| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:19:52 PM | Alright I admit I've only read the OP so I have no idea of the over responses so I might say the same thing. But I'm one of those early 30's guys that has "been there done that." "old enough to know better but still too young to care." I've also got a few "younger prospects" of women interested in me. I'm not so sure about them though. They seem mature but still how mature can a not even 20 girl be? They may be more mature than the "average" girl that age but still not as mature as I am now or a woman my age (5 years both ways) would be.
I mean I know what I want in life, I've know for quite a while. I'm one that had to grow up fast due to having to take care of my disabled father and my aging grandfather in my 20's. So I know if I can mature fast then someone else can as well.
I can see why your family and friends would be "weirded out" by you dating someone much older than you because you have so much more "to grow." Your very attractive so there are a lot of men who wouldn't mind dating you. No matter what there age. But you need to do what's best for YOU. Not someone else.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 6:57:53 PM | | becase they know how to manipulate you.... stop falling for the bs. enjoy men your own age.... and truly experience life. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:11:58 PM | I've dated women much younger than me. It has its good points and its bad. You definitely have a completely different set of experiences.
I have a 45 year old friend with a 25 year old wife. They've been together for 5 years and have a better relationship than I've ever had with a woman.
I think that like anything else, it can work for some people and not others.
Some things that I've experienced that a 20 year old hasn't:
The end of the Vietnam War
Watergate
Iran hostages
Oil shortage in the early 80s
18% inflation under Carter
The Cold War
The Evil Empire
Fall of the Berlin Wall
Star Wars
Disco
TVs without remote control
UHF TV
Vinyl records
8-track tapes
Flower Power
Hippies
Leisure Suits
Hot Pants
Members Only Jackets
HOLY SH!T I'M OLD!  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:26:29 PM |
So, overall, what is everyone's opinion on dating different age groups? If the girl is much younger than the guy...
I don't really care if other people do it. I can get along quite well with people of all ages, but dating is a different story. I doubt I would date anybody with an age difference greater than a decade regardless of which direction it was. It has nothing to do with maturity levels or anything like that, just that any time such an opportunity has presented itself to me, it made me feel awkward. That's not exactly a feeling I associate with a good relationship. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:32:22 PM | I don’t think older men have a problem with an arm candy. It’s an instant booster for their libido and ego. Haha It’s a sexual thing for most of these men in that age group.
If these men just got out of a long term relationship and have kids the last thing he would want is another marriage. Yea, he would opt for a relationship but marriage and more kids maybe not. But who am I to say, there are guys who would jump for it even though they are loaded with all the issues of the previous relationship …would you like that headache.
I don’t think it’s the age thing that don’t fit right more the maturity of each group. An age gap like 19 and 40 …and… 30 and 50 are different yet it’s the same age difference. I think at 19 you are in the learning and applying stage and over 25 you are either settled down mentally and physically or still figuring out things. In the 30s…you have a fair idea what relationship and commitment really means. Now, do you see the difference with being 19 and in the 30s? So if you ask me if dating older men is ok, then I would say yep to certain maturity age gaps. 25 and 40 maybe?
At 19, if all you want is to be a wife and have babies then good luck looking for a secure male who don’t already have a package. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:13:56 AM |
The poster who said he'd marry younger because he wants kids. Well, there's younger and there's "younger. You don't have to date a kid to have a kid. I'm sorry, but to a man or woman over 30-something, a 19-year old is a kid, regardless of how intelligent, educated or worldly. And when that 19 year old is 40, he or she will look back and realize that's what they were. They can't see it now. The OP can't see it now.
To that same poster who said he dated a 45 year old woman, if you were really in love with her you probably couldn't/wouldn't have left her. You'd consider adoption...and yes, you probably will say you want biological children. But you knew her age when you started dating her, and I think if the love was strong enough you would have found a way.
I am sorry but just because one person may be considered a child at the ages of 19-21 does NOT mean that another is.
Now maybe in YOUR case when you reflected back at age 40 to a time when you were 19 you might have felt that way, but it does not mean that everyone would have those limitations.
Every brain is different and they all have different mental growth rates. Back when I was 19 there was not a single person that knew me that would have ever said that I was a child. I was doing things back then that 50,60, and even 70 years olds can not.
So sorry but your presumed facts are wrong. A 19 year old is an adult. It is right about at the age point when the reasoning centers of the brain complete their growth and forming stages. Basically put if you examine the data of a 19-21 year old and that of a 40 year old they WOULD be similar in output. Now granted SOME that are at that age may not be grown completely and would show different results but I do not see this as the case with the OP.
