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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:11:46 PM | OR... they could be capable of doing their own laundry and feeding themselves, more so then their younger counterparts. Why wouldn't he want you to go out with him? Isn't that part of the point? To show off the person you are dating? I know I love to show off the sexy man who has his arm around me. I can only imagine the guy feels the same. Eh it's not all always based on looks, if you date a guy who is looking for someone to have a future with it will be based on more than looks.
PS.. bald guys?? LOVE EM!! | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:18:49 PM | Dreams:
I'm sticking with my OPINIONS. I never said they were FACTS.
A 19 year old is a kid. It's a person who is just leaving his/her teen years and entering adulthood and all the responsibilities that go with it.
Granted, there are exceptions depending on the person's life history, what they had to endure growing up, etc. But I don't think someone who just left 14 and 15 years old behind a few years back is suddenly an adult comparable to someone twice his/her age. (and again, the OP mentioned dating 40-somethings as well.)
I never said a "child" and yes, it's semantics, but there's a difference.
You want to make this personal? No, I don't consider that I was a child back when I was 19. I was smart then and I'm smart now. I was always an "old soul", I reflected and wrote poetry and was always very philosophical, analytical, etc.
So while the core of who I am has remained the same, I don't think at 19, when I was hanging out with my college friends, I'd be dating or thinking of marrying someone old enough to be my father.
You can cite Taylor Swift. I saw the special on her too. She's amazing. She's talented and has quite the business acumen. But, still, she's a kid. A bright, talented, very capable kid. And I bet when she's 40 she'll describe herself that way, just like when you see plenty of celebrities or musicians who have grown up in the public eye describing themselves now, looking back at then.
Women aren't breeders. You don't pick a young one because those are great childbearing years. And that's not the topic of this thread.
I'm not referring to a 10 year difference, although at 19 that might be a big gap as well. And I'd like to see when you do "sire" your child, if he's a son, if you think it'd be okay if he married a 40 year old woman when he was 19. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:24:36 PM | PS.. bald guys?? LOVE EM!!
bummer........ I have a full, thick head of plush hair perfect for running fingers through, and will always have it. 
Maybe the key to success in life is for all those younger ones to go for the older ladies so they are not left alone with their battery operated devices and all the older men to go for the younger ones....
You know since the older ladies are not very good for breading stock and the younger guys have no interest in breading. But the older more mature men would look for good breading stock if they want a long lasting future.
i am such a sarcastic one at times sorry ladies.....
edit......
And I'd like to see when you do "sire" your child, if he's a son, if you think it'd be okay if he married a 40 year old woman when he was 19.
I have a 10 year old son currently. as he gets older I will be teaching him about genetics so that he will not be going into a gun fight holding a dull knife....
my son is quite smart even at the age of 10 and yes i can toot my own horn and say it is because of the way I raised him....
Yes I am ready to do it again by becoming a father again and yes I know the genes are good on my side so I wish to make sure they are as well on the other side.
To be blunt and honest... the odds are not in favor should I consider and older woman like yourself. Sorry, nothing personal but you are just plain past your prime and while you may be great for other aspects... breading stock is just not in the stars for you.....
Am I an ass at times? YES!!! very much so.. I was not turning it into a you comment... you did that... I was being informative.... I was offering an opionion like the OP requested. I was offering possible benifits and draw backs to being with an older man and letting her know that there are men out there that think deeper than purly sexual needs.
It is not my fault that you would be competing for the same type of men as she would so you get sour about it. Sorry but the choice between her or you is a no compete... she has the upper hand and will be given more attention than someone like you... mostly because of attitude but factoring in age and desires and quite frankly older women are very controling and play many games. I have been with many from all walks of life... yes I have first hand knowledge... women of your age are very good at TRYING to play games but for many of the men out here we don't fall for them....
Sorry dear... better luck next time but since honesty is requested then I will be honest... The OP has a better chance of getting a good successful man than you do....
Just my opinions | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:43:49 PM | I've got a thing for bald guys as well. :)
Ok, my turn. I'm a BTDT.
I was 19 and met a guy who was 30. We married when I was 22 and he was 33. So, I feel pretty qualified to comment on this.
I was in college, and looking to settle down after college and get married. So I had my eye out for men who were more mature than the typical beer guzzling constantly drunk frat boy.
My exhub was a grad student who had finally somewhat gotten his life together (by 30) and was ready to settle down as well. He liked to be silly and playful but also had nice furniture and long range goals.
We seemed to be a really good fit.
