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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > his credit card declined when he went to pay?      Home login  
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 Lisi7
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 101
his credit card declined when he went to pay?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
The OP was the only person that came prepared to pay for their meal. The guy did not. If you're saying that she was not prepared, you are a liar. You are the one throwing insults with nothing better to do, and drinking water with your meals doesn't make you cheap, your attitude does.
 Q-Daddy
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 102
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:49:12 AM
Okay now that I have read the whole thread, I still think you have a fixation on his finances, and have that hang up because your husband thought his girlfreinds rent was more important than yours...so maybe in the future you could arrange to get a credit check done and a copy of his tax returns before going out with the next guy...
 starfishes2009
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 103
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 3:37:57 PM
He is using you. Run away fast. I don't care if you are male or female, if you are going out with someone just so you have someone to pay for your meals and fun, that's just wrong. Likely he is using you and even if he isn't setting out to do it, he looks really bad.

I agree with the person who wrote above statement. I am surprised that a lot of the post that I read were being so hard on the person who started the thread. I have been used before, and people can only continue being used if they let it happen...RUN!

 kjacks31
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 104
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:06:42 PM
Did he apologize, at least?

I would see if he offers to make up for it by buying the next lunch/dinner/etc. Any reasonably decent guy will do so, if for no other reason than to show he didn't do it on purpose. IMO, if you were going out for something he could guesstimate the cost of he should have brought cash, in case. $30 wouldn't financially ruin him if he got mugged...
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 105
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:01:36 PM
I'm a trucker and all over the country. My card carrier knows this.

Yet, from time to time my card gets declined. I call em up and they're doing some kind of safety/security sweep. The purchase was declined because it was over 1000 miles from my billing address. They're making sure it's not fraud.


OP: it sounds to me like he's just using you.

Sh!t happens. But not every fricken time. You just picked up a bad apple. Time to toss em back on the ground.

That's cool that you picked up the tab. But I would have told him that it was his turn next time, and enforced it!
 aflyingbuttress
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 106
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 6:31:46 PM
I just have to say, it's one thing to be annoyed about him repeatedly asking you to pay, and if that's the case you need to speak up. But, if these were minor requests, a drink here or there, he may not even realize its a big deal, that it bothers you, or even that he's asked that often. He can't read your mind. Moreover, if he has ever paid for your meal you need to erase at least one time that you paid off this mental tally of "unfairness" that you have. Another thought is that if you've ever offered to pay on your own, and I have no idea if you have, but if you've been out several times you should have offered to pay at least once, but if you have offered and he agreed you can't hold that as part of this argument either. It's no less fair than you taking him up on an offer to pay. The two cancel each other out. I think you should consider all these things before condemning his actions.

If none of that is the case and he really is just mooching off you then you need to put an end to it. However, I still think its unfair to be angry with someone and hold something against them if you haven't yet told them how you feel about the situation and given them the opportunity to change their behavior.

I'm also a firm believer that this day in age women are perfectly capable of paying for themselves and/or for the guy on a date. I mean, this is 2009. We are no longer unemployed women denied an education and groomed to be housewives, which is the whole reason men ever paid for women in the first place... because women had no money of their own. This is no longer the case, so unless they offer to pay it should be 50/50... and I believe on a date a woman should always offer to pay for her self first, and accept them paying as a nice gesture, not something you are entitled to. A woman should also offer to pay for the guy too, and not get all grumpy about it. I'm not sure why women think they have the right to date for free for years while men have to cough up all the money for years.

I also think you are being rather hard on him about expecting him to have told you in advance that his card would be declined. Does anyone ever really know when their card is going to be declined? No, or no cards would ever be declined. No one really WANTS to be in that situation. He obviously thought he could cover it. Expecting him to tell you in advance is akin to expecting him to see the future. Maybe he should have checked his balance beforehand, but we've all made mistakes, and lets not forget this economy we are living with.

The last thing I want to say is, what about giving someone the benefit of the doubt? Let it go and don't bring it up unless it happens again. One thing I've discovered through dating is that the things that annoy me about someone new I am dating are usually things that I will let go or overlook when its someone I really like. When its someone you are really into you tend to say "its no big deal". I've learned that when these little things bother me, I just don't really like the guy. You should think about that. If this is that big of an issue, maybe you just don't like him as much as you think you do, or as much as you'd like to.
 p~s
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 107
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 6:42:47 PM
Where does it say I told you he paid EVERY other time? I can think of once where he actually paid for both of us and it was a very small tab. Every other time I've ended up getting his beer or he ended up eating some of the food I paid for and he didnt order anything or contribute, not even to the tip.

I thought you said that he's only ever stuck you with the bill once? So what's your problem? Once is not enough to judge his character and I think it's really unfair of you to assume he can't or wont pay his way because of drinking water all the time, some people drink water because they are trying to be healthy for crying out loud!
 Oakland Honey
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 108
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:31:20 PM
He's a knucklehead. Just dump him already. Too many other single men out there with more class and apparently, more money. This guy is a game player who obviously has no real interest in you. Men that are interested in a woman want to make a great impression on her. They do not want her to EVER think of him as cheap, tawdry or slimy. They want you to think HIGHLY of them, and to never have to question his intentions or behavior.

Get rid of him.

