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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He is 32 and lives at home?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 101
He is 32 and lives at home?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I think the heart of the problem is the lack of motivation. If he can't afford to live on his own now, and he has no aspiration to get a better job, how is he going to afford to split a house or apartment with you later on? I think the lack of effort and ambition may become a turn off after a while. I'm not saying ambition is everything, but being lazy isn't cool either. I've met people that live on their own and just sit around and collect welfare or some sort of disability payment and literally do nothing all day. I think what you're trying to say is that you want a man that has goals.
 travlingman34
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 102
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/7/2009 11:57:47 PM
I think the heart of the problem is the lack of motivation. If he can't afford to live on his own now, and he has no aspiration to get a better job, how is he going to afford to split a house or apartment with you later on? I think the lack of effort and ambition may become a turn off after a while. I'm not saying ambition is everything, but being lazy isn't cool either. I've met people that live on their own and just sit around and collect welfare or some sort of disability payment and literally do nothing all day. I think what you're trying to say is that you want a man that has goals.
____________________________________________________________

Coma, you must know my ex sister-n-law. you just described her to a T. and her looser of a boyfriend.... a couple of welfare bums that are to afraid to live..
 Szops
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 103
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:38:39 AM
I think that it depends on the situation. I still live at home and I am done college already, but in edmonton, nobody moves out without a career...one of the most expensive places to live. Plus if you are still really close to your parents and you hang out with them still, then why leave just because everyone else is. Each family relationship is different. My one buddy is really close to his family and doesn't see himself moving anytime soon. They are pretty well off too and they all do everything together. He still has a few years left with college, but they have agreed that he will live at home till 28. Everyone is different.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 104
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/8/2009 2:18:37 AM
32 and still living at home? What's the big deal? I think it's the smartest thing to do.
 flappo77
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 105
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:26:49 AM
Honestly, I can't bullxshit you on this one. The guy isn't a loser he's just extremely lazy and probably can find many reasons to justify his laziness. Most people like this might get small spurts of enthusiasm to change their lives; but that dies down after a little while and they are back to zero. Most likely you will end up taking care of this guy... you will be the provider. If you think a guy like this is either:
A-what you're looking for; if you want to be a mommy or want a lazy dominant man around.
B-the best that you can do for yourself; in other words this is it, all the attractive guys turn out to be cheats/liars, other guys tend to be too stuffy, or still others tend to not be fun and relaxed as this guy.
and you don't mind supporting him for the thrill of having him around. Then I say go for it knowing what you're getting yourself into. Then one day go to his parents home and punch them in the face. lol.
 Teavana1948
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 106
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/8/2009 7:48:53 AM
O.K. I am considerably older than both you and your friend and have had a lot of experiences in my life that I have learned from. I will tell you from the outset that this guy wants to be taken care of and probably co-dependent. Nothing has been holding him back from going out on his own. I am sure his maturity level has been hindered as well. If you two hook up, this is going to very hard for you because he is going to have to catch up. You have grown in your life and have something to show for it and he has not. Here is the question: did he like living on his own when he was with his cousin or did he hate being responsible for his own space, laundry, etc.? How much does he depend on his parents for, especially his mother? Has she cut the apron strings or is it as if he were still a teenager? Does he take the iniative to take out the trash, help around the house, cut the grass? Does he have outside interests--golf, tennis, exercise? You clearly have a lot to offer and have grown in your life. What can he bring to the table?

How involved are his parents in his life? Does he tell them everything? Does he help them financially by paying rent, utilities, etc. or is it considered a free ride to him?

When things get a little tough for him, is he going to run home to his mother? You need to think through this carefully and you also need hands-on living experience with him as well.

On the other side of the coin, it may be that he is independent to a point and doesn't expect his mother to cook for him or do his laundry. Does he have a separate part of the house or does he just have a bedroom? I dated a guy who lived at home for 5 years but he had a good job, lived in the basement and has his own access to the house. He cooked and did his own laundry and cleaning and turned out to be a really good husband and father.