Need an example of a 19 year old that would take offence to you calling her a child?... Look at Taylor Swift. She is 19 and not only does she do all of her music but she also handles all of the business aspects of her career. So she is a child? or is she an adult? If she is a child then people better start treating her as a child and take away her ability to make adult choices in life.
I could likely give you many more examples. So while in your specific case you may not have been that smart at 19 and now that you are 40+ can think back and realise that you were just a child, like I said before.... Not everyone out in the world has or had the same resrictions placed upon them.
Try masking your statements as just simply your opinion and it would likely be more accurate.
Like this here... these are MY Opinions and yours may be different because surprize we are all different. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:45:56 AM | I just wanted to add this tid bit of information to explain why I do not have that age excluded from my search criteria. Granted mine starts at 21 but was considering adjusting it after I read the report that the best time for a woman to have children is in her early 20's
Thinking about the relationship forming time, or at least what it has been similar to in my past.
The OP said she was almost 20. I assumed that meant within a few months.
Well a few months getting to know someone to decide if they have the ability to be a long term prospect. Then after that maybe a year or 2 to be with them to decide if a future is in the cards. That way you get to trully see who they really are as a person since a year or 2 is a long time and most of their personality traits will show up within that time frame. Add that time to her current age puts her at 22. Now just in thinking about the future lets say for hypothetical reasons that POOF a match is formed and a proposal for marriage is offered and accepted.
An engagement is usually around a year or two. Granted that is not always the case but for this explanation I will list it as say 2 years that now puts her at age 24 and me at 40.
So in thinking that way you can see how when considering the collected data about when a woman is in her prime for child birth reasons it does in fact line up correctly for someone desiring a family with the greatest chance for success.
Some people in the world do in fact consider these types of issues. Also if the information she listed about her also wanting a career it is enough time passed to allow her to finish school and be established in the field she wishes with enough time in to allow a maternity leave.
Who is to say that the OP may not have also considered these types of information?
Most early 20 males I have known, or heard about are still in a stage of their life that stuff like this is not even on their radar.
It goes right back around.. INTENT!!!!!
Is the intent to start a family or is the intent some other purpose. In many cases women do mature faster than men thus why you quite often find within a relationship that the male is older than the female. In more cases than not that is the way it is. granted not always this much of a gap but still a gap in age.
Just more of my opinions on the topic. I am not meaning to offend anyone with them. I am just putting out there answers to the questions that the OP asked. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:08:14 AM | MSG #2
Oh come on... that's such a stero typical thing to say!!!!
Bars are packed with older men! They not only want to go out, they will go out to nice better places and you end up having a fabolus time! Older guys aren't controlling, not the good ones anyway. Maybe if they are in thier 80s they wanna sit around and do nothing, but in thier 30s and 40s and even 50s?? No way!!
I will agree about the arm candy thing, but you should be able to sniff that our rather quickly. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:20:39 AM | | May/December Couples Boost Human Lifespan: http://www.livescience.com/health/070917_men_age.html | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:20:44 AM |
Oh come on... that's such a stero typical thing to say!!!!
Hence why I qualified my statement with:
not ALL men, granted, but some of them will be this way.
As for controlling: Go ahead and keep kidding yourself if you think that an older guy isn't more experienced and able to manipulate a younger woman who has less world experience. AGAIN, I will qualify my statement by saying that this ISN'T how ALL men are, but I have seen it on multiple occasions where an older guy is dating a younger woman. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:09:15 AM | ^^^^ Don't think of it as being "controlling" - think of it as "gettinem young and traininem right"!
I suppose if you're a train which is intent on jumping the rails, those damned tracks seem awful "controlling".