The problem: Fast forward 12 years: I am now 34 and he is 45. I grew up. Guess what, he didn't. He still acted like he did at 31. Actually, in some ways less mature.
Basically that which made us a good fit when I was 19 is the same thing that doomed us. Because I was more mature for my age, I fit his 30 year old azz...but in reality he was very immature compared to peers his age. This was in his personality.
The second problem is that by marrying so youn g(remember he was ready for a wife), I missed out on a lot of fun dating years. WHich I am now makin gup for, I might add now that we are almost divorced (separated over a year, just trying to find the $ to file).
So it's not just about you OPie. It's about the type of man who would be attracted to you. Yes so you are mature for 19. Guess what, you still aren't as mature as a woman in her 30's. THere's no way. A man in his 30's that finds you attractive will do it becasue he likes your youth and youthful ways. And those youthful ways of yours (and looks) will disappear soon... Then what will happen to your relationship?
Another example, my guy Dk. He was 28 and grieving for a loss. She was a hot 18 year old. He went for her and she liked him...He was "cool" to her. Now he's 38 and balding. She is 28 and done with him. She, again, still has growing up to do. She wants to party and have fun and do all the stuff she *should* have been doing the last 10 years. See, at the beginning they partied together. But he outgrew it. She didn't. So they grew apart and relationship failed.
My advice: Date them if you want but don't marry them or go for ltr. Enjoy their maturity, but remember they do NOT think of you as their peer. They think you are a hot 19 year old and Whhhooooeeee aren't they lucky to score you? Don't kid yourself that they see you as mature as them (unless you find an immature one like I unfortunately did). When you aren't a hot 19 year old anymore, they'll either find a new one or else you will be the one to outgrow them (or you'll resent their outgrowing you).
Of course, you'll do what you want to do. I know I did at your age. I didn't listen to anyone. Wish I would have!
Kaylie | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:51:49 PM | DREAMS:
Thank you for making my point by saying the ridiculous and what you would probably consider, insulting, things you said to me. Sorry, my confidence is a wee too strong to be effected by such silly, little attempted jabs. And being the "mature" one, I'll pass on retaliation, though Lord knows I can think of quite a few. But, again, thanks. As I said in my first post on this thread...there is a difference between chronological age and emotional maturity. You're a classic example.
But just for shits and giggles...here's one for ya:
Men's testosterone levels go down in their 40s, while women's sexuality peaks in their 30s and stays there for quite awhile. According to anthropologists, by age 50 or so, men have far more sexual problems than women, which is reason enough for an older woman to consider a younger man...
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:08:12 PM |
while women's sexuality peaks in their 30s and stays there for quite awhile. So, by age 50 or so, men have far more sexual problems than women, which is reason enough for an older woman to consider a younger man, with whom the sex can be just spectacular for quite some time," says social anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, PhD, professor at Rutgers University.
but do you know WHYYYY that is....
it is your last ditch chance thus why it happens mens last ditch chance is usually in their 60's and 70's
Sorry, my confidence is a wee too strong to be effected by such silly, little attempted jabs. And being the "mature" one, I'll pass on retaliation, though Lord knows I can think of quite a few.
I have read everything you have ever writen in these forums.... pass all you want.. the whole sum of your statements added together grant a very good picture of who and what you are....
You may be able to think of quite a few but they are not rooted in wisdom cause your history shows a lack in that dept.... sorry... Advice given is only as good as the source it stems from and I am sorry... you are a newborn in the wisdom dept.
Some of us have been around a very long time even though our years do not quite do it justice. Read everything you have every writen on these forums...
No need to hide it... you don't have it and the OP does... sorry.
I will let you figure out on your own as to WHY that is since that way you can grow in wisdom. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 3:58:22 PM | I still appreciate everyone's advice and opinions. even if I consider them Negative or Positive or neither and they are just neutral.
I see all the negative to my post coming from older women.. is this a pattern or sign?
I just wonder if this has to do with jealousy or lack of younger men for yall's age group. HAHA. :) so kidding...of course 
Anyway, I was meaning guys in their early 30's even though I did put 40s. I would probably put my limit on like 32 or 33.
And I believe if you can vote and die for your country, you shouldn't be ridiculed for an age group someone may date. But the US is still an ongoing work of art.
I believe it will take time for the US to be able to view a bunch of issues equally.
