| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 1:31:15 PM | Unconditional love, in order to work does HAVE some CONDITIONS.
First, it has to be reciprocal.
That means that both get something out of it. When the woman give the man all this unconditional stuff, the man ends up abusing it. When the man does everything unconditional as well, the woman eventually uses him, cheats on him, and loses respect for him.
It is not asked, it is given.
If you have to ask for it, it is no longer worth it.
It never takes for granted.
That means you work on it everyday. When you take for granted, then it begins to die, to move into the land or resentment and unfairness. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 1:41:34 PM | No...unconditional love is stupid.
I think the highest form of love is killing yourself or killing the person you love if things get crappy.
Thank god I'm not insane though and either would never happen. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:56:57 PM | I've been thinking about past relationships and whether or not I was ever able to love another unconditionally, the truth is I haven't...then I thought about the reasons why ...Well I believe the biggest fault in many is that we get into relationships EXPECTING results...we expect that person will make us happier, we place such huge expectations on the final outcome that we forget to actually enjoy the journey...
I once read that the most 'self centred' people are the most loving, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, now I understand exactly what that statement meant...When you love YOURSELF unconditionally, you will be able to love others with no conditions as well. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:01:12 PM | 
Let's try this on the guys....loving unconditionally...
You fall in love with a beautiful sexy woman....inside and out.
In time, after a couple or three years...maybe 10 ten....that lovely lady is now 300 lbs., doesn't shave anymore and loves her TV.
Do you still love her unconditionally? | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:03:26 PM | I would argue that few people in your lives WILL love you unconditionally.
Let's be honest, real love that is totally unconditional is insanely naive... and more importantly, it means that you'll still love and accept someone that does really, really stupid things.
Most people love conditionally... but it's easier to say, "Baby, I'll always love you." than it is to say, "Baby, I'll always love you, unless you rob 24 liquor stores and create a hostage situation." or "Baby, I'll always love you, unless you become an alcoholic."
I don't even think Hallmark has a card for that. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:04:09 PM | | When I was younger I use to use that word "UNCONDITIONAL" on a regular basis. I love my children unconditionally, they could do anything and I will always love then no matter what. I may not always like them, I may not always want to be around them, but I always love them as their mother. I cannot say that I could ever love anyone else unconditionally. There are always conditions where someone can kill the love we feel for them...sometimes they just sever it for a while and we still have feelings for them but there is always an opportunity to sever it in it's entirety and lose it forever. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:14:51 PM | IMPOSSIBLE - unless it's blood family (mother, father, siblings your own children, etc., etc.) - or - friends. As far as significant others go, NOT possible to love "unconditionally". If you believe in that, the worst hasn't happened to you yet and you're setting yourself up.
Personally, I believe in having some rules and guidelines in a relationship. I believe that we teach others how we want to be treated. We let others know what lines are okay to cross and which ones are forbidden. That's more about knowing oneself - what we need from another is often only gained from experience (the good, the bad and the ugly).
So you set your conditions from the start and expect the other person to comply. The rest is unconditional.
Whenever I hear people talk about "unconditional love" in terms of a sexual / romantic relationship I have to fight off the temptation to laugh my ass off or correct them on that one. I also believe in letting people make their own mistakes too, so I usually try to exercise some restraint of pen and tongue.
Mike | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:22:51 PM | we can and should strive to love unconditionally. unconditionally means that all you want from them is their well being and making them happy, or stepping away if that is necessary. to love unconditionally you have to have a lot of confidence in yourself, and trust that regardless of the future, that life has great things awaiting for us -- you and the other person. is respecting the others person's decisions, and some of those decisions will not incorporate you, n being happy for them, cause that is what they truelly desire, and you want them to take that step, and that decision makes you happy, cause you also want to be as happy as them.
you can't make someone else love you, but you can love someone else. love is not being attached, or being possesive. love is... :) haha.. unconditional. if it is not unconditional, then it isn't love. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:25:18 PM |
"to love someone because you need them is immature love.
To need someone because you love them, that is mature love"
i think when it comes down to it, unconditional love cannot exist. the relationship needs a system of checks and balances. if you love someone, no matter what they do, you're opening yourself up to be a doormat. (read: abusive relationships, infidelity).
thats not fair to yourself, or the one you're with.
beautifully said  | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:52:46 PM | Yeah, I think there are conditions on love. I know there are. God offers unconditional love at least according to some religious doctrines.
If I have to behave a certain way for someone to continue to love me, isn't that called socialization?
I had a friend tell me recently, this: "there is nothing you can say to me that will make me not speak to you again. I offer you unconditional friendship for as long as you want it."
That may not be verbatim. Words have power. That levelled me. Hearing that.
She's very successful. Beautiful woman. She don't need me. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:02:27 PM | I think the idea of conditions is that a person only loves another when they do or don't do something, "love" (or loving actions) are given as a reward for good or acceptable behavior. Kinda like a doggie treat...haha.
