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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:28:51 AM | ….. I would get emails from all age groups... 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's & 60's. Most were in their mid 40's to early 50's ….
You do have an extremely tight age filter on your profile. You really may want to consider expanding it. Even if you were to only open it up enough to allow men 50 and older to contact you, that would still open you up to quite a few additional prospects. With the wonderful condition you are in, I really don't understand why men in their 50's wouldn't be falling all over themselves to contact you, if they could. You are severely limiting yourself with your restrictions.
I agree with ForumFilly...my experience, at 57, is that most men who show an interest in me, in RL and online, are in their mid-40's up to my age. I see no reason at all not to consider, for a serious ltr, a man who is within 10 years of your own age. So, I echo the suggestion to change your age restrictions. It isn't going to be easy to find that many men 55+ who are in the shape you are in. There are, however, a lot more who are more likely your fitness peers who are about 10 years younger. IMO a man 10 years younger is not a 'younger man;' he is within my age range.
Once you descend into the pit of speculation, waxing philosophical about how men and how women are, you have gone below the sunlit surface where romance frolics and become one of the gloomy denizens whose tan fades to pale, whose once lilting gait slows to a shuffle, and whose songbird merriness has been replaced by an accusatory whine.
Yes, it's the men, those bad, bad, stupid men, not all, but most, and might I add: feh.
………………………………………………………………………………………………….
I gotta agree with Farceur on this one - attitude is everything! OP, you are a beautiful woman with much to offer a man. We could pick your profile apart for decades trying to figure it out, but it ain't the profile.
I'm speculating that your attitude is showing through in your contacts. Farceur is lyrically warning you that if you descend into the mindset into which you are heading, all will be lost.
It ain't the men, dear. I say: heed his words. Get the sunshine back! All is not lost.
Also agree here. A lot of this could have to do with attitude. I have found, as ForumFilly said, that a lot of men in the 45-55 age range are interested in me, and I assume in women my age. Maybe they do feel a little intimidated by your fitness level, not sure, but any man who is that insecure is not worth having, IMO. Also, a man who prefers a younger woman is also not of interest to me. If that's what he wants, more power to him. I would have no interest whatsoever in trying to convince someone to want me when he really wants something or someone else. You should not even think that men who want something other than what you are need to change their way of thinking. There are men in your age range who prefer women your age. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:27:00 AM | I know this is your observation...but you know as a somewhat of an unqualified bystander of life...I don't typically see a 57 year-old men with 25 year-old women....I'm not suggesting that it doesn't happen, but I don't really recall seeing couples with that type of age disparity. I've seen more understandable pairings....a late 30 something woman with a man around that age....a late 40's woman with an early 30's guy.
Personally speaking I get a lot of mail from men at either end of the spectrum...primarily because I have virtually no restrictions. Thankfully, most who contact me are roughly from my age group.
As a suggestion...I'd get rid of your 4 restrictions.
75--not helpful if the guy is at 76 miles as the GTA is a very possible area for your search.
male---You could get a woman who has a brother who thinks 'you're ideal'...it happened to me!
age--keep the gates wide open on this one. I find there is a LOT of interest from younger men...mostly because I keep fit...or so they tell me ;) You will be surprised...!
picture required--- Ask for it in your profile or if you're interested---might be missing some one here.
Also, I'd add more to your interests---you have two interests listed: outdoor sports & weight-training. For the average guy who's not really reading but glancing ...those 2 interests in the blue hyper link will stick out. Those, coupled with your toned physique... might be just a bit too intimidating---even to the sporty types.
Also, there's more to life than just working out and maintaining that bod isn't there?
Bring a bit more flavor to your profile...a bit more depth. Accentuate by adding some of the other stuff that you're passionate about---don't hold back.
If a woman "favorites" a gentlemen, and he cancels it without a message - what does that mean?
It usually means they aren't interested, and there's no point whatsoever in trying to ruminate on a personal choice that you will never understand.
People are entitled to want exactly what they want--no explanations--no justifications.
