| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:33:15 AM | I just like knowing that when I talk about Woodstock - my date doesn't think it's that dumbazz bird on Charlie Brown! lol
I'm sure your post will get you lots of .. dates ..
OP - it's a public forum .. you post a topic and you just have to take what you get.. Free site, everyone has an opinion .. if you don't want it .. don't ask. .. And You DID ask for opinions .. :) | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:43:49 AM | | OP: Age doesn't really matter if the relationship is for the right reasons and your hearts are in the right place. I think it's great that you have an open mind about age and see that age shouldn't be an issue if two people are compatible. Any older men who make negative stereotypical comments about men wanting a "trophy" don't speak for all men and are just reflecting their own disgusting and disrespectful attitude towards women in general. You will notice a lot of negative comments and age related slurs against older guys dating younger girls in here. Strangely enough, A LOT of older women in here have great support and praise for older women seeking guys practically out of high school and use negative comments (yet again) towards older guys as an excuse as to why they want to date young people. These women are obviously doing it for all the wrong reasons and it shows great hypocrisy and insecurity. I doubt you'll get many answers that are thoughtful, mature or sympathetic in here, but there could be some surprise tidbits of wisdom. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:48:51 AM | Actually, going for a considerably older man would have been more appropriate in 1950. Anyway, there are several issues here, one being that stability basically amounts to wealth, or at least the assurance of some level of comfort in that regard, so don't bother to sugar-coat that. Other things that could signify instability don't have a whole lot to do with age; if anything people get crazier when they're older. You're also going after a capricious demographic. Either you're going to get a guy with a lot of baggage or, if you don't, it's a pretty weird guy that's been doing his own thing that far along in life. If they have kids, you can bet that you'll never be their first priority and if you are, then they're a bad parent in the first place.
It's not a matter of being on their level either. It's a characteristic of someone as young as yourself to assume that that much wisdom comes from age, but as time goes on you'll find it doesn't and as you spend more time with peers of varying ages, you'll find there's a more balanced give and take when it comes to who has wisdom to impart. There's also some generational trends that create obstacles too. There are a lot about people just 5 years younger than me that I don't "get" at all. As to the club scene and stuff like that, who ever said that was a good way to meet guys in the first place? There are guys your age that are "done" with that too--better actually, they never had an interest in it.
Anyway, if things fall together with an older man, that's fine. But it's a dumb preemptive limitation to put when you're looking for a man. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:48:52 AM | "(You could be some sick perverted man on here but no one is judging you so I'd appreciate if you lay off me. Women are also responding to this post so it's NOT just for men to reply.)"
I will respond to this thread again since I was attacked.
Why would a 40 year old male date a 19/20 year old female? So maybe you all call talk about the good days when bands actually played instruments and when people waited to get married to have children? Oh yes I am sure a 40 year old would date a 20 year old who can not even drink wine legally to just get married and start a family and who is "independent." Just don't be upset when your family's advice against this turns out to be true.. Its a free country do what you wish..  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:52:35 AM | You seem like a very nice woman with a genuine desire for ideas and opinions.
We cannot control the replies from others but we can chose how we respond to them. If you disagree with a reply then that's cool. Becoming angry about it defeats your original intention. When I was your age I usually responded with defensive anger. I did this because I didn't know any better. Most of my friends did the same thing.
You are responding defensively because that's who you are. It's neither good or bad, It just is. It takes us a while to figure this out. But an older man usually knows this. Your defensiveness suggests an emotional connection with an older man just wouldn't work.
You've asked opinions about younger women/older men relationships. Many 19 year olds wouldn't even conceive of this very mature viewpoint. This suggest to me that you would have a very good intellectual connection with an older man.
Maybe that's the place to start? | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:06:19 PM | No one attacked you , Bob... I stated my own opinion back. and I just talked about not judging a book by it's cover. That is all.
No one attacked anyone and I don't feel like I'm getting attacked.
We all have a difference of opinions that's the purpose of this thread, to hear difference of opinion.
But some people wanna bash each other for someone's likes and/or dislikes.