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:27:52 AM | | if i'm reading this right, op is talking about generally dating men who are in their early 30s... 10-12 years older than herself, but she might decide to push the envelope and do 40. my opinion is that a 10-12 year age difference for someone such as yourself is okay, but much beyond that is getting kinda creepy, for a number of reasons. first of all, no matter how "mature" you are at 20, it is still vastly different than 40. plus any 40-something man who wants to date you is just a fvcking perv. because hey if he likes you so much for your "maturity", then why isn't he dating somebody closer to his own age. there are a multitude of more subtle differences between somebody born in 1990 and somebody born in 1970 that make dating each other just a bad idea in general. feel free to prove me wrong with something "exceptional", but i'm not holding my breath and in time you'll only find that what you thought was exceptional was in reality just a nice little ride. when i was your age i routinely dated guys 7-10 years older than myself for the same reasons you mentioned. much of an age difference beyond that amounts to you just fooling yourself, and him laughing about it to all his friends. now you can go point at celine dion if you want and use THAT as a role model for your personal life and keeping your own best interests in mind. ::LMAO:: | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:31:08 AM |  Yep What she said.^^^^^ Oh I love to hear the stories at the golf course those 40 year olds tell when they find themselves a 20 something year old female college student trophy...Of course I think they are sick, but I guess them 20 something year old youngens' must like them for something...I myself can hardly relate to a match 5 years younger than me, because they are certainly not taught the same things that I was taught back when I was their age...like respect for their elders and knowing when they are getting advice from a concerned citizen who has been around longer... | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 10:54:11 AM | Speaking of "respect for their elders" we have in just this one single thread:
(motown-cowgirl) "fvcking perv"
(pro-filer) "damaged DNA"
(SpursFanSA) "saggy balls"
(chip1331) "people get crazier when they're older. You're also going after a capricious demographic. Either you're going to get a guy with a lot of baggage or, if you don't, it's a pretty weird guy that's been doing his own thing that far along in life. If they have kids, you can bet that you'll never be their first priority and if you are, then they're a bad parent in the first place."
(~DREAMS~, and one or two others) "a man that may be going through a mid life crisis trying to revert back to younger days "
Since all these folks are quite a bit older than the OP, and in fact happen to be more or less in her target demographic, age-wise, as it turns out... I'm thinking the respect problem has been around for quite some time.  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:05:20 AM |
They found that DNA damage was significantly higher in men over 45 years old than in all younger age groups, and that the damage was doubled in those men 45 years and older compared with those less than 30 years old.
from: news.bio-medicine.org/biology-news-3/Damage-to-sperm-DNA-affects-older-mens-chances-of-fathering-children-11250-1/
I'm thinking the respect problem has been around for quite some time.
There's a difference between saying something disrespectful and providing information. A lot of people don't realize that men as well as women are less able to produce healthy babies as they age. Avoiding saying so just to protect some men's feelings isn't respect; just the opposite, in fact. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:06:19 AM | Age should not be relevant if you are dating the person and not the age. Usually dating someone considerably younger or older is for the shock factor.
I will speak from experience. I dated a man who had a daughter a year older than me. I was in my late teens. I was always told I was 'so mature for my age'. The 'relationship' lasted three months because we just did not have anything in common.
I have always dated older men but I have learned there are limits. I now date the person instead of looking at the age.
I could not even begin to comprehend who I was until I neared thirty but this was due to my life circumstances. Some women are well into their forties before they 'come into their own', some are younger.
Not to bash, just being honest... I think 19-20 is a little young to define a preference for a type of man or age group. Maturity comes at different ages for different people. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:10:53 AM | I went out with a guy 14 years younger than myself. We had some great times, we really clicked, same humour, interests, we never argued.......for 16 months ............he could never commit fully, then ended the relationship. The main reason being that when I am 60 he will be 46..........yes, I had the bit about the bus pass and pension..........and the fact that if he at some point would want children then I could not give him that option. I am sure that my ex's family would have had their say about the age difference......
I never looked at the age difference, but enjoyed his company.........it can break your heart if age plays a major part in the ending of a relationship.......
Yes, it is a shame that society judges people for their age..........
Good luck | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:12:35 AM | | I've seen some very successful May/December relationships lasting a lifetime! Both ways, too. Older female as well as older male. However, I've always wondered what music they listen to. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:48:13 AM | some people seem to have a problem with sarcasm but not with crude double entendres for screen names. some people are just the opposite. oh well.
there is a really interesting movie (or so i thought at the time) called "breezy" with william holden. hey if you are a young lady and you really dig those mature, older guys with saggy balls (lmao!!), go watch it.
once i dated a guy that was about 20 years older than me, but i wasn't 20 at the time i was more like 35. he wasn't a perv but i found out he was looking for a breeder so i had to put a stop to it. so there you go, that's the other reason older guys like women that are a whole lot younger than themselves. their biological clock is ticking and they think somehow life's meaning is incomplete without them spreading their seed. how pathetic. the kid's graduating from high school and he's tottering in there on his walker with an oxygen line up his nose.
