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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:08:56 AM | According to the BBC, CNN, MSNBC, FOX....well..hell...just about everybody....
More and more people are moving back home just because of the recession. I'm not personally in that boat but I feel sorry for the people that are. You know, I hear women talk and talk and talk and talk some more about how guys are living at home. Yet, I never hear a WORD about the women who get a bunch of babies and yet feel like they're forced to do the same.
Call that an unfair statement but I call it even.
Either way, the point is valid. Yes, a lot of guys were staying at home before the recession hit but now that it is upon us people are doing it more and more. Not just males. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:42:01 AM | In this day and age, the multi-generational home is becoming more the rule than the exception.
Some people fell they are doing ok in life without all that "ambition" spoken of. They may have a home, a car, their toys, etc, bills paid....what more could they want? Sounds as if a LOT of women here are more into the "material items" in life...your basic gold-digger who wants some sucker (read guy) to supply THEM with a house a car, all the toys....basically supply them with everything in life.
Why should a guy do this? For sex? That is cheap enough as it is and therefore no longer on the table as a bargaining chip.
A "life partner"? Perhaps...but from what I am reading it is more like a "life leech".
The guy in question here apparently is doing well in his life. Especially in these trying economical times.
Just because some woman figures she can drive him into giving HER more and more means nothing. The guy needs to keep away from women like this and actually get someone who cares about HIM...not what he has, where he lives and what he does for a living.
Even a homeless guy on the street can be a potential mate....because it ALL depends on the person wrapped up in that skin. If you are looking for someone to pay YOUR way or for your kids, then you are just looking for a meal ticket...move on... | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:18:04 AM | OK OP think about it this way, he's 32 and perfectly comfortable living with Mommy. He has no desire for a better life, or for that fact a life period. If the two of you were to get involved you would be his surrogate Mommy left to take care of his loser azz. You need to ask yourself; "Do I want a partner that I can have children with, or do I want a 32 year old child that I have to raise along with the youngins that I will have to push and prod every step of the way just to get him to do what he needs to be doing?"  | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 2:33:48 PM | | What is it do you like about this guy? He has no ambition. I doubt having a g/f or wife will change that at the age of 32 (almost 33). | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 5:02:34 PM | There's a huge difference between the man or woman who has to move home for a while to get their stuff together after a divorce or losing their job and the man or woman who has never moved out to be on their own. People who move back with their parents to help when the parents are in ill health should be commended. In these horrible economic times, more adults are moving back to the ole homestead because it makes sense. If - and that's a HUGE if - adult children can work out the ground rules with their parents as to a social life, etc., it can work well for everyone.
Ages ago, I dated a guy who had recently moved into his first apartment. They always had a maid at home. Consequently, this guy couldn't even do laundry. He could barely cook or shop for himself. I went in the first weekend he was there to be greeted with: "WE have to do laundry." I said, "What do you mean, WE? It's not my laundry, sweetie."
I had to show him how to do it. He didn't even want to go down later and throw it into the dryer! I said, go ahead; try to dry yourself with a wet towel after your shower....
Gotta leave the nest sometime and fly. A parent's job is to become obsolete. Of course, there are those parents who don't want their kids to leave. That's another thread for sure! | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:26:11 PM | | I don't think he is hopeless. Some people just need that jolt of lightning to get going. I left home at 20 so I cannot honestly relate to him but these are my thoughts... Great people come with thier faults and everybody has them. Some people are very smart but messy. Others may have everything such as a nice house, perfect job, and everything for the public to see as well off...however they have some sort of personality disorder or be extremly jelous. I think you get my point...If you really like him, encourage him, give him that jolt of reality. He will change his view if you are important enough to him. Don't distance yourself and ignore somebody who you really like...that never solves anything and hurts people without them even realizing what was wrong in the first place. Just put it all on the table if you really think he is worth it. From what you have said so far about him, he seems to be a good person who just needs to move out and live. It just depends on how much work you are willing to give because anything that is good and worth having takes that. I wish you luck on whatever you decide to do. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:34:39 AM | Had you read, maybe you would know, perhaps at the end of the paragraph she may have said he beats her and doesn't have a job, but you didn't read that far.
People always demand that their voices are heard, very rarely do they have anything pertinent or congruent to say.
Never state an opinion on assumption, to do so shows weakness in your judgement and character....101 in political law!!