And I don't believe I ever mentioned anything about my family's advice nor did I write anything about any advice they have given me. I've brought home a 32 year old guy I work with who I've been dating for a bit now and my parents have no issues with it.
My parents are 11 years apart so maybe they understand where I am coming from? Or they know I will make a smart, mature choice with who I date.
Also, I don't limit myself to 30 to 40 yr olds either, I don't have a problem with any age range. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:34:59 PM | I will judge you and you and you will realize exactly what you are doing. For starters you never had a father figure? He left your mother when you were young right? Maybe that's why you like older saggy balls. You cant possible have anything in common with someone in their late 20's much less when a man in there 30's or 40's. you say you are not in it for the money.... RIIIIIIIIIIGHT.... but you do like his nice car right? Guys your age are supposed to be nasty and why on earth are you trying to settle down anyway?
No REAL MAN will date you seriously. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't tell anyone about you. You are a young piece of ass who is easily impressed. Dont care what you say, this is more about attention than anything. Who are you trying to convince it's not... US or yourself?
Give yourself a 6 year limit. Ewww gross! You are that girl lol | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:55:52 PM | Sometimes it works. But you need to be prepared for significant changes as he ages, in terms of health, sexual vitality and mental acuity. Now, it's true that some men maintain well into their 70s or 80s, just as some women do - but the chances are that you will end up being his nurse more than his lover, beginning sometime in your 40s and you may end up being a young widow, but not young enough to get easily hooked up again, should you want to. Older men also tend to have damaged DNA, which may affect any children you decide to have.
Also, the reason for his attachment to you may be suspect - does he love and want you? Or what you represent - his nostalgia for his youth, his ego as he boasts about his young girlfriend?
A lot of people put significant stock in having similar lifetime experiences, but I don't think thats as important. You can share and learn from you different generational experiences, and you make your own lifetime memories and experiences.
ETA: OP, 11 years isn't so much ... I was thinking you were dating guys 20 or 25 years older than you.
The above are only things to think about and be aware of, not an automatic dismissal of your interest or desires as bad or wrong. There have been very succesful couples who've had a signficant age difference, and if that's what you want, then I hope you find it. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:00:44 PM |
Most men that age that I've met, have been very wise and thoughtful."
I remember thinking that about guys when I was the OPs age. As I became more experienced in life, I realized that the reason they seemed so wise/thoughtful was directly attributable to my lack of knowledge and experience. In reality, they just weren't any wiser or more thoughtful than I am, just older and more experienced!  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:00:49 PM | OP - I get where you're coming from as I was much the same way when I was your age. I don't think I EVER dated a guy that was my own age, they were always several years older than me. We just "clicked" better. However, you will change sooo much in your early twenties, and though everyone is in a constant state of evolution, it slows dramatically once you hit your late twenties/early thirties. So you will be growing and expanding, and with someone who has already been through that and is somewhat more "stable" in their life. If you both truly want the relationship to work, he will need to be aware of that and support your growth.
You will also need to be aware that, as mature as you might be "for your age," you are still not as mature as a 30-something-year-old. You're just not. That's nothing to be ashamed of or defensive about, that's what life is all about. But you will both need to be open to communication and accepting the differences between you. I DON'T think a relationship like that is doomed to fail... but it will only succeed for the long haul if you're both in it for the right reasons, and only time will tell. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:06:18 PM |
I appreciate all the women who have responded and been generous and given your honest opinion and supported what I have posted instead of being rude and bashing someone's likes. waaaaaaa
You sound like a 19 year old kid who only wants to hear what suits you, and not the opinions of people twice your age. Kids today-- no respect for their elders LOL
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:15:59 PM |
So, overall, what is everyone's opinion on dating different age groups? If the girl is much younger than the guy...
Hef doesn't have any issues but I think you might be too late....he's already found a replacement for Kendra.... 
The problem with the naysayers is that they're applying stereotypes as to why you shouldn't date older guys. Sometimes the stereotypes apply and sometimes they don't. You're an individual, he's an individual, as long as you're aware of the potential issues and are willing to work thru them together, there's no reason why it can't work. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:23:27 PM | Ok I figured I would go ahead and add a few things that I noticed and/or thought about as both pros or cons to pursuing somthing with someone much younger than myself.