Whatever you want...if you're not finding it here and you have a clear understanding of what that is---find another way to connect to those people.
Perhaps it's offline...to where I've spotted fit guys of all ages in my ramblings...
Have you tried looking into an outdoor club, a weekly canoe/paddle group, taking up a new sport like cycling? Joining the running room?
Do you have social sport recreation group in your area? The concept is to meet weekly to play some sort of rec league coed game that you sign up for...beach volleyball-floor hockey-basketball, ultimate...you get the idea, followed-up with the 'social' drink after. It's competitive and you have to try out to get on the teams...but it's fun and a great way to meet new people.
^^^farceur ...as always, such a way with words... love your post!
on edit: The place I tend to see fit men IN THIS AGE GROUP is on the running or bike trails .
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:39:30 AM | OP, this is just an opinion but I think a lot of it has to do with what men see on the web. On porn sites it often shows older men with younger women having the sex they always wanted but never had. This may not be a relationship but in a man's mind this is part of the relationship he has been looking for. Although it may seem shallow it is the reson he may be in persuit of a younger woman without ever thinking that the same satisfaction or in my case more satisfaction can be achived with a woman his own age. That fact and the fact he can purchase this without obligation is a fact. How would I know this? It's not by personal experience but I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind more than a few times. The one thing that a lot of men here have experienced is a lack of true sexual satifaction in their previous marraiges. This may or may not be true for women too! Men also have a shorter life span when it comes to this in many cases so it a take it while you can get it/give it situation. While this doesn't take into acount the many things that make a good relationship it just might satisfy the one thing they were missing before. It's really pretty simple but paying attention to your mates needs is so very important in the balance of the rest of the relationship. To deny that would be like denying food to a person. We are human and have needs wants and desires and if those things are left for the internet to fullfill or a pay as you play then why go anywhere else. No hassle, easy to obtain without restrictions of any kind. Kepp looking but understand what your really competing with. Like in the movie "Pretty Woman" I'm a sure thing. Can you say that? Probably not and I wouldn't expect you to but think about it from the other side. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:41:51 AM |
For sex, domestic services, convenience, appearances, producing legitimate heirs, or getting the female's money, etc. etc. etc.
Ah, I see. I find it so hard to understand why men ignore you as a prospective romantic candidate. With that kind of an attitude towards men, I just can't understand why they are not flocking to your door.
Helloooooo........Its been decades since sex ceased to be a reason to settle down with a woman. Its also been decades since the women stayed home to do the domestic work, and with the advent of modern appliances, you don't really need someone to do these things. One of the more amazing things I personally discovered was that with a good set of appliances I could live quite happily alone in a large house in the suburbs.
Ah yes, "getting female's money....". You really should check into the divorce laws in your province. Its been decades since getting married, or even living together for a few months, in Ontario was anything but a HUGE potential financial liability to a man. I know dozens of average guys who have been cleaned out of their nice middle class lifestyle because "she changed her mind about him". No, letting her stay over night puts a guy on the hook for half of just about everything he has plus decades of support payments.
"Appearances" ? What? Are you homophobic or something? Since when did having or not having a female partner have an effect of appearances? The only situation I can see that being relevant is where the people I interact with have really bad (as in prejudicial, negative, stereotypical) ideas about singles and their lifestyles. In this generation, so many have ended up divorced or just never got married, that being on your own is more "normal", at least statistically, than being in a relationship. Where are you? Back in the 1950s?
"Legitimate heirs"? You must be living back in the 50s. Most of the world north of the Mexican border got rid of the idea of "illegitimate children" (a completely ridiculous concept in the first place) decades ago. Yes, if a man wants to have children, he must either adopt or come to an arrangement with a woman. Of course, with the addition of artificial insemination, the same is true for women.
Men spend decades with women because they fall in love with them and want to be with them in a happy, secure, emotionally satisfying relationship. Same with the women who bond with their men. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:47:40 AM | While I don't run marathons or live at the gym, I am more toned and trim than most men I see on the street (my son says I'm in better shape than most of his 20-something friends). So I suppose I qualify as a "fit" older man.
