| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:40:16 PM | | I respect your opinion but I do think its a cynical viewpoint. It may possibly lead you to viewing your next date with something less than 100% hope that this one is right for you! How do you get over that feeling especially if in EVERY other respect she's ideal for you? Sorry if that sounds trite but I always live in hope - makes life a real adventure ! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/24/2009 3:26:59 PM | | Hey! - Don't post the cynical bit - Try the Positive Mental Attitude bit - Try kissing a few Frogs first! Invest fincially in both your future and your faith in the opposite sex BUT for god's sake leave the cynical bit at home in the closet! Good luck to one and all who follow this advice - Its free and you know it makes sense! Here endeth the sermon titled 'turn the other cheek'! | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 153 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:33:09 AM | I did suggest coffee. If I don't care for the guy or vise versa at least coffee can easily be cut short.
I personally don't cereal date so even if I had to buy my own dinners and his too I wouldn't be worried about breaking my wallet like some of you here.
You can take the time to write and weed out the bad ones before you date them you know.
Try to be a little more choosy yourselves guys and maybe you wont have to pay for multiple dates.
As for thinking that women feel entitled and expect you to pay for everything, let me just fill you in a bit, most of us will gladly return the favor of a dinner or movie, but if you have a stinky attitude you wont get a second date. | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 157 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/25/2009 6:23:52 PM | Hahaha! Baldy, that was good and yes I spelled serial wrong :) Sorry about that.
BIGBADMIKE;
Yes I did read your previous post about disliking restaurant food. I was making a statement to all those jaded souls out there, not just you ;)
So you don't like restaurant food.
Why don't you and your date make dinner together at home? Both of you can pitch in, add a movie and you have a great casual date right at home [hmmm, she might be crazy though and she'd know where you live]. Maybe you should go for coffee a couple times first.
The thing is to keep it simple, that's why I don't know why these guys who are dating 5 chicks in the same week are taking them all out for dinner, lol!
And I don't know who you've dated but I've always enjoyed letting my SO know I appreciate him.
As for my lack of dating experience ,well sorry, spent ten years with one man and the one before was 4 yrs so I haven't practiced a lot, haven't been really trying in the past couple years either, lol.
As for dating men on here, I have my profile hidden and just cruise on the forums from time to time because it's interesting to hear what others might have to say on certain issues.
I can get a guy right hear at home if I want to, plenty have asked me out, I'm date shy right now though lol! Don't know how else to describe it.
POF may offer the chance to make good friends though I have to agree. | |
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astock
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Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 158 | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 11:37:34 AM |
Intellectually honest people do NOT "generally" generalize (how's that for an oxymoron), if they do (or must), they use qualifiers (ie: some, it's been my experience, in my opinion, etc.) - only narrow minded, bigoted, intellectually dishonest AND intellectually lazy people lump an entire gender/group of people in one great big pile of biased poo (in MY opinion, which is also an opinion that is supported/shared by people capable of critical thinking).
This is a perfect example of the asinine direction that the modern world is taking. I love how you launch an attack on the use of generalizations by making a generalization about people who use generalizations(in fact, what part of that paragraph isn't a generalization, supposedly something that openminded hypocrites don't use)-doesn't get much richer than that. Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine to have to read paragraphs that literally consist of 25% "in my opinion" or variations of the concept, but I think that "intellectually honest" people are capable of using their "critical thinking" skills to determine the relative merits of generalizations, and also tend to understand that many generalizations imply exceptions, without reducing the potential significance of a pattern observed over a variety of units.
The general use of the word women (or men or any other word for that matter) WITHOUT a qualifier (ie: some) implies ALL
This is just absurd. If I say men are more likely to be engineers than women, I have not attached a qualifier to either group, neither have I implied that this generalization is true in every case.
WE ARE NOT EQUAL.. thank god !!!!
In your opinion only. For which you are more than entitled to have and express, as we ALL are. But until your god (for whom/which I also don't share your opinion of) comes down (or is that up?) and personally tells me that YOUR opinion is the LAW for everyone, it's your opinion ONLY and you should QUALIFY it as such.
