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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:00:08 AM | jiperly,
this has never happened to me but if it did, it would certainly be the last time.
i'm not even one to accept what people say "a good reason"..... | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:04:38 AM | OP, this situation appears to be too high maintenance, and out of balance.
"Blowing someone off"...is just rude. I doubt I could remain friends (male or female) very long with someone who made a habit of it, and the same would apply for a "date" or love interest...aren't people supposed to be on their best behaviour?
The number of times I would tolerate it, would be in direct ratio to the validity of the reason, and how much I actually liked the person.
A complete no show, might be forgiven in the initial stages since communication can get criss-crossed. I know a couple who met on an internet dating site years ago. They had planned to meet at Starbucks; they each ended up sitting and waiting at two different Starbucks. He was very resourceful in finding a way to contact her, to find out what happened, and they are still together four years+ later...anyone can make an honest mistake.
Brings to mind the Sex and the City show where Miranda was steaming mad and hurt that she had been stood up by her date. She liked the guy, and also wanted to find out wtf happened...the mother answers his phone, and she found out he had been in a fatal accident...now that's a valid excuse for not showing up!! lol
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:19:40 AM |
I pushed that we should date again, and she kept spurring me with excuses of this or that, or agreeing to only to cancel the day of- so I told her we're going out(trying to be assertive), and she kept coming back with maybe- I
It's your fault she blew you off. If someone continues to push and they do not understand the other person is trying not to be rude as is indicated in your statement, and you continue pushing you are the culprit....Leave the person alone and move on and accept she does not want to be with you. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:30:25 AM | I recently went on a casual date with a guy. We went for coffee and had a great conversation and towards the end he asked if I would like to go for drinks the following sunday. And I said yes of course. He said he would ring me sunday morning to organise it. Didnt hear from him. Im not holding my breath. I found it extremely rude and strange and I couldnt give a rats because obviously hes an impolite prick.
Being blown off is so rude and I cant believe there are people on these sites who do it, yet the whole point of making a profile is to use it to meet people.
Maybe I should start making myself unavailable! | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:56:26 AM | jiperly, RE: MESSAGE #24
from your 2nd post, i'd have to say she's just not worth any further effort.
i don't think she's into you to the point of wanting to date you. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 7:03:45 AM |
jiperly, RE: MESSAGE #24
from your 2nd post, i'd have to say she's just not worth any further effort.
i don't think she's into you to the point of wanting to date you.
OP continued pushing her and even become rude in his persistence....Who the hell in their right mind will try forcing someone to date them?
OP admits he "PUSHED" her........ | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 7:10:38 AM |
How many times during an early relationship(less than 3 dates) should you tolerate being blown off?
Cause it seems to happen to me alot....and its really frustrating making plans, then spending all night alone wondering....the hell?
If it happened once, with the person being considerate enough to let me know as soon as they found out they had to cancel and they had a believable/legitimate reason, then I'd let it slide. If it happened again, the person would be a flake in my book and it would show they aren't interested.
Are you making concrete plans with these people or are you saying "hey, if you're not doing something Friday after work, lets grab a drink" and then when Friday rolls around they have real plans? If it happens a lot that you make concrete plans and they flake, that sucks. You shouldnt let it happen from the same person over and over. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 9:35:39 AM | | WHOA! You TOLD her that the two of you were going out, even after she wasn't sure. No one likes to be told what they are going to do. She isnt blowing you off, you are being pushy and disrespectful. She did NOT agree to the date, therefore didnt blow you off. That was a creepy thing to do, i would be suprised if she ever speaks to you again. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 9:54:31 AM |
so I told her we're going out(trying to be assertive), and she kept coming back with maybe
Oooooooh. So you thought you'd show your true colors. You thought that being a d!ck would make her swoon. Good job. She deserves better. She's not interested in you and your attitude. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 11:24:37 AM | lol!! What did you expect dude?!! Its apparent that you're stepping way offside with your controlling bullshit.
Now...taking your original question at face value (and assuming I didn't actually read your above reply)...
For me I don't have any hard and fast rules. Everybody gets upset if they feel like they've been "blown off", but for me personally, I will do my best and try not to assume anything negative about the person until I've heard from them (if they are someone I'm interested in getting to know).
I'd always give someone an opportunity to communicate with me the circumstances surrounding their absence (assuming they actually attempted to communicate with me and made an effort to get back to me). Shit happens...shit has happened to me so I won't pretend it can't happen to anyone else.