For whatever it's worth, include me in the part of the sample that has no interest in pursuing women that are more than about 8 years separated in age. Since I started middle age dating, the range has actually been -4 to +5 years from my age.
The women I've dated (not exactly a large sample I confess) have all been in good shape. I view fitness as a reflection of attitude and of lifestyle, and find it to be a strong attraction for me. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:58:18 PM | op, ya got to love those red heads here!
Imo, my guess is if you can lighten up without pigeon holing the opposite sex because of there s appositively preferences you claim in women they seek, you might want to seek out your taste in men who are into your routine in body building,boating,live hard,play hard types,etc. And I agree that you might be better to lower your age restrictions a bit.
There are many mature men younger, who could met your needs and lifestyle. just saying... | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:10:41 PM | | So it looks like I opened up a very interesting can of worms with this thread. Lots of respondents think I should open up my age range and go for the 40 somethings. I have nothing against the age necessarily, but perhaps what stops me is that at the age of 57, I am not sure that I would want to take on all the added attractions such as young children and perhaps the start of the middle age crazy that may occur. I am attracted to men of my age, so shoot me. I think something that I have discovered through this experience is that online dating may work for some, but it cannot possibly be matched with the real life - "eyes across the crowded room" experience . On the dating sites, we get all caught up in a certain look, size, life style, - with or without facial hair (I mean the men of course), and "likes pets" or likes to dance. You could happen across someone in a restaurant or at an antique show that gets a huge NO in all of your listed categories when fishing for a mate, and end up going for it, just because a cute gesture, or something about them strikes you the right way. So sad that life has gotten so crazy, busy, and robotic that we have no time to explore and let nature take its course. On my profile I state that I don't want a smoker, but there could be a great guy out there that would treat me like a queen, love his mother, coach little league hockey and give to the cancer society. What would be so wrong with him stepping out on the porch once in a while, as long as he took care of himself as well as he was taking care of me? - Oh well, maybe I will rewrite my profile and stick to the same age bracket, but rub out all the other restrictions and see what happens. Any thoughts? | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:20:49 PM | | Oh my, - I just realized I missed some of the message earlier. "Spinster" and warning young girls to not turn out like me. What makes you think that I am either a spinster or someone to fear resembling? I was married for 28 years and have 2 children so that puts me out of that league. I would still be married, if my "husband", had not decided while I was in the hospital nursing my autistic son through his 3rd operation to prevent a possible amputation of his leg, when my husband saw the light and thought his time could be better spent visiting hookers, - I caught him because he used my credit card for the brothel. I would welcome any young women that you are warning not to turn out like me to call me for lessons. Not all women over 57 are single because they have let themselves go, or not stood by their man, or caused him to try an escape. The sad truth is that there are some scum bags out there. Perhaps I am just being picky because I don' necessarily want to expose my kids to yet another. One final word - I have not "let myself go" - I think that was mentioned, and probably most of the women on here my age have not either. I did find a great way to lose 185 pounds of ugly fat though in one day. I kicked his ass out! | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:28:00 PM | | I definitely agree that the real world is the best place to meet men. As far as your profile, unless you expect to be inundated with mail, you might consider taking off all restrictions regarding age, smoking, location, etc., and see what happens. The right guy could be a 53 year old occasional smoker who lives 100 miles from you. Also, add more interests. A very fit man my have other activities he does to keep in shape but gets the impression yours are very limited .You mentioned antique shows in post 64--stuff like that could go on your interests list. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:53:13 PM | What an inspiring positive young man!!!!!!Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Definitely made the right move by going to LA, the capital of shallow superficiality.
