| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:01:31 PM | | I'd much prefer honesty instead of whomever I'm talking to just up and disappearing. Unfortunately those seem to be the only kinds of people I talk to, the ones that disappear. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:09:20 AM | | Unfortunatly, dissapearing has become the norm. I'm not saying its right, but it happens all the time. I guess I'd rather that then see an email saying "you suck and I don't want to go out with you anymore" -lololol | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:52:37 PM | | It is so much better to be honest speack your truth. Then let it go. The silence is deadly and hurtful. It is almost a way to have control over someone. Just not right. It can take years to heal from the silence of a break up leaving you always wondering.... and scrared. Just say it...Its the right thing to do and maybe out of that there will be a blessing.. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:42:40 AM | I prefer honesty because then I can move on and don't have to wonder anymore about it.
I am not much of a back burner gal so ........ if someone does not contact me within a certain amount of time say a week I figure they are not interested or they are too busy.
I had one person that I went on a first date with ask me if I was really interested or if it was just so so this was the greatest way I have experienced to broach the subject.
I really liked the guys personality but was not attracted to him and didn't think that would change for me so I was completely comfortable in telling him the exact truth and I think we both have gained respect for each other . | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/23/2009 4:36:29 PM | | Honesty is always for the best in the long run. With honesty, you know exactly where things stand. There is no need to wonder and think about what happened or if you did something wrong. Unfortunately, people can get so concerned with someone possibly not liking them or even hating them, even if that hate will dissipate quickly, that they'll take the easy way out and just stop communicating and avoid them altogether. It's easier to convince (i.e. lie to) yourself that you're doing the right thing if you don't have someone else letting you know how wrong you are. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:47:07 PM | I agree that honesty is the way to go.
I have disappeared as well though. I cannot handle anger, and I left a woman a long time ago as I didn't feel comfortable going back around her to tell her. | |
|
| |
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:49:42 AM | I'm in the honesty camp...sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's a relief. I mean...I can sense if something isn't right and would rather hear what's in the other person's head than make assumptions. Plus it gives me something to work on - behavior and/or choices.
bonus to honesty - at least I know they didn't get hit by a bus... | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 5:23:00 AM | There's a way you can be honest with someone without being a jerk about it. I think that when someone dissapears on you it shows that you didn't matter all that much...no one wants to feel like that.
But, like I mentioned in an earlier post, it seems to be 'standard operating procedure' these days.
would rather hear what's in the other person's head than make assumptions..
I know its hard, but I guess that when someone pulls a vanishing act you can assume that they just don't like you. Either way your feelings are going to get hurt. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:05:27 AM | People could avoid this by being honest from the start. I think it's a royal pain the a$$ to have to go into a new communique with someone who hasn't gotten over his X yet.
Deal with your losses and THEN date. Such a waste of time. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:34:04 AM | "I think it's a royal pain the a$$ to have to go into a new communique with someone who hasn't gotten over his X yet."
Miss Contemplative, that is a 2 way street. You should have written his/her X.
I agree with you though when you say being honest from the beginning. I have an FWB relationship right now, and from the get go, I told her I was looking for someone to go to dinner, festivals, go have a drink or whatever with, and that I was looking for nothing serious.
I am in a meetup group right now to meet even more new people, and no not to make it a sexual relationship, just to have more friends, and I told them from the get go that is all I am there for, and that is the way it should be.
The world would be a much better place if men would just come out and be honest with their intentions. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:45:02 AM | Honesty is always better then you can deal with it and process it naturally with time.
Come to terms with it.
Where as to disappear plays on someones mind and turns them crazy going over and over what was wrong and a million different ideas as to why they just fell off the face of the earth.
Only a coward and a person of no substance or integrity would leave you high and dry.
