| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 2:53:06 PM |
We just didn't use the people we are responsible for as an excuse to avoid closeness/relationships
I honestly think that this is the case . I don't think we are getting the full story here. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 3:01:43 PM | | Tracy LOL you have me all figured out LOL You have assumed in at least of two of your posts that there is something more to it. LOVE IT. I am not asking women to change one bit. I am asking them to be understanding, and if anybody I was dating did turn into a relationship, the key word being dating=doesnt relationship , of course I could see her on the nights I have my daughter. I am dating now and the women understand my situation, there have been a couple that didnt, and took it personally and were basically jealous of my relationship with my daughter. It has been 2 yrs since I was in a committed relationship, my daughters mother was that woman. I waited 2 yrs because I did not want to jump into dating knowing I would need time , to get over the split of our family. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 4:38:05 PM | Hmm..every post I read said he was available to date sun-thurs.
Funny comment about marriage. However, we are talking about DATING, not RELATIONSHIP. BIG HUGE DIFFERENCE HERE.
I did mention my son spending time with my mom, I also have him 24/7. I wouldn't have been so willing to do that if I only saw my child 8 out of 30 days a month, especially if I was only DATING the person and not in a RELATIONSHIP with them. Really all he wants is his 8 days with his kids a month... How is that too much to ask?
yea.. he works days and isn't available on weekends.. that's the schedule. we all have crazy schedules.
If it's OK with you to parade men you are DATING through your house in front of your children than more power to you! To each their own. He choses not to, women who he is DATING should understand that, if they don't well then too bad for them, their loss.
Why can't they take the time to care for one another the other 5 nights he has available? I still don't understand the problem.
Now if you want to talk about being in a RELATIONSHIP with someone, then I would be more inclined to agree with you.
DATING and RELATIONSHIP are two words that are NOT interchangeable. They mean two different things.
Understand yet? Or do I need to use bolded letters?? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 4:54:25 PM | Your daughter is first and the right women will come, and she will be more than happy to accept the fact that you have a daguhter and that she is first.
I totally agree wiht you, I wouldnt bring guys around me baby girl if I didnt know that one of them is going to stick around.
GOOD LUCK! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:01:19 PM | | Kids are not baggage they are part of the deal. I have met many a ///ss without kids . I would have no problem meeting a great dad opposed to someone w/ less qualities. A good woman will understand and not expect you to leave your kids w/ a sitter. You have all week to date If she is really interested she will fit into your schedule | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:10:04 PM | I feel the same way as you, I do not want men meeting my children until I am sure this is going to work, further more.. she will not make a great mom if she does not understand that children always come first! You need to find a person in a similiar situation to accept you for you, and then when your ready your children as well.
Good luck! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:31:28 PM | | Good luck finding a woman whos gonna put up with being that far back on the backburner. Im not saying its hopeless,but....ok, yea its hopeless...You might as well start going for married women | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:43:04 PM |
Im just gonna vent, respond if you feel necessary. I work 40+ hours a week mon-fri I have my daughter and her sister fri-sun. I dont have alot of time to date, but damn dont punish me/us for taking care of business. I work 40+hours a week so I am able to give her mother the child support she needs to provide for her. I have her fri-mon because I love her and think getting someone to watch her while I go out , is wrong on many different levels. I can basically only date sunday night thru thursday night.
On the one hand, you seem to have your priorities straight. On the other, can you really blame women for not being excited about falling dead-last on that same priority list? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:03:48 AM |
If it's OK with you to parade men you are DATING through your house in front of your children than more power to you!
First of all, you need to step the f*** off cuz that's not what I said or implied and you're out of line. My girls are pressing 18 and 20 now so they knew I was a grown woman with needs outside of my home life and work. They were perfectly able to fix supper for themselves and Mom came home a little later than usual.
Secondly, if all he's talking about is a date... dinner with some woman he barely knows at all and may or may not ever see again... I agree those acquaintances can take what he's offering or move on down the line. BUT the same goes for him. They don't owe him sh** either, and they don't have to accomodate his schedule any more than he does theirs. I dunno... maybe he just has a sh**ty attitude which prevents him getting a date and he's playing the women-are-jealous-of-my-kid card. Honestly, it sounds like a hooker would better suit his needs. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:18:59 AM | I merely went off of what you said. And that is what you said. They don't owe him anything, he still has the right to vent about it. I don't see where he said they owe him anything or they should change something, all he wants in consideration and understanding. That is not asking to much. I don't think anyone would expect any less of anyone else. Also if he is choosing to be with his kids on Fridays and Saturday then he's choosing not to date women who can only go out on those nights. But it's ridiculous for a woman to expect him to hire a sitter so they can go out. I mean come on.. he wants 8 days a month with his kids. 8 freaking days.. are women really that selfish or insecure??