Unlike yourself (judging by the lenghly comments you post) I do NOT 'demand' my voice to be heard because I am writing, not speaking. And whoever wants to read my comments has a right to when posted freely. But your judgement is off on me my friend, because my need is to not be 'heard' but rather state an opinion.
And my opinionated comments are pertinent to the topic at question even though their is a disparity in agreement with one's own thought process.
To "judge" we do so based on our own principles, our own moral ethics, and sometimes even that gets questioned..... Everybody is different, and not everyone is 'perfect' in how they choose to live this life.
But if they are not bad ppl, who bash, hit, abuse and be-little the weakness in others to gain a temporary negative high then who are we really to judge? To me such ppl are the LOSERS, because they are not winning anything worth while, not those who choose to live under the roof of their own family regardless of age!!!
But to each their own with their own personal preferences and here here to forums to help others read the comments on those they sparked interst in, because what better way to learn the deeper darker part of someone then to read how they view others, life and their own principles.  | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:43:32 AM |
You said he would be good BF material yet he has no drive for anything and is scared of life and still lives at home. I think that this describes horrible BF material to be honest.
Ha ha ha Her opinion is that he is scared of 'life/responsibility' because he is living with his family.... But the fact that she states he is BF "material" is because she see's the GOOD in him and is drawn to that, but is judging him against her own personal inventory.... | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:59:21 AM |
I know a guy' As a matter of fact he lives 2 houses down from me. After his divorce his wife took him for everything he had. He right now lives with his mother and dad. It took him several years to recover all of his loss. Not to mention all the child support he has to pay. But now' He owns a new truck' Has nice cloths' he takes care of everything around his parents home. pays half of the bills there. He keeps the grass cut' takes care of his mothers flowers. He keeps the place looking nice. He comes and goes as he pleases. The women he dates get shown a good time when there out with him. I know this because I've double dated with him and his date. Kinda blows the above theory out of the water.
I have to say that Aries's comment here, NO, does NOT blow the theory out of the water. The guy he's commenting on here has been out of the house, married, divorced... he's "experienced life", I'm sure if the "wife took him for everything he had" - she got the house, so what if he moved in with his parents to get back on his feet financially? I'm betting, unlike the ops guy, he's not "perfectly comfortable" with it - my parents would do the same for me I'm sure, but I certainly wouldn't be "perfectly comfortable" with it - but at least for a while it was what he needed to get back on his own two feet.
The OP's guy has *never* really been on his own, he's lived with/off his parents his entire life pretty much, and has no motivation to leave. And, I have to say, all her comments of "if only" disturb me - because she wants/expects him to *change for her*. Not very likely, people change because they *want* to, not because you want or expect them to. I can't help thinking about the OP's comment:
I'd love to take things a bit further, he knows I'm looking for love, a husband, and family one day, and I know he could offer me these things if he'd get up and start living in the real world. I don't know what to do about all this.
That the easy answer is, sure OP - you move in with him and his parents, get married, start that family, and all live happily ever after in his parents home.  .
There are reasons, "humptyhump1984" on page 1, at home until 24, but "just bought a house" and had saved for it while at home, smart move I think! (needs a profile review and to change that nutty main pic if he wants to get a date on here though! )... even (in this economy) getting laid off and living with your parents while trying to find a new job (emphasis on *trying*), things happen - even to people with their "sh*t together".
But the OP's guy sounds like a "momma's boy", no motivation to get out on his own. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:39:46 AM | | I think you want to believe he is the one but your head is telling you otherwise. Listen to your head if you don't want the long term headache or heartache with this guy. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:58:17 AM |
Never state an opinion on assumption, to do so shows weakness in your judgement and character....101 in political law!!
1. I don't ever recall there even being a course, in any curriculum titled political law 101. And even during polisci, we studied the structure of political systems, and their hierarchy. I've a sneaking suspicion that based on this comment, you've never taken a law course, business or political. Also, you are following the archetype of the "persona" but you aren't too good at it.
2. During oral presentation, especially when attempting to gain the compassion of our 'peers', we are taught to do just that. Also, had you actually taken any type of debate course, be it political or otherwise....
(How this even relates to politics I couldn't tell you. You tell me.)
.....you would know that your remedial typo riddled attempt to trump me is a prime example of the many of the branches of formal fallacy, without even making a PEDESTRIAN attempt to affirm the consequent.
