|
|
|
|
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 1:40:45 PM | Well, just the simple fact that you EXPECTED it and got mad because he didn't makes you totally UNCOOL. I can't stand it when a woman EXPECTS me to buy them a drink. In today's society, women and men both work and make money. I have absolutely no problem buying my GIRLFRIEND or a woman that i am dating a drink but if she has to ask for, i get turned off. A really kick ass girl/woman is one who doesn't expect anything from a man. That's the kind of girl that i'll buy a drink all night long for. You're attitude sucks because you think it's his job to buy everything and if he doesn't, you get pissed.
Chad | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 2:58:15 PM | i think the guy was well out of order, firstly for being late, but also for watching you sit with an empty glass and then have the hide to have a go at you
please don;t think that all men are like him, and i see no problem with a guy paying on the first date either, first dates are awkward enough without adding to the tension | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 3:23:36 PM | OP let me try and get the details straight. You were empty early into the meet and wanted another drink and intead of ordering it you were waiting on him to take care of it who cares where the oney s coming from at this point. Had he finished his and was sitting there with an empty glass as well? Maybe he thought it better to order the two drinks together so that time was spent talking versus queing up to get a drink for you, finishing his and queing up to get another one for him?
Maybe you buying him a drink so that it was there when he showed up gave him the impression that you were paying for the date you had invited him on? Maybe he got the impression you were handlig drinks and he decided to get dinner? Who knows you threw a fit before the date got that far over an empty wine glass. He responded in kind to your attack and you want to crucify him on the message boards. Good luck with that.
Bill | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 4:34:31 PM | I know there are men who show up late DELIBERATELY to force women into buying their own drinks while waiting for them. Yes, men this happens to women on dates believe it or not...even when the man only lives 10 or 15 mins away he will show up late to get out of paying for the lady (if this has not been discussed).
Your chap was 15 minutes late; from your post I gather he is this type of man. Furthermore, he did not reciprocate with getting another round of drinks after you paid for the first round and if this was in a bar or lounge I'd say that's inconsiderate – so overall...yes I have to agree he came across rather rude and stingy. You showed a lot of class by paying for a round of drinks for yourself and HIM...kudos to you!
Your rant in this forum is just frustration about this incident like a lot of posts are on here, so I wouldn't judge you based on one post like some others on here.
When it comes to dating and reading the posts by women on POF and from my own dating experiences – I've come to conclude there is an utter lack of respect and chivalry from the opposite sex. I truly feel men these days are so tightfisted with their money that they become paranoid and believe every female they date must a be a gold-digger. With this attitude - romance is surely dead. Yes buying drinks is part of showing interest and romancing a woman. Men will be single for a long time...but when he reaches middle age and scared of being alone – with all the money he hoards I'm sure he'll end up buying a girl half his age (no brains, hot body and GOLD DIGGER) and be satisfied!
Women are quite independent and can pay our own way; we just want the men to be chivalrous and treat us "right". No this isn't about equal rights/money...THIS IS ABOUT treating "right" a potential partner for you and maybe the mother of your future children – men, THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY next time you date a woman. That's how a woman thinks...well that's at least how I look at things. All this dating, who buys for who or going dutch is a testament of someone's character and future behavior!!! | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 5:27:55 PM | middle age and scared of being alone – with all the money he hoards
Lol Ok... Then the divorce settlement, loosing their "home", child support, legal fees etc... ?
THIS IS ABOUT treating "right" a potential partner for you and maybe the mother of your future children – men, THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY next time you date a woman. That's how a woman thinks...well that's at least how I look at things. All this dating, who buys for who or going dutch is a testament of someone's character and future behavior!!!
Exactly....! lol Which is quite possibly why a lot of blokes have replied the way they have. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:24:45 PM |
Congratulations BaldyisBeautiful on being fortunate for your dates to offer to pick up the tab. I also think it's great that you have no problem buying drinks and dinner for a date.
