| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:38:30 PM | Some women aren't interested in dating a man with kids.
Some women don't want to date men who have no flexibility to their schedule.
Doesn't make them selfish, we all have preferences. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:32:29 AM | I think I'm getting a clearer picture as to what is going on here. It appears that Justin doesn't have any difficulties meeting women who don't have a problem with him being almost a full time dad. I think the problem is that these women, for some reason, what to jump into a relationship with him too fast. They want to meet his kids right away - and that's never a good idea. After only a handfull of dates, you are still getting to know someone.
I think (and maybe I'm wrong) that if he met someone and got to know them, and really cared about them, he might be willing to be more flexible.
Another thought is that maybe, after his kids went to bed, he could have a women over to watch a DVD or something...this is what I used to do when my son was young and still had a 8pm bedtime... | |
|
| single fathers dating single mums
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:55:29 AM | | the problem is alot of single childless guy s wont get in involved with a single mum period but as your a single father why dont you show some intrest in a single mum and be happy and proud cause a single mum will come your way into the future thats what the single fathers should be looking for a realtionship with single mums and alot of single mums know single childless guys wont date them either period but good luck | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:06:58 AM | Absolutely you are NOT out of line!!
Stick to your vises because family is very important. If 'understanding' is a quality you want in a woman then keep looking until you find her, and when you do she will accept you for who you are and have enough confidence in her own self to not have the NEED to have to be with you 24/7 and truly appreciate what you are doing.
As for the one's you'll meet in the meantime who are dumb to wanna let you go for her own selfishness....well aren't worth it anyways.
PATIENCE truly pays off .....I am not going to bother wishing you luck because luck isn't what you need in finding the 'right one', that is inevitable for you, because she will come just 'open' your eyes!!!! | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:13:27 AM | You're limiting yourself. The children sleep. If you go out later in the evening on Friday or Saturday you aren't taking any time away from your child and it is good for children to know that grown-ups have lives too.
When I was a kid, my grandmother lived with us but every once in a while she would be with them at a wedding or something or they would otherwise get a babysitter. We loved it, thought it was a treat, never considered thinking my parents were selfish or inappropriate for going somewhere as an adult couple.
I think when you make your weekends somewhat artificial because you are not a custodial parent, you send the wrong message, that they are not a very important part of your life but your only life. My daughter asked me how someone's children would feel when they found out months or a year later that their dad had a relationship with me, he obviously knew me very well and my kids were familiar enough with him to be comfortable.
Certainly you should be cautious and no, except for something like a wedding or some other long-planned activity you should not be going out on the weekends and leaving your children during daytime hours. It is okay to go out after bedtime or to even do dinner with a babysitter every once in a while.
I have my kids 24/7 so I could not date without their knowledge but if I had the weekend dad thing, if they found out months later that I had built this relationship without ever even introducing them to someone, they would be pissed.
The common denominator here is you OP. You are choosing women that want to do more than date so perhaps before you ever meet you might want to tell someone that at the current stage of your life, you don't feel like you will be ready to really have a relationship for a few years. Many women coming out of relationships want to date more or less with no strings because they realize they are not emotionally ready for dating and/or may be in your situation getting used to single parenting.
The good news is when you want a relationship, you will encounter only women that want to date and not get seriously involved. Be careful for what you wish for because when you finally get it, it is usually not what you really want. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:35:47 AM | | So women should be more sensitive to your situation, simply because they have a vagina? Please, I have no sympathy for your situation because you chose to have kids and take that responsibility on. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:37:48 AM | I totally agree that when you have your kids it should be about spending time with them, and that they should be separate from your dating life until you know someone enough to know it's worth making an introduction. Eventually I'd get a sitter or call a parent on a weekend for something major but if that's your schedule, then anyone who dates you has to understand that.
Date someone who works weekends or who has enough of a life that she can go off and do things by herself or with friends. Date someone who doesn't feel the need to compete with other aspects of your life.
Realize that your situation does narrow your choices down a lot, but as a father this comes with the territory of having children (same for mothers, also). If you can't find someone to understand the situation you're in, then don't date until things change or your kids are older.
Once you become a parent it's not about you anymore, so you have to expect some sacrifices. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:45:43 AM | I dated a guy who had his children every other weekend and it was not a problem for me that we did not see each other on those weekends, although we did talk on the phone. Also, they knew that he was dating me.