You need to look at all aspects before you jump into anything. From the way it sounds, you are going to be the one doing all of the sacrificing. You don't want a 32 year-old child to have to take care of, you want an equal companion who knows how to give and take in a relationship and to deal with responsibilities. If the car breaks down, will he handle it or is he going to call you? You have a lot of serious thinking to do and possbily reading some self-help books. I feel this guy is going to be hugely co-dependent and probably has not had many relationships because he won't move forward in his life.

Please weigh everything before you do anything serious and wind up moving backward in your life instead of forward.

Teavana1948
 fulibard
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 107
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:03:35 PM
In this day and age, the multi-generational home is becoming more the rule than the exception.
Some people fell they are doing ok in life without all that "ambition" spoken of. They may have a home, a car, their toys, etc, bills paid....what more could they want? Sounds as if a LOT of women here are more into the "material items" in life...your basic gold-digger who wants some sucker (read guy) to supply THEM with a house a car, all the toys....basically supply them with everything in life.
Why should a guy do this? For sex? That is cheap enough as it is and therefore no longer on the table as a bargaining chip.
A "life partner"? Perhaps...but from what I am reading it is more like a "life leech".
The guy in question here apparently is doing well in his life. Especially in these trying economical times.
Just because some woman figures she can drive him into giving HER more and more means nothing. The guy needs to keep away from women like this and actually get someone who cares about HIM...not what he has, where he lives and what he does for a living.
Even a homeless guy on the street can be a potential mate....because it ALL depends on the person wrapped up in that skin. If you are looking for someone to pay YOUR way or for your kids, then you are just looking for a meal ticket...move on...


we are both in agreement here,

JHC how shallow and conceited can a woman be?

The guy sounds like the kind of man that just might bust his ass to make things work if a good woman made him an offer he couldn't refuse . I don't see OP as that woman though.

 Andrew Wiggen
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 108
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:20:53 AM
What more can they expect?? "A place to have sex in that isn't the same room they grew up in." Why is it the rest of us strive to be better, to be working members of the community, while 32 year old Jr. is still collecting star wars action figures, and expects anyone to take him seriously?
 ShortNSweet25
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 109
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:09:09 AM
Can I flip this question a little?

My sister is 33 and lives with out parents. She has been on her own a few times in different relationships, but always ends up moving back in with our parents. She has a great job and could live on her own financially, but chooses not to because she says it would be a waste to live on her own. She has no children and helps our parents out when needed.

My question is...is this unacceptable as well..or are females who still live with their parents viewed differently than males?
 luvs_history
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 110
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:21:14 AM
anyone who tells me they are waiting for a LTR is looking for a replacement dependent other then his folks. They are not loking for love but a suga mama. Most men claim the fall or a few months. but really have no intention of even doing it. Its just a statement to make women like you and I think they actually have initiative. ITs all a joke. can you wait till october .. its only a few months away. but if he doesnt actually go looking at houses before that .. hes got no interest in finding one for himself.

Its up to you. they always sound nice .. until they suggest your place for dinner as a first meeting because they are cheep and dependent.

have fun.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 111
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:35:06 AM
^^^^^I agree. The main trait of these guys is they are cheap and moochers.
They are usually very nice and charming. When you are mooching off people as a way of life including your parents, you better have a super nice personality.
 hellgremlin
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 112
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:46:10 AM
I'd like to contribute. This will probably kill my chances of getting a date from this site ever again, but what the hell.

I'm 28. I live with my folks. I'm only a bit ashamed.

Most people have a train of priorities, starting in the mid teens. It's get a car > move out > get own house > attract mate > settle down > white picket fence, 2.3 kids, fido. In guys like us, these priorities, these drives are absent. We simply don't care. We're not retarded.

When I was 16, all my classmates rushed off to drivers' ed. I couldn't give a damn. Didn't get my licence until age 21, didn't really start driving or bothered to renew it. Never thought about moving out. It didn't feel like it made sense. I'd just be alone and bored without my folks and my dogs around.

I don't think it's depression or anything that major. Like the fella in the OP, I just never felt the desire to be this go-getter big earner ultrachamp type character. I tend to chase my dreams - I've switched careers from dental technology to journalism, because I'm a pretty awesome writer. I'm saving up money for whatever I feel like spending it on in the future - house, car, whatever. I have saved up enough for both. Right now, those things seem superfluous - trinkets to attach to ourselves to attract mates, sources of stress. Stuff I just don't need.