We`ll talk to ya again when you are 66, and still on here, like another OC poster looking for a 20 year old trophy and not having much luck. Geez, you really know how to charm the ladies don`t you--------no wonder the profile title is "I have no life." | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:25:17 PM | | tlekinetic: You may be assuming a lot about what older men can and cannot have .... yes, if you are rich when you are old, you may be able to buy the affection of some woman. If that is good enough for you, more power to you. Most people, women and men, fall in love with and value people of good character, people with decency, intelligence, insight, kindness, etc. If you hope to find someone who loves you for you, you might think about becoming the best man you can be, character-wise, rather than the richest man you can be. Depends, of course, on the quality of woman you want and if that quality is based on the physical or more the inner being. Your posts illustrate a lack of life experience and an understanding derived from that. Most of your points echo stereotypical thinking, which doesn't translate into great depth of character. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:32:55 PM | Hey id 10 t, while your young you think you have all the answers. What a fool. Your time is coming. It may take some time but carma will prevail, not unlike it has for the rest of us. Your attitude towards more mature women shows your lack of knowledge. They have a certain spice about them that we as mature men can appreciate. Not all of us are looking for the young chick. I personally am looking for someone to LOVE. Not the retoric you expound. Women can be as shollow as you, and there are a lot, however, their profile betrays them.
I find it ironic that you even respond to the older crowd. Are you thinking that you are the prize catch? Think again. The women here are very picky and rightfully so. Your attitude does nothing to help the real man find true happyness. If anything, you make it even harder for women to trust the rest of us. You are a dog and player. Stay out of my pool!
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:11:42 AM |
You could happen across someone in a restaurant or at an antique show that gets a huge NO in all of your listed categories when fishing for a mate, and end up going for it, just because a cute gesture, or something about them strikes you the right way. So sad that life has gotten so crazy, busy, and robotic that we have no time to explore and let nature take its course.
^^^Exactly. I'm a HUGE fan of meeting people offline. I recently wrote in another thread that in a 2 minute conversation with someone you meet in real life, that you can in that span of time, achieve all that you learn in those initial back and forth emails and phone calls and the first coffee meet--and then some. I will always prefer the immediacy and naturalness of that type of interchange.
I understand the 40 something issues you are referring to re smoking, re children...re 'middle age crazy' as you put it---as I am not deliberately looking for any of that either. I regard those as more of a case-by-case type determinant type of thing. IRL as on here I am often surprised at the types of men I've found attractive---while I do have a good handle on my core preferences, the rest I tend to keep rather fluid. Sometimes, just like a perfect storm...you don't see it coming. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:23:50 AM | O.K. Ladies, - let's educate "telekinetic242" on the realities of life.
"old age" as you refer to the over 50 set, shows just how truly young and immature you are. I don't suppose that is something that you can grasp at your tender age, but perhaps after you put down the towel you are using to wipe behind your ears, maybe you could do a little research.
Suggesting that most older women don't really get in shape until they have been let go by their husbands sounds like something a guy of your age would say, - Did I mention earlier that I thought seeking out younger men was intellectually a waste of time ladies. While it is true some women follow that pattern, but could it be that they have been a little busy raising kids, and catering to supposed "adult" - oh lets say 27 year old children who refuse to grow up?
Not all "older" women get this sudden urge to be a hottie and fight the clock. There are many like me who have done it all their lives and it is not for or because of anything a man has done with them or to them.
--- I took the time to read "telekinetic242"'s profile and one inclusion made me laugh. At 27 he refers to having made the decision to leave the corporate world 3 years ago. My that sounds all very enlightened and mature - -- Would probably impress a 17 year old. At the tender age of 27, you are barely finished growing (Don't you have a growth spurt left ??? Let's hope it is cerebral!). I wonder what your Momma would have to say about your theories? I would like to think that you are a sincere young man that is just slightly muddled in his thinking. I would love to hear more about your theory on how it is that Men can improve their value with age, and yet women can't. I am sure all of the women on here would. Since I have become the ripe "Old " age of 57, and been divorced, I have gone from hving nothing in the bank and no support for my 2 children - 1 special needs, - to starting up my own business which has allowed me to pay off my mortgage completely on my house, fully take care of my 2 kids without help, and afford my son's special needs boarding school at $35,000 per year. My "Increased Value" Ex has gone bankrupt, and is sitting around wondering why the 20 year olds don't come around anymore now that his belly is fatter than his wallet.
