| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:43:08 AM | Well, you shouldn't EXPECT someone to buy you a drink or anything else for that matter. However, since he was late he should have made it up to you and paid for it.
Did they meet half way between Liverpool and Manchester ? Prob not..... So he has a 1.5 hrs round trip......
She could have rung him to check if he was seriously late too.. .after all he was in the car screaming down the Motorway or hacking through traffic.
You have to wonder - well actually I can guess - what her conversation was like when he sat down.... 5-10 mins on sulking - 10-15 thinking hes a twat for not buying a drink 5-15 cussing and stropping.
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:14:42 AM | You know, I bought my house, I bought my car and I am happy to buy my own drink. And his.
That said, I have never paid on a date. Always offer, wallet out...ALWAYS. Nope...I have always been treated.
I have said this before and I will say it again, men can smell a sense of entitlement like sharks smell blood in the water, they just can.
I have said this before too, ad nauseam as a matter of fact, I know for a fact that men like to treat women and they like to treat them well. As long as the man's efforts are acknowledged and appreciated.
Golddigger? Probably not. Sense of entitlement? I'm thinking maybe... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:23:47 AM | You sound like a money grubbing gold digging shallow b1tch to me.
First off, as others have said, if you suggested getting together, it was you who initiated the date, and you that should have paid. This is the 'logic' other entitled women usually use to rationalize why men usually have to pay for dates, since men are usually the ones asking.
Secondly, you mention ' I was left waiting I bought us a round a drinks'. Now, does this mean you bought both of you drinks, before he even arrived, or is her highness using the royal 'us', and means you bought yourself a drink, as I suspect.
Thirdly, you say 'but hey a lady wants some sort of effort on behalf of the chap involved', and I don't suppose you think the hour and a half round trip to come visit your shallow self counts for anything?
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't condone the fact that they guy was 15 minutes late, but that is still marginally within the window of etiquette, and considering the distance he had to travel to meet you, some delay would not be unexpected. As long as he has apologized for keeping you waiting, he should have been in the clear on that one.
And to the other gold digger, Ruby Darling:
If a woman spends an X amount of money on her appearance to look good to come out and meet YOU while you guys know darn well women spentd hard-earned cash and HAVE TO spend it according to what your societies dictate today otherwise you yourself wouldn't look at the woman twice!!! [I am not even talking about high-maintenance by the way]- if she can take this bloody effort, if she does that is paying for a drink such a hard thing that will deduct from your manhood?
This is such a crock of sh1t I don't know where to begin. So, a guy is expected to monetarily compensate you for looking good now? And I suppose you date guys who put no effort or money into their appearances, huh? A guy not giving you a second look because of your appearance is balanced out by you not having any interest in him unless he is tall, rich, and handsome.
On behalf of the brotherhood of man, I applaud the notion that the both of are considering removing yourselves from the dating pool. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:16:17 PM | brown eyed woman,
OP, did you do the inviting? If so...all bets are off. Why should anyone be expected to buy you a drink, if you invite them out?
First meets should be dutch anyways...why should a man be expected to pay to meet you, when odds are, that will be the last time you see one another? Most first meets do not end up dating.
To me, you both behaved rudely...him being late and you expecting free drinks.
/nod
If I drove 45 minutes, one way, to meet a girl who offered to take me out and the minute I got there she was heading out the door because I didn't offer to buy her a drink I'd be upset to; not excusing his outburst.
I'm also curious if the OP bought the drinks before or after he showed up. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:35:19 PM | | I never "expext" anything. Ever. And this whole dating thing I imagine for men especially can get costly and out of control. (It did for me once too, believe me. But I will not go there). I feel bad because I am sure a lot of women expect things period. Buy me this, offer me that. Until you are exclusive or "dating", I see things as 50/50. So what if you had to get up and get your own drink. Next time order a bottle then you won't have to get up. Why is a man paying an attractive "quality"? To me that seems a bit superficial and lame. Especially when the man doesn't know you. Too high maintanace I think. Drama Queen. Blah blah blah. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:54:11 PM | So many people call the first meeting a non-date that I usually have no expectations. The first meeting is just that.
Now if you already met once, decided to have a DATE and then he didn't offer to buy youa drink he would definitely be cheap. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:31:17 PM | | OP, let me tell you this; Do you know how many times I was kind enough to buy drinks, meals and everything to women who were dating multiple people at the same time? That’s ok, we live in a free world. However, I got tired of paying all the time knowing that I would likely never see them after. Don’t you think he might have been burnt too? You may be different but you’re the exception to the rule and pay for the bad ones. Also, I always though that women wished to be treated equally to men? | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:32:22 PM | .....talldarkpassionate ...... they do say opposites attract I hope you find someone good looking smart intelligent and generous ...
and for your information I bought 'us' i.e. both of us a drink first .... I don't care how long he took to drive to meet me, it's how a bloke makes one feel when they do actually meet you that matters ... not only was he rude, he was pretty ignorant too very much like yourself .... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:40:45 PM | | As a rule of thumb, I always offer to pay for my drinks/dinner on a dates. I don't want to feel like I am indebted to this man because he picked up the tab and it usually gives me an idea of where a man stands in the whole "gender role" issue. Even in this day and age of equality, a woman still likes to be pampered and buying her drinks/dinner makes her feel good but I don't think it should be a given. If a man really wants to pay for it, he will. If I really want to pay for it, I will. We are all adults with incomes (well lets hope so if we are dating). | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:17:47 PM | | OP, I agree with your date.. well, with the last part of his statement anyway. Next time get up and get your own drink. Hell, by the time my son was 2 years old he knew how to open the fridge and grab a juice box if he wanted one. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:23:55 PM | I think I've realized something... The word "gentleman" is defined by a lot of women as "a guy who behaves the way I want him to."
