 PM
First off I must say this is extremely funny.. Actually hilarious if you ask me. LOL!!!. Sweetie the next time it happens all you have to do is tell the waitress to split the tab with your items on it and leave him on his own. Duh..... You learn by your mistakes...

Feed a hungry man a fish, and you have him looking for you to help him when the hunger pains come back. Teach a hungry man to fish, and you will nourish him for life.... Winks....

You would have thought a woman named "BASSGIRL" would have known to throw that little fishy back because he wasn't big enough. Hmmmm... LOL..
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 3:46:26 PM
This is why it's better to just meet for a quick coffee and expect to get your own, that way there's no major expense, but even if this had happened in a coffee shop, you'd have gotten the information you needed without being out $30.

However if you must meet for food, next time, get there early and request separate checks (or don't, just go ahead and do it when he's sitting there - it's not like it's offensive). Then let him deal with his part of it...in fact grab the table and have the host/hostess point him in the direction of your table. You can even have the hostess send him back out to his car too once you're done.

I once made a waitress retotal a check and separate it so that I could deal with my own portion...
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 61
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:10:35 PM
lol... my bass is the music type, not the waterbourne type. Yeah I am still "in progress" in that dept!
 joker102877
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 62
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:27:05 PM
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. On that note, put yourself in his shoes; He didn't tell you he wasn't prepared to pay because he more than likely was unaware of a problem with his credit card. He was also probably reluctant to tell you because he was embarrassed over the whole matter.

Personally, I'd treat it as an isolated incident and give him the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again I'd consider looking into this guy's dead-beat status and think about whether or not to continue seeing him.
 Tyegolfsndallas
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 63
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:54:35 PM
Laughing my block off BASSGIRL... While I was typing my statement I had to play the odds. The odds were more in favor of this being "Plenty of Fish" that you were refering to "Fish"... LOL... I knew the possiblity of it being the other homonym but live and die by my choices.. LOL.. YOU JUST KILLED MEEEE... LOL..

Back to your topic. I say that Dutch Treat is a lost art.. Don't ask me for anything that you can't do for yourself. Wanna fly anywhere in the world or take a trip? I have my portion... Winks..
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 64
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 12:19:11 AM
Well , he gave me the money back but it wasnt without a discussion. I told him that I expect guys to pull their own weight, but after that he revealed that the last person he had a relationship with paid for him most of the time! He even said that not being able to pay doesnt embarrass him.

lol, yeah my profile mentions bass guitar first thing.
 trekker013
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 65
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 2:02:20 AM

I got stuck paying for a $30+ lunch not knowing he wasnt going to be able to pay for it. (we're both over 30, and have jobs, he makes more than me)

I didnt see the server come back with the response when they ran his card, but do you think this was just a way to get out of paying? I doubt it though beacuse every time I see him out, he is always drinking water. I like water too but its almost like he has no ability to do anything with his visa card. He doesnt carry cash. I feel like he should have said something beforehand that he couldn't pay.

Next time I talk with this guy I"m going to say that we can't go anywhere that you arent at least prepared for some of the time, because I can't be stuck with the bill every time. This happened only once, but I can't be having it happen as a regular habit. I understand that we are all on budgets and maybe we can work something out where we do things that aren't so expensive maybe.

Ideas?


Ideas? Yeah, I think I got this one figured out.........

You really hate paying for his meals but DAMN the sex is great. You'd like to find someone who could flip the bill......but would they be able to give you as many orgasms? What to do? Ah-ha! Next time you have to flip the bill you go on a dating site forum, vent your frustrations and then go have angry sex with him......

Shampoo, rinse and repeat
 advance4000
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 66
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 5:10:41 AM
You came prepared which is good! Apparently he let something slip by in making his payments maybe? Just guessing! I think a person should be on top of their finances and have backup in case! What kind of bass are you playing?
 oldsoul
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 67
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:31:55 AM
There are a plethora of reasons why a credit card may be declined that have nothing to do with an unpaid bill or the card being at it's maximum - it has happened to me twice in recent years and both times I was mortified (as I imagine your date must have felt).

