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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:08:12 PM | | I have to say that I also agree that women want equal rights but then want men to treat them like women! Women should be and were meant to be the weaker sex and honestly, how can you want equal rights and then say I "need" a man to do such and such, afterall arent you "equal" to a man. However, I am more traditional and am not the one who was asking for "equal rights" so therefore, why should I be stereotyped with all of the women who did? Just WORDS for THOUGHT :-) | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 2:59:48 AM | I dont want to be rude towards you, but you must have very low standards, because in my world a man pays for dinner, thats what I was taught and that's how my brothers behave toward their wives (22 / 17 years of marriage) and my father with my mother, lol in 47 years my mother has never been the bar in her life! I certainly wouldnt say my mum is a gold digger.
35 miles is half an hour in a car, it takes me longer to get to work ever day! (one way)
As I've said your expectation of how a man should behave are quite low so I wouldn't expect you to understand Nats position.
If a man wants a lady, he should treat her as such! Then if a gentleman isn't a decent enough to even offer a lady a drink, then he is no gentleman! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 3:07:15 AM | yeah i find it funny when women say they want to be equal, but cant change the oil in the car much less a flat and wont even gas it up, they want to share the house work but wont do the mowing, fixing or anything that includes heavy lifting or the possibility of a broken nail..... they want to us to watch their shows with them but wont watch sports with us.... etc
wake up people... men and women are NOT equal and will never be !!!!
as for paying, yeah i pay... but only because i chose to... not because because im required to and if she choses to pay then i can live with it... at the same time if im "expected" to pay then i'll reply with a polite: "its been nice to know you" | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 7:29:08 PM | I prefer to pay on the first date - call me old fashioned. But if a woman offers to split the check, or pay, then I will defer to her need to do so.
I'm not a deferring kind a guy, but I understand the context for many women.
I don't think expecting a drink makes you a gold-digger. Expecting a new car makes you a gold-digger.
But, there were also some interesting responses I had not considered... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:31:55 PM | | Honestly, I think that is selfish. You can't expect this man to read your mind. If you wanted a drink I think you should have ordered one. This is the 21st century. Men shouldn't be expected to pay for everything unless you are one of those woman that likes to be bought. It should be mutual. If he wanted to buy you a drink he would have. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:42:42 PM | | Not to be rude but it's woman like yourself that make the rest of us look bad. However, I'm guessing you are a hypocrite...I bet you think that woman and men should be making the same wages and provided the same opportunities. I wouldn't call this golddigging, just pathetic. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:12:49 PM |
Honestly, I think that is selfish. You can't expect this man to read your mind. If you wanted a drink I think you should have ordered one. This is the 21st century. Men shouldn't be expected to pay for everything unless you are one of those woman that likes to be bought. It should be mutual. If he wanted to buy you a drink he would have.
I think I love you!
.... would you believe lust? | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:55:57 PM |
yeah i find it funny when women say they want to be equal, but cant change the oil in the car much less a flat and wont even gas it up, they want to share the house work but wont do the mowing, fixing or anything that includes heavy lifting or the possibility of a broken nail..... they want to us to watch their shows with them but wont watch sports with us.... etc
wake up people... men and women are NOT equal and will never be !!!!
I truly hope you don't mean ALL woman can't do those things because you have explained what I do and have done, everything...from changing oil, changing tires, home maintenance, mowing three acres every three days, to doing ALL of the housework and not just as a single gal either. Yes...I don't like to break my nails...but I do break them on occasion and don't dwell on it. I'm not sure what you meant by "their shows" but being a woman...I love to watch NASCAR and football games (both pro and college levels). 
However, you do have a point...men and woman are NOT equal...but there again...men are not equal to other men...and woman are not equal to other women. So, the point is mute.
Anyhoo...back on subject...
I have never been one to EXPECT anything of that nature. It shouldn't be assumed that your date will buy you a drink, in my opinion, that's just being selfish. What if the guys started assuming us gals were to buy their drinks?  | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:12:12 PM |
yeah i find it funny when women say they want to be equal
You do huh? Well, I suppose it is funny in the sense that it's redundant to say you want to be something you already are;). 