Another thing I don't need, is the women who have posted here. My god. During our first date, would you secretly slide your cruel beak into my wallet to inspect its contents? Demand I hand over my bank card, so you can check out my balance with the handy card-reader in your purse? It's a good thing creatures like you expose yourselves good and early.
 lets start now!
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 113
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:17:09 AM
i can understand some of the comments here, but how do people know how this guy really is unless you know him? did it occur to anyone maybe this guy pays rent helps his family out. ok i live at home, but i pay rent and for all my things, i never ask a guy for a dime, if i am in a relationship, im 50/50. people judge a guy cause he lives at home, but im sure alot of ;adies here live with thier mom or dad! so i dont understand the criticism here! this man could be a great catch and everyone is talking about him like he is no good, and the person should be ashamed to air out what the guy was very honest to tell you, give him credit! if you like him see what happens. if not let him be and let him find someone who can accept him as he is! and by the way i do my own laundry to! lol
 thadood38
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 114
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:27:47 AM
It was EASIER to go back home? If that doesn't show you he has no ambition whatsoever to strike out on his own and forge his own life, I don't know what could. You were right the first time, dump his ass. His momma will be there to sooth it.

~Justin
 fulibard
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 115
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:20:06 PM
^^^^^I agree. The main trait of these guys is they are cheap and moochers.



that blade swings both ways. No one was put on this earth to be the other's personal ATM.

The moochers in my experience are the women that get offended when you dare to suggest that they treat YOU out after you have spent copious amounts of time,expense and effort on them. Or want you to do stuff for them explicitly for the privilege of knowing them.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 116
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:31:10 PM
It's all about judging and perception.

I enjoy having family around me. My sons and my parents. We all live relatively close to each other, although I know families who's residences are closer. We live within a number of miles of each other, in homes built by my grandfather on property settled by my ancestors in the late 1800's. That being said.... my oldest son is in the military and will be away for 6 years. When he returns from serving our country, I would expect they will return to our family's home.

I see nothing wrong with the tradition of families sharing residences.

My great-grandmother lived with my mother's parents until she died. She had a place at the family table, she had a purpose, she had a meaningful role, she was respected and honored and loved. She died in the family's home. Not alone and in a nursing facility.

My autistic son, wishes to marry his autistic girlfriend, they've been together for 7 years and want to be allowed to live as "normal" a life as they may. But to do so, it will mean that someone must share a home with them, to be certain that neither of them is injured in caring for their home and their lives together. Why would it be preferential to hire a caregiver than a family member to share their home while having some independence?

I dated a man recently who was 33, married twice, father of three. His mother - was single, alone and had a huge home. HUGE. HUGE!!!!!!! Why should he pay for a home that he would live in alone - when his mother owned a monstrously large home that he could share - with MORE of his income going toward his children's support and bettering their lives?

I think in all situations there's a legitimate reason, and then there are wastrels who abuse or use something for personal reasons that may not be positive statements of their character.

However, I think immediately judging anyone based only on the superficial and your own perceptions without knowing all the facts? Speaks less highly of you.

You're determining he's a loser based on supposition.
Not facts in evidence.
I wouldn't want you sitting on a jury.

Why do you assume that he wouldn't be able to move out, or interested in moving out? You just met him on POF and you determined all this and decided to not send him an email just because he said he lived with his parents? You did that for a week or more and felt no obligation to wonder if perhaps you'd leaped to the wrong conclusion or made an assumption that wasn't accurate?

Judge not lest you be judged.
 Gemini!!
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 117
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:42:23 PM
Hi Op

Just to let you know the example I used about my friend who is 30 and lives at home but is moving in with his girlfriend soon. I thought you'd be interested to know that he just proposed to her. So there is a happy ending it really does just take the right person. Let me know if you ever met this guy I am quite curious about how it went.

