| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:44:06 PM | Suggest she look at the big picture. There is something missing from her life.
When I was married I didn't start hitting the clubs or going to places to see and be seen until the very end when all hope of saving the marriage was over.
I did this with friends but still, lonliness & need for attention were the main motive. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:48:07 PM | | She's probably out looking for a replacement, meaning if her hubby is a wimp, then she wants to be around men who are not. The club is filling the relationship void. Guaranteed their sex life is awful! | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:57:09 PM | "pretending to live out her glory days while she can still get away with it..."...got to agree with that statement form another poster.
Instead of taking her "adult" responsibilities seriously, she wants to retain her old lifestyle of carefree evenings and enjoy attention from males.
If her husband even brings this up it will dissolve their marriage...and we ALL know who the courts will side with...her, rather than him.
Should he "grow a spine"? No. If she wants that kind of lifestyle, perhaps he should be looking for someone a bit more ":adult" who takes their responsibilities seriously. Doesn't mean THEY can't go out once in awhile. It DOES mean not every frikkin' night!
They have kids to raise, jobs to go to, etc, etc. But...perhaps he's willing to wait until she DOES mature a bit and actually "grows up". She seems to have a "Peter Pan" complex. She needs help. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:25:37 AM | | No he needs to put his foot down. And grow a sack. She is the type of person who only pursues what she hasn't attained. If he acted as if he didn't care, her whole attitude would change. Weak men create egomaniacal women. Actually, weak people created egomaniacal people. For with out the weak to dote after them, their egos wither and die. All that is left is their true insecure selves. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:34:55 AM | | It's between her and her husband and you need to stay out of it. You can certainly tell her you disapprove of her behavior but that is where your job ends. You cannot fix someone else' marriage. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:38:25 AM | | I don't recall ever saying I was interfering. But thanks for your assumption! It always speaks leagues about ones persona. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:41:21 AM | | While I don't think there is an age limit on who can go clubbing, I'm definitely not looking for someone who is out doing that every weekend. Been there, done that. Not interested in it anymore. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:01:28 AM | I don't think there's an age limit on clubbing. That said, I think when you're in a commited relationship you should do things as a couple. Can your brother-in-law ask someone to watch the kids and arrange a couples outing where everyone goes out? Is your sister going out with other single women or other married women? How do the other married men handle the situation and do they have children within their marriage too? Do the other married men go out while the other women are out or are all of the men staying home with the kids?
I think if the women are all out however many times a week the men should all get together and go out too. That said, that causes some dysfunction within the family if the kids don't see their parents very often and even so I think the kids are lacking if the women are always out on the town and not at home.
Your brother-in-law , I believe should either try to plan things WITH your sister if she feels she nees to kick up her heels or maybe he needs to find a hobby where he's not home 100% of the time and maybe your sister won't go out as much. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:07:42 AM | | Sometimes its nice to get out of the house and away from the kids and spouse for a ladies night out but if this is a recurring thing for her it's possible she enjoys the attention from other men and it's a booster for her self esteem. She may find her marriage dull and boring but going to bars in not the answer. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:42:33 AM | | I go dancing with my girlfriends because I love to dance and I love spending time with my friends. I'm over 30...not dead. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 11:14:57 AM |
I go dancing with my girlfriends because I love to dance and I love spending time with my friends. I'm over 30...not dead.
Yes, and you see no correlation that you have your boobies all out and are half naked in your profile pic, have no kids, are 30, are single, yet defending the stance on a scenario that doesnt apply to you. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 11:18:54 AM | There is no age limit to quit going to bars or clubs, it's your attitude and how you conduct yourself while there that counts.....
And everyone needs time away from thier spouce now and then. But if they are frequently doing it and neglecting thier home duties, or messing around, then it's time to put a stop to it and find out why.  | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 12:37:25 PM | | Maybe her husband should go with her and make it a date night. I know lots of married couples who go out dancing and enjoying the music and socializing. If he doesnt want to go and she enjoys it, whats the harm? not everyone is out trolling to meet someone. But if she is unhappy in her marriage, then perhaps you should suggest counseling. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:27:30 PM | I don't think there's anything wrong with someone over 30 hitting the club, but someone over 30, who's married with kids hitting the clubs several night a week without their spouses? Then I'd be wondering what she was doing. There's nothing wrong with a "girls night out", but if its excessive, or if she's going alone...methinks she's looking for attention from other men. It doesn't mean she's cheating, but maybe she's feeling bored with her marriage right now and she's looking for more attention. Who knows.
But it's her marriage, not yours. So technically, its really none of your business. Unless she comes to you about it first, you need to detach a little bit and back off. She is an adult, and she's going to do what she wants, no matter how you feel about it. This is between her and her husband. If this marriage is meant for divorce eventually, there's really nothing you can do about it. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:39:14 PM |
I go dancing with my girlfriends because I love to dance and I love spending time with my friends. I'm over 30...not dead.
Me too. I like music, dance floors, beer, friends, laughs....what's wrong with that?
Yes, and you see no correlation that you have your boobies all out and are half naked in your profile pic, have no kids, are 30, are single, yet defending the stance on a scenario that doesnt apply to you.
Wow. I think she looks good...your comments about her sound kind of angry, in a misplaced, weird, inappropriate kind of way.
Also, the scenario doesn't apply to you , either , does it? I thought you were describing someone else's SO?