BUT... HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT WOMEN JUST WANT THEIR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! Considering a lot of men are only looking for one thing , you think women are wrong to expect the respect of men buying us dinner or drinks at a minimum? Some of you pay hookers to give you what you want, so why shouldn't we expect a few dinners? We're worth it and chivalry isn't dead. Plus, if you're not willing to pay for a few dinners we just think you're one of those losers that just wants one thing and wouldn't be husband material anyway! Just because we want equality has nothing to do with the basic rules of men and women when it comes to dating. Not to mention... a few dinners makes a gold digger?
Suck it up guys and buy a few dinners... it's not gonna break ya!
I agree with Claste.
It ISN'T going to break you to buy the first, second, or even third dinner. You have a job right? You make a good living right? Is throwing down 60, 70 bucks really going to break you? If it is, then you shouldn't be dating in the first place.
I ALWAYS pay on the first date, the second and most of the time on the third date. It's fine, I don't mind. It's no big deal. However, there does come a point when I start to raise an eyebrow if I am always paying and she never offers. | |
|
| |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:15:09 AM | Congratulations BaldyisBeautiful on being fortunate for your dates to offer to pick up the tab. I also think it's great that you have no problem buying drinks and dinner for a date.
BUT... HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT WOMEN JUST WANT THEIR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! Considering a lot of men are only looking for one thing , you think women are wrong to expect the respect of men buying us dinner or drinks at a minimum? Some of you pay hookers to give you what you want, so why shouldn't we expect a few dinners? We're worth it and chivalry isn't dead. Plus, if you're not willing to pay for a few dinners we just think you're one of those losers that just wants one thing and wouldn't be husband material anyway! Just because we want equality has nothing to do with the basic rules of men and women when it comes to dating. Not to mention... a few dinners makes a gold digger?
Suck it up guys and buy a few dinners... it's not gonna break ya!
I agree with Claste.
It ISN'T going to break you to buy the first, second, or even third dinner. You have a job right? You make a good living right? Is throwing down 60, 70 bucks really going to break you? If it is, then you shouldn't be dating in the first place.
I ALWAYS pay on the first date, the second and most of the time on the third date. It's fine, I don't mind. It's no big deal. However, there does come a point when I start to raise an eyebrow if I am always paying and she never offers.
Nice theory that the two of you have, but I have to respectfully disagree on a few things:
1. Not ALL men are looking for one thing and generalizations like that are kinda like saying ALL women are gold diggers ... it just isn't true.
2. I personally have never gotten a hooker, but at least if I did I would KNOW that I am going to get some action, where as spending 50-60 dollars on a dinner does not guarantee that I will either get some action OR that the girl is even going to like me. So by equating dating with hookers are you trying to say that women should put out each and every time a guy buys them dinner? I'm guessing the answer is no, and rightly so. I never expect anyone I go out with to have sex with me.
3. I'd be a fool to throw down 60-70 bucks for a dinner every time I went out with a girl. Hell just this week alone that would have cost me well over $300. Yes, I go out on a lot of dates. No I do not sleep with these girls. We meet for coffee to see if there is mutual attraction, and if there isn't mutual attraction then we go our separate ways losing no more then 5-10 dollars each. Does that make me bad husband material? Too bad. Sucks to be you. Or more likely sucks to be the fool that is laying down all that money to date YOU! You can look at me as a loser all you want .. but in the end I will be the guy that ends up with the girl that he wants to be with ... AND I WILL STILL HAVE ALL MY MONEY!
4. You are wrong. Not ALL women are worth it.
5. You are right, a few dinners does not a gold digger make ... but it sure gives an indication that a woman EXPECTS a guy to buy all her stuff for her. Am I wrong in thinking that you and many other women on here have your own jobs? That you make a decent living for yourself? That you can afford to buy things for yourself? If not, then you shouldn't be on a dating site to begin with, unless you are looking for a man to "take care" or you ... in which case THAT WOULD MAKE A WOMAN A GOLD DIGGER!
