| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:47:12 AM | | I think that its important to meet somewhere that you feel comfortable with. As for ladies expecting the man to pay for the date- well each to their own but I would be uncomfortable with that. No problem with paying my way. Would have to keep it cheap and cheerful tho ! :) | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/18/2009 4:40:28 PM |
Dinner being too long a time together is not the problem. By the time you want to meet someone you should already know them well enough to be certain of enjoying their company at dinner. It takes about two well written emails and a phone call. I think that if your social skills are so poor that arranging for an enjoyable dinner date is beyond your ability, nothing about meeting for a shorter and more tentative first glance is going to help you. It would be better to just excuse yourself from dating until you learned how to share a table without creating a disaster.
I totally agree.  You said it!!!!
There is a man on here who goes on A LOT OF DATES, admitting to seeing 2 to 3 females a week for coffee! Speed dating??? No that does not impress me. I can't see females being impressed with that if they found out. Maybe the intention is to line up some booty?
I know the best dates for me are the ones where we take the time to exchange a few emails, chat, and talk on the phone. No this does not take over weeks or months – just a few exchanges. If you're too busy to do that...where are you going to find time to date and talk to this person? You shouldn't be dating in that case.
In my dating experiences, I find that the men who request coffee dates...want to be your FRIEND FIRST...and hope that it turns into a romance later on without them treating you to anything but the initial coffee or nothing at all (dutch, yes even on coffee). I think these coffee people just date anyone who gives them the time of day. Maybe they're losers and know (from experience) that if you spend too much time getting to know them prior to meeting you will change your mind. So of course they can't be bothered with dinner dates...they'll feel more of a loser; rejected and in the poor house!
I had someone ask me out for a coffee date, but he tried first to get me over to his house...I said no to his place but accepted the coffee date at Starbucks. This was a spontaneous meet...we didn't do a whole lot of chatting and no phone conversations at all (he wasn't interested in that). We met, we didn't hit it off...he told me I could leave if i wanted to. Never had any guy tell me that! haha. I didn't bolt. I figured he's human, not a psycho...we could at least just make conversation with no pressure since we're here already. The next night he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place and have some beer...WTF??? (I was ready to head to bed). He just reeked of desperation. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:18:12 PM | Dinner on a first date is classy. It also shows a degree of seriousness about meeting someone to DATE and not about games.
Granted women can't weed out the players on a first dinner date alone. But most players aren't interested in entertaining you or spending money on you, their goal is to get sex while incurring the least expense or none at all.
That's not to say all coffee daters are out to get sex...but the truth is players aren't interested in wining and dining a woman or for that matter dating them at all, nor do they want to take the time to know you on a personal level.
But if I were to think like a man, maybe a coffee date is best – leave it open to decide later if the woman is worth dating or can make it into friends with benefits? A dinner date makes things a bit serious doesn't it ? | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:52:54 PM |
But if I were to think like a man, maybe a coffee date is best – leave it open to decide later if the woman is worth dating or can make it into friends with benefits? A dinner date makes things a bit serious doesn't it ?
While I think that I am understanding your thought process, I can assure you that a majority of the single men and woman that I know personally, are not interested in a FWB, and most of them mprefer a shorter 1 hour or so, meet initially. I can onlyy speak for myself on this; it is not that I need to see if the woman is worth dating, as I am sure that there are many men that would love to date her. My goal is simply to see if there is any in-person chemistry, which is impossible over the phone or by email/IM.
As I said previously, it really has nothing to do with the money. I also dont think that taking a woman to dinner, shows that I am somehow more serious. I have heard plenty of stories of men and woman wining and dining someone with sex as the ultimate goal. Those that attempt this same feat (quick sex) with coffee, are just not as diligent and commited in their pursuit to that end.
At the end of the day, if someone is only after a quick lay, the type of date that you go on does not change their goal
| |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/19/2009 7:56:48 PM | Nice of you to buy mom dinner lol
I had a dinner date once it was nice, the second date I bought , but I really dont think a dinner is too long for a first meet, like was said before most only take an hour or so , thats not alot of time. And gives you something else to do if theres a lull in the conversation, unlike a drink. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:55:14 PM |
farceur-Dinner being too long a time together is not the problem. By the time you want to meet someone you should already know them well enough to be certain of enjoying their company at dinner.