Maybe he does have a crappy attitude, maybe he's a closet millionaire. You never know about people by reading a profile and a blurb in a forum. It's ridiculous to say what you've said. In that case a hooker would better suit my needs too and probably most people's! There when you need em, gone when ya don't. or better yet.. there when you've got cash, gone when you don't.. (heyyy.. Describes some of my ex's maybe I have dated hookers!!) But that's not realistic! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:21:06 AM | The OP stated in an above post that he's dating someone that understands his situation, so I have no idea why he started this thread at all.....
His profile is awful, btw... | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:21:33 AM | Tracy thanks for the personal attack, makes it much better. I will not retaliate. I started this thread because I feel that single dad's , arent understood as they too have responsibilties . I have "dated" women who do not understand. This thread even shows it , women on here posting . I wouldnt play , 2nd to a kid , should go get a hooker?? Thought that one was extra special. If you have no idea why I started this thread?? Why do you keep posting on it?? | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:21:45 AM | all he wants in consideration and understanding.
Sounds to me like the women gave it consideration and decided they didn't wanna be that understanding. Sucks living in a free world, huh?
Ya know, many single moms can't afford extra child care expenses for dating mid-week. That's why they date on weekends the kids are with their father. Then there's how hectic the midweek schedule is with homework, meals, baths, shopping, cleaning/laundry, errands, extracurricular activities (sports practice, academic clubs, band), meetings (teacher conferences, PTA, homeowners association), etc. Yeah... they're buncha jealous, selfish b****es... NOT! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:58:19 AM | yep. Which is exactly the same reason not to date on the days when he has his child. So by your own logic he isn't selfish either. He wants to date when his children are with the mother.
My weekends are way more crazy then my weekdays, even when I was working. Ohh right.. my kid doesn't go to his fathers on the weekend, just like many many others. And I had the same exact dating philosophy as he does, no dates paraded in front of my child. Now what..
And yea.. they didn't want to.. and that is thier right. But jeez you people jump down his throat for doing the right thing and then venting that the women don't understand. Hell I have been the type of woman he complained about. Doesn't make that guy a bad person or make it to where the guy was doing something wrong. It simply wasn't meant to be..and it was frustrating as hell at the time for both of us!! (well I assume it was frustrating for the guy involved, don't really know of course!)
and no..it's great living in the free world!! People next themselves all on thier own through no effort on my part, saves me lots of time and aggravation! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:15:27 AM | OP,
I can understand all these women who say....OP I'm 24/7 mom with all that comes with it....been there done that paid my dues....why is a weekend dad complaining....I'd never give you the time of day if I wasn't #1....I do it all myself and no child support...
But, OP I did see a couple of compassionate women posters....who applauded your parenting efforts...if you are looking to date....it is these women that you are looking for...not the other afore mentioned....
I didn't look at your profile OP...but, if there's any negativity in it ...prob want to remove it....look around...some of the guy posters have great profiles to get ideas from.
If you're sending out e-mail first contact...and aren't having much success with that....there's a thread called "the Dreaded"...it's full of some good ideas on how to make good first contact...
Remember OP....the threads will bring out all sorts of different opinions....just like the search for a mate...you're not looking for them all....just the one!
BTW...ya'll....I am a 24/7 widowed father.....see if ya'lls can stomp on me for that | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:23:42 AM | You go right ahead and vent!!!! I have these same struggles. Men want to behave as though I am making a personal attack on them when I say that I keep my personal life seperate from my daughters. I do this because, as you said, I don't want to expose my girls to a long line of men floating in and out of my and their life's. My girls are 15 and 20, and I absolutly believe that they will take their dating lessons from me. Just my opinion, but if these women are seeing your daughter as an inconvience from the start, you may not want them in your life anyway. Hang in there, there is a woman out there that will respect you for your willingness to take a strong, positive position in your daughter's life. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:47:13 AM | There's no need to vent but, of course, he is free to do as he pleases. And, if sitting on his pitty pot brings him joy, more power to him.