So, in your own words "Suck it up" lady, some of us guys aren't going to break our bank finding out if there is chemistry between us and the ladies on this (or any other) dating site. | |
|
| |
| |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:51:46 AM |
I guess I kinda do want the best of both worlds but who doesn't damn it! *lol*
At least you are woman enough to admit it! And I respect that! And I think the whole key to your sentence was that you do not EXPECT a man to pay. And with a lady who doesn't expect it, I am more then happy to pay. It's the ladies that feel ENTITLED to it that I say they can go screw themselves or some other sucker. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:31:25 AM | Women are quite independent and can pay our own way; we just want the men to be chivalrous and treat us "right". No this isn't about equal rights/money...THIS IS ABOUT treating "right" a potential partner for you and maybe the mother of your future children – men, THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY next time you date a woman. That's how a woman thinks...well that's at least how I look at things. All this dating, who buys for who or going dutch is a testament of someone's character and future behavior!!!
This works both ways. A man and a woman should be treating each other right. That includes NOT expecting someone to pay for you. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:48:24 AM |
And I think the whole key to your sentence was that you do not EXPECT a man to pay. And with a lady who doesn't expect it, I am more then happy to pay.
Right & Right but in her defense, he should of offered, in his defense, she shouldn't of Expected & Sorry but in his defense again, this should not have been her reason for leaving abruptly or at all... But again in her defense, to each their own, don't settle for less than what you want *shrugs* I suppose even if it is wrong imho. *lol* | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:57:08 AM | This works both ways. A man and a woman should be treating each other right. That includes not expecting someone to pay for you.
I knew someone, a man, would come back with a rebuttal like that – I kid you not (I can think like a man, not gentleman, if have to be). Typical. Again that is thinking along equal rights...going back to MONEY again. Does the word "chivalry" not exist in some men's vocabulary or realm of human experience?
Women do not really "expect" anything... when we think or say that, we're HOPING chivalry/romance still exists! And yes, we do EXPECT to settle down with a man who will romance us and be chivalrous in spirit. The most sexiest thing in a man is – a gentleman within the man.
We're not looking for someone to take care of us, we're looking for someone to take care of our HEARTS.
Here's a quiz for the men:
Choose two of the following people you would likely spend more time and money on (all females):
1. stranger on the street 2. co-worker 3. hooker 4. a girlfriend/date 4. buddy
Now between the two answers, pick the person you would like to keep around.
Since chivalry is rare...women have a hard time figuring which of the 4 categories above she fits in when she is in the company of a man. A lot of women's threads/worries stem from that not knowing standpoint.
In my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill. They do not see it as a BURDEN...they see it as a manly thing to do; they appreciate and cherish the presence of their other gender. I am a modern day woman, I prefer to go dutch - safer to do so - but would be duly impressed if chivalry is demonstrated without my spelling it out. Women do not like to drop hints - like get me another drink - what is the point if we have to ask? (No honest lady likes to be labeled a gold-digger). | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:26:43 AM | I knew someone, a man, would come back with a rebuttal like that – I kid you not (I can think like a man, not gentleman, if have to be). Typical. Again that is thinking along equal rights...going back to MONEY again. Does the word "chivalry" not exist in some men's vocabulary or realm of human experience?
Until women leave the workplace and get back in the kitchen, take off the pants and go back to wearing dresses, attend finishing school instead of college, stop having sex, and especially children out of wedlock, then chivalry is on permanent hiatus.
Women seem to forget the expectation of chivalry from men was a package deal with certain expectations that men had regarding women. Since the vast majority of women do not want to abide by these traditional expectations in this day and age, then they have no right to expect that men abide by their traditional counterparts.
in my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill.
This is only half the story. The other equally important part is how traditional and reserved the Asian women usually are. This needs to go hand in hand, and you can't reasonably expect to be a modern, liberated, 'hear me roar!' type of woman and then wonder why men dare to treat you as, *gasp*, equals.
I know that women typically want to be treated with chivalry regardless of whether they consider themselves modern or traditional, I just don't care. If I ever come across a truly traditional woman then I'll probably treat her traditionally. Until then, if she is going spout off talking the talk of the 'modern day woman', she's going to have to get used to walking the walk. I don't buy drinks for hypocrites either. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:32:12 AM |
Choose two of the following people you would likely spend more time and money on (all females):
1. stranger on the street 2. co-worker 3. hooker 4. a girlfriend/date 4. buddy
Among these options, I would choose a friend. When I go on a first or second date with a woman, she is not my girlfriend yet. If / when she does become my girlfriend, most likely we would take turns paying for the bill.