That's absurd. You can't know them well enough until you see them in person.
People lie. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:31:55 PM | | Well...she made a whole big story up about who you are. Perhaps when making the date it should be communicated that you just want to meet for drinks. Now in most of my experiences, we'll both say we want to meet for drinksbut than we both want dinner and than we both want to hang out and go for a walk or basically we don't want to end the date - which is always a great feeling. I also have been on dates where we agreed to meet for drinks , but also wanted to stay for dinner where those dates ended right after that - even though we were able to have great conversation - we both or one of us didn't feel the connection. Maybe meeting for coffee is for sure a real short date and no misinterpretations and if connection is there than do the dinner thing. Do you tell people after the first date, at the end of the date that you don't think there's a connection or is that something that is known and just unspoken? I usually make sure I let the person know if I am interested or not in seeing them again. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:30:18 PM | My best answer to a first date is a comedy show.
Reason:
-You are not obligated to talk to each other once the show starts.
-You can see what kind of personality/sense of humor your date has.
-YOU learn rather quickly what issues not to bring up to this person!
-You learn if this person can control their alcohol.
...and if you still want to hang out after the show for a game of pool you can or it's the perfect opportunity to dash. | |
|
| Yes.
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:59:54 PM | I have been on ONE coffee date in my life. And after that, I vowed never to go on a coffee date again. It was awkward, felt kind of like a job interview, and I don't drink coffee anyway.
Besides, if I'm going to get my hair done, get my nails done, possibly get a new outfit, and if it's at night after my kids go to sleep, get a babysitter, then I want to go out and have some fun. I am a great conversationalist and a great flirt, and I doubt anyone would ever feel like they wasted money by taking me out. I mean, all I'm going to order is a house salad and a domestic beer anyway. Most girls don't like to eat a ton on a first date. Or, at least I don't. And, so what, if we don't have chemistry? We can still enjoy one another's company. All the guys I go out with, I know well enough to have a decent conversation with because we've been talking on the phone, IM'ing, and emailing for 2 weeks or so ahead of time. The worst that happens is we end up buddies. Big deal.
Sheesh! Why do guys get all weirded out by this? (I mean, I live in the south, so "yes" I will expect the guy to pay on the first date. But, I guarantee my portion isn't going to be more than about $12 or so. And if we go on a second date, then I'll definitely pay.) I can't believe how many threads there are about this.
Coffee dates, lunches, and other 15 minute meet and greets are silly. It doesn't have to be a love connection every time, guys. Go on and spring for dinner. You might be glad you did. And if you don't like her enough to spend $12, then perhaps you should be more selective about whom you choose to date. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/21/2009 2:22:02 PM | Why should you have to buy her dinner on a first date? That can get expensive, since men are expected to pay. Not very fair to you, and downright selfish on her part.
I never suggest dinner for a first date. Mostly, because money is tight these days and I don't want a guy to have to pay for an expensive dinner, if he asks me out. (unless he can afford it and insists)
I usually have a first date at the mall. Its a good way of getting something cheap to eat at the food court, while being able to people watch while you chat with each other in a low pressure setting. Plus, if you're both restless, you can walk around the mall together and check out the different stores. I always offer to pay my half on a first date, out of politeness. Whether he turns me down or not, is up to him.
But women who expect a more expensive dinner on a first date? That's a bit much.
She was clearly, a waste of your time. She didn't care about getting to know you, she just wanted a free meal. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:09:09 AM | | ALWAYS make the first date a short one. Next time just ask if they'd like to meet up for a drink & don't mention food. The first meet is all about seeing if there's any chemistry between two people. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/22/2009 11:07:52 AM |
Sheesh! Why do guys get all weirded out by this? (I mean, I live in the south, so "yes" I will expect the guy to pay on the first date. But, I guarantee my portion isn't going to be more than about $12 or so. And if we go on a second date, then I'll definitely pay.) I can't believe how many threads there are about this.