I've had a moment or two in my life where I completely forgot about an appointment/meeting with someone because I got derailed and distracted - not because it was unimportant to me to keep that date but because something else just got in the way. I can honestly say that in those circumstances I sincerely didn't intend to stand up that person and that I regretted that it occurred...so I'm sure that it can happen to other people too. People make mistakes sometimes.
However, if I sense "bullshit" in their explanation, if the excuse is weak, or if its clear there is a recurring pattern which demonstrates a lack of priority in you and sensitivity for you then I'll move on. But personally I think that if someone has a hard and fast rule about these types of things without allowing communication and their judgment to come in play speaks a lot about the person they are, their communication skills, and quite frankly seems to me to be a bit arrogant which gives some insight on the person's sense of self-importance as well as their ability to forgive.
Its good to have "high" standards, but this isn't a "standards" issue. Maybe a person is perfect and they have to have someone perfect to compliment them too but I suppose I couldn't live up to that standard. In the end I hope that the person I come across has true sensitivity for their partner, but that it is also coupled with empathy, the ability to communicate, and their own sense of forgiveness. With imperfections and all. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 12:06:05 PM | Jiperly,
Re: Message 24
[I know this girl likes me- but her contstant avoidance to go out and blowing off and cancelling plans]
i'm not so sure she likes you at all.....it seems to me you're pushing yourself on her. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 12:15:15 PM | | First why would someone do this? There are emergencies that could of come up, so you can't just give up with out finding the reason she did it. That being said if there wasn't a really good reason, I would assume that she wasn't that interested in me and I would move on. So the answer to you question is; "If she doesn't have a good reason for blowing you off, than that will be the one and only time she does it." | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 12:55:40 PM | | What do you consider being blown off? I have this question myself but on the flip side. I guess everyone has a different agenda to being on here, and what it is they want to transpire from the initial encounters. A very wise person I met on here said you meet people for reasons, seasons, or for a lifetime. I have met and gone out with a few gentleman on here and not one of them would I never want to see again. But if I don't want to commit to anything more is that blowing you off? If we meet, enjoy each others company, and have fun. Great! But if I'm not able to talk to you everyday or commit to when I can see you next is that being a ****? | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:02:30 PM | Maybe I should put a lil perspective into this; I got blown off about 5 times this week, and its not even the weekend. I got blown off about 6 times last week. Its really wearing me out, making plans with someone, only for them to cancel or even simply not telling me shit(like last night), leaving me having nothing to do all night but sit at home, bored as ****- and frankly, its making me feel more and more insecure. I mean, why does this keep happening? Is it because I let them walk all over me?
So I tired being assertive- which is the complete opposite of how I usually am- and she acted like she dug it, although she wouldn't make any clear commitment. And, again, spent all night feeling like the worlds biggest loser.
I just.....I can't keep doing this.... | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:05:10 PM | | unless its a good reason, like someone died, or no babysitter, you should never really tolerate being blown off. Especially if your not committed to that person. | |
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Posted: 6/4/2009 6:24:57 PM | | Jiperly - quit asking this girl out. Invite her over for a drink. If she comes, screw the hell out of her, and if she doesn't, you can drink by yourself. I'm a believer in the idea that people get treated the way they want to get treated, and this girl isn't asking for you to treat her like your girlfriend. | |
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Posted: 6/5/2009 12:40:05 AM | Wow....I gotta say, what Edward said right there....really is a good point....
I mean, I don't think I'll invite her over to ****, but he makes a good point- she really isn't interested in being treated like a girlfriend....hmmmm.... | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 6:18:32 AM | gawd, what's wrong with you jiperly?
i think you have a problem here.......get a grip and leave here alone man, she doesn't want you.
like i tell everyone else........
it's summer, go out and find a nice lady that wants to be with you, have some fun and stop obsessing about women that don't want any part of you.
boy, a lot of you guys seem to enjoy being led around by your d*ck like a dog on a leash.
boy i bet that's fun.....never did that before..........
jiperly, i think you need a slap up the side of your dumb ole head.
oh yeah and before i forget...........your photo is eerie.......something weird about that smile on your face..........it's the kind of smile that scares me..........like yeah, maybe you're crazy or something........
you just stay put in ontario and i'll stay here in the u.s. lol | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 6:31:27 AM |
she really isn't interested in being treated like a girlfriend....hmmmm....
