| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:54:21 PM | There is a saying that goes like this..."Nostalgia is a sentimental liar!!!" We often make the good times much better in our heads and forget about the bad times, or the reasons the relationship could never work.
I was recently blind-sided after a short 4 month relationship when I was dumped by a woman who told me she realized she was "FAR from ready for another relationship" as her divorce wasn't even finalized! Well thanx a lot...should have thought about that 4 months ago!
Frank | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:27:01 AM | | i know how you feel. my husband left me 2 years ago and we tried several times to make it work but now its been 2 months since we have spoken. its hard and we have 4 kids, but you hsve to move on because life dont stop for relationships. it has taken me this long to start dating again and its getting easier to deal with. i wish you the best and i hope you find the greatest guy on here and have a fairy taled life. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:04:56 PM | Sure.......I missed my ex when he first left......the first year on my own WAS tough.
I thought about all the good AND bad. I missed the equal 50/50 partnership we had. The good times, the bad times. - Yes we had a lot of history packed into 14 years of being together.
Now......that I have been on my own for 4 years........I don't really think about it too much anymore.......because I now know I am much better off without him.
Besides, I could never go back to him.........and yes, he has asked.........but I just can't trust him anymore and not only that, I have this rule that says once you walk out the door and say you are finished, then you are. There is no going back.
So......yes, it all - the good and bad happened for a reason, and I may never full know what that reason is, so I'll just put it in the Good Lord's hands and try to follow along the path that has been set for me........and do the very best I can.
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:10:44 PM | I know its hard but you have to forget about him and move on. Thinking about the past will only keep sucking you in deeper and deeper. Let it go.
Of course finding another person to spend time with might help to. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:12:52 AM | | I miss my ex too. The typical advice is to get out and keep yourself busy with new hobbies and whatnot, but I think I would still miss him no matter what I tried. I would actually be a bit confused if I didn't miss him at this point. I accept that it's supposed to feel like this, and I try to hang on to the faith that someday it will go away, and won't ache as much. Oh, and I journal too. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 5:50:27 AM | If you feel like time isn't helping and you are thinking of this person ALLTHETIME, its time to change your thinking. It all starts in the mind. This might sound MaryPoppins, but once I accept that he is happier with someone else, or just without me, it is easier to move on. Don't question why he left or how could he like her better..he does, he's happier. Honestly if you love someone, you want them to be happy, with or without you. It takes alot of time to get to this place...but it is the only way to truly move on from someone.
Its not an overnight process, getting to the mindset described above. In the meantime you have to implement the "I will not be pathetic" rule. At least not around him or his friends/family. Fake it. Act normal.. don't stalk his facebook, anonymous call him or drive by his place...This will be hard, because reason doesnt come into play here.. you love him , you're hurt and you want him back. I know sweetie I've been there but even if you got him back, it won't be like it was.. he wasn't into it or he wouldn't of left. Try to live for you now you only get one ticket and he bought one to a different show. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:44:44 AM | I know how your feeling, i'm still not over my break up. 2.5 months later am still thinking about him a great deal, made worse by the fact we stayed friends. He tends to tell me too much about what hes doing and who hes seeing, almost rubbing it in my face when he knows damn well how much i feel for him. We broke up not because we fought or anything along them lines BUT because of distance. He claimed he still loved me right before he shattered my heart into a million pieces. I can't cope if am honest, can't cope knowing hes already moved on and had done so just two weeks after the break up.
Hes been with two women since me and continues to rub in his newest girl, iv been with no one, not even kissed another guy. I can't because am still inlove with him and miss him so much. I decided to stop contact with him a little over a week ago, he agreed and told me to get intouch when am ready to talk... truth is i don't know if i want to talk to him again... hes hurt me a great deal and continued to break my heart with his boasting and echo boosting. No one would do that to someone who they cared about, he knows the effect he as on me and uses it to hurt me.
I feel so lost just like you and like you i felt he was the one i wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Like your self, me and my ex would stay up till the early hours of the morning talking deeply about things. Spent as much time around each other as pos, we always had contact with each other even when we were parted. I never felt distance was a problem and nor did he at the start, i guess the hour trip from Dublin (Ireland) to Derby (UK) was too much for him as it was the travelling he most moaned about... sigh.
So i dunno lost and confused about him, loves me but not enough that he can't live without me. Wants to be my friend and all though we usual get on well he continues to talk about his current girls and what hes doing knowing full well that it hurts me.