This actully got me thinking about it when I hit 35. In my past most of the women I dated were older than myself. Last summer I was with a 45 year old woman. It was actully her that made me realize an older lady would no longer work for me.
I share quite a bit of myself on these forums so might as well offer up some more.
A poster said that a REAL MAN would not date you seriously. Well I am pretty sure I would fit into that REAL MAN catagory and yes in fact there are REAL MEN that would.
Last summer when I was with the older woman, I was considering how our future could work and as a result started doing some checking. Just one part of what I want out of life had the chance to cause many troubles and even have the ability to cause harm.
A REAL MAN that has a desire to have either a child if they do not have one or another child if they wish to have another, WOULD consider you seriously because it has some very logical reasons for it.
When I was with the 45 year old I kept reading information about how my desires in life had possabilities to cause harm to her or the child if conceived. Birth control as well at those ages ALSO has many side effects and problems that could cause troubles.
Also the risk to the baby also increases as well as the chances for birth defects and other complications during child birth. Also considering the damage to the womans body during the pregnancy and her aging body to heal and recover to return to the way it was prior to getting pregnant are a major issue.
The best time frame for women to give birth that has the best chances for both the mother and baby to be healthy AND the mother to make a full recovery is in her early 20's
So if the man is serious about things like having a child as well as not wishing to cause harm to the woman, a REAL MAN does his homework.
It was that homework that I did that caused me to adjust my search criteria since it was the logical thing to do.
I am sure that there are many men out there that would likely be going after younger women to fufill selfish sexual desires, but there are also men that would choose to because it is the best way to reduce the chance of harming the one you love should they agree to have a child together.
Children, family, and desires for events that make up day to day life are areas that can make it past an age gap. An older man and a younger woman can suceed in building a life together when those things are in alignment.
Sure it is nice to have other things in common as well, but as long as those core parts are compatable then the rest can be built together.
There are other things that I thought about as well but this post is getting long.
These are of course just my opinions and observations. Yours may be different. These are simply mine and my reasons for not excluding someone around the OP's age.
Some would frown at me for considering a younger lady. My reasons are not like the average males my age. Being in the average has never been my style anyways so it does not bother me for them to think however they wish. I rarely find the need to justify my choices in life to anyone.
Distance would be more of a factor with someone like the OP for me.....lol Definatly not anything else. She in my opinion has a pretty good head on her shoulders and would likely be able to find what she is seeking without falling for the slick lines of the older players out there.
Like others and myself have said... intent is something that decides if it would be a life long journey with an older man. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:55:41 PM |
When you're 20 and he's 40, its no big deal. Now, fast forward and he's 65 and you're only 45, there will be a big difference there. You really think he's going to keep up with you?
I am going to disagree with this. Age is all in your lifestyle. If you are a sedentary person, by the time you are 45 you are half a coronary or stroke waiting to happen. If you are active even at 65 you can kick a ss, have an incredible sex drive, and have the energy to dance the night away.
Here in the States age disparity is considered horrendous, but the reality is that in the rest of the world is quite normal. Also most women tend to mature at an earlier age than men, while men like to remain boys for most of their 20's.
So my advice to the OP. Go find yourself a bike race. You will find plenty of very athletic men in their 30 and 40s. Just don't get distracted by their package showing through the Spandex. Hehehe. And just say hi. They'll do the rest. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:24:24 PM | Forget what WE think.
To be happy, do what makes YOU happy.
You're old enough to decide on the course of your life. Enjoy it. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:38:46 PM |
Age is all in your lifestyle
Not really. I work with about 30 guys ranging in age from early 20s to early 50s. Of these guys, only about 7 are not particularly active - the rest bike, hike, walk, swim, run, board, ski, etc. The older guys definitely notice that they aren't as able to keep up with the younger guys; there's good-natured ribbing about it between the age groups.