[women] cant change the oil in the car much less a flat
Really? Now see, that's funny. I am a woman and I can change a flat tire no problem - so can my 15 year old granddaughter by the way. As far as the oil, both my (ex)husband and I had our oil changed professionally - we BOTH preferred it that way (hope that doesn't put too big of a hole in your misogynistic rant or anything).
[women] wont even gas it up
Hahaha. Yeah I know, it takes a big strong he-man to put gas in a car. Poor poor wimminzs ...millions of us all running on empty because we won't gas up our own cars:( 
[women] want to share the house work
Yeah that's right - it's called HOUSE work, not WOMEN'S work, what's your point?
[women] wont do the mowing
For the last ten years or so of my marriage, I did the majority of the mowing and yard work; I also worked full time AND was in charge of cooking supper 5 nights a week. Oh and for five out of those ten years, I also did our next door neighbor's lawn/yard work each time I did ours. I also did MOST of the shoveling (both our driveway and my neighbor's) during the wintertime.
fixing or anything that includes heavy lifting or the possibility of a broken nail.....
!!!??!!!?
want to us to watch their shows with them but wont watch sports with us.... etc
I don't watch or ask anyone to watch "my" shows with me because I don't watch TV period.
wake up people... men and women are NOT equal and will never be !!!!
I am awake (AND aware) thank you. And whether YOU like it or not, I am, have always been AND will always be, your equal.
as for paying, yeah i pay... but only because i chose to...
Ah I see. It's one of 'em self-proclaimed nice guy (probably believes in chivalry too) who CHOOSES to pay (then whines about it) for the wimminzs he despises and whom he accuses of being dumb, lazy, entitled, etc. etc. etc. ad fvcin nauseum.
OP... don't worry about it, whether 80% of women say they pay their own way on a thread, many (not all) men here will call ALL women golddiggers, what's one more?
JMO | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:38:01 PM | I doubt highly the op will read this post.
But seriously, try listening to the song ' golddigger ' by Kanye West.
I mean, you'd have to go after some serious gold before you are called a golddigger.
Does it really matter that much he didnt offer to re up you on your drink? you were already annoyed that he showed up late, and b0y, do we know how bad the M20 is at that time of day. I think its called the M20. Ive never been to england so what do i know. Maybe it was written on your face that you were annoyed, so plowing you with liquor could be a bad idea with brits, cause its usually a good idea for americans.
Nope, not a golddigger. you have to set your sights just a little bit higher than a glass of wine.  | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/21/2009 1:13:00 AM | momd08 and oldsoul.....
nowhere on my post did i say "all" .... matter of fact out of the several million women, i've only met an very small percentage of them... am i generalizing? yes... i am accusing either of YOU speciffically? NO.... Im happy to see that yall have no quarrels doing some of the less popular chores... less popular to the women I'VE talked to or I'VE met.... not ALL women!!!! i just havent met many of those
oldosoul.....
im not sure if you feel personally insulted because i shared MY experiences in here or if you ARE assuming that ALL men hate women, thus when you see a man post something that you can twist into your own personal vendetta, you lash out as if you WERE actually personally attacked.....
personally if you were to make a generalization about men, i'm not gonna take it personal if it doesnt apply to me..... i.e. if you say ALL men are pigs.... my answer would be: "yes, we are.... and your point is?"
now since you apparently know me so well as to say that i am a "self proclaimed, nice guy" and a woman hater, would you do me a favor and write me an intro for my profile that clearly show said traits? i'd really appreciate it... thanks in advance.
lastly oldsould... i hate to break it to you.... but i doubt that YOU or many (again not ALL) women can lift as much as i can, or give me as good a challenge on the soccer field as a man can, or perform in combat as well as men... most women cant really be a father, son, grandfather, brother or uncle (although they CAN fill in the role).... i could go on an on.... by the same token, we cant be a mother, daughter, etc, we cant be as beautiful as yall can be, we do not and likely wont represent all that is good in this world like innocence, beauty or bringing life to this world... again i could go on an on..... WE ARE NOT EQUAL.. thank god !!!!
as for social equality, definitely... but we are not equal in EVERY respect.... we have different abilities and different expectations, that's what makes each gender and each individual unique.... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:35:15 AM |
but i doubt that YOU or many (again not ALL) women can lift as much as i can, or give me as good a challenge on the soccer field as a man can, or perform in combat as well as men...