And, even if I didn't live thru the Cold War or World War II etc, doesn't mean I don't have knowledge of it. I'm sure there's a ton of older women who never SERVED in any of those wars etc. But that doesn't mean I don't have knowledge of it and/or be able to discuss a political, economical, psychological topic with knowledge and intelligence.
Even though I am 19, I understand I have a lot of "growing up" to do but that doesn't mean I can't engage in events and deep conversations with older men because of my age.
Like people have previously stated I am less experienced but men can help me experience new things and learn new knowledge as well.
:) | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:50:02 PM | Awww.. I like guys with hair too!! lol.. I have no true physical preference other than he be attractive to me!
Not sure I like being viewed as "breeding stock" I'm so much more than that!
I also have a 10 year old and I'm not so keen to start over. Although..the right man comes along.. I might be convinced otherwise. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:04:54 PM | discuss a political, economical, psychological topic with knowledge and intelligence.
This is only important to people who find it important. There are many married couples out there who do not discuss any of those topics, and some out there that don't really talk to each other a whole lot. Yet they have excellent marriages and you see it in their actions. So having generational commonalities is important for some, but not all.
I'm in my early 30's and as luring as a 19 year old is I won't get into a relationship with one without a whole lot of "friends first", maybe even a couple of years worth. I believe this for the simple fact that was stated a few posts earlier, a 19 year old has a lot of growing up to do. The person I was at 19 is not the same person I am today. There are similarities but in many other ways I am a completely different person.
If I did manage to fall for a 19 year old the chances of her being a person that I would still be in love with 10 years later are not that good. People change too much in their 20's as they are growing up and learning about the world and learning about themselves; in fact they're still figuring out what "their self" is.
Now a guy my age getting into a relationship with a woman 15 years older than me is something more likely to work out in the long term. While I will still continue to change on some levels, most of my drastic changes have already been made and I am who I am; now and forever.
46&2 | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:18:40 PM |
Even though I am 19, I understand I have a lot of "growing up" to do but that doesn't mean I can't engage in events and deep conversations with older men because of my age.
Right. But engaging in deep conversations doesn't require the atmosphere of dating or a serious relationship. I think that's perhaps where the issue seems to be coming from is you focusing your dating sites on an age group.
What you're talking about is a fantasy. You've got ideas that older men are somehow better than guys your age. Well, the older men who are better were once guys your age. You have the opportunity to grow with them and share in the experiences that form them rather than just bypassing the journey and hoping you'll just get to the good stuff right away.
Speaking from personal experience, I just find the only time I can really re-experience the joy in anything is through my child. When I'm with people younger than me who are experiencing something new that I've already experienced, I just can't hype myself up enough to not bring them down, and that's really unfair. That's what I think you'll miss out on the most if you focus on dating older men. All the new things in life that should really mean something to you will be lessened because you're with someone to whom they are old-hat. Of course I'm quite certain that what I've stated is not applicable to all, but it's something to think about. It's great to learn from other people's experience, but it's also great to have your own. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:49:22 PM | OP - I say go for it if it makes you happy. But do try seriously to anticipate what the difficulties might be - and not just by polling the resident experts here. ;-)
To my mind, it's much the same as interracial dating, though thankfully this seems to have become less of a problem over time, in many places.
Suggestions that older men (or women) have 'no business' dating younger women (or men) are in the same judgemental vein - IMO - as suggestions yesteryear that white/black women have 'no business' dating black/white men. I believe that outsiders have 'no business' judging two people who love each other because they don't fit the preferred stereotype in someone else's brain. But you will run into it in RL just as you have here. My business is MY business, thank you very much.
And make no mistake, there *are* real interpersonal issues you will run into, many of which have been posted here, and these deserve to be taken seriously. No offense intended, but at your age, regardless of your level of maturity, you simply lack the life experience that someone older will probably have had. These aggregate life experiences *change* us in dramatic ways that simply cannot be *emotionally* understood by those who've not experienced them. I don't know your history, but if you haven't had similar internal experiences, then this can create a gulf between the ages which is difficult to bridge. For example, how can someone who has suffered a traumatic loss communicate the depth and magnitude of anguish of such a process to someone who has not? And yet, successfully navigated, this deepens and stretches a person in ways not possible to communicate at the necessary level. All sorts of experiences may separate the two partners in a May/December romance in ways that are unclear to each, and which neither really understands how to handle, or share. That's often why these romances come to resemble a parent/child relationship - the experience differential leads to it. That is one reason I don't seek to date women that vastly junior to me. IMO, it just adds more barriers to something that's already ultra tough to achieve - a genuinely intimate relationship.