Newflash: anyone is free to chip in his/her two cents in this forum..... | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 6:06:57 PM | Hi,
I don't think there is anything wrong with it. She is having a social life apart from her husband which is important in any relationship and rather healthy. People should be independent of each other at times. Even if she has kids that cannot be used to guilt her from having a good time. If she wants to go out and dance and have fun and isn't hurting anyone then what is the big deal? Maybe her husband should join her one night for fun. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 6:17:49 PM | I guess it's okay to go out every once in a while at that age if your single...but when i see someone well over 30 at a bar, dressed like a teenager and trying to get with people half their age..i think thats very immature.
now, if you are married with children and hitting up the bar, that is downright trashy and wrong in my book. those people belong at home with their kids. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:16:37 PM | Msg 2 just shouts partying club hopping type!
Sorry honey I'm sure you are but that photo doesn't do your Discomania justice.
I'm sorry I'm beginning to sound like a broken record in my posting I'm afraid but I think much of the OP's concerns and conclusions are based upon forming judgements and condemnations of someone else's choices. I'm going to go through this by dissecting point by point. Sorry y'all! Seems tedious and monotonous I know...
And yet? I've been missing the forum play.
But being in our 30's it doesn't seem sensible to go club hopping,
This is in your opinion.
when you can invite all of your friends to your home bar, and spend time getting trashed with each other.
As an attorney would tell you this is: Speculation, jumping to conclusions not in evidence, and a number of other things which one shouldn't do, and yet being human most people try to do often in order to make the world around them more acceptable to them, and more like the way they choose to live. Perhaps you would choose to invite your friends into your home, and feel comfortable and enjoy the experience. That's YOUR choice and your use of free-will. Clearly your sister has a different opinion.
Some say its the "ambiance" of the bar, yet, the only other relative ambiance is 'other men' offering to buy you drinks in the hopes they can either slip something in you, or your drink.
Do you have some evidence that says this is the objective of "clubbing" and "bar hopping" when done by your sister? Or is this an assumption on your part?
Somehow you've been able to determine not only what your sister thinks, feels and experiences. But you've also precluded what the men in that bar are thinking and expecting and doing.
Again what are you basing your conclusions upon? You own experience? Or some real evidence? Or is this all supposition?
I don't even like my brother in law, but I think she is doing wrong by him, and he is a sniveling spineless, wimp.
Dear OP, this says quite a bit more about you, than it does your brother by marriage or your sister. You've judged both of them to somehow be "less" than you feel you are, and "beneath" you.
I told her she needed to better respect him, to which she replies "I am an adult."
Placing yourself in the position of telling your sister how she should treat her husband based upon what? Your experience as a 30-something wife? Your superior intellect and knowledge?
Am I being hypercritical here?
Not necessarily the words I would have for it, but if that works for you...
I think ever couple should get out of the house, but speaking in terms of psychology,
Ahhhhh, now you're thinking studiously about your sister's marriage? Your judgements and concerns are about her psyche? Of which you have more knowledge and more insight?
It seems as if she is attempting to feel her independence within the relationship; and everyone deserves this, but several nights a weeks? I wonder if I am being hypercritical.
I wonder if you're not judging something that really isn't any of your business and you should perhaps give more attention to self?
Judge not lest ye be judged | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:55:20 PM |
... I don't see anything wrong with it at all...
And by the way, I don't think it's very responsible to have some drunken bash at home when you have young children.
Of course you don't think anything is wrong with it! You did it! And a drunk party at home is no more irresponsible that a mommy going out to the meat market while here babies are at home. I don't buy that "laugh, dance, listen to music" crap for one second. You can do every bit of that in your own home. Once you put a ring on your finger and squirt some kids out of your crotch, it's time to start acting like a real woman, not some sex-drunk youngster. If you're not there with your spouse, you're wrong!
To the OP, your sister is out whoring. Point blank. She wasn't ready for the commitment of marriage and motherhood and is now trying to recapture the "good times" she thinks she gave up. She's an imbecile. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:46:09 PM | Once you put a ring on your finger and squirt some kids out of your crotch, it's time to start acting like a real woman, not some sex-drunk youngster. If you're not there with your spouse, you're wrong!
That was offensive. The man puts the ring on the woman's finger, she doesn't put it on herself. She doesnt squirt kids out of her crotch, she makes babies with a man. The only thing I agree with is if you're married and have children you should be 100% partners and if not then that's sad, most people don't deal with it the proper textbook way, unfortunately. | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:14:00 AM | OP Andrew-
Please pay no attention to the long list of useless women on this thread who name call you for worrying about your sister being out of control. Anyone over 30 is goes to clubs more than once a week (and frankly that's even too much) is a total loser.
Your sis says "I'm an adult". Your response should be "how so?" When is she going to grow up?
If the best use of your time is going out for drinks and convulsing like a retard on a "dance floor" at some useless flesh market, what is the purpose? To have fun? Sorry, that kind of fun is good if you're trying to get some instant gratification(sex), but its not the kind of fun that accomplishes anything, and it certainly isn't conducive to raising children. Maybe ask your sister what her purpose is on this world? To get drunk and go dancing, or to raise a family? | |
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| Over 30 and still hitting the clubs?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:16:32 AM | Like Alec Baldwin said in an episode of 30 Rock, "I'm 50, which to you women, is 30", 30 is by no means ancient, and, if she craves that kind of excitmenent, let her! If younger guys and gals don't like her there, and look upon her as some kind of freak, they'll let her know.
NO age is too old to have fun, as long as we're physically able! | |
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