I enjoyed the "free" weekends to do some of the things that I enjoy doing. I spent some time with my g/f's; did some chores I had put off; attended some local events; event when to the theatre one night alone. When two people work all week, it is sometimes nice to have a few times to yourself for down time or for other things that you would like to do alone or with your friends.
I respected his commitment to being with and for his children, which made me hold him in higher esteem than if he hadn't made them his priority on those weekends he spent with him. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 2:31:25 PM | | If the woman cant handle you spending time with your kids, you are better off with out her. By the way, I have shared custody with the ex. In order to make it easier on him, I moved across the street and down the block. I had a woman in a chat room tell me that I needed to move on and get a new residence. What I decided was to find a new chat room. If a woman has issues with your children, check and see if the issues are valid. (Does the kid have problems with authority, drugs, promiscuity, law enforcement etc) If the issues are that you are at an amusement park when she wants to go out dancing, blow her off. | |
|
| |
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/6/2009 3:07:36 PM | | I have a pretty busy schedule too. I work 40+ hours full-time, run a small business part-time, and I'm starting grad school in a month. Oh I have my 3 year old son everyday. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for your plight. Yes, I've had some issues with dating, but I've made time and fit that person into my schedule. All without meeting my son till we were both ready. You're biggest problem is time management. So, you can see your date after work. Lite dinner or drinks. No rule saying that you have to date after 8 pm. Also be upfront with potential dates. For instance on the weekday dates I will have to see you between x-y hour. Or say I have more flexiablity on weekdays. Weekend dates will have to take some arranging. Since I'm a single parent I can't be as spontanous as I'd like. If you approach women like the adults they are you'll find better results. Okay you and I are single dad's and we can't just run to NYC for the weekend to shop, but really, who does that in real life. Relax and good luck. | |
|
| |
Romny
|
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 88 | |
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:09:56 AM | Justin,
You are making a very common mistake: not allowing your daughters witness their father 'moving on with his life'... Also, alienating every women who you date from now on until a halo appears over her head and a ding-ding sound goes off is a HUGE mistake...
No one will ever replace their mother... and to see you dating ...or to have the girls out with you and your prospective mate doing something fun...would be great for them..don't you think?
Living a double life is what all of us divorced people fall into ...and it leaves us with split emotional psyches... and that doesn't help anyone or anything..
Just my 2 cents. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:32:03 AM | See I don't agree. Each child is different and can handle different things and handles things differently. My son could not handle me bringing dates around him, or me leaving him with sitters all the time to go out on dates. It severely limited my dating when he was younger as he would get really upset when mommy was going to go out with friends, and when we went to a park, he wouldn't let me away from him. If I was talking to another parent, he was all up in our business dragging me away from them like a spoiled kid who didn't want to share. I'm not going into why or anything, it has been resolved for the most part and I can now date without him freaking out, but I couldn't for a few year there.
The kids are the most important part of the equation.
See this is also where I get miffed. When you are DATING someone you should not expect them to change their world for you. I dated a guy for 2 month before I got a weekend date and he wasn't a dad and I largely had weekend nights available! Did I cry about it and demand to see him on Fridays?? No! He eventually asked me out for Friday's and Saturdays and kept it up after that, and we were both happier with the slow movement. We had gotten to know each other pretty well! Woman are way to fast to move from dating to relationship. What is wrong with taking it slow! What did you women do on the weekend when you weren't dating someone? I hope not sitting there waiting for the phone to ring! | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:13:52 AM | It's not that the woman can't "understand", it is that your lifestyle and hers are not suited. Maybe if you dated a single mom, she will understand... or do you favor women without kids?
Why will a woman be happy that she has a guy but every weekend he's not available, and even when she says I am bored can I come for a drink or a movie or whatever, you say no, my kids are here. Most women work 5 days a week and weekends off. Look at things her way, too. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:31:13 AM | Just another thought: Try "lunch" dates. They are quick and allow you to get to know the other person. These kind of dates have worked great for me. Or you could try meeting a potential love interest for breakfast after your daughter is at school/daycare.