The problem with this viewpoint is many first dates ( especially on dating sites ) don't lead to a second date. Unless 1 person insists on paying, I think the first few dates should be Dutch. Regardless of cost, how well the date went, gender, who asked etc. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:44:05 AM | Ok...I'll dish. I don't think I've ever told my bf this, but when we first met and stuff...I kinda wondered why he was being so cheap. Our first date was a lunch date at the mall. We each paid for our own meal and then walked around for a while. For the next date, we went to a bar and each paid for our own drinks. He was very nice and we got along great, so I kept seeing him. We even joked around a lot about how many dates we had been on since I kept insisting that the first ones weren't really dates. Anyway...I eventually noticed that the longer we were together, the more he would spend on me. I realized somewhere along the way, that maybe he just didn't want to spend a whole lot of money on me until he knew things were going somewhere. Cheap? Maybe. It really could have turned me off and it almost did. Fortunately, I listened to the little voice in my head that said "it's different, but just go with it."
So...the point is that the first date can be anything you want it to be. Just make sure it's something or someplace that makes you comfortable. First meetings are always stressful enough.
(...and if my bf reads this...we'll talk later  ) | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/24/2009 11:48:21 PM | | When arranging to meet for the first time, it should be something that should not take more than an hour. Meeting for coffee somewhere is better than having to sweat through three courses when you've already decided in the first 10 minutes that this is not the person for you. Then if there is a connection you can decide if you want to linger longer or meet again. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:28:33 AM | OP for a first meeting I would not object to just drinks or coffee or ice cream or whatever. In fact it would be my preference, in case I'm not into him or vice versa.
I think you need to figure out what the difference is though between a first meeting and a first date.
First meeting. Well, obviously, you've never met. I think you could just meet at an agreed upon place. Orange Julius, doughnut shop, Starbucks, whatever. The purchasing of and handling of the treat just give you something to do while you're meeting this stranger. It's not about a dollar amount. Just make it quick. If you like eachother, THEN you plan a first date. If you like her tell her you'll call her and then follow through...soon, but not two minutes later!
You should pay for the first meeting unless she insists on paying her share, and if she does, it could very well mean she doesn't like you 'that way', or not. But you're not out much, and you were going to buy yourself a coffee & doughnut anyway. Meeting for drinks, yeah if that's what you both want. But Most places I wouldn't be too scared to go in. The drinks are seriously expensive. Several bucks each one minimum. So if you're buying her a few, and yourself a few. You're ponying up a lot of money. Also some women, might not want to go to an alcohol establishment on the first date for fear that it sets a certain precedent, or that you might just want to get her drunk and get laid or something. Some women might be lactose intolerant and not want ice cream. So suggest a few different types of inexpensive scenarios that you like and let her pick. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:23:14 AM | As a waiter/bartender I can tell you who reaches for the tab over 90% of the time, and it ain't the female of the species. Tell her you'd be happy to buy her dinner if she'll guarentee a hummer out od the deal at a minimum, otherwise ****off and go leech off someone else.
Any chick who doesn't make the effort, or insist on going dutch for the first few dates is a leech. You'd do well to avoid them like the plague they are.
Also, if you ever meet a girl who tells you she really loves jewellery, stay far away. | |
|
| |
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:09:47 AM | | No, no...we need guys like him to act like he does in order to help us appreciate the real men that are out there :) | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:18:06 AM |
Dinner being too long a time together is not the problem. By the time you want to meet someone you should already know them well enough to be certain of enjoying their company at dinner. It takes about two well written emails and a phone call. I think that if your social skills are so poor that arranging for an enjoyable dinner date is beyond your ability, nothing about meeting for a shorter and more tentative first glance is going to help you. It would be better to just excuse yourself from dating until you learned how to share a table without creating a disaster.
