| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 1:44:49 PM | | Its impossible, in my opinion, to be in a relationship with a person who is not at the same place in life as you....ie, own place, career (not job), credit.... It may last for awhile, but eventually he could resent you for being more successful, or you, him for not ever growing up | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:25:21 PM | I know someone identical to the one you are describing.
Don't waste your time hoping he will change, he won't.
He wants to stay a little boy and let his parents provide a roof over his head, and he has no desire to improve his life, so why tie yourself to him?
He is probably a very nice guy, but you need a man who can contribute to your happiness and this one won't. He needs a mommy to take care of him and he likes it that way. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:33:49 PM | | Wow...if i was living at home when i was 32 i'm pretty sure that my dads' size 12 shoe would have been stuck in my ass. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:35:58 PM | | Upon reading the subject line, all I could think was I needed to defend the guy living at home. Luckily, I read the post first. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:42:12 PM | This guy sounds just like the character in the movie 'Failure to Launch'. Although the characters in the movie had things work out in the end, that doesn't mean it would work out for a real life person. Men are very simple-minded. What you see is what you get. If, when you meet them, they are the type that needs to be cajoled or coerced into growing up, that is the pattern of behavior you will have to deal with throughout your dating period and/or your marriage. Do you really want a man like that? Or do you want a man that is secure enough in himself to take charge AND be protecting?
This guy sounds like a big baby looking for a younger mommy. Don't waste your time. I'm sure you can find better. Good luck. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:42:30 PM | I think it would be cool for an adult man who is in the similar situation of living at home with the parents, to speak up. And explain why would a man want to live with mama and daddy while they are in their years. I personally know of a man on here, however I have never had the nerve to ask him why he still lives at home with his parents.
Ten years ago I dated a man who lived with his parents and it was the most pathetically embarrassing situation. Ended the relationship because of his living situation prompted him never to become a man....just a big boy. And not a cute big boy. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:11:09 PM | | Yep ! I agree RED FLAG WARNING WARNING - leave him in the nest !! as he will always fly back ! | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:56:16 PM | | Print off what you wrote and give it to him, he either gets off his ass or stays at mom's. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:59:26 PM |
Upon reading the subject line, all I could think was I needed to defend the guy living at home.
Ok, I'll "jump on the grenade" for ya! Or him rather.
I know someone identical to the one you are describing.
No, you know someone is similar circumstances. Similar does not equate identical.
Don't waste your time hoping he will change, he won't.
Unless you know they person the OP is referring to, you can't know this to be true. You can have a knee jerk reaction according to your biases and personal experiences, but you can't say for certain what this guy will or will not do.
He wants to stay a little boy and let his parents provide a roof over his head
Who says he's a little boy? Again, you are making assumptions based on your own biases and experiences. How do you know what his parents do and do not provide? Maybe he pays rent, or assists with bills, or assists them in other ways.
He needs a mommy to take care of him and he likes it that way.
This is a statement based on stereotypes, and not on fact, as you don't have the whole story. Fail. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 4:19:54 PM | This is a type of male and they are all basically similar in certain ways.
Number one: they are compulsively cheap and don't want to spend any more money than necessary.
Number two: they have some sort of psychological issue which is major and affecting their ability to get by in the world.
Number three: they have problems relating to women as mature adult men. This will come out in various ways. Often they do not want to have sex very much with women. Often they remain virgins well above the age of thirty. Not always but often this is the case.
This is a definite type of male and they are not ready for a mature healthy relationship with a female. I have known boys like these who are anywhere from thirty to fifty and these statements are based on my observations and readings in psychology. Psychologists know this type of male well. He has been written about by others in numerous books. Sorry you feel the need to argue with the voice of experience ubuntugirl. I was recently involved with such a male. My closest girlfriend was recently involved with such a male. My dearest friend for four years was this type of male. They are often charming and intelligent. And there are numerous references to this type of male in books including the book entitled Ditching Mr. Wrong by Nicholas Aretakis, for one. It is a definite recognized type of male and one that is not ready for a mature male/female relationship.
If I took the time to research it a bit I could give you a long list of books where this type of male is discussed. Based on what the OP is describing I think it's a safe bet that this is the type of man she is involved with.
I see I have to give a bibliography and references with footnotes with my posts to back them up. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 4:57:22 PM | OP I consider you a much bigger loser than he is, just for the fact that you even considered him a loser just for still living at home. Judgmental people are possibly my least favourite kind of people that fit in the legal category. I think it is him that should be shot of you personally, but........