yes there is an exception to every rule, but if you run your whole social life based on some kinda demographic outlier way the hell out there on the edge of the bell curve, again i will say: you are just fooling yourself. but at least, you will enjoy the ride. if that's your #1 priority, so be it. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:54:03 AM | msg 60:
Well then you could say the same for a man (or woman for that matter) of any age! They could be controlling or manipulating! The most controlling guy I ever dated was younger than me! The least controlling man is the one I am dating now.. and he's much older than I! Sure you can refute that by saying "like I said not all men" but it has nothing to do with the ages of the people involved, and everything to do with the individuals. My Uncle was much older then my Aunt when they got married and she was the controlling manipulative one! That's a ridiculous assumption to make, and it's a ridiculous reason to avoid an entire age group! It would be like me saying..i'm not going to date guys in their twenties because most of them are party animals. That's entirely untrue and a silly assumption for me to base not dating them on! | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:16:59 PM |
Well then you could say the same for a man (or woman for that matter) of any age! They could be controlling or manipulating! The most controlling guy I ever dated was younger than me! The least controlling man is the one I am dating now.. and he's much older than I! Sure you can refute that by saying "like I said not all men" but it has nothing to do with the ages of the people involved, and everything to do with the individuals. My Uncle was much older then my Aunt when they got married and she was the controlling manipulative one! That's a ridiculous assumption to make, and it's a ridiculous reason to avoid an entire age group! It would be like me saying..i'm not going to date guys in their twenties because most of them are party animals. That's entirely untrue and a silly assumption for me to base not dating them on!
True. Please go back to my original post and re-read it as you seem to have lost the context of the argument. I never once argued against the OP dating an older guy. I just presented ideas on the problems that she might run into. Especially pay attention to the last line of my original post:
But hey, have fun with it. Life is too short not too!
Oh yeah ... lighten up. You are taking this stuff WAYYY too seriously. Laugh a little, you will live longer. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:25:15 PM | awww.. I laugh alot! No worries!
Just pointing out the holes in your "suggested problems".
You're right! Life is to short not to have fun :~)
I'm unemployed and broke.. creating havoc on here IS fun. LOL!
Damn economic recession.. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:28:26 PM | You might get a guy who is balding. Could you handle that? Would you cook for him? Would you do his laundry?
What if he told you that you couldn't go out without him at night. And he only wants to stay in at night and never go anywhere.
Sometimes older men like all women who are your age, not just you.
In other words, it's more about your young age than it is about you personally that attracts them. Then in a few years when you grow out of their prefered age range, they dump you for someone younger who was the age you were when you met him.
It's about how two individuals relate to one another more so than ages.
People with a twenty or even thirty year age difference can love each other and love being around each other. Been there done that. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:33:13 PM |
You might get a guy who is balding.
No kidding, we all know how unattractive THAT is! | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 12:55:23 PM | Hmm, lots of good information/opinions on this thread. I'd like to add my 2 cents worth of experience... noting I agree with many of the respondents who basically are saying .. age/smage... it's all in the individuals and their relationship.
Now, having said that I do believe that "not quite 20" is too inexperienced to be dating someone 10- 20 years her senior in a serious committment type relationship. Notice I said inexperienced, not immature.
My first husband was 5 years my senior (I was 17) - we were married 7 years then he was killed in an auto accident... so much for being a widow early when you marry a much older man... fact is life just happens, no matter what you plan.
Fast forward to when I met the man who would become my second husband - 2 years my senior..married 9 months - he was abusive and controlling - not to mention a child molester (I found out 10 years later when my daughters told me) So much for older men controlling.
Another short fast forward - I am now a worldly woman of 25 and meet and eventually fall in love with a man 19 years my senior.. who was kind, loving, sexy and mature...Was he after sex? Probably..Was he looking for a younger woman to start a family? Hardly, he had 3 children and thought he was sterile due to mumps in later life, he was fine with that.
We ended up getting married when I was 32 and guess what? Promptly had a baby when I was 34 and he was 53! We had a great marriage, had a ball raising our son along with his and my other children until he passed away @ 72. Oh, by the way, the sex was great right up until he died.
My point of this whole life story is we can plan all the right things and the right way and choose people we think are "right" for us, but no one's infalible (sp?).. it does help (IMHO)the more experience you have the better you are at choosing a mate.
My advice... opinion.. is go get as much experience "trying on people" (I think it's also known as dating) as possible before deciding on a serious relationship with anyone. Don't discount the other 20 somethings...guys usually need a bit more time to mature..and if you enjoy the company of 30 year olds..do so; just slow down it's not a race to see who gets serious the quickest... more of a marathon than a sprint and the ones who stay together the happiest win (if not the longest).
GOOD LUCK... You're beautiful and have lots of options.. review as many as you can. | |
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