 AC_Rhino
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 109
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:35:21 AM
You’re obsessing; maybe something came up, who knows. Quite frankly if it only happened once and not twice then no big deal, if it’s happens a lot and you keep dating him them tough luck for you. I do hope you don’t now start accusing every man of trying to weasel out of checks before you even go out with them. There are enough damaged women out there, we don’t need one more, just take a deep breath and move along.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 110
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 7:45:47 AM
Gold-digger, dig elsewhere.
 Dwayne2010
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 111
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:29:11 AM
Personally, I think you should give the guy the beenfit of the doubt that he had no idea his card would be declined. In this day and age of credit disaster, lee way should be given. Your assuming that he 'knew' his card would be declined before you went out!
 TheModernPagan
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 112
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:01:34 AM
Women want to be treated as equals

Not true, women like you want to be treated as equals in the work place then princesses in your love life. If you like the guy and the worst thing that happens is you end up paying for luch/dinner... whats the problem ? Same old same old with the double standard, if the man does not pay he's a gold digger, if the women does not pay well thats ok because its the mans job. But if a man gets a position in the workplace over a women its sexist and unfair. Make up your minds ladies, level the playing field or shut up, you cant have both.
 Forums001
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 113
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:08:47 PM
^^^ Wow alot of truth there in that post. But we all know ladies will come out with the guns a blazin saying some shie to justify crap.
Too many men over the deacades have given into women's demands all for what? Pu$$y!! Sad how sex can be used as a weapon to get what you want.
The old double standard is so true.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 114
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:14:12 PM

But if a man gets a position in the workplace over a women its sexist and unfair. Make up your minds ladies, level the playing field or shut up, you cant have both.

Ha ha, you mean sort of like men who hate feminist theory -- except when it suits their dating theory?

We're all the same, only different, huh?
 HotForeignGirl
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 115
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:34:51 PM
Dump this guy! He is just using you!
 Lisi7
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 116
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:39:25 PM
I agree with you about this guy.
 Lisi7
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 117
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:40:38 PM
You are a big liar. You have nothing else better to do but make stories up about this OP.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 118
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:36:07 AM
Find someone who can afford to use you.
 mrbedroomeyez
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 119
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:04:40 AM
As to you paying. I find your attitude amazing. You are all freaked out that you had to pay, but if he had paid for all of it, that would have been fine.


a well good point said there..... if the guy paid for it all nothing would have been said...

and the other problem don't ASSUME it means you make a A$$ out of U and ME

go on another date and just go to a low key place like a ice cream parlor or something which isn't to expensive and see if he will pay for yours, and if he does then all is fine and if it he doesn't he just using you to pay the bill... it simple really
 pussinboots11
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 120
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:19:30 PM
I wouldn't even bring my wallet with cash or credit cards in it. What would he do then if you can't cover the bill.
 pussinboots11
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 121
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:22:51 PM
Yeah, generally when I go out with someone to have dinner, I like to offer to pay half. Or if he offers to pay it all then I usally will say "OK, my turn next time".
 pussinboots11
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 122
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:27:20 PM
Yeah, well especially if he surprises you like this on a regular basis. If somebody wants to go out for lunch or dinner, whether its a gal pal or guy, I always let them know if I'm broke before hand.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 123
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:59:20 PM

I got stuck paying for a $30+ lunch not knowing he wasnt going to be able to pay for it. (we're both over 30, and have jobs, he makes more than me)

I didnt see the server come back with the response when they ran his card, but do you think this was just a way to get out of paying? I doubt it though beacuse every time I see him out, he is always drinking water. I like water too but its almost like he has no ability to do anything with his visa card. He doesnt carry cash. I feel like he should have said something beforehand that he couldn't pay.

Next time I talk with this guy I"m going to say that we can't go anywhere that you arent at least prepared for some of the time, because I can't be stuck with the bill every time. This happened only once, but I can't be having it happen as a regular habit. I understand that we are all on budgets and maybe we can work something out where we do things that aren't so expensive maybe.

Ideas?


I think you're right for being upset. Mainly because he had to have known he wasn't going to be able to pay before he got there and said nothing to you about the fact.

If I am reading you right, your issue wasn't with him not being "able" to pay as much as it is he HID the fact that wasn't able to pay from you. That's almost the same as lying.

He should have "man'ed" up and told you from the start that he was tight on money. I am sure you would have either suggested you'd take care of it or you would have suggested doing something else, no?

I was in a similar situation very recently. Met a wonderful woman, asker her to coffee but felt so comfortable with her that I upgraded the coffee to a dinner date (first meeting). I was in a rush to get there and for the first time in my life - well my adult life - I ran out of my place and actually left my wallet laying on the counter! I didn't realize it till I got there about was about to walk through the door. She was already waiting. I have never felt so humilated in my all my life, so totally embarassed. I appologized and told her straight up... I told her to relax, go ahead and order and that I'd be right back. After speeding home to get my wallet I retuned and we ended up having an exception night of great conversation and fun. I thought for sure I'd had blown it. But, she was down to earth and reasonable enough that she took it in stride and we laughed it off.

My point is I was honest with her and told her of my mistake right when I realized it - I didn't wait till the check came to pull a fast one her. I'd rather have washed dishes than to have put her in that position, it wasn't fair to her and it sure as hell wasn't fair to you for this guy to have held back somethign he KNEW from the very start of the lunch date.

Honesty goes a long long way... Yet people still treat it like a disease and avoid it. Amazes me... really amazes me.
 LostInSalem
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 124
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his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:11:17 PM
21st century.. does it matter who pays?
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 125
his credit card declined when he went to pay?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:06:42 PM
^^^ I don't think the OP is upset about having to pay (unless I misread). I think she's more upset about the fact he kept that he was unable to pay from her - instead of just being upfont about it.
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