In my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill. They do not see it as a BURDEN...they see it as a manly thing to do; they appreciate and cherish the presence of their other gender.
The problem with using words like "chivalry", "old fashioned", "tradition" is that some women will cherry pick and only want the things that benefitted them such as a man should pay. But they will discount the things that hurt them such as a woman should cook / clean for a man or a man should make all the decisions. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:35:11 AM |
in my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill.
You also forget that in "Old World - Traditional Values" it was alright to beat a woman for speaking out of turn. A woman did not have rights other then being property of her man. She was not allowed to own property or vote, and in a lot of cultures was not allowed to enter a bar unless she was a prostitute. Neither was a woman paid as much as a man for any job that was done, in fact there were many fields of work that were un-open to women at all.
So basically you are saying you want to get to choose which "Old World - Traditional Values" you want abide by, and which ones you can conveniently toss to the side when you feel they don't fit you.
... not that I have a problem with it. I am just trying to clarify the situation. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 11:35:29 AM | Just to share on other people perception of booze, you might be missing.
I drank from the time I was 17 to about 24, for the reason booze exist, to get you messed up.
Now I don't drink , I just got sick of it. Obviously everyone else in this thread does drink.
These days I never buy alcoholic beverages for anyone, same as I wouldn't buy heroin for anyone.
I go out almost every weekend to see bands in the local clubs, I see girls - working the bar - aka- flirting for drinks all night. It's like a lame reality show.
I get asked to buy drinks by women on occasion, and only think of them as addicts looking for free drugs, that think flirting will get them the goods. No, I would rather have a conversation than buy them a fix. If you can't carry a conversation without a buzz, I certainly have no interest, that and I won't be one of the leaches victims.
I also have known girls (from work) that bragged about how many guys they get to buy them drinks.
You may not like this, but it is what it is. | |
|
| |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:14:53 PM |
knew someone, a man, would come back with a rebuttal like that – I kid you not (I can think like a man, not gentleman, if have to be). Typical. Again that is thinking along equal rights...going back to MONEY again. Does the word "chivalry" not exist in some men's vocabulary or realm of human experience?
chiv⋅al⋅ry /ˈʃɪvəlri/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [shiv-uhl-ree] Show IPA
–noun, plural -ries for 6. 1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight
2. the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.
3. the medieval system or institution of knighthood.
4. a group of knights.
Yes, chivalry is dead. This is not the Middle Ages. This is not the 1950's, either, and I expect a woman to pay for her meals and drinks.
We're not looking for someone to take care of us, we're looking for someone to take care of our HEARTS.
But why does taking care of your heart have to involve money?
Here's a quiz for the men:
Choose two of the following people you would likely spend more time and money on (all females):
1. stranger on the street 2. co-worker 3. hooker 4. a girlfriend/date 4. buddy
The answer is none of the above. I'd rather spend the money on myself. Or I'd rather not spend it at all.
In my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill.
Infanticide of female babies is also common in some Asian countries. So what? Do you want to import that traditional practice? | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:03:40 PM | OP, did you do the inviting? If so...all bets are off. Why should anyone be expected to buy you a drink, if you invite them out?
that couldn't be more said...
it funny how woman ( god im going to get pounded for this comment) always expect tp pay if that the case im expecting to get laid also so if im paying im getting.. it a 2 way street....
and another thing .. for the woman that think like this that men should pay ... it called EQUALITY ... men and woman are treated equal regardless
   | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:59:47 PM | You also forget that in "Old World - Traditional Values" it was alright to beat a woman for speaking out of turn. A woman did not have rights other then being property of her man. She was not allowed to own property or vote, and in a lot of cultures was not allowed to enter a bar unless she was a prostitute. Neither was a woman paid as much as a man for any job that was done, in fact there were many fields of work that were un-open to women at all.
So basically you are saying you want to get to choose which "Old World - Traditional Values" you want abide by, and which ones you can conveniently toss to the side when you feel they don't fit you.
... not that I have a problem with it. I am just trying to clarify the situation.