Your lifting/soccer playing (!?!)/combat/strength abilities doesn't belong in this topic in the same way that my birthing/breast feeding or any other real or imagined PHYSICAL and BIOLOGICAL differences or "abilities" a woman might have "over" a man does.
What's next?
Facial hair vs no facial hair?
Peeing standing up vs sitting/squatting down?
Fatty breast tissue vs no fatty breast tissue?
Penis vs vagina?
This is ridiculous...no one is arguing/dismissing/disputing our OBVIOUS and very real physical differences and the fact that I even have to point this out proves to me that this is a waste of time.
By the way, I don't have a personal vendetta nor do I hate men (or anyone for that matter) or imagine that men hate me (or all women) - those are YOUR words (and YOUR straw-man).
personally if you were to make a generalization about men, i'm not gonna take it personal if it doesnt apply to me.....
Intellectually honest people do NOT "generally" generalize (how's that for an oxymoron), if they do (or must), they use qualifiers (ie: some, it's been my experience, in my opinion, etc.) - only narrow minded, bigoted, intellectually dishonest AND intellectually lazy people lump an entire gender/group of people in one great big pile of biased poo (in MY opinion, which is also an opinion that is supported/shared by people capable of critical thinking).
nowhere on my post did i say "all" .
The general use of the word women (or men or any other word for that matter) WITHOUT a qualifier (ie: some) implies ALL So if I say men cheat for example, I'm implying that ALL men cheat. Also, by saying men cheat, it implies that ONLY men cheat, or that they cheat BECAUSE they're men, or that it's a behavior that's exclusive to men. Men don't cheat (or lie or ____ ) = (SOME) PEOPLE do!!
WE ARE NOT EQUAL.. thank god !!!!
In your opinion only. For which you are more than entitled to have and express, as we ALL are. But until your god (for whom/which I also don't share your opinion of) comes down (or is that up?) and personally tells me that YOUR opinion is the LAW for everyone, it's your opinion ONLY and you should QUALIFY it as such.
now since you apparently know me so well as to say that i am a "self proclaimed, nice guy" and a woman hater, would you do me a favor and write me an intro for my profile that clearly show said traits? i'd really appreciate it... thanks in advance.
You're right, I don't know you; I only know your words and in this medium, words are all we have, therefore our words are/become us. What else would you suggest? That we shouldn't be responsible and mindful for what and how we say things?
That's pure BS in my opinion...I stand behind my words and I'm mindful that (my) words have the power to lift/destroy/include/exclude/hurt/help/encourage/unite/divide etc. and I firmly believe that the pen IS mightier than the sword and I don't for one minute buy into the old "sticks and bones" mantra. To me (and in my opinion), our posts or our words ARE us.
As far as a new intro to show "said traits" (and yes, I know that this was said tongue in cheek), our posts show on our profiles...what could I possibly say that YOU haven't already said YOURSELF with your OWN words?
Regarding the original/opening post, I see the OP has left and I can't say I blame her. I know that this constant generalizing/women/men bashing is seriously starting to affect me and how I perceive people/the world.
How wrong could I have been to assume that forums on a dating site would be a good place to learn, talk and discuss the commonalities (and difficulties) we ALL share as human beings.
Instead of coming together to decry the behavior of people (of BOTH gender) that is hurtful to ALL of us, we're arguing over who's physically stronger or a better soccer player (!!??!!) and accusing ALL women of being golddiggers (when it's people of BOTH gender who can be shallow, selfish, users, entitled, etc.) and ALL men of being pigs (when it's people of BOTH gender who can be "pigs").
Gah.
JMFO
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:42:21 PM | Oldosoul
if you ask me i think we are just talking semantics.... clearly communication is a tricky business and the intended meaning is not always properly conveyed or received....
that being said i think we can at least agree to disagree....
as for the topic, regardless of equality or lack of, the social norm is (or at least has been) that the guy pays. many people expect that we all conform to social norms. i do not conform to all norms but this is one i do.... that being said im not gonna chastize a guy for not paying or a woman for expecting him to pay... to each his/her own...
and with that, i'll say this "dead horse" has been well beaten....
peace.
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/21/2009 1:50:00 PM | seekndestroy
HA HA...
I was only pointing out that not ALL women are justified to be in your generalization. By the way...several million women? *whew* You have been busy!