Unlike yourself (judging by the lenghly comments you post) I do NOT 'demand' my voice to be heard because I am writing, not speaking.
1.You demanded "to be heard" the moment you spoke on this forum for all eyes to see, rather than sending me an email directly.
2. So based on the length of my posts, you have the ability to sum up my entire character? Wow! You are extremely clairvoyant! Tell me, when I grow up will I marry Rex Remington and have all of his babies!?!?! Please say yes!!! EEEEP!!
So by your own logic.......the aforementioned logic.....based on the fact that your spelling is atrocious, and your contradictions are numerous, It is safe to assume I am wasting my time talking to an idiot? No? Meh, I am bored anyway.
3. My comments are not lengthy, I just use my space bar too much, type fast, and you read slowly.
And whoever wants to read my comments has a right to when posted freely. But your judgement is off on me my friend, because my need is to not be 'heard' but rather state an opinion.
And I have the right to jerk off with comet, and Clorox, but that doesn't make it a good idea. (**PSA**- DO NOT TRY THIS!)
This is the best part ever!!!!
First you say....
Never state an opinion on assumption, to do so shows weakness in your judgement and character
THEN YOU SAY
And my opinionated comments are pertinent to the topic at question even though their is a disparity in agreement with one's own thought process.
To "judge" we do so based on our own principles, our own moral ethics, and sometimes even that gets questioned..... Everybody is different, and not everyone is 'perfect' in how they choose to live this life.
Contradiction. Check
Misspell Check
Bad grammar Check
Incongruity Check<--sorta, you can make anything congruent if you try.
Arguing to argue. Check
Fail
But if they are not bad ppl, who bash, hit, abuse and be-little the weakness in others to gain a temporary negative high then who are we really to judge? To me such ppl are the LOSERS,
This missive in its entirety, is a prime example of what you are saying here. So, ipso facto, you just called yourself a loser.
But to each their own with their own personal preferences and here here to forums to help others read the comments on those they sparked interst in, because what better way to learn the deeper darker part of someone then to read how they view others, life and their own principles.
Amen!
Why does this logic not apply for me as well?
Was I a bad boy? Am I not allowed the same excuses that all mankind are?
I'm sorry boo boo, but you are out of you element with me. I am only responding to you because I am bored, but mostly I want you to understand this is the internet, and it aint that deep.
Those who get it, get it. (Looks at Divagreen, Ameerra, TxWheels, and Nina1000 )
Not my fault you do not. It aint about winning shawty, it's about finding someone worth winning against. It's about being sooo self aware that when you are full of shit, you recognize it, learn from it, and come back to conquer the person who showed you a mirror in the first place.
That's what is fun. I love having an intellectual arch nemesis!
That's why I decided to make my arch nemesis my girlfriend. (If you can't beat her, eat her. I kid I kid, black guys don't do that.)
She lets me win occasionally, though because I am in love, I don't try as hard. (This is a lie, she is just better than me.)
Advice. When someone call you out....
Follow this checklist:
Refrain from getting defensive........Check
Ask yourself if they maybe correct............Check
Refrain from being angry when you reply.........Check
Nice herbal Chai tea..........Check
Proof read.........Check
I have high hopes for you! Keep trying, but do not stay as you are now. Get better, smarter, wiser.
Then if you are still feeling raw about it...get at me. Again, this is the net. For all you know I am a computer program.
Though I will say this: You are defending a person who has spent his whole life having someone else DEFEND HIM. So if you are a sensible person, then you know that this makes NO sense. So logic dictates that if you are defending him anyway...then the op must have struck a personal CHORD with you.
Either you have a grown man living in your home.
You have or are living at home.
Though I have no evidence...I've my suspicions. And none of them are finite.
A.P.E.™ a.k.a. Divagreen's sexy manservant
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 1:57:03 PM |
OK' Allow me to explain a little farther here. There are a lot of people out there that live a "perfect" life. Nothing ever goes wrong. Since everything goes right in there lives they have no tolerance for someone who hasn't had the same breaks they have.
None of us know this guy. All we have to go by is what the OP is telling us. I'm not saying she is not telling us the whole truth or anything. All i am saying is there may be more here than she knows about. Who knows' Maybe he is embarrassed to tell it. Maybe he hasn't told her everything yet. There could be more here than meets the eye. That's why i say she should give him a chance to come on out with it in his own time. But at the same time be careful and don't get pregnant by him until she knows the whole story. Or at least enough of the story to make a good decision about him. Things are not always what they seem.