There are NO excuses for this behaviour. It is not good ettiquette. | |
|
| |
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:48:29 AM | | It shows lack of respect for the other person by not letting them know that the relationship is not working for them by disappearing. Maybe they are afraid to let them know just in case the person is a psycho. Majority of the people are not psychos and I feel they are just lazy and have no consideration for the other person, if anyone. For example my ex, if he wanted out of the relationship he should have broken up with me first before cheating, by doing so his way shows lack of respect for anyone, lack of honesty. If people were honest maybe there wouldn't be so much bad mouthing on the forums. Comparing how people treated each other years ago to how they treat someone today they show lack of consideration, respect, honesty, caring about another person and being sincere about it. | |
|
| |
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:59:04 PM | | It cracks me up, in a way, that a person would rather screen their calls, texts, etc. for a week instead of just fessing up...wouldn't be easier to just make a quick call (or even an email)? | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 5:15:50 PM | | I always prefer honesty. Yeah it can hurt, but better to be hurt and know why so you can get over it than to be hurt and never know why it happened. In my opinion those who simply dissapear are selfish cowards and I have no respect for that. Sure it's easier to dissapear and avoid awkward confrontation, or feeling bad about hurting someones feelings. But if you just dissapear it can not only cause pain for the other person in not knowing, and not knowing how to get past it, but it can also cause major insecurites in that person. The kind of insecurites that may prevent them from ever getting into a healthy relationship. So don't be a douche, step up and be honest. I don't think anyone can be faulted for doing what they think is best for themselves. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/24/2009 5:38:21 PM | Hi,
Me, I'd prefer someone was brutally honest with me but that's just me.
I wouldn't tell someone that I found them unattractive or had the morals of an alley cat for instance. My normal line is that I don't think that I'm suitable for the woman and hopefully we can leave it at that. Not that I've had to deal with this much at all but I did in the past.
I do believe disappearing is very rude. If they've gone to the time and trouble of even meeting with you once, that is about the worst thing you could do. Leaving a message on an answering machine, sending a text message to their cell, any online message ranks right up there with disappearing without a word. It is just very discourteous.
I guess the trick is to be as honest as you can without being especially hurtful. If you can't cope with a woman with very small children, it might be best to say so but put it on you being not able to cope, not that it is her problem or fault.
Richard | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:43:50 AM | You got it! People put way too much thought into this...it shouldn't be that complicated. It's not about hurting someone's feelings or having to tell them why we can't stand them. We all have certain things we look for in a prospective partner and of course, certain things we don't want. Dating is about figuring out if that person can fit the bill. When they don't, it's not cause they're flawed and there's nothing hurtful about telling someone they're just not what you're looking for.
Being upright and honest leaves no room for drama and is much more respectable. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:03:19 AM | ^^^^^^^This thread pretains to people in a relationship already though. Do you disappear or be honest?
You're correct if it is at the beginning, and one isn't interested. The one who got turned down should say ok, next!!! | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:09:32 PM |
It's not about ... having to tell them why we can't stand them...and there's nothing hurtful about telling someone they're just not what you're looking for.
I am with CurlySue on this one. There are 2 kinds of "honesty" being talked about here:
1) Simply being honest with the person and letting them know you are no longer interested - while this sux to hear, it is definitely better than just disappearing.
2) Telling the person every littel detail that you may find inadequate about them - not necessary, not appropriate, not nice.
I think disappearing hurts more because of all the effort you know that person is putting into not responding... like TracyAnn said.
It cracks me up, in a way, that a person would rather screen their calls, texts, etc. for a week instead of just fessing up...wouldn't be easier to just make a quick call (or even an email)? | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:31:36 PM | | Both. Sometimes people resist when you're honest and you have to really cut yourself off from them. It doesn't mean just stop being honest but just back it up by disappearing instead of staying around to give the person false hope | |
|
dman82
|
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 73 | |
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:11:55 PM | Happens to be one of my biggest pet pieves when a woman cant just tell you straight out shes not interested...Im sorry but I think people like this are ignorant cowards..
if someone for example sends me a messege and Im not interested I at least thank them and let them know where they stand, I believe all people deserve that much.. | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:37:13 AM | Nope, honesty does NOT hurt more than disappearing. I agree with many others on here that disappearing (once in a relationship, not dating) is cruel, disrespectful and cowardly.
Absolutely the "Golden Rule" applies..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - No Question! | |
|
| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:48:25 AM | Believe me I am honest to a fault and have hurt some feelings before, but I'd rather do that than leave without saying anything.
I have had to do that once. I wasn't that far into dating a woman and I just didn't want to see her again, so I didn't call or anything. She called the next day, and asked what was up, and I just told her over the phone I didn't want to see her again. I would have never contacted her again. I didn't want the ramifications of contacting her. I don't do well with anger!!!!
My new modo(sp) " I would rather be happy single, than unhappy in relationship" | |
|
Home
login 
