| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:28:48 PM | Um......I think you are completely overreacting, bordering on hostile. Geez lady you said it just happened the one time and him laughing about it could have just been a nervous response because he was completely humiliated. I have been at the grocery store and my card be declined, stand there in line while calling the bank to check my balance which was more than enough then walk to an ATM and withdraw the money to go back and pay cash. The place where I buy my gas will decline cards if its raining. There could be a few different reasons why but you have already decided that he is a deceptive mooch who can't manage his money and will forever be dumping the bill on you.
Nice, very nice. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:52:29 PM | | the issue is not his credit being declined...the issue is you are paying too much...it should be equal...talk to him about it...but you have yourself to blame...control this situation. Start spending more time at home with cooked meals, and stop paying for the meals....\i personally think he is cheap and he is taking advantage of you....good luck | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:24:13 PM | This situation has happened to me as well. I have to say.....
I gave him the benefit of the doubt for quite some time however learned down the road that he had money issues. My guess is he is in debt.
I understand the issues of being poor and the differences about what people's definitions are of cheap, however, if it is important to you for people to have at least the amount of money to pay their half of the bill, then I would stick with this important value.
This appears to be a continous pattern for him. But up a boundary and tell him how you feel, otherwise you will continue to be taken advantage of and it will be ultimately your fault because you didn't tell him.
Good luck!! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:57:22 AM | | The man you are dating is a cheap man @ heart. Do you honestly believe you don't deserve better than this? It AIN'T about his card declining as much as the fact he seems to know what he's doing...and you are dancing drinking the kool-aid | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 1:25:04 AM | | just a side note, after that night and telling him that if we did anything he needed to pull his own weight, I've seen him pay with cash every time. Makes me wonder if he was telling the truth that night, but at least now I only have my own to pay for. I dont think its hostile to expect him to be responsible for what he consumes. Dont forget he told me that in his last relationship she pretty much paid for him all the time. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:39:52 AM |
Start spending more time at home with cooked meals, and stop paying for the meals....
This is great advice for people in relationships, but terrible advice for complete strangers...unless you mean skip the date and stay home alone and cook for yourself. Then it makes sense.
It's not real smart to invite people you've never met to your house for dinner, and vice versa until you know who you're dealing with. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:25:26 AM | I had this happen to me before and my CC was paid off. The balance was 0. So this sent up red flags for me. I of course had money on me and so paid for the date in cash. As we left the restaurant I asked her if we could wait a few minutes outside as I called the CC company. remember there is a 24 hour 1-800 number on the back. I was concerned about this. And so after 15 minutes on the phone, it was a human error on thier part to do with my billing address. They had not changed my address to my new one when I called 3 weeks prior as my primary mailing address, so the statement got returned and they then put a hold on my CC.
Still the girl thought I was a loser and said she was embarrassed. I never heard from her again. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:20:31 PM | bassgirl747
just a side note, after that night and telling him that if we did anything he needed to pull his own weight, I've seen him pay with cash every time. Makes me wonder if he was telling the truth that night, but at least now I only have my own to pay for. I dont think its hostile to expect him to be responsible for what he consumes. Dont forget he told me that in his last relationship she pretty much paid for him all the time.
I'm going to bring up something more controversial then gay marriage, abortion or the War in Iraq...I am old-fashioned and think a man should pay for the date.
Why? It ain't about money. It even ain't about being a provider...or pampering...or any princess crude like that.
No....it is simply one sane truth I have observed again and again....
What your heart prizes is where you're money will go.
I have seen a man I dated complain about a 7 dollar salad...then risk not paying his rent over reserved seating for a well-known baseball team in these parts. A lawyer offered up money to buy his 2 seats in this baseball park. He declined! I have sat in one of these seats even though I was not a sports fan like him.
I knew our relationship was doomed when he stopped seeing ROI on his investment in me and started complaining about 7 dollar salads.
I even started to pay for some dates. His interest still continued to wan in me.
Eventually we broke up....I had to do the dirty work...but anyway I disgress...
You need to find a man who will love you for you and not see you as wasting money if he buys you a 7 dollar salad.
You deserve so much better than this! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:47:08 PM | Never could understand how women can say they are old fashioned and expect a man to pay for the date, when she works and earns a paycheque.
What your heart prizes is where you money will go? Really?
So when a man decides paying his bills, saving, and being responsible instead of always shelling out money to pay for dates out, is he cheap?
Seems women need a reality check here. Then you should not be earning an income, and sit at home like women used to do. I mean come on. If two people earn an income then why can't things be split two ways? Is that not allowed, and a man should be good for his money?
I have known women who would be cheap and not pay for a $7 salad but would instead buy $250 boots instead. And say that was well worth it. Ahh yes the double standsrd yet again.
The saying is so true that women so many times say about thier partner "His money is my money. My money is my money." | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 1:22:26 PM |
I have seen a man I dated complain about a 7 dollar salad...
I have seen a women complain that she got charged for a 40 cent side of ranch, then turn around and buy a pair of $320 sunglasses...
Just because a man doesnt spend money on a women, doesnt mean he doesnt like her...
I grew up very poor, having no money is no big deal to me. I am just as content going to dinner for 30 bucks, as going to mcdonalds and getting a dollar movie for the night.
for goodness sake, I am not a big fan of salad, I would complain about a 7 dollar salad no matter who was with me.... | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:55:57 PM | my brothers girlfriend wants to pay for everything. won't let him pay for nothing. and then complains when she is broke..  and then he keeps trying to set me up with her cousin. who in my opinion is the same way. and he can't understand why i won't go out with her. I'm not gay. just not interested in her... oh, and she won't leave me alone.. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:43:01 PM | As a waiter/bartender, I can tell you it happens. Sometimes it's the system, sometimes phonelines, sometimes its our system. We have nights on the rare occasion where we can't process any debit or credit cards.
