| |
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 10/7/2009 5:18:49 AM | I don't know if you ever fully stop missing someone that you loved with your whole heart, but unfortunately it is part of life and we all have to go thru it, and what works for one doesn't work for all. I once had my heart broken so badly that I was sure that I would never be able to recover. Once you accept that they walked away from you, and it's ok, you then realize that it's there loss and you deserve so much more than they could have ever given you. So You have to first allow your heart to heal, and then you take control of your life and start making yourself happy, stay busy, have fun, move on, and start pampering yourself, but most of all....LOVE YOURSELF...........
Know and believe that everything happens for a reason and you were not meant to be with that person...and someone who is so much more worthy of your love is coming your way very soon, and you want to be at your very best when they arrive. | |
|
| I hear you
Posted: 10/8/2009 10:53:52 AM | | I am many miles away from you but i hear you, plain and simple. I thought i was a strong person, i have been hurt in a way like yourself. I have only just realised i am not ready to move on, i have met people but then find myself pushing them away. I am 53years old and did not expect to be on the singles scene again, i hate it. I wish you all the luck, and hope you find someone, as for me i will stay on my own for awhile, just leave my profile omn as i enjoy reading the forums. Again i wish you luck | |
|
| Find Joy in your heart from the simple things...... it might take off some edge off you pain.
Posted: 3/8/2010 5:25:35 AM | | Thankyou for your input. I can connect very much with your experience. What i found was that "she changed" into another person. I remember her as a very gentle, sweet lady. As she progressed up the ranks in her career, she distanced herself from me and finally found what she wanted on the net on that site. Everything that she had accumalated in memories during our marriage was i believe wiped clean. I became toally numb. I would like to add that life afterwards has its good moments, they do come and very slowly dispel the deep pain. What we need at this very moment in time are compassionate friends, who understand. Go on living, day after day, and i promise you one thing, that i keep reminding myself, it will get better, much slower than we think it will, but it will. Cry whenever you need to, i do, it releases some of the pain. Most nights the longing is still there, but a touch more bearable. Find peace in your heart, because it will come, my friend. I understand. We will find love again, when i'm told we are not looking for it........ | |
|
| |
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 3/9/2010 1:34:12 PM | I meet a guy on here and we just clicked and he seemed to be into me making it clear he wanted us to be exclusive and then he told me he loved me. We were together for couple of months. I waited a few weeks before responding to the love you comment as it happened all so fast. When I did I thought all was good. The next day I logged onto facebook and discovered he went from being a relationship with me to single. We had a date that day and he stood me up. That was a truly horrible way to end a relationship with no possiblitie of friendship. I don't understand what happened, except we think that we are on the same page with our lover. However, for you it may have been real and you were falling for him and for the guy it was something totaly different. I believe along the way I missed the signs that he was using me to fill a void because I didn't want to see it. He ended up hurting me because perhaps he has been hurt so much. I don't know, he never gave me the oppotunity to understand why he did what he did. All I know is I deserve better and I won't succome to his cruelity. I didn't call and I deleted him from my facebook. Then I realized I left an important ring at his place and I had his jacket so I had to make the call. He treated me as if I was nothing more than an aquantance and he didn't care for. He didn't care how I was doing. The conversation was short and painful for me as we use to talk every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day and now he wants nothing to do with me and I didn't do anything to deserve his coldness. Now I have to see him to make the exchange but I know no words will be exchanged because he made a choice. His choice was clear, I wasn't what he wanted even though he was what I wanted.
We tend to make people bigger and better than what they actually were when things end. You have to remember the things you didn't like, what did bother you about him, when you begin to hurt. You have to understand that if he was really the right guy for you then this would have never ended. These guys that break our hearts are experiences that we need to learn from and better ourselves over. He was Mr. Wrong and staying stuck on him will keep you from being wih MR. right one day. So chalk it up to exprience, think about the good you have to offer and be glad he didn't knock you up and take all your money as things could have been much worse. Don't let yourself waste another minute on missing him. Get involved in things that help others. I did a marathon and I'm moving on to doing another, I'm doing charity work, I have deepened my religion and continue to embrace my time with old friends and new. Its best to heal by getting out of your own head that haunts you with painful past memories. You need to realize this gives you strength and in the end will make you a better person for when the next guy you are crazy for walks in your life, you'll be better for him but that is a choice you have to make now. Don't let you ex rob you from something great you are to have one day, let this heartbreak strengthen you and help you better you for you Mr. Right, which is not your ex who has proven to be Mr. Wrong. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 3/10/2010 12:39:08 AM | you will be ok.
it is ok to feel depressed.
but do not wallow in it.
force yourself to go out and do somethings with friends.
be involved with other people..family, friends, volunteer,
it takes your mind off of your situation and at the end of the day you can look back at your day and see that hey...you didnt think about him all day long...that you had a few good hours.
it will take time.
date again if you meet someone who you feel something with.
but just keep it freindly.
one day you Will find someone new to hang out with,
to have late night calls with,
deep conversations with,
someone who will kiss you and hold you...
just keep it in mind that one day it will happen again.
take it from those of us who are older than you and have been in your shoes.
let us know how you are doing.
K | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 3/10/2010 11:27:30 AM | | The pain will not just go away- it's all a learning game, so live through it and learn how to overcome it because it is not something to despair about. There is so much more to come! I always think how happy I am to have met that person and had those experiences in the first place, but now it's time to move onto new experiences and new loves. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 3/10/2010 12:48:24 PM | wow as soon as i read this i thought this sounds just like me
they are somehow involved in every part of your life so everything reminds you of them
give yourself time
its not easy and its hard to hear that cuz rite NOW it hurts but in my case i dated this person and we stopped talking to each other then he came back in my life and now we decided to just be friends after some time away
so i KNOW time makes it better from the first time we stopped talking and i'm just letting myself grieve
trying to adjust to my everyday activities without him
just do your best one day at a time hun it'll get better | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 3/10/2010 4:21:05 PM | this is one of the best pof forum advice that i saw and would like to pass it on to anyone.....
What kind of closure do you need?
Let go, find someone else, get married, and live well.
That's all you need. His actions should be enough. Why should you have to tell him off? What do you need to prove? Just let go.
If you absolutely NEED to get revenge, then this is what you do:
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them.
Nothing burns worse than to know you had something great, and botched it because you were a fool. And the best part is that you don't even need to say anything. All you have to do is live a good life and forget about them.
THAT is how you get closure. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 11/16/2010 11:03:15 PM | | Mine is a very long story six years, working together for five years did everything togeather and I mean everything tonight I was doing a search and found this thread. We have been separated six months and there are nights I cry about her all night! I don't know if time works thank god I have my dog that is all that has kept me together. I have had dates but haven't felt good Bout any of them.. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 11/18/2010 12:25:36 PM | You have to keep busy with activites that require your full concentration.
Take up a new hobby, volunteer, get involved in a group activity.
Helping others makes you feel better about yourself. Cut off all contact and put away or throw away anything that reminds you of the person. | |
|
| |
meiscc
| | Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 89 | |
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:24:20 PM | | Wow. Just finished reading many of the posts in this topic and not sure if it is helping or hurting. Mostly because every individual is different and their emotions/persona respond accordingly. My wife and are were high school sweethearts. Met when I was 17. She was 15. This year on my 19th wedding aniversay (year 26 toghether), I was served divorce papers. Just finished bringing flowers to her office, drove back to mine and can you say "hello Mr. Marshall." Said it was an accident but who knows. She has had an affair (my former best friend) over the past three years. Tried to go to counseling but she would walk out or quit each time (3 different ones). We have three beautiful girls (13, 10, 8) and a home on a cul-de-sac. She has told me that she just can't end it with him (no real reason). I am truly devastated and hoping time moves quickly. I have already moved out (still taking care of the girls part time) since she wouldn't. Way too emotions running wild to be in the same house. He called her constantly late night which was driving me crazy. Anyways, good thread but will have to digest the many different comments /suggestions. As J. Geils says, Love Stinks. Thought she was the one but as the Moody Blues sing "know she is out there somewhere." Good luck fishing. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 12/2/2010 8:10:12 PM | I wish I had an answer. I'm going through the motions and "Acting as if" I am over my ex, but deep down I am still craving him. I know I have to move on because he has moved on and he's not wasting a minute thinking about me.
I'm also using positive thinking and motivational techinques to keep me going. I'm rereading the Secret and am trying to live a life of gratitude so that more things to be grateful for come into my life.
Each day, no matter how depressed I am, I make myself say outloud 10 things I am grateful for. It is helping to focus on gratitude, although I'd be lying if I said I was over him and happy. | |
|
| |
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/25/2012 8:13:36 AM | I was "in love" with a guy and thought he was my best friend, lover, confidant, etc. He broke up with me and I thought I would never recover. I lost 40 pounds and almost lost my job. I tried to move on with someone else 6 months later. I dated the other guy but could NOT stop thinking about my ex. My ex dumped me for really selfish, immature reasons. He started seeing this girl who was uglier than ugly. I just could NOT understand it. He really made me feel like I was at fault. I prayed that he would come back to me.