People want what they want. He wants what he wants. Women want what they want and some of them don't want to be second fiddle or inconvenience themselves for a guy who won't inconvenience himself. He just needs to stick to the women who are willing and stop judging/labeling those who aren't. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:00:59 AM | I think the bottom like is that the OP will have a hard time finding a woman who will be happy dating him only M-TH.
She may be ok with it at first, but as they get to know each other, and if their affection for each other grows, she will want to see him on weekends, and she will want to see a *little* flexibility in his schedule. Not only will she want to see him on weekends, she will hope that he wants to see her then as well. As others here have mentioned, it's not child neglect or child abandonment to hire a baby sitter on the occassional Friday or Saturday night.
I think most normal women who have children are ATTRACTED to a good dad. But if that dad refuses to eventually make room for her in the "prime time" of dating (Friday and Saturday), then she'll move on to somebody who does have time there, unless her schedule is like his.
I agree with the poster who stated that people make time for each other if they really like each other. So perhaps the OP has not found a women he's really into.
Just my $0.02. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:16:30 PM |
Guess I just don't see how a woman couldn't understand. And not be more sensitive to the situation. I mean shes a 5 yr old lil girl, how can you tell me to put you in front of a bundle of love, like that?? Guess I just dont get it.
There's a big difference between not understanding/asking to come before your kid, and knowing that you need more time from someone you're dating, OP. Honestly, I wouldn't date someone in your situation either, who wasn't open to my being around his kid(s) earlier so I could see him on the weekends. Dating someone in your situation who wasn't willing to have me around when his kid was would lead to my resenting his time with his kid, and that's not a good foundation for a healthy relationship. I understand that kids come first, and you need to understand that for a lot of women, weekend time is important to them when they date someone. It's a matter of incompatibility. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:26:20 PM | | These women are learning not to date someone like you. Let them learn. They are looking for someone without children, so they can have kids with somebody available to start a family. Sometimes women are just ignorant. Let them learn. Know that when you ask out a woman who has never had children, maybe she is just learning about a situation such as yours. Know that they may respond in the manner quite frequently. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:18:53 PM | Justin,
It sounds like you're doing a great job as a parent. That is the most important thing right now.
Now, I don't throw hissy fits because I'm a woman, not a girl. If I can't get what I need/want out of a relationship, I have to decide whether to stay or move on.
With that being said, I don't date single fathers with young children. Why you may ask, since that might put me in the "selfish" category? My son is 19. I spent my entire adult life raising a child, mostly on my own. I love my life at this point and doing what I want to do. Dating a man with a small child would mean I'd have to change that, and I'm not willing to do that.
Some women are not going to date you because of your schedule. They are looking for something different. That doesn't make them bad or selfish. It just makes them want something different than what you have to offer. I know it's frustrating. I had a lot of guys turn me down for dating simply because I had a child when he was younger. It just is the way it is.
Instead of being frustrated, explain your situation up front and look for women who are ok with it. Maybe a single mom with children on the weekends or every other weekend will be ok with this situation. Women without children probably aren't going to be. They are going to want to do things on the weekends.
Best of luck! | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 5:25:29 PM | | Thanks for the constructive criticism . I don't hide the fact that I have a daughter or my schedule. I am getting this after 3 maybe 4 dates. 4 dates is good and means something, but doesnt mean bring my daughter involved yet. She gets involved if a. this person is introduced into her life or b. I decide that I want to leave her at home in the short time that I have her and go out with this woman. What I am saying is after a short time maybe knowing somebody for a month, maybe seen them 4 or 5 times, they get upset , even though I am 100% upfront about how things are. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:37:52 PM | | OP, if a woman is available for dating on the weekends, then she wants to date on the weekends. Period. She might respect you for being a good father, and she might like your personality, but if her needs are not met she is not going to stick around. You can't expect sacrifices from someone you just met and haven’t developed a bond yet. In your case, you need to find a woman with the schedule similar to yours, or just casually date women that see other men during the weekends. | |
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| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 6:51:19 PM | | Justin - If these women want to meet your kid after only 3 or 4 dates they're moving waaaayyyy to fast and are most likely insecure. These are the ones that you have to stay away from...too much drama... | |
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