She isn't interested because she is NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, you might have some history but that's it. Just because she talks to you and maybe even met you a few times doesn't make her your g/f. Get that in your head already, you're a buddy nothing more, good gawd man. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 6:34:28 AM |
Maybe I should put a lil perspective into this; I got blown off about 5 times this week, and its not even the weekend. I got blown off about 6 times last week. Its really wearing me out, making plans with someone, only for them to cancel or even simply not telling me shit(like last night), leaving me having nothing to do all night but sit at home, bored as ****- and frankly, its making me feel more and more insecure. I mean, why does this keep happening? Is it because I let them walk all over me?
So I tired being assertive- which is the complete opposite of how I usually am- and she acted like she dug it, although she wouldn't make any clear commitment. And, again, spent all night feeling like the worlds biggest loser.
I just.....I can't keep doing this....
She's back with her ex or she's got someone she's interested in and its not you. She either likes you enough not to hurt your feelings but doesn't want to give you the wrong idea (i.e. trying to save the friendship since she doesn't want you as a lover) or she's got no respect for you and gets some pleasure by seeing how long you will hold on to her leg trying to get some attention. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 6:37:30 AM |
I pushed that we should date again, and she kept spurring me with excuses of this or that, or agreeing to only to cancel the day of- so I told her we're going out(trying to be assertive), and she kept coming back with maybe- I made it very clear I was planning on it, to a point of talking about it hours before.....then,as the night came.....silence....nothing online, no answer at her number....I got invites to go to the local fair with friends, which I rejected in lue of her(which I now suspect is where she was)
See the bold words? It's all about You - what You want, what You planned, what You told her, what You made 'very clear' blahblahblah - Control. You are the one who is Guilty here, Not the woman who said "no" (or in your words: "kept spurring me with excuses..." blahblahblah) = You Disrespected Her and Pushed. You "blew off" her excuses - which most of us Adults recognize are that persons way of Politely saying "Hell No!"
You blew her off, you disrespected her...
You arranged a date that she did Not agree to - so You did it to yourself. I'm happy for Her that she has enough self esteem, self respect to Not allow you to push, manipulate or otherwise Control her. 
I got blown off about 5 times this week, and its not even the weekend. I got blown off about 6 times last week.
Perhaps you should RESPECT the women who say no or otherwise "make excuses" for NOT wanting to date you. btw - your notion of what is assertive is by "most" peoples definition Not assertive - it IS creepy.. stalker type behaviour.
I mean, why does this keep happening? Is it because I let them walk all over me?
Who is walking all over you? YOU are the one who's doing the Pushing.
I just.....I can't keep doing this....
That ^^ is Dam good advice. Stop doing 'that'! If you find that you are unable to STOP the behaviour that is messing with your own self esteem/self respect - seek professional help. I'm dead serious about that. You should find a reputable counsellor (not some POF pro.. cough) - show the qualified individual this thread and LISTEN to what they tell you.
You're blowing yourself off. Next you'll be posting in braille..  | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 9:40:31 AM | How many times during an early relationship can you ask a girl to see you???? You got blown off 6 times in one freaking WEEK??? WTH. Give the chick a minute to breathe.... AHAHAH GuLp gAsp ... ca cacakle choke. choke. PUKE!
"""Cause it seems to happen to me alot....and its really frustrating making plans, then spending all night alone wondering....the hell? """
DOYE!!! Ahahaha.. wait. IT SOUNDS like you do this to yourself every single freaking nite. She doesn't want to see you every nite!! TONE it down. ARgHghghhhhhhhhgh.
Take a chill pill dude. This is "an early relationship"....slow down.
Your suffocating. CHILL OUT. What next hire a PI and know her every move?
Aye. Get me. Get a hobby. Get a life. Try knitting. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 10:10:18 AM | | Jiperly, I'm sorry you have to deal with another person's lack of manners. This is a clear indicator of disrespect. Don't tolerate it. Nip it in the bud. | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 10:19:40 AM |
she kept spurring me with excuses of this or that, or agreeing to only to cancel the day of-
Three strikes and she's out.
Cheers,
Mike (she made the decision after the first date; take a hint) | |
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Posted: 6/7/2009 10:27:20 AM | She doesn't like you that much or she wouldn't put you off. If you like someone, and you make plans you'll meet that person. Something is wrong, she might have another guy in the picture. Cut your losses and chalk it to a learning experience.
To your orginal post, I have too much self-respect to allow myself to be blown off a second time. So, no call, no show, no explanination, no second chance. period. | |
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