This is the reason that most people who work in hospitality always carry cash. I usually carry $200-$300 on me just in case. If I leave the house without at least $100, I feel naked and vulnerable. As the old expression goes, a man's credit is never as good as his cash. No one, and I mean no one, should ever have less than a 20 spot on them at all times. Hell, if you don't have $10 on you, you can actually be charged with vagrancy in any major city. That's right, the law considers you a bum if you don't have 10 bucks on you.
It's one of the things I find funny about people's perceptions about people who work in hospitality. Anyone who works at an upscale restaurant - such as myself - makes a hell of a lot more money than most people grinding the 9-5. Seeing as the majority of it is *cough* tax-free *cough*, your average server in an upper-end joint probably pulls in 50k a year clear. That's about the equivilant of an $85,000 per year corpoate job. I know guys who work like dogs and pull in 6 figures "tax-free". My best-friend works at an ultra-high end place, works 20 hours a week, clears $1200 in grats, and 100 bucks salary. $1300 a week for 20'ish hours work? Not too shabby. A girlfirnd of mine works a very popular nightclub doing bottle service and will make a grand between Friday and Saturday. Don't kid yourself though, it's haaaaaarrrd work. Unless you've ever done it, you have no idea how hard it is.
People would do well to rethink dating people who are "only" bartenders or waiters. But anyway, as your original point goes, carry some cash always! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:59:24 PM | | There are alot of reasons why a card can be declined ..ie lines are down payment not being taken out at the bank etc....You were willing to have him pay for its all..so when he couldnt and you had to its a problem...any idea how hypacritical that is.You have a fixation on his Visa card...for his sake move on.. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/8/2009 1:31:05 AM | How does the fact that he is always drinking water have anything to do with his ability to be financially responsible?
I never drink soda, or most other drinks, and drink two quarts of water a day minimum, because its healthy, not because I cant afford something else.
You said it yourself, it has only happened once. So what if you "got stuck paying the bill", instead of him getting "stuck paying the bill".
sounds like much adu over nothing. crap happens.
Give the guy a break, and move on. Sheeesh!  | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/8/2009 11:37:42 AM | Evidently you forgot to read the posts that said I had to pay for him almost every time we went out huh? He should have at least shown up with a sure way to pay. Tell me why he shouldn't have shown up with a way to pay then? Give POF a break, from you! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/8/2009 11:43:53 AM | travelingman34..
Did I just read this?
A woman who wants to pay for everything, who won't leave you alone..and you are not interested in her.
You sound like a normal guy! Yay!!!
Ladies! Sighting! Sighting! They are out there. Real blood-red men! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:19:59 PM | I like how this thread has gone on for four pages.
At the end of the day, regardless of whether you think the man should pay for the woman, people should come to a date prepared to pay for themselves. If some unforeseen circumstance prevents that from happening, apologies should be issued and the said mishap should be rectified accordingly. I don't have a lot of money but if I was the man in the OPs post, I would have laughed, apologised, and immediately set a time and date for us to go out somewhere to eat on me. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:56:01 AM |
Give POF a break, from you
Lol! and the OP shows her true colors! She gets an opinion that she doesnt like, and resorts to throwing insults.
Surprise, surprise. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:15:26 AM | OP, there are any number of reasons his card was declined. You can't make any assumptions about his ability to pay. My card was declined recently because I had used it too much one day... a safety thing banks do now. All it takes is a phone call and the abilility is back to use the card.
Also, I hardly, if ever, carry cash anymore. I highly doubt most people do. As for his not saying he couldn't pay before hand, who knows why he didn't. My guess is that he either didn't realize his card would be declined or he played you.
Either way, you are the only one who can figure out what you want to do. Good luck OP. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:31:16 PM | Clearly this guy is a loser!! And that would be your que to move on.
First of all, if you don't carry cash, you should call and check your balance before you commit to going anywhere and attempting to use a potentially "empty" card.
Red flags all over the place. Move on!! | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:13:56 PM | Actually I know that my credit cards have a notification system for when a bill is due, when a payment is received, and if I reach a certain limit. You can check online and don't have to talk to anyone. I do carry more than one card as not everyone takes Discover you need a Visa or Mastercard. I also know what the restaurant worker said to be true about once you work as a server, you make sure you always have cash on you. You never know when lightening is going to strike and computers are down.
From what the OP is saying, she sounds like she has this guy as a friend and that is good. If he seems to be responsible, maybe she might go farther with a relationship, but if he isn't, she hasn't lost a friend. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:32:11 PM | There is no need to waste time on a man who can not manage his finance
Thats a bit harsh. Carl Sagan was a brilliant scientist and writer but couldnt manage his money, although he made alot. Einstein was notoriously bad with finances and personal affairs, he usually forgot to wear socks. | |
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| his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:54:11 PM | Credit cards can be declined for a lot of reasons. Only one of them is if he's over his limit. Some credit cards will limit the number of transactions you can do in a day, or how much you can spend in a day. Sometimes if they see the card being used in an atypical manner they'll put a hold on it.
If it happens again, confront him. But for now I would give him the benefit of the doubt. | |
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