Anyway, having read the entire thread, I don't think the card incident is the issue - to me, it's imperative that two people be on the (exact) same page when it comes to money - everything from how you handle/save/spend/hoard/throw away your money to how you value or feel about money in the grand scheme of things should be in sync with your partner.

Also, a warm, giving, generous person (which has nothing to do with how much money one has) will be very unhappy with a person whose heart is cold and calculating, so once again, being on the same page as your partner is of utmost importance in my opinion.



JMO
 Dad09
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 68
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:11:18 AM
I think he knew his card was almost over his limit or already over it . I don't know anyone that would take a lady on date with only one credit card and no cash on hand " because not all places take credit cards ,most do "

And it bothers me he hasn't tried to pay you back , you shouldn't even have to ask someone to do this . Unless when you paid you didn't say something like " don't worry about it , I don't mind paying " he might think he don't have to pay , but still he should at least offer to pay you back .

Far as the water thing goes , don't put to much in to that . I used to drink nothing but water . But that had to do with a diet and working out and trying to keep it healthy.

But if you do go out with him again , and he ask you out . He does need to pay . Might want to ask who's paying before you go . Might be weird , but at least you'll know , or say something like I really don't have the money to go out and see if he offers to pay before hand . Just make sure he knows you want him to pay " because he should pay " . But that's just me
 sends
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 69
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:10:13 AM
This guy needs to grow up.. and you need to realize you deserve much better than this.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 70
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:43:27 AM
I play a 5 string Traben electric bass. There's a pic of it on my profile but its kind of fuzzy.

He paid me back, like I said, but it wasnt without a discussion.

Oh and there's no nookie involved in case you're wondeirng. This gal doesnt give herself up until a guy gives himself and his singledom up completely and officially for her.
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 71
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:48:21 AM
I don't get why you are wasting your time with him. Spending time with him is taking away time from meeting someone that is responsible. Unless you like the drama and insecurity of this man, I would not go any where with him again.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 72
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:25:22 PM

He paid me back, like I said, but it wasnt without a discussion.


for goodness sake, your not even having sex with him, he paid you back....

either stop seeing him, or stop complaining about it...

MOVE ON....
 pofprofile101
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 73
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:57:49 PM
if it only happened once, I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it but it seems you are very concerned. If you do go out again be prepared to pay for your half on your own, so at least you are being responsible for yourself even if he is not responsible for himself. Did he offer to get the next one? Declined credit cards happen even to people with good credit, sometimes the credit card company observes a transaction that is out of the ususal purchasing pattern of the card holder. Could have been anything from being outside his normal geographical area or perhaps someone has stolen his Visa card number and there were other large transactions going through that same day from a fraudulent card, this happened to me before and credit card scams are very common. Perhaps just ask him about it plainly but not rudely...
 travlingman34
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 74
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 2:16:27 PM
I would'nt make too big of a deal about it. homes are expesive. But he should of known to bring at least 2 different forms of payment. and most of the time when a credit card gets declined. it could be the credit card machine failing to connect. company that handles the card machine wouldn't accept the card. I have 2 of the credit card machines in the shop i run... they're not very dependable. even though! he should have had a second form of payment as a back up plan. I don't know too many people that don't carry some cash on them all the time... maybe he is really that bad at managing his finaces. and he is still living in yesturyear. where he is still spending more then he makes...
 groovychick67
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 75
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:28:48 PM
Um......I think you are completely overreacting, bordering on hostile. Geez lady you said it just happened the one time and him laughing about it could have just been a nervous response because he was completely humiliated. I have been at the grocery store and my card be declined, stand there in line while calling the bank to check my balance which was more than enough then walk to an ATM and withdraw the money to go back and pay cash. The place where I buy my gas will decline cards if its raining. There could be a few different reasons why but you have already decided that he is a deceptive mooch who can't manage his money and will forever be dumping the bill on you.

Nice, very nice.
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