:)
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 118
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:22:56 PM
You don't build equity by renting. It makes more sense to wait until you can move in with your significant other.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 119
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:31:08 PM

32 and still living at home? What's the big deal? I think it's the smartest thing to do.


every one in the car!!!!!!..........................................we are of of butter.
 Janewantstarzan
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 120
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:36:45 PM
It is obviously a big issue with you.
Commnicate this issue to him if you sincerely like him.
See if he takes steps to get out of the situation.
If not don't go out with him!
 Magnum Speedo
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 121
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:03:42 AM
I love it !!!! He is smart. Is it better to live at home at 32 or live in an alley at 45 ? We cant all be rich men and live like Bill Gates . . . . sometimes a place called "Home" is good even if it is not respected by others. Sometimes there are reasons for things . . sometimes they are bad . . laziness . . being a leech and other times cuz they are economically smart or they have parents they love and need their care and other times it is is for 45,897 + other reasons. Can ya deal with it ? Can ya understand ? If the guy has bad reasons . . move on . . if he is doing the right thing then you can support him and understand or chat with him to find out the facts. Geeez . . . if I live in a really big refrigerator box in a great alley with a view and in a good part of town with great dumpsters of food nearby will ya live with me since I am not living at home ? (I hope not . . . hope your better than that) Next question . . if a guy is physically disabled (no legs and only 1 arm with only 2 fingers) or mentally challenged ( a true retard) should he move out when he is 18 years and 23 minutes old ? I just love these forums.
 Brunopolis
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 122
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:59:59 AM
Maybe he just loves his family. I know a lot of people like that.

Also, sometimes people make mistakes and pay for it with massive future debts. I screwed up in college when I was younger by picking a silly career and now I have a ridiculous crushing debt. I couldn't move out because I'd lose like a 1/4 of my wage to that debt on top of any bills I'd have to pay. I would be stuck working at a call center or at a warehouse for the next 10+ years until I paid it off.

Not to mention a lot of people that simply inherit money and don't realize how much it helps. I have countless friends who inherit houses, get their educations paid for(or at least partly), and other benefits. When working full time minimum wage gives you significantly less than 20k a year after you factor in transportation, food, and taxes saving up for an 150k house or paying 25-30k for an education starts to become difficult.

This kind of talk pisses me off as it makes me realize how ridiculous it is to pay for education. I guess Canada can afford not to do it because it just imports the skilled labour it needs from poorer countries.

Posts like make me glad that I left Canada and moved to Uruguay. Sure it may be a third world country but the people are welcoming and the education is free(and actually good).
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 123
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:34:15 AM
Bruce Wayne was 40 and never moved out of his parents place.
 canoga77
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 124
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History
He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:43:26 AM
How am I "dissing" him? And how am I a "golddigger"? The man is cheap.
He is a mooch off his mom. He is a little boy inside. He admits it.
What an idiotic thing, to call me a golddigger because I said he is cheap.

This obviously is something that bothers you about him. The question is why. What do you care whether he buys his own soap or not? Do you know everything about his living situation? Maybe he pays rent and does chores around the house. Who are you to judge him? The only reason I can think of why this would concern a woman is because she wants to know how freely he will spend money on her if she was in a relationship with him. In which case, you are a gold digger.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 125
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He is 32 and lives at home?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:57:21 AM
LOL...gotta love the lack of reading comprehension skills in these forums.

The OP is NOT looking for someone to pay her bills. She is NOT a "gold digger" - she has her OWN successful job, house, car and LIFE. I'm so sick of seeing that RIDICULOUS phrase "gold digger" thrown around here everytime someone gets behind a keyboard. Jesus.

The OP's "friend" is NOT living at home to help his parents with rent. He is NOT living at home because he got himself into a financial bind. He is NOT living at home because his parents are elderly and need full-time care.

He's living at home because he's too damned lazy and scared to go out in the world and make it on his OWN - and he so much as TOLD the OP that. The OP said he's passive and shows NO independent traits at all. He's like a frightened little rabbit whose afraid to leave the nest. It has nothing to do with the economy and nothing to do with finances.

It DOES, however, have everything to do with this guy have ZERO life skills. And there's absolutely nothing appealing about that.
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