Then again, all of this could equally apply to two partners of the same age who've lived vastly different lives.
I suggest you pick up a book called (seems I've been recommending this a LOT lately for some reason) 'Season's of a Man's Life', which is the culmination of years of research into adult male development.
It will be important for you to understand the stages a guy 10 or 15 or whatever years older than you is going to be going through, because these stages WILL affect your relationship with him. It's not widely known that adults go through developmental stages just like children, but it is proven fact. I think that book will give you insight you will need in order to *understand* the man or men you date and what's going on within them (even when they don't understand it themselves), AND to communicate effectively with them - in fact, I'd argue that this holds true regardless of the age of the men you are dating.
- Oz | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:13:52 PM | ^^^^^^^
The OP asked for opinions. She got them. I don't think many here have been judgmental toward her; a lot of the responses from both male and female, all older than her, were primarily ones which pointed out the several reasons why at her age such a gap might be too big. And again, a lot of that was based on her stating, which she later clarified, that she'd get into a relationship with men in their 40s.
Comparing it to interracial dating is, in my opinion, a completely different thing. That is based on prejudice. This is based on emotional maturity and life's stages, which you pointed out, as well.
And, it wasn't, as some other posters have expressed, including the OP, just the females who advised her to think twice; quite a few of the male posters explained why the age difference would be too great for them as well.
OP: print and save these responses and look at them twenty years from now. You'll be close to 40! Something to think about...
:) | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:36:00 PM | These posts seem to pop up every few dates, and I'll answer the same way I always do. Its not a matter of age difference necessarily, but life experience. I do speak from personal experience, having met a 19 y/o girl when I was 39, and getting married to her a year later. Fortunately, although we planned to have children, that never came to pass. The point is, she was still so inexperienced when it came to knowing what life and love were all about, that the relationship really had little or no chance of lasting, and I should have known better. That's what happens when you convince yourself you are the exception to the rule. I'm not saying that it can't work for some people, and it did work for her and I for a few years. But there is an absolute chasm of difference between a 5o & 30 y/o dating, as opposed to a 40 & 20 y/o doing the same.
So will such a relationship work for the OP? Its possible it just might work for her. But she shouldn't necessarily think that just because she knows what she wants at 19 that those will be the same things she wants at 23 or 24. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:51:27 PM | | Wisdom comes with age. "We older guys" have already experienced and learned lessons from many of life's hurdles that a 25 yr old guy old has NOT. Am I saying "go with the older guy -- you'll be safer"? lol There may be some truth in there. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:05:55 PM |
You might get a guy who is balding
Whats wrong with a bald head man? Look at BaldyisBeautiful...he looks yummy LOL | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:10:22 PM |
Whats wrong with a bald head man? Look at BaldyisBeautiful...he looks yummy LOL
*blushing*
Just my luck. A girl finally thinks I'm "yummy" and she lives half way across the world! | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:27:40 PM | OP,
I can't help but talk as I would to my daughter who is very wise and mature at 25. When she was your age I told her to realize that her views would change drastically from 18 to 25.... you have plenty of time for those kids and life that you want... have fun being the new fresh adult that you've become before settling down...
As far as the age group that you want to date? Well I would suggest mid to late 20's to early 30's if you feel you have more in common with them. I do believe it takes young men on the average 2 or three years to catch up with their young counterparts thus your dilemma.... and as you've stated not all are mature no matter how old they become... but you'll find you won't be interested anyway.
I guess I believe young women should spend some time with being single and making their own way before getting into a serious relationship. You are only young once. Go after the goals that make you happy and have a boyfriend... I dunno, I just hate seeing young people in general looking for the perfect match without enjoying adulthood before responsibility... Live your dreams first.... | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:27:57 PM | People don't get to pick their ages. So judge them on things in life they chose. If they made noble choices then go ahead and date them.
I had a whole crew in Hollywood that was so dedicated to their careers that they didn't have time for relationships in their twenties. So now they are ready to settle down and be good husbands.