No i am not picking and choosing which ones to keep. That's really not within my control...I can not control what a man wants , say or do – can I? What I am saying is that some people EVOLVE, they (the Asian men) pick and choose what they want to keep and toss out. There are westernized and modern Asian men among us, yet whom keep their chivalry/Asian values and cherish their women - THIS I ADMIRE. Is it a crime to admire how we want to be treated?
I know we can not change people...women just have to go out and find the right ones. So of course we can very well conveniently toss them to the side when they don't fit us, much like the poster of this thread did. 
When I wrote "Old World - Traditional Values" - I was thinking of chivalry (no not knights in shining armour but the underlying human values these men exhibited for their time), treating women with worth and value, family values...morals - along those lines. But I guess people interpret things the way they want to (choose the negative), please don't pull out the dictionary - most people get the gist. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:18:49 PM |
No i am not picking and choosing which ones to keep.
Yes you are. You are saying we should keep the old world traditional values ... except the ones you don't like! In other words: "Treat me like a princess, take care of me, spend all your money on me, but I want to be treated as an equal in the work place and paid the same salary as a man .. but then I want to keep that money I make from my equality-in-the-workplace and spend it on things that I want, while the man should still spend his money on me showering me with gifts and lavish dates at fancy restaurants."
So of course we can very well conveniently toss them to the side when they don't fit us, much like the poster of this thread did.
Explain to me in detail exactly where I picked and chose from traditional values and modern values please?
I was thinking of chivalry (no not knights in shining armour but the underlying human values these men exhibited for their time), treating women with worth and value, family values...morals - along those lines.
Where in your "chivalry" does it require a man to do all the spending? Cause that is what we are talking about here. A man can still be chivilrous ie: treating women with worth and value, family values...morals - along those lines -- and not spend all his own hard-earned money on her. Right?
please don't pull out the dictionary - most people get the gist
No, apparently they don't get the gist. As is readily apparent by your less then accurate arguments. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:20:50 PM | Isn't money the root of all evil?
Don't a lot of couples fight over finances? Take note ladies which lads on here have a problem with treating you to a drink or dinner on a date - they will be the same ones who will fight over finances in a relationship with you.
Before and after a date:
- women have roofs over their heads
- women have jobs to go to and from
- women have nice clothes to wear
- women go shopping, prepare dinners and can feed themselves
- women can clean and take care of the household and finances
- women have social lives with friends and families
- women have sex toys, we can hire escorts as well as men can
So why do we need men in our lives? Sometimes I wonder too. Can the ugly word "love" play an equation? Love is a taboo subject these days. Too strong of a word for the wusses out there to fathom or experience...they're too busy sussing out the "gold-diggers" and the ones who want a free meal on them rather than going to a soup kitchen. | |
|
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/17/2009 3:26:10 PM |
Before and after a date:
- women have roofs over their heads
- women have jobs to go to and from
- women have nice clothes to wear
- women go shopping, prepare dinners and can feed themselves
- women can clean and take care of the household and finances
- women have social lives with friends and families
- women have sex toys, we can hire escorts as well as men can
So why do we need men in our lives? Sometimes I wonder too. Can the ugly word "love" play an equation? Love is a taboo subject these days. Too strong of a word for the wusses out there to fathom or experience...they're too busy sussing out the "gold-diggers".
Before and after a date:
- men have roofs over their heads
- men have jobs to go to and from
- men have nice clothes to wear
- men go shopping, prepare dinners and can feed themselves
- men can clean and take care of the household and finances
- men have social lives with friends and families
- men have sex toys, we can hire escorts as well as women can
So why do we need women in our lives? Sometimes I wonder too. Does love have to be bought with fancy dinner and drinks, or is there a cheaper way to find that person you want to spend your life with ... they're too busy sussing out the "men who can't afford their expensive tastes in being treated like a princess".
... see what I did there | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
(well a female since everyone will have their own idea of what a "lady" is *lol*) & No I do not expect a man to pay, though it is still nice if he Offers... Though, I often/mostly refuse to Let a man pay, Especially if it is a first "meeting" & sure the heck not if I initiated it! Not accusing anyone of being a gold digger! Though I do think you should have been more open minded, as should more "Dorks". *lol* 