Am just gunna leave him be and not talk to him again, won't stop me from thinking about him though and what we once had. I guess time does heal all, had my ickle heart broken once before and i got over that eventualy i guess i will again.
Its only been a month hun, allow your self sometime to cry it all out. Make sure you go out and see friends!, one mistake i made was i pushed all mine away, please don't do this!. Go see them spend time with them and get invovled with as much as pos. Like people have said, best cure is keeping busy. Its so true hun really is trust me and those who say it.
You will be ok hun, hes not all that trust me
Take care and best of luck x | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:56:49 AM | Starbuck - (see message 59)
He is sending you mixed signals and you were absolutely right in ending all contact with him.
He tells you he loves you, ends the relationship wanting to be "friends", yet he is rubbing it in that he has been with 2 others since you ended things......- if he truly was your friend, he would not be engaging in that type of behavior. - What an a$$hole.
He made his bed......now he can lie in it without you. - You deserve much, much better than that. - and yes, stay busy, get involved in other things and don't think about it, as he is not wasting one single second on you. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 7:17:59 PM | | i had been a bit of a lad over the years, then in 2002 i met a girl who wanted to give me everything, and i abused that power that she gave me so easily, she and i got married , but we used to have 3 somes all the time our sex life was amazing, mind blowing but she met a girl, who i couldnt keep my hands of, and i got caught, that was the end of my marriage , but since that time, ive learned my lesson, and lived a very unforgiving life. its been so hard that i prayed for death so many times. then in feb i met a girl lyyn dibb, was her name i took the lesson i had learned , and put it to good use , within the new relationship, i offered this girl my heart and soul, almost to the point, that ive forgotten ab out who i am its crazy. then out the blue the other day she finished with me for no reason, id done nothing wrong , apart from love her. deeply with all i had inside me, but she kept me on a fishing line reeled me when she wanted and let me out when she didnt but i stook with it , because i idolised her with all i had inside me, but she could nt help being cruel to me.even though she admitted it wasnt my doing that made her so volitile towards me.its just her, but ive stuck with it ive begged her to stop sticking me with hurt as i loved her with every ounce of blood in my body, and my last breath, and that id give anything to make her happy becausem my ex, taught me a lesson , that i had learned so i swore never again would i treat anyone with such disregard or disrespect.and now my so called partner is treating me so very cruel , yet im finding it all a real struggle to live without her even though a feel such deep love i also feel very dis attached from the real me.i cant eat sleep nor feel like me, its making me so ill , ive tried talking to her but she cuts me dead via telephone , woont answer my calls, sends me such cold texts yet shes admitted how much i love her.so dont know what to do to win this siuation. im at my wits end . | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:21:43 PM | It is hard to move on when you still love someone. I'm in the same boat and I have tried to move on, met other people and dated. But I realize there is every other man in the world and then there is "him". No one can take his place. I don't suggest you get involved with someone new, your heart has to heal. I have tried that and it ended in disaster and made me miss him even more because I would compare him to the guy. You have to keep busy, go out with friends, get a hobby, reading is good too, sometimes to it does help to think about why you did break up. It is ok to cry about it, it's ok to feel sad but do it and then pick yourself up and think about something positive. You are going to feel like that and that is ok, it is part of grieving about your break up and missing that person.
Hope this helps. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:11:14 AM | Thank you Reneg , you are absolutely right. Iv since learned via a friend of a friend that he's listed him self as in a complicated relationship on Facebook... the new girl he is seeing is due to move to Prague for a year at the start of 2010, so am interested to know what he'll do. I have a feeling he'll do the long distance thing with her, yet he wasn't able to with me. He said he loved me but distance was the main factor and only factor for the break up!.. BULL SH*T i know :( ... really upset and i know i got to stop it but i can't help thinking about him. Stopped talking to him and i am keeping my self busy but its at night when am worst, i lay in bed and thoughts and feelings flood and hit me like a ton of bricks :(. I also get a little emotional in the morning but try to just get up right away and get on with things to take thoughts of him from my mind.