As far as the weekend thing. After a while she could come over, and chill with you (watch DVD etc.) after you daughter is asleep. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:28:46 AM | | Well I personaly Think You Rock Justin , Your doing what you gotta do to accomodate who comes first in your life which is your daughter....good for you! So im thinking the situation maybe a lil to deep for a woman so shallow..... If your truely into someone and serious about wanting to spend more time together get in where ya fit in. ....... ~ Carpe Diem ~ | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:25:51 PM | I agree with some of the sentiments of several of the women who've responded so far.
If you don't have time to date, then don't. You seem to think you are the only one in the equation who's time is valuable, and what about the women you're dating? Whether they have kids or not, I'm sure their spare time, and how the spend it is just as valuable to them as yours is to you. If they wanted to they could continually remind you of all the things they could, should, or would be doing if they were not presently on a date with you, but of course that would be rude.
I don't have kids, don't want to deal with kids, and as such I don't date men with kids. You are fortunate to be finding women who are willing to date you in spite of your having kids, but you seem to think it is the other way around, and that they are fortunate to get a little slice of your precious time and affection. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 2:42:15 PM | NotInnocent: "What I don't understand is here is a guy who is taking care of his child and he's getting crapped on for it. He could be shirking his responsibilities and not taking care of his children, but he's not. Gosh.. woman are never happy. You want him to be a deadbeat? Would you date him then?"
Can't speak for the other women who are standing up for what they want, or as you call it, "Crapping On" the OP.
But to answer your questions, No, I wouldn't want to date a deadbeat father. Nor would I want to date a father that spoiled his daughter and gave her an unrealistic view of how the world will treat her. Actually, I wouldn't want to date a father of any sort. For me, it's better to avoid all of it.
There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to be first in a spouse's heart and life. That is the way I see a marriage should be. Your spouse should come first, even after you have children together (except if the spouse is abusive). If someone's having kids precludes them from ever being able to put me first, then I am happy to conclude this also precludes them from being a potential spouse for me.
No difficulty understanding the situation they are in at all. I understand it quite clearly. I have no problem seeing that they have already made the choice to have children, have someone else who will always come first in their life, and that they are not for me. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 2:49:29 PM |
They don't owe him anything, he still has the right to vent about it. I don't see where he said they owe him anything or they should change something, all he wants in consideration and understanding. That is not asking to much. I don't think anyone would expect any less of anyone else.
I once had a guy who had kids and was interested in me tell me I was "selfish" for not wanting to date men with kids. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:59:11 PM | | What I'm afraid of is him using his child as a shield, to avoid getting hurt. It is too easy to make excuses because of the kid(s). God knows there has been time that I have been guilty of it. Then again I shouldn't have been trying to date at the time too. A lot of the posts here were about how he could open up his calandar so he could date more and avoid involving the kids. Because he claimed that he has a busy schedule and his kids on the weekends he could only date Sun-Thurs. Honestly, I don't want him feeling sorry for himself or jaded about women in general. I just want him to open his eyes to the other times and days that he could date if he opens himself to the other possiablities. It took me years to figure this out. Hopefully he can get what he needs emotionally faster then I did. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:04:45 AM | JUSTIN....ur not out of line...its awesum u r thinking about ur child!
I think daddy would be a much better father if he had FUN once in a while!!! hmmmm? Sundays eves and monday eves are very good for me!!! hit me up bro! ~;> | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:28:41 AM | | Some people don't want to have to start a relationship already coming in 3rd in your list of priorities. Just don't date for a while until you can find a way to juggle everything. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:36:36 AM | You are not out of line, however, being unavailable Fri and Sat night can be seen as a red flag. If a person cannot go out on the weekends (every weekend) often there is a SO involved or someone is lying about their relationship status. This has been my experience.
Though I don't have kids, I've dated men who do and every weekend is not filled with kids, it's usually a rotating thing. | |
|
| Give us single Dads a break
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:48:24 AM | | Totally agree with SassyRedhead10. Kids should come first and dating is not easy as a single parent, for moms and dads alike...And yes Justin...like SassyRedhead10 said U ROCK! Its nice to see a Dad that puts his kids first. I've had the same attitude about my kids and the same problems with dating you've described here. But like others have responded, those women are not the right one for you. Keep looking, keep the faith, don't change your attitude one bit and just continue enjoying raising your kids. Finding the one might have to wait until your kids are grown...but they are worth it. | |
|
Home
login 