But' On the other hand there are men out there that lack motivation. That's true. But' I have also seen men who lacked motivation get motivated when they meet that right person. I've met men who seem to have this "Why should I" mentality. There by there selves. They have no one to really answer to so they think "I will just stay right here with mom and dad". At least I'm not alone. There are men out there that don't handle "Alone" very well. Some men feel like there gonna go crazy sitting at home alone all the time looking at four walls. No one there to talk to or interact with. So they stay with there mom and dad.
But society tends to look down on them and think there just sorry bums living off there mom and dad. When in reality' afraid to admit it because it might make them look weak. They hold it in and don't let anyone know there just human. That they feel lonesome and alone. At least when there with there mom and dad they don't have to feel that way. And yes' There are some just plain sorry bums out there living off mom and dad. But you have to take it on a case by case basis. Not every man is a sorry bum just because he lives at home. And not everything is always what it seems to be or looks like. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 3:21:01 PM | | If you don't wanna change anyone, then why are u even giving this guy the time of day??? You have red flags popping up all over the damned place in regard to this dude.....you would merely be assuaging his Oedipus complex....you say you want to eventually start a family? Well, hey, you have a great head start with this guy!! No need to give birth, you have a 32 year old baby on your hands already....give your head a shake, woman, and while you're at it, try to avoid giving this guy the shaken baby syndrome... | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:35:36 PM | | Unless their is a medical issue or the man is temporarily helping his elderly folks financially. Then he is just comfortable or too cheap to get his own place. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:46:19 PM | | I had a friend who lived with his mother until he was 35, and when he met the girl of his dreams he moved out into a modest 3 bedroom house he paid cash for, he had been saving half his paycheck for 15 years, and even though he did not make that much he had a nice nest egg. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:57:17 PM |
had a friend who lived with his mother until he was 35, and when he met the girl of his dreams he moved out into a modest 3 bedroom house he paid cash for, he had been saving half his paycheck for 15 years, and even though he did not make that much he had a nice nest egg.
The one you turn your nose up to thinking he is a bum could be the one who really has his stuff together. People go by what they think they see. Not what they really know. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:57:30 PM | Here we go again .. another woman on POF that thinks her vagina is the cure for a schlup and his shluppers..
a giant nudge .. are you kidding ? this guy is giving you his lowdown in plain .. simple as simpleton. language and you are off in never never land decorating his new house and housing his children after the vagina denial river boat fantasy...
You need to get a grip and realize that any guy that still lives with mommie might be okay for one nite investment when you run out of batteries .. but John Boy ain't leavin the mountains.. caus he already has a girlfriend .. all he needs you for is a poke...
If this guy hasn't been anywhere but in and out of the back door.. you sure settle for some seriously scary options for .. "husband " material..
If chemistry is striking sparks get out the bunsen burner and blow this one to smitherenes... cause this is going to go bust eventually anyway. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:18:47 PM | | I would no longer bother with him. There's something up with him that you'll find out later. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:40:23 PM | | Wow(the game), I bet he plays it. His parents must be really easy going people, mine are great but I can't visit them for more than a day without them driving me insane. I can not imagine that kind of like. I feel bad for that guy. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:48:06 PM | Hope ya still following this thread Smiles9505.
Lets see... Three months.. maybe 90 days of communication? Pure Email or do you have IM or PM? Do you really know the guy?
Who knows what drives each person. There are some people who just need a good coach. Not every person upon this earth has major motivation. All you can do is see if the person is a match for you. WHY walk away before you even get to know the guy up close and personal. So what that you have a house and just bought a new car.... Snob???? I probably doubt that you are. A WASTE of your TIME? Isn't going to work a waste of your time? I mean, unless you are saving the world in some way.. Heck (Get my point?) We have NO IDEA in this thread about how you really feel for the guy. If the guy is worth it. People make generalizations. "He lives at home, he must be a loser!" "He's scared of the world. He has no drive. Doesn't want a better job." What the heck!!! Does he have to aspire to be President or CEO, CFO, Managing Director? Now if the guy is a courtesy clerk then find out if he has had a better life. I know guys that owned their own internet ISP companies that are paying off their past mistakes by doing such work.