That being said, it's certainly true that staying in shape will pay dividends in terms of health and energy, but age slows people down and depending on the couple, may or may not be an issue. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:52:32 PM | I can't imagine dating a girl who's 19 years old when I'm 30.
I can't even imagine dating a 19 year old now and I'm 24.
Maybe you're not like other 19 year olds though. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:53:41 PM | | Why do you care what others say? If the opinions of people matter that much to you, then you shouldn't be dating people of whom they disapprove. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:01:07 PM | | Well OP, as a 45 year old guy who has always dated younger women (I lived with a 19 year old woman when I was 33), I'd have to say that at 20, you would have to be a very special 20 year old to have a lot in common with me besides sex. I would date you for that, if I really thought you knew what you were getting into, but even then, I'd require a little convincing. In my opinion, men in their 40's will be interested in sex, but have little else in common, regardless of what they say. If you were, say 25, it would be a different story, I think. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:01:53 PM | I have a friend thats 48, he's been with a 28 year old for 2 years now. Nope, he won't start another family (have children). But they really seem to be happy and enjoy doing the same things.
I'm 65, and the youngest I've dated was 45. I really thought she was to young for me, and since she had a 13 yr. old son at home....not what I wanted. So, I prefer 55+.
But here's a piece of advice for the OP. When I married my second wife she knew I'd had a vasectomy after my third child from the first marriage. So, we went into marriage basically understanding there would be no children. She was fine with that until she turned 35, then her biological clock kicked in BIG TIME! Really wanted a child. Well, I did go in for a reversal and it worked...thank God. But on the other hand they (reversals) are usually only good for a year or so. So, just be prepared to possibly end up child less. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:05:19 PM | | well, i have dated 10 yrs older and 10 yrs younger. basically do what makes you happy !!! | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:19:14 PM | there's no shame in doing anything LEGAL in today's world so just do what you want to do.
I DO!! i date anyone i want to no matter what the age over 18 and under 115. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:31:59 PM | okay, first of all, I'm not going to go back and cite who said what. But I will respond to several of the comments out here which are BS.
The poster who said that women out here are now dating younger guys...high school guys or whatever....NOT. Who's the bitter one? Women are just doing what men have always been doing, dating who they like regardless of age. And if it's a guy ten years younger, and they click, great. I'm not talking about "Mrs. Robinson," or the "cougars" where some younger dude thinks he's going to get his experience. That's always been in vogue. I'm talking about women in their 30s,40s,50s dating and marrying guys younger. Not chasing "boys".
The poster who said he'd marry younger because he wants kids. Well, there's younger and there's "younger. You don't have to date a kid to have a kid. I'm sorry, but to a man or woman over 30-something, a 19-year old is a kid, regardless of how intelligent, educated or worldly. And when that 19 year old is 40, he or she will look back and realize that's what they were. They can't see it now. The OP can't see it now.
To that same poster who said he dated a 45 year old woman, if you were really in love with her you probably couldn't/wouldn't have left her. You'd consider adoption...and yes, you probably will say you want biological children. But you knew her age when you started dating her, and I think if the love was strong enough you would have found a way.
To the poster who said most of us in our 40s/50s would love to have someone younger rock their world...or something to that effect. Please. There are plenty of dudes I see who I'd love to rock my world, and they're my age. Get over yourself.
Notice how many people here are saying, "when I was your age..." that in and of itself says something. Perspective/time changes you emotionally, you "grow up" in ways that sneak up on you. You gain insight.
OP. You said you're only talking about dating up to age 32, but in your original statement you said you date guys in their 30s to 40s. Huge age gap at your age. Just is. Will you have things to talk about? Probably. Can you have a good time? Probably. Are you at the same stage in life...have you lived as an adult for a long time. No. Not yet... Hopefully he has. If he hasn't, then he's just chronologically older, not emotionally. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:04:00 PM |
To the poster who said most of us in our 40s/50s would love to have someone younger rock their world...or something to that effect. Please. There are plenty of dudes I see who I'd love to rock my world, and they're my age. Get over yourself.
Awomen!
Most of the young men who contact me want an older woman to rock their worlds, not the other way around. They want someone experienced. | |
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