Like I said before...I agree that we ALL are not equal...human to human. In my opinion, life experiences and exposure to different aspects has a lot to do with that...plus genetics...then the added physical and mental capabilities. So what? The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.
So...I guess you could say we are at an impasse. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:51:37 PM | "This reminds me of the infamous "coffee" thread. In this situation, I would have bought myself a drink and offer to buy him one as well. Then he could have offered to get the next round. I certainly wouldn't expect a man to buy me a drink. On some dates, I paid for most or all of the bill because the place we went to was much closer to me than him. Or because I had to postpone a date and he was very understanding about it."
The best thing is to take a basic hand-held calculator to every date, the type that has a paper tape that has all the calculations printed on it as you go. But before that, it ought to be a pre-requisite before a person is allowed to go on dates, to take at least a CPA (Certified Public Accountants) test and pass it with at least an 80% mark.
In reality, what do we have? Spineless men, golddigging women, and those who acutely record and have a running total of every cent spent.
I bemoan the days of chivalry, when men were men, and they paid like hot cakes, and the women were women, and they did not know math. When they did, they pretended not to.
What's this protocol about who pays for what? It's stupid, because there is no protocol. Society has gone away from its rules, and at the present time there is chaos in the dating world. Things will sort themselves out, and one can hope that eventually there will be at least regional standards to dating etiquette again.
I'll wait until it gets settled who pays for the drinks. As far as I am concerned, and as has been my experience, if I pay for the drinks, I am doomed, but on the other hand, if I don't pay for the drinks, then I'm doomed. It's all because I'm anyway doomed, but still. This disorderliness in etiquette conventions gives women just one more excuse to get rid of me. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/22/2009 4:12:19 AM | Look at it this way, you got a very cheap lesson. Just look at what you discovered about a guy for just a couple of bucks or in your case pounds.
It doesn't even sound like you had to take an hour of time to learn either. Plus, you don't have to ever regret having gone to bed with him.
Forget complaining, you just had to shake your head and say WTF as opposed to even learning his last name. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:56:37 PM | He didn't even apologize for his lateness, or call to say he'd be late???? How rude.
You had bought both of you one drink, he could have as well. This is just courtesy.
Count yourself lucky you didn't waste any more good time on that jerk! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:56:08 PM | It wouldn't matter if he traveled 2hrs to get there, if you are not comfy with him it is your choice to leave.
Where I question this, as it happened, is why you are waiting around expecting him to buy you a drink? If you want one..order it, ask him if he wants one too!
Him being late could have many causes and to get so angry with him after only 15 minutes, just doesn't make sense.
Ask yourself this question: Are you setting men up to fail?
If you are, then no matter what a guy does his action will be negative to you. It doesn't matter if you met him on POF or anywhere else.
Please think about this before you go on another date.
Men are just people and they can NOT read your mind. Please don't group all men together. They are not all the same as women are not all the same.
Good luck! | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 148 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:13:30 AM | It amazes me just how many men really worry about gold diggers right from their first dinner experience and who pays for what.
What kind of negativity must a person already be holding onto if they are so defensive that they will jump to such assumptions so quickly about another before even giving them a chance, refusing to buy them dinner because it's the age of equality and all that?
Men let me tell you this, there's a million of you out there and if you think you can forget about chivalry because of this or that excuse then you will lose out every time to the guy who knows how to be a gentleman.
I've always offered to pay my half of dinner on a date but not once has a man not said don't worry I'll take care of it.
That's just the way it is guys, go on all you want about how you don't think you have to be chivalrous, lol, the next guy will be taking the girl of your dreams out instead | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 149 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:23:04 AM | those of you going out on several dates should maybe stick to a coffee house to keep things affordable, or hey! Why don't you try taking some time to get to know your dates, if you are going out with several people you can hardly be looking to get to know any one of them really well.
A man not already broke from his five previous dates before meeting me is my kinda man! lol | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:34:33 PM | | I'm sorry chaps (probably my age) ! If you can't afford to buy a nice lady a drink or a meal WHAT are you going out for? There would be no problem if the guys invited you out for the night. Would would go out expecting NOT to buy a round? Its not for transactional reasons but the pleasure of being with someone you feel you can connect with via this or any other site is worth it surely. I call it politeness. Hey, if you lose out then at least you know that you did good by your own morals! | |
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