All of you out there who have been married and divorced. What if I, myself, being single for my entire life looked down upon your POOR JUDGMENT? I said, "What IF!" Really I don't care if you have been married. What IF every guy who was looking for a good woman wanted a VIRGIN? What if men out there seen that you had three kids by three different fathers? The scenarios are boundless. BUT they JUST may fit you! Do you think you are a loser?
BTW... I Quote you, " Let me clarify though that I'm totally self sufficient" Are you REALLY? Do you have a money tree growing in the back yard? I love how people say that. Then wouldn't know how to grow a tomato, dress a fish, pluck a chicken, fix their own car, or even own their own business. Even those people who go around saying they are a self made "person" are not... They owe their customers for every penny they've made and that customers loyalty!
Give the guy the time of day. I think your profile said you are 27... You have 5 years till you are an old maid... (See, I just stated something totally ancient and stupid to get my point across.)
Good Luck! | |
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pla*ce
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Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 96 | |
| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:51:45 PM |
I would no longer bother with him. There's something up with him that you'll find out later..
depend in what are he lives,
is it the north central are in Regina sask he has a reason to live whit his parents
some times your parents need you ,there are many reasons why he lives at home
you ladies /men shouldn't thionk so bad about that fellow | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:45:55 PM | | And why is it that ambition has to be so important? I don't have any at all, but people tell me I'm a nice guy and fun to be around. You only get one shot at life, just enjoy it. So many judgmental morons on this board it makes my blood boil! | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:55:02 PM | | Most of the people here that are telling you he's a loser are divorced. The men in these marriages that led to divorice probably didn't live with their parents to an older age, they probably weren't these so called " mama's boys". If these divorced men were so great and if you divorced ladies picked Mr. Wonderful, then why did the marriage hit the skids? This guy might be the best thing that ever happened to you , then he might not. The only way to find out is to give him a chance. | |
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| OFF TOPIC
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:56:57 PM | quote:the difference being is that there are both young adults and a bit older adults that are going through divorce and move back in the parents home because of the many issues they are encountering while going through the divorce. for some it's a matter of the cost(s) you face while going through an active divorce, child support, possible alimony, loss of home, vehicle, the splitting of the marital finances has to be figured out like who's going to pay what and such.
i don't see anything wrong with a man or woman taking up residence with the parent(s) while a divorce is going on. it's not always comfortable to go back home, and yeah, it helps if you can do stuff around the house for your parents to make it easier for them while they have you back under their roof.
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I completely agree with this statement.
But it has taken him 33 years to move out. and a really pretty lady to spark the change in him.. if it wasn't for her... he wouldn't even be considering moving out.... it would be one thing if he drove a truck over the road for a living. and was rarely ever there. that would be fine.... but after reading the OPS story. I doubt this is the case with that guy.... I think maybe he has a dependancy issue.. if i spelled that rite... and she will regret the dating him... he is only going to change when he wants to change... if he says he is going to move out... I would see how far he moves from his parents.. I bet it's not far.. it will most likely be with in a mile or two of them.. I would hold off on getting too sirious with him until he moves out on his own. and has been on his own for a while. he might change. but, that change may not be good... he going to have to use to being broke and worring about how to pay the bills... so the quality of the dates will go down.. | |
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| He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:32:11 AM | I'll admit having some mixed emotions concerning this post OP. On the one hand, I agree with posters who warn you not to become his surrogate mother. Some guys are seeking that, but not all of them are still at home living with their parents. In practically all instances, said males are those who constantly need a woman in their lives, since they can't handle being alone. In similar vein, there are also women out there who are looking for someone to take care of them. Last chick I dated was the classic definition of daddy's little girl, as she was still recieving a $2000 a month allowance from daddy even though she was in her 40s. Despite the nice car and condo, this woman couldn't clean house worth a damn nor cook for herself. Some people have arrested development.
On the other hand, I also somewhat concur with what BDJ posted. Women and men both desire respect, but we interpret disrespect differently. While women don't want to be viewed as pieces of meat. men don't want to be viewed as clay to be moulded. If I may ask, is this nudge predicated on helping him?; do you think he is harming himself by staying at home? Finally, if you bemoan his lack of ambition, perhaps you need to recognize that ambition quite often derives from ignoble motives rather than positive ones. What is more, the achievement of ambition is often a pyhrric victory, insofar as it comes at the cost of sacrificing one's integrity. In my books, if you don't have integrity, you have nothing. | |
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