We can still love someone but decide it's best not to continue to be in a relationship with them. People who have healthy self esteem will avoid a toxic relationship or a relationship or person that's turned toxic because they value themselves. We can love things that aren't good for us to put it another way.
I don't think it's so much deciding to love someone unconditionally or not as it do we love them after we know them well, just as they are? Once you start with the "but" lists....well he's a great guy...but.....from my experience that's when it starts to go south. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:03:02 PM | I have one girlfriend that I love unconditionally... and my son I do as well.
In my past relationships I think I have truly Loved one man. Unconditional? I guess not but it was true love, in some ways I still do love him.
It happens but it is rare. I certainly don't think it always happens with family either... Just cause they are family does not mean you have to love them.
~Charmed~ | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:32:36 PM | I totally agree with bucsgirl.
Just cause one loves unconditionally, it doesn't mean that we will nod to everything the other person does. it just means that we love them, and we want the best for them, and we will show our love most of the time to them... by our actions. Sometimes those actions may deviate from what "love" should be.
if you think that by loving unconditionally, that you will be hurt or used by the other person, then you just have low self esteem. you are not confident enough to love, and you will never do so, cause you are afraid.
anyhow, thats my 2 cents. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:55:51 PM | We should always love our family, really close friends and pets unconditionally.
This doesn't mean you let someone walk all over you, cheat on you, abuse you, etc. It means that you try to make decisions regarding them (or you and them) in their best interest. Sometimes that means showing them tough unconditional love. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:18:19 PM | Live Your Dream,
We can love unconditionally and there is good in all people.
I have found it hardest outside of my children. They have it all.
Once a relationship is corrupted by a deep sense of dishonesty
I personally find it difficult to find my way back.
Let me know your secret?
I commend you on your words...
Amaghqua | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 7:32:15 PM | i don't think someone loves anyone unconditionally, because if you do; then there is nothing they can do or say that will make you stop loving them, or push them away. Most people have some conditions, wether it be financial, ethical, spiritual, sexual; there is a condition for them to get w/you and to stay w/you.
i think only parents love anyone unconditionally | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:21:37 PM | I think you are asking for a lot of pain. Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying you should not do it.
Love is great, and will solve all problems in the end, if you stick with it. But if you are divided, and not organized, and not solid in the things that let ever lifelong married couple make it all that time, then you will find that the love you have will become a burden.
Does she love you at least as much? You sould know, solidly, if she does.
Does she love you enough to follow you when your desires and hers differ? Does she love you enough to close her mouth if you say "Stop," in the middle of a disagreement with another person? Does she respect you or demand that you respect her? Look up the world Respect if youare not sure, it probably means something other than what you think.
I read this about new style marraiges, and old style marraiges where the man was the head of the household...
"There is a difference between patriarical marriage and modern marriage. When life is going normally, they are sort of the same, but when life turns strange and scary, when there's a crisis, suddenly the two are completely different."
In the patriarical (man as the head of the household) marriage, when crisis comes, the marraige gets tighter and stronger. In the modern "50/50" marriage, when trouble comes, the married couple turn on each other with blame, anger, and eventually the diference in how to handle it will rip them apart. There can only be one head, everything in nature works that way, marriage does as well.
So is she willing to be the all important body adn let you be the head?
If she is, and is willing to do so for the rest of her life, then you and she will have long and happy marraige. If not, you will be sitting here trying again, and again, and again, for the rest of your life. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:59:57 PM | Part of you is VERY NAIVE, unless you are Madre Theresa
Relationships are NEED based, especially a relationship between a man and a woman, which means: they imply an exchange of needs that get successfully satisfied. | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:03:57 PM | Liveyourdream1,
I think your initial statement holds the key … (if it's the right person). We all tend to be shaped by our life experiences, both good & bad. If we seize the opportunity to learn from our experiences, we realize that we are a “work in process”, constantly making subtle changes to improve ourselves in both positive & healthy ways. And while unconditional love may indeed be the purest, highest form of love … as we mature we learn to accept that the only person we have control over is the one we stare at every morning in the mirror.
We learn early on that it is necessary to protect ourselves & as we move through life we become more aware of the dangers that threaten our well being. And while I’ve always believed that we create change from the inside out, I think when it comes to the matters of the heart we must initially have conditions that govern our relationships. As those relationships mature we can aim for one in which our love has the chance to evolve into one of an unconditional nature. But I believe that evolution has to occur in a natural & progressive manner.
It’s a beautiful dream ... to have that kind of relationship with another human being. It’s one that I pray for and work towards on a daily basis. It’s also one that I hope many others can realize in their lifetime.
Gary | |
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| Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:13:42 PM | Unconditional love is a journey, not a destination. New cliche???
I say that because few if any of us could ever reach that in it's purest form, but we should always strive to love more unconditionally, even if it means learning to temper it with prudence...for example, though we may learn not to be resentful against somebody who repeatedly does the same thing, it doesn't mean we keep giving the rope to do it again! SD | |
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