| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:52:26 PM | I would rather have someone be totally honest with me. It just leaves you confused and more hurt when someone just disappears without a word. I've been through it before and it just hurt me more, especially when the guy and I were falling in love. It was really hard..but thankfully I got over it. To this day I still wonder if he would ever try to contact me again. But, who knows, im not sitting around and waiting for him. Haha
But someone should be honest when breaking up. It will still hurt but at least you'll know that they were honest about it and didn't disappear without any answers or closures for you. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:56:45 PM | | Sometimes when you both know things aren't going to work, its easier to disappear from each others lives. No point in trying to stretch out a loss or unnecessarily spend time on something thats over | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 5:58:55 AM | | i believe honesty might hurt, but it is easier to get over and accept. how many times when things did not work out, if a person just disappears, it appears that that person didnt have enought respect for the person to at least say goodbye. you get over it, but wonder WHY?? anyway, when you are honest , up front, you hear it, you accept it, and move on.................... | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:37:31 AM | | Tough question. But I have to go with disappearing. It typically does bring some sort of closure. Granted, the other person might not get the hint. Being honest has a way of dragging this out and even then, no resolution comes along. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:48:01 AM | I've dealt with both situations and prefer the honesty route. Communication is very important to me, and I like being told what's on someone's mind even if the news is far from desirable. It says a lot about their character and takes lots of courage and cajones to actually speak up and be straightforward with someone. Having been through that recently (as the dumpee), I harbored no ill feelings towards him and was able to look at the relationship as a fun and enjoyable learning experience rather than being bitter about it. It helped me realize it was time well spent with a genuinely good person.
The disappearing act is cowardly and shows lack of consideration towards someone else's feelings. I wouldn't want to leave a person hanging with no closure and unanswered questions. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:46:25 PM | | Honesty is THE ONLY way to go. I don't even care if its rude and abnoxious, at least then I can take a look at the comments and either apply them to my life, or walk away thinking, 'he's an idiot and missed out on a good thing'. Either way, it will help me grow, develop and mature as a human being. I want to continually learn and I feel that if people are honest then they can help me to do that. If I don't know if I am doing something wrong, how the heck can I correct it? As one poster said, honesty is a reflection of your own character and integrity, and I for one, would prefer to know that I am honest and treat others how I want to be treated. It's just a matter of respect and applying the golden rule. I can see taking the cowards way out when you are young, but there is a point when you got to grow up and own up to your 'self'. The good, the bad and the truth!!! | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:08:18 PM | Very interesting. I think just about everyone's going to say "I prefer honesty" -- when it's not really about honesty or dishonesty much of the time -- it's about not being open to what other options they have, etc.
Honestly, people "disappear" because they're put in a position where they want to have the least amount of drama -- least amount of drama naturally feels like the less hurt to the other person, which is why they do it. They don't WANT to hurt the other person. I think when people feel it's best NOT to just disappear, when it comes to the other person's feelings, they don't much of the time. Usually, though, another soft-but-false "reason" is brought up. It all depends on the situation between the two.
Now, that's all in reference to the early getting-to-know-ya phase. If you're genuinely dating someone (exclusive), you don't disappear. That would hurt them more. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:17:48 PM | Honestly is definitely better than disappearing. Disappearing or acting cold just keeps the other person in limbo for longer.
Look at it this way: if you had to have a limb amputated would you prefer a quick chop or it to be sloooooowly sawed through with a rusty blade? | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 8/16/2009 2:20:39 PM | | Honesty is much better. It's happened to me where someone has just suddenly cut me out of his life, no real explanation except that he claimed to be "too busy". It caused great confusion, heartache, I feel used, and wonder what I did wrong. A compassionate person doesn't do this to people it's both selfish and disrespectful. Treat others as you would want to be treated. | |
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| Honesty about Intimate Encounter
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:36:15 PM | Kudos to you for being upfront about wanting an intimate encounter.
I for one, really appreciate it. I think being candid about it is very commendable!
I realize that there are people who like to have sex as soon as possible... and find intimate encounters exciting... thrilling even!
I must confess that I am a woman who weeds out men looking for an "intimate encounter." Without a mental connection, trust and great chemistry....there is something seriously missing for me. Not to mention concerns about health and safety.
Can't be too careful today...
Several weeks ago I heard a story about a woman who hooked-up with a man from Traverse City in G.R. He tied her up and violated her all weekend then brought her back to G.R. and dropped her off : (
I really have a thing for intelligent, educated men and love getting to know them...finding out who they are.....as a person. It is worth it!!
It takes time to find out if someone is "caring, loving and trustworthy" ....three more things that make sex EVEN better..
IMO most honest, caring, loving men will be willing to take the time if they are looking for something more than SEX. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:54:56 PM | | Honesty hurts....no lie, but at least you know what went wrong. When someone tells you they had a good time, your comfortable to be with, there will definately be another date, then you don't hear from them, it leaves a lot of questions. I'd much rather hear that he wasn't interrested and put closure to it. Otherwise you feel like a fool thinking they liked you but they didn't. Also, if you run across them again, it's not uncomfortable. I HATE it when men just dissapear......... | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:42:33 PM | soooo much better to know the *why* of something if possible, imo
the wondering and 'what-if'ing', can be crazy-making... plus, i just like to Know... i'm just that way :)
however, if the person just disappears, it's gotta just be let go of asap... holding on to trying to figure out the 'unfigurable' ( ) is not the healthiest thing for a fresh start | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:54:38 PM | I have to agree. It has been a long,long time back, on another site, not this one(I am really new here), but I was honest in a very pleasant way(I felt), that their pics didn't honestly represent their real figure, so I wasn't interested chemically, and I caught absolute hell, knee-jerk response "ALL YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS A BARBIE DOLL" Her feelings were surely hurt with the "careful truth", my feelings were as well for not seeing that sincerity and honesty might be so destructive, plus the fact the pics didn't fit real time. We had not had any more than the initial date mind you, but I think that many times, any scale of a white lie is much better than the total honesty. Having said all this, if I'd done several dates and gotten physical, it's my fault, and something far-far extra beyond fading out is required. I'll have to reply on that situation when I find that treasure of the physical myself.
IMO: This site needs stamped out responses for obvious endings, short and as sweet as possible. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:55:24 PM | | Just because you are doing the right thing being honest, doesn't mean the other person won't get mad...hurting people hurt others, but if your honest, it may cause the person to look at themselves and see why they aren't getting the dates they want and can change it if they want to. I personally would like to know if it's something I'm doing that I migt want to change, or if it just isn't meant to be. Then it's my choice what I do. | |
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| Does honesty hurt more than just dissapearing?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:00:54 PM | The answer is yes...but it's necessary partner is "does disappearing hurt for longer."
Ultimately, the question of which is the better way can't be given a single answer simply because it depends entirely on who the other person is. Some prefer a quick cut that they can patch up and move on. Others prefer the prolonged but less intense ambiguity that comes with simply not knowing. Neither is better or worse, neither is more or less courageous or noble. Whether you like your pain all at once is a matter of taste, and whether you feel the pain at all is a matter of nature. Some people will be hurt by one but not the other. Some feel more pain from not knowing than they would from brutal honesty. Others don't feel too bad about uncertainty, but are extremely sensitive to outright rejection. | |
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