Most important things is to marry a great man...everything else doesn't matter. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:53:52 PM | Just some interesting points:
3 trends:
a) When I was younger, "interracial relationships" were extremely rare. If you were in one, you were literally the talk of town--or most of it anyway. Now, we all know how common they are.
b) When I was younger, "gays and lesbians" were also extremely rare. Marriage between them?....not even discussed. Now, we're actually seeing states being forced to legalize it.
c) "Age gap relationships" have never really caught on. Obviously, since I've never married or had my own children, I'd wish that trend would catch on! lol
NOW.......of the three relationship types listed above, which one is NOT biblically controversial? Interesting huh? (somebody's gonna stump me on that, I just know it)
2 true stories:
1. Tom Cruse was 42 and his wife, Katey, was 21 (I think). Strangely, it seems that we hear more crap about so many other celebs breaking up, but nothing about them. And they've been married how long? The tabloids can't even break 'em up!!lol
2. My dad's third marriage was to a lady 19 yrs younger. She was 30, he was 50. They were 'very close' til her death, following a 20 year marriage.
A couple of true stories certainly doesn't mean that its definitely the best decision. But your "taste" for an older guy definitely doesn't mean you're wrong. If you like him, check 'yes'. If he likes you, he'll check 'yes' also. The rest is imminent. What I've learned in my life --- the hard way -- is that person #1 and person#2 are all that matters. Persons 3,4,5, and so on, should be keep their opinions to themselves if they can't be supportive. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:48:57 AM | First of all, I would just like to say that most of the posts I've read on this Forum have a varying degree of relevance and validity. Also, everyone should remember that there are exceptions to EVERY rule. I am 52, and I personally think that for long term relationships, an age difference of more than 10 years is "probably" not a good idea. This would be especially true with the female being the younger. I have a very good friend who is married to a younger woman. They are very much in love, but despite his efforts to remain healthy, his health is failing rapidly. She has basically become his nurse and tragically; and tragically she will be his widow very soon. He allows her freedom to seek her pleasures elsewhere since he cannot fulfil her needs. He is 61 and she is 47. She is in awesome shape and refuses to "cheat" on him. She is very unhappy physically. She has confided to my wife that she is getting really weary of pleasing herself; yet she refuses to "play". He tries with "other" ways of satisfying her, but again, because of his health and medications, he fails miserably most of the time.
As to just having a short term, FWB style relationship? I think for the most part each partner gets what they need. She benefits from his experience in pleasing a woman physically (Most older men are far more patient and put the woman's needs first knowing it will enhance his own experience than younger pups) and he the thrill of intimacy with the young, smoother and softer woman.
To Ohsoscandalous, I would just say that you are young enough you can experiment and see what floats your own boat. Women have much more freedom today than they did when I was your age. I am married to a woman a little older than me.
That brings up one last point. Today it is acceptable for older women to date much younger men (they call the Cougars), yet society still thinks of an older man looking for a younger woman to date as a "dirty old man". Quite a double standard if you ask me.
Peace Everyone!!  | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:00:34 AM | | I actually prefer younger woman for my own reasons. the biggest reason being, most of the woman my age come with baggage, ex's, children, ect. I have learned from experience not to date women with children, and the older I get, the more difficult that task becomes. I think the negative feedback you are getting from some of the older women is due to thier viewing you as competition. don't sweat it. you're a cute girl, so you won't have a hard time finding a good guy in that age range. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:15:58 PM | It's about the connection. Do you have passion and chemistry with this person? Do you respect each other? Listen with your ears and your heart? Do they?
When I was 19, I dated a guy 44: best thing I ever did. I ended it (foolishly, but I was very young) because HE had reservations. I was married more than 20 years to a man 10 years older than me. I dated a guy 13 years younger for a few years, and the age difference was one o the things we occasionally teased each other about, but it was never a PROBLEM.
Two people who take their time and get to know each other before they get into a relationship and go into it believing that it can and will work -- heck, a couple like that can take on the world together and win.
Age is no more a determining factor for happiness than having the same favorite color is. But having the same favorite color could save you from fighting/disagreeing about the car to buy or the couch to put in the living room, and those are the kinds of fights that nobody wants to lose. And big age diferences can bring their own challenges to the relationship. But they can also bring a great deal of richness. | |
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| Dating different age groups
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:53:10 PM | | Age is just a number that is the way I see it. The father to my oldest two kids was a year older than me, but ever since the experience that I had with him I haven't dated someone my age. It has never been that I was looking for an older man I was just looking for happiness. The father to my two youngest is 18 years older than me he was 40 when we had our first child together he never had any kids before then and he couldn't have been happier. The whole point of this is that you have to look for the values and things that make you happy with someone not at the age. If you are embarrassed about your partners age then you shouldn't be he is one that makes you happy and that is what counts. It really wasn't that long ago that guys were marrying girls that were a lot younger than them and that was the way that it was. You are dating someone to make other people happy you are doing it for you. | |
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