Best Wishes to All | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 6:35:51 AM |
You had your time dear.
and you've had yours, DEAR!!
so NICE of you to come to this forum thinking you are going to educate the poor old folks who are 20 and 30 years your senior on the ways of the world.
your profile shows exactly what is important to you - money. jó szerencse - with your attitude, you will need it! | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:06:33 AM | telekinetic said:
No matter how well you eat or how much Yoga and Pilate's you do, no matter how many creams you use, or even if you get plastic surgery, you will never have the supple young body of a 25 year old again. You had your time dear.
Wow is that one ever negative. Have you really looked at some of the bodies of some 25 year olds today?
Interesting to note that a designer I know suggested I wear skinny jeans. I told him I did not find them age appropriate and he told me age has nothing to do with wearing them.. There are 20 year olds that should not be while you should be. He also tried to convince me that showing a little tummy in shorter halter tops would be fine as well. That he would never suggest it if the woman's belly was not toned.. no matter what age she was.
Now I live in my skinny jeans but passed on the shorty tops.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:23:11 AM | | it is called male ego in some cases, male menopause in others and trying to prove they still have what it takes so to say for others but these are just 3 of reasons for it and a simple fact of live when it comes to the male of the species that us gals have to accept as it is something that will never change | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 12:05:39 PM | Alana Alana. Such a bright person. How can you think ALL men (several billion of us last count) think the same way? Or even all single men? Are there some guys out there like that? Sure and they get all the press. Those of us who would never seriously entertain chasing a 10 who is 20 or more years younger just are sorta boring. Give us a break and judge us as individuals if you please. I am sure you even know a few guys who fit the bill of not chasing eye candy. Oh and by the way I have not asked anyone out for a while. My reasons are I am not wanting any relationship until certain things in my life, such as where I am going to live, get settled.  | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:16:49 PM |
op, ya got to love those red heads here!
Imo, my guess is if you can lighten up without pigeon holing the opposite sex because of there s appositively preferences you claim in women they seek, you might want to seek out your taste in men who are into your routine in body building,boating,live hard,play hard types,etc. And I agree that you might be better to lower your age restrictions a bit.
There are many mature men younger, who could met your needs and lifestyle. just saying...
 See now this man is what you are looking for, take it from a red head who adores him. Wait on second thought, go look for your own. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 4:39:10 PM | As you grow in age, You should value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's
usually something more interesting.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40
give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can
get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40
couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40. They Always Know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true
of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.
A woman over 40 knows what she wants in bed!!!!!! And is not affraid to ask for it!!!!
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a Jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder
where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman
of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
No offence intended to anyone. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:05:35 PM | This is how I deal with it at 49, and still not totally falling apart. I figure I had my time in the sun dating. When I meet (any) man, I never assume he is interested in me romantically. I assume he is not. Then I can converse with him person to person, forget about the flirty mating stuff and just be real. I am not trying to get him interested. I am not trying to do anything, but just have a pleasant conversation. I have taken myself off the market so to speak and it doesn`t bother me a bit. In doing so, I think I exude a
non chalant lightness, and lack of need, that I think I might come off as confidant and fun. Most of the time, having this attitude does get the man interested, actually more
so than if I was actually looking. But even at my decrepid old age, I am always surprised when the man actually comes up interested. Reverse psychology I guess, because I could really care less any more. There is always another one around the corner.
So basically, I don`t care if men are interested in me or not. It isn`t going to make a big difference in my life, I have been single so long, by my choosing. | |
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| Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that?
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:44:52 PM | You're right and I have run into the same thing.
I am surprised though, that any 25 year old woman would want to be with them, unless they are buying her with the wallet. What 25 year old wants to be with a 55 year old man?
The younger ones think any woman over 45 is an easy hit sexually.
The ones over 45 think all women are like their exwives and want to take them for their wallets.
I find it odd, because the men are accusing women of having the drama, and I find it's them. | |
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