Seriously, failure to buy a woman a drink does not make the guy ungentlemanly. These days, the rules are so darned muddled that guys can be called "ungentlemanly" for some pretty trivial things. I recall a thread on here where a woman questioned the morals of a man who didn't offer to walk her to her car after a first date. It didn't occur to her that he may have been thinking that offering to walk her to her car might freak her out just a lil.
There are far too many people fixated on the negatives when dating. It's like they're going out with somene just to see all the things they can find wrong with them so they have a reason not to see them again. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:46:38 PM | I'm confused... You ordered the first round because you were tired of waiting for him... What did you order for him? How did you know what he would like? I'm not sure I'd want a drink sitting around for 1/2 hr before I got there getting "watery" or something... Was he so late that you drank his half of the first round too or by first round do you mean that you bought yourself a drink while you were waiting?
Sounds to me like a little open communication would have worked better than getting all upset over his actions not meeting your expectations... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:05:26 PM | | being called a "golddigger" seems a bit extreme in this situation. A few thoughts, hopefully he apologized for being late, second, why did you buy the first round of drinks before he even arrived, you should have just bought for yourself - i mean, I think that's thoughtful, but now your angry at him - he didn't ask you to buy him that drink cause he hadn't even arrived at that point (hope I'm getting the story right?) Regardless, you paid the first round...than you get even more mad at him because he doesn't offer to buy you another drink....have to say, what stopped you from taking care of yourself? You should have bought yourself a drink - because of your anger with it all, of course you didn't enjoy the date because you put an expectation on him and because he wasn't fulfilling it, you get angry with him??? He's not a mind reader, plus I just don't feel that it's the guys responsibility to pay- you both agreed to go out on the date. In all fairness...because you paid for the first round, he should have picked up the second - but just because he didn't offer to buy you a drink and sounds like you really needed another one, you should have just taken care of yourself and that would have saved you from "stewing" about it all night and maybe you could have been more "present" to the date and not hung up with being angry at him. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:15:32 AM | thanks everyone for responding the rules of dating are so blurred nowadays however common decency and manners, I was annoyed yes because he was late, I felt uncomfortable waiting on my own in a busy bar I felt everyone was looking at me thinking look at that poor gal overthere she's been stood up LOL and when he arrived I just thought him a bit off, yes he said sorry but first impressions count, anyhow he'd told me he drank vodka and coke so yes I had one waiting for him on the bar as a) I'm that type of person generous b) I didn't want him thinking I was tight c) i thought he'd be on time d) plus it was busy and I didn't want him/us queuing up at the bar for hours when he arrived. Anyhow we found a seat but I'd finished my drink by then and he never offered to get me another ----- hence I wasn't impressed so thought I'm off, I didn;t really like him that much anyhow ..... but then he starts being abusive ....
Oh well LOL don;t think I'll be seeing him again ...
Hugs everyone and thanks again x | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:51:53 PM | This just sounds like a serious deficit of tact all around.
1. A man should not show up late for a date. It's just not done. He knows how long it takes to drive from X to Y, there is no excuse, and he should at least have made his (excuses, I mean).
2. Pounding back wine before your date gets there is no way to start off a date, whether you are a man or a woman.
3. He should have sensed you wanted a drink, or at the very least offered you one. If he did not, you should have simply ordered one for yourself. If you had done that, he should have offered to pay for it. If you wanted to make a point about how you were not after him for money, you could have insisted on paying for it.
It's not feminist or anti-feminist it's just ordinary civilized behaviour. I'd act like that if I was just having drinks with a friend, let alone a date.
4. The fact that you went so far as to verbally insult him suggests that you should not be drinking on your dates.
The fact that he responded in kind, let alone by shouting, suggests that he might as well have been raised by wolves. And he should not be drinking on a date either, if he has that little self-control.
The moment when someone else behaves badly is the moment at which anyone with tact makes a point of behaving well. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:29:06 PM | The only problem I had with the OP remarks, was that this was obviously not a date. It was a first meet. Therefore, the expectations on anyone's part should have not been there in the first place.
In addition, it was the OP that suggested to meet. Hmmm.. So.. an invitation to a first meet. And I'm supposing that she suggested a restaurant/bar? Does she know whether he drinks or not? Let's just say for the record, that I personally do not drink. Therefore, i would have just had water, soda, whatever, and I know we all don't consider that "drinking". Because I do not drink, it wouldn't really automatically be instilled upon me to actually by someone else a "round".. when I may have not wanted a "round" in the first place. Now, normally, I would pay for meets. I don't mind. Nor do I mind dutch. But that's not the point.
This whole thing reeks of miscommunication. Just chalk it up as a wrong person and go on with life. The only thing you did wrong, if anything, was having expectations established and be dissapointed that they weren't meant. That's more your fault than his. | |
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