I still live at home, and it's great to be reminded by threads like this why it's so much easier to be single than to think about all this relationship crap. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:31:48 PM | You said:
My problem is, I really like this guy, but from what I know of him, he's incredibly passive and I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. , but is this really a problem? I mean, how aggressive and dominant are you? I get the feeling from your post that you are somewhat dominant, and that's perfectly okay, as long as you recognize that you're going to be attracted to and attract guys who are less dominant. If he's never had a girlfriend, then he probably doesn't have any STDs. The not moving-out or moving-back-in with the parents is a symptom of the richness of our society and a reaction to the 'nuclear family' idea. I think you need to get into varieties of positive thought/ new thought together. He could learn not to be scared of life and to recognize that he has manifested his life the way that it is, and you could learn to accept whatever level of dominance that you have and all of its side-effects.
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:36:01 PM | See?
I see 'some dominance', and Big Daddy Jinx sees
control freak all over you . We could be saying the same thing with different words, except that I know that if you are more dominant you need to be with someone less dominant, or enjoy knock-down, drag-out fights over every little thing.
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:54:25 PM | | I guess I'm old school here, but his parents should've kicked him to the curb side about 7 years ago. Hey, he's got it made, why should he take the leap and move out on his own. I don't think he's got his crap together. You two are not a match. He has no drive, and not much to offer you.. You're wanting to change him, or you're hoping he'll change. That ain't gonna happen unless HE WANTS TO CHANGE. I suggest you get rid of your confusion and move on. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:20:12 AM | If/when he decides to move out (if he ever does) then he will...
You can't "force" him to do it...
And why should you bother?
A woman that lives at home w/ her parents (unless she's caring for them) has almost zero appeal to me.
They might be nice people...but there's some aspect of their maturity missing and I'm not looking for a "fixer-upper"... | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:32:54 AM | | Unless you are desparate to have children and want to adopt this 32 year old boy...................................move on. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:47:47 AM | | Totally agree with ubuntu girl, people are so harsh sometimes, does this poor guy no he,s being slated, opinions should be based on fact, Op you obviously have a low opinion of this guy , based upon the way you speak of him, so move on. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:54:09 AM | I feel sorry for this guy, his personality is obviously not good enough.
and he seems to be a nice guy do to the fact that you are on the fence.
it's better to live in a grass hut in the 3rd world with someone you love than be with someone who treats you like crap but owns the world.
and most wealthy men tend to be a$$hole, that how they made it to the top. by backstabbing . | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:57:13 AM | ^^^^
The OP said that it wasn't because of any financial difficulties. This guy just hasn't ever lived on his own because it's easier to live with other people. He may not be stabbing anyone in the back but he's definitely taking his share. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:53:55 AM | I still disagree, one of my closest friends fits this category but isn't like any of the men you describe. He doesn't need a mummy and he's not tight. Always first, second and last to buy the drinks at a bar. He's a gentleman who will make sure that everyone gets home safe and as I said before he's about to move in with his girlfriend (who used to be my flatmate). She can't cook, barely cleans, is terrible with money but is trying to learn. My friend on the other hand can do all of the above, he was just waiting to meet the right person.
The guy you are talking about also said he was waiting to meet the right person so you never know it could be you. If he is tight, weak etc then move on but at least you'll know but if you like him whats stopping you? | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 12:20:02 PM | I didn't take the time to read any of the replies on here so forgive me if I'm repeating what other people have already said, but I just wanted to throw my two cents worth in.
It's important for someone to live on their own and establish themselves as independent and also learn quite a bit in the process. Someone who was originally on their own and moved back to take care of a sick parent or other family issues would really be the only reasonable excuse for living at home at that age. The fact that he has never lived on his own would scare me if I were a woman. When he gets married, he may be looking for someone to marry that is somewhat of a mother figure to cook and clean for him, do his laundry and take care of him. I really think a person needs to be self-sufficient first before they enter into a LTR with future thoughts of getting married.
Even living in an apartment for a whole year would do the guy some good. It's hard when something like this may be a relationship breaker with a person who may be otherwise a great catch, but if you're not on the same page emotionally and in the 'life-experiences' areas, then it can make things very difficult.
If he had other redeeming qualities that showed a lot of independence or that he doesn't NEED a woman to take care of him (i.e. he can take care of himself, and ultimately YOU) then I would say there is still potential, otherwise you might want to look for a better fishing spot. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 12:42:41 PM | I'd say take a chance and see what happens. Just dont bank on the idea of a future LTR because it may or may not happen. I'd keep an open mind. Some of the things you wrote "could" just be him opening up to you because you are developing a relationship.
There are a few things you can look for. His education, the type of job he has, the type of car he drives, the way he treats other people. If he has no education, no job, no car, its probably always going to be that way. But that is just a guess on my part.
You havnt started dating him yet, perhaps when and if you do, you may get a better feeling as to where he wants his life to be heading and use that to base your judgements on. At least you would know for sure by then and not have to look back and wonder "what if".
Just in my opinion. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:36:01 PM | Well thank you to everyone who replied to me. I appreciate all the comments and even the critisizm, although nobody likes to hear the negative its good to get feedback from those that don't know me or him, its more subjective that way. Much love and peace, smiles9505... | |
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