Thank you once again hun, yes hes made his bed he can bloody well lie in it with out me. Hes a funny way of loving people thats for sure, like you said "A$$HOLE" too right!!!! | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:35:56 PM | GEEZ..,I hope my hurt doesn't last 6 years. I honestly don't think I can handle it for that long. It's been 4 months since my lady broke up with me and it hurts so deep. I try to think of other things and occupy my time with various things but it just isn't working. Every night.....( every single night without fail ) I dream about her and our breaking up. I wake up feeling miserable and unable to go back to sleep. There was no cheating, no abuse of any kind. She can't seem to make up her mind why she no longer wants me and she doesn't even want to be friends. I miss her so much but she wouldn't give me the time of day. I attempted to contact her after finding her profile here, but she just doesn't want anything to do with me. I just hope she meets a better class of folks than I have on this site. I've encountered atheists, bondage freaks and other deviates, but nobody I would want to actually meet. Maybe someday I'll find someone real.
May God bless her and the rest of the people here. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:39:05 AM | | Does anyone have any advice?? any way to help move on?? I was with my ex for over 2 years. We lived together and were engaged. She was my best friend. It's been over a year and a half and I'm still entirely broken-hearted. I know I wouldn't want to try again. I know there were a lot of things that made me unhappy while I was with her. But I am just lost and cannot find anyone who measures up. I shouldnt be comparing one person to another. But when someone new doesn't make you feel the things you used to feel, what do you do?? We are still trying to be friends, but she has become a different person. She doesn't worry about my feelings anymore. So where do I go from here? is it possible to stay in touch and still move on?? or do I need to cut all ties? | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/29/2009 5:59:57 PM | Today would have been our one year anniversary. Yes, it was short, but intense. We broke up two months ago, and I still find myself imagining him coming back to me. He won't even talk to me. I think it makes it harder to let go when I know that we were trying to end on good terms and be friends, but now he doesn't want to even be friends. The one person I would do anything for doesn't even want to be friends with me.
I'll be leaving on a trip to go to a wedding that he and I were planning to go to together (in part, to celebrate our 1 year). I know it'll be good for me to still go and have a great time. But I can't help moping about how much better it would have been with him. I just miss being around him.
How to move on? I guess what time passing does is that it just makes it harder to idealize what was. So if you can let go of the dream of it all working out and look it straight on and see what it really was, then it is easier to let go. Sometimes that's especially hard if it was working for you, and not for the other person, but he didn't really let you know so that you could fix it. Sometimes it just can't be fixed too...not everyone is going to be a good match. There's a difference between missing him (which is going to happen if you have a heart) and missing what "could have been" (in your imagination), which I think you have a bit of control over. Choose to not romanticize the past. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/29/2009 7:24:12 PM | There is a reason you are not together any more.
It couldn't all have been that wonderful. Think about the bad things and the pain he has caused you, by ending it if nothing else.
Make a list of all the things you didn't like and read it frequently. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 9/29/2009 7:45:15 PM | | I broke up with my ex about a month ago and it really hurts. When I think back he really diddn't care about me at all. I think time and things that happen in our lives make us stronger. You will find someone that cherishes you and treats you the way you deserve. I know it's lonely and you just want him back but truthfully like my ex he just wasn't that into you and you must move on. I like to read a good book and then you can totally put yourself into that book and at least forget about him for a while. I trully think everything happens for a reason and I hope you will find happiness someday. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:36:22 AM | honey if you figure it out pls let me know. i have been married for 3 yrs together for 5 yrs a little over a month ago he left me for an ex then i get a phone call he wants to come back home to me.. i still love him so i said ok. his ex called the cops on him for no reason and he ran broke his leg now i am a nurse maid and i feel like i am being used as just a place to stay. he keeps telling me he loves me and so on but at the same time i am finding shit where he is telling her the same crap. im one of the ones who wears there hearts on there sleeve and it is taking all i have to keep living.. thank god i have my kids or i wouldn't be here.. | |
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| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:43:09 PM | While it is hard to let go, it's not the end of the world. I recently been there, I deleted her number and daughters number, her email goes to trash. All pictures and texts are gone from phone, camera and pc. All the stuff she gave me, while at 1 time meant the world to me were thrown out of my truck window on the highway.
Its not difficult to forgive, its a pain to forget. But, its doable. Keep the mind active, enjoy your family and friends, but most importantly enjoy yourself. Love yourself
Remember what don't kill us, makes us stronger. Life is a learning experience school is always open have a seat and be active.
( on a side note, I just re-read what I wrote I just cheered myself up  ) | |
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