This is way beyond naive. Two well-written emails? A phone call? You're joking. All the social skills & perception ability in the world won't come to the rescue if your date's keyboard personality (cultivated behind a safe screen) turns out to be just that - cultivated. Eye contact & body language will tell you far more about your chemistry in one another's company than an editable, considered email ever will. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/26/2009 8:19:26 AM | "As a waiter/bartender I can tell you who reaches for the tab over 90% of the time, and it ain't the female of the species"
So I would assume that because he is reaching that would be done of his own free will ...No?
Which is what I've also found to be true in RL, he always reaches...I in turn always offer to go dutch, which is ALWAYS turned down. But according to some here not even that is good enough, I recall a thread not too long ago where the woman offered to pay her half, she was turned down on the offer but the guy later complains that she "clearly" didn't really want to pay. I dunno what you have to do to be convincing enough.....wrestle over the bill, tackle the guy on the way up to the register? If I REALLY didn't want to pay for my half, I REALLY wouldn't offer.
Which makes me wonder..... So many guys on here complaining about how to approach a date financially, yet I've never experienced this in RL....are all of the men I've went on dates with really not happy about paying, they always turn down my offer of dutch, but do the secretly want to accept the offer? So here's the solution dudes who really don't want to pay but do & then get resentful, & this solution has been offered many times before....if you really don't want to pay, then be honest about it & don't! Just as I'm honest about sincerely not giving a hoot about paying for my half.
Further more, I'm really considering wasting 2 of the 8 spots that I have for pictures to post 1) a pic of my open refrigerator/freezer & 2) a pic of my open cupboards...both of which are stocked full of food, just to put to rest the idea that I may just be so desperate for food that I would accept a date to be fed. I hope the men who make accusations like that realize just how ridiculous it sounds. This in reference to the following statement....
"Tell her you'd be happy to buy her dinner if she'll guarentee a hummer out od the deal at a minimum, otherwise ****off and go leech off someone else."
| |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:23:06 AM | Dinner...a full drawn out meal is definitely not a good idea these days. It used to be that when a man finally took a woman out for dinner it was after some initial type of subtle courtship. He knew he liked her and she figured he was suitable....so it was the next logical step.
Nowadays some women want a meal to do the vetting process, and the problem is that for one...as I've mentioned....it goes against convention...and two...with us living in a two income economy...the fact that the bill is still the mans doesn't seem to ring true with some of us post feminism men.
So no...no dinner...in fact I don't talk any finances at all until much much later. I'd rather meet the girl who likes me for who I am and what I do...and not what I bring to the long term table...because today...that's both our job....to set that table equally. | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:01:01 AM |
Further more, I'm really considering wasting 2 of the 8 spots that I have for pictures to post 1) a pic of my open refrigerator/freezer & 2) a pic of my open cupboards...both of which are stocked full of food, just to put to rest the idea that I may just be so desperate for food that I would accept a date to be fed. I hope the men who make accusations like that realize just how ridiculous it sounds.
CanDache, I think I love you.
Every time I hear the words "gold digger" or "leech" with respect to a dinner out, I crack up. While I'm sure there are women who DO make a career out of going out every night just to get a free meal, much like you, I can't imagine sitting for 2 or 3 hours and making painful, polite conversation with a stranger JUST so I can "fleece" him for the roast pork chop special.  | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2009 12:25:00 PM | | See to me that would have been perfect ... a couple drinks, wings, and few games of pool kicking your butt ... I am sorry she did not see the perfection in the date and take it for what is was worth and get to know you ... her loss Sweetheart | |
|
| Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:45:49 PM | It pays to make sure the person you are meeting for the first time knows that its only a drinks/coffee meet up and make sure its not set around lunch or dinner time so as there is no confusion at all.
Exactly. I might add make sure you set it up before you have to be somewhere else, and let them know that. You can always rearrange your schedule or meet again another time if you both like each other.
No one wants to sit thru a meal for an hour or more with someone they don't enjoy spending time with, and I don't agree trial by fire is necessary.
I agree that dinner on a first official DATE is good tho, after you've already met and want to get to know more... | |
|
| |
Home
login 