Two years later, he broke up with Miss Ugly and came back to me and I took him back. I am glad I did because I lived with him for 5 years. We got engaged. But something was not right. He was NOT the same guy I dated the first time.
My eyes opened up as to what he really was....a narcissist. He just used people like pawns on a chessboard. Am I glad I went back? Yes. I did everything and anything for him and made sure he could never blame me again for anything. Did it work? NO. But... I had to learn and find out what this guy was all about otherwise I might be still wondering to this day..."what if." So, be careful what you wish for....you might get it like I did.
So just try take one day at a time. Let yourself feel the pain, cry when you need to, journal your thoughts, and reach out to friends and family. As time goes on, get out, meet new people, and get involved in other things. When you meet the right guy for you....you'll say..."now I know why the others didn't work out." Best wishes.... | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/26/2012 2:24:09 PM | I too went back with an ex after a year apart.
In retrospect I am glad that I did it. I got to straighten some issues out between us.
I received closure from the first time(which took me a year to get)
...and another closure after our final breakup last November.
But I would not do it again. ever.
The pain that I went through the final time we ended things was a terrible experience and definately not worth it.
In fact I have had to make some major changes within myself that we would not even be compatable at all at this point. For those positive changes, I am thankful.
The pain for me is a motivator to NOT feel it again.
So, this makes me more careful in my dating choices and less accepting of any red flags.
I did try dating a few times since then but I was not ready (nor were the men the right one for me).
I took a dating break for a while and although I am open to date again....I dont have a strong desire to do so at the moment, especially from on line. I would feel more at ease with a man I meet in public setting through friends or through a common interest group that I go to.
I do get lonely and when I take walks and see how beautiful it is in nature..I wish that I had someone to share it all with. One day maybe I will. and so will you too. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:23:28 AM | | You know that saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" It's totally true. I know I know, probably NOT something you wanted to hear but it is the truth. I know how bad is sucks. Being with someone for a really long time, you thought it was the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with and then you break up and you're like "WTF happened??" The 4 things you listed I missed as well when it happened to me. You feel like it was your fault and you ponder on the things you could have done differently that could have perhaps done so that you would still be together. You just have to realize that if it was meant to be it wouldn't have ended, or if it's meant to be you will both find a way to make it work. You have to realize that the next person that won't break your heart will be worth the pain you're going through now. When my ex and I broke up I seriously did not think I was going to get over it. About 2 months afterwards it was getting easier. I was still pissed as ever but it was getting easier. Now I am so happy it ended, I am having more fun than I ever thought I would and not having someone else to worry about is pretty nice. You just have to realize that sometimes the person that breaks up with you is doing you a favor. Get out and go out with friends and have fun. Try not to dwell on it, although I know that is extremely hard. Wish you the best! | |
|
| |
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:04:44 PM | | i feel the same way i was abandoned and the pain was earthshaking its been a month now and i m stll hurting crying every 3 days or so im fortunate we still talk but she moved to another state i wake up at crazy hours every night with a hurt feeling and all my thoughts are of her how can i give everything and it still not be enough its like drowning with no one looking you feel so alone but im getting stronger i lose myself in family work and church with daily prayer to god sometimes i pray all day i now get to church and the partying has stopped and my mother is the happiest person in the world i can do this for her precious heart with gods help dont give up just give it to god one day at a time if i can surrivive losing my soulmate you can do it maybe one day god will bring her back all i can do is believe and hope | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 6/30/2012 6:22:54 PM | | Dont text him , do not call him , do not e mail him . just ignore him . if he loves you he will come back if not cool. just go on with your life . change your phone number and really ignore him . belive me he will call you in less than 2 months. | |
|
| Find Joy in your heart from the simple things...... it might take off some edge off you pain.
Posted: 6/30/2012 6:37:02 PM |
I have been feeling that everyday, for the last 2 years. I have had my heart and life ripped out of me, because my ex was sucked into a bondage site, and hey presto is now into BDSM with a very depraved man!
Hey, I know that feeling. My Ex wife HATED spicy foods of ANY kind that involved pepper. Even table pepper. The slightest "kick" was too much.
Shortly after we divorced, she started eating spicy food.
Hated Sci-Fi, too. Then hooked up with a Sci-Fi nut 100x worse than me, dressed up all Star Wars, whole house decorations, and everything. I like Sci-Fi, but it doesn't rule me.
Oddest. thing. Everything she "hated" about me she embraced with someone else. | |
|
| How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 7/2/2012 9:20:45 PM | | I think if you miss the person you are with you and that person misses you I think you should swallow your pride and communicate to that person and try to work it out..It is always easy to run away but hard to face that you were wrong. | |
|
Home
login 