So does this mean that you are a subjectivist, who thinks that there is no absolute reality outside the confines of one's ideas? Because every piece of objective evidence I've seen on the subject supports the idea that no two humans are "equal"(including MZ twins), so I guess it's not his opinion only, as I happen to share it.
"How wrong could I have been to assume that forums on a dating site would be a good place to learn, talk and discuss the commonalities (and difficulties) we ALL share as human beings. "
Welcome to the internet. Oops, there I went and spoiled the idea by being intellectually lazy and making a generalization about the internet. I'm sorry, I'm just such a narrowminded, bigoted, intellectually dishonest and intellectually lazy person. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:10:20 PM | I always buy my share of the drinks. I feel acutely uncomfortable if someone else is doing all the buying; on one of the first dates I ever went on the young man was very gracious, he paid for the drinks during the evening... and then was extremely annoyed that I wouldn't go home with him! As a consequence I make it a rule to keep things equal so there's no confusion, so as not to feel beholden but, also, if someone's interesting and charming and you like them, why not buy them a drink? In a relationship I enjoy suprising people and buying things for them, but I'm not sure that would seem appropriate for a total stranger.
It sounds like he reacted badly, but, moreover it sounds like you were very nervous and overreacted a bit yourself. He did drive a long way and some people don't drink very much, so it might not have occurred to him. If your response was to suddenly leave so abruptly and your explanation was to do with the drinks I can see how he might react in the wrong way. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:01:13 PM |
OP, did you do the inviting? If so...all bets are off. Why should anyone be expected to buy you a drink, if you invite them out? I agree 100% if I am going to ask a guy out I fully expect to pay for the date. Even so, I always come prepared. Though it is nice to think that the guy "may" pick up the tab, I never expect it. Then again that may just be that stupid Independent issue I have that I need to curtail. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:55:43 PM | I have never been called a gold digger....but they haven't seen my pick and pan!
Hmmm, most of the guys I date or even just meet seem to have no problem buying drinks or snacks or whatever. Most of they men I know seem to accept it as 'the male role' without much more than a shrug. Maybe for the guys who do pay, it is for them, a sign of their prosperity and ability to provide....that said, perhaps the guys who are upset about paying are not confident in their ability to provide and rather than acknowledge their limitations, they deflect by trying to make the woman feel guilty for being a woman.
Just write this one off. Guys who pitch fits about paying a woman's way seem to be perpetually angry at women. I think they're jealous of women, resent women, maybe even hate women...Maybe they've lost "something" to a female at some point and this is how it presents itself. Maybe they didn't have a good father figure to show them the ropes of being a gentleman! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:09:02 PM | Here's the deal... IF you wanted a drink YOU should have ordered a drink! If he offered to pay great if he didn't then you should pay for your own. I'm a bit old fashioned and am used to men paying for dates. I'm also a very independent person and I don't EXPECT a man to buy me a drink or pay for a 1st date. I'm prepared for either way! I went out with someone recently that our drinks and guacamole bill was 50.00 (we had two carafe's of margarita's) Then later we went to dinner and the total was 31.00. When we went to breakfast I paid. I didn't feel it was right for him to pay! He asked if he could leave the tip and I let him know that I took care of it!
I must say it seems like he made an effort! He drove 45 minutes to meet you! How far did you drive? Was he dis-shoveled or did it appear he had showered and dressed nicely?
You were annoyed and you obviously weren't interested in him when you met him.
I see girls all the time come up to guys and ASK them what they are going to buy for them. The guy will buy them a drink the girl will drink it then Blow the guy off!!!! Talk about Rude!!!!!!!! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:07:06 PM | | I'm a man so I'll pay for everything! BTW can anyone tell me what year this is? lol So far the accurate statement is "have your cake and eat it too". I find it rather sad that some think if the guy pays...that's what makes him a man...or not. | |
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vien
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Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 165 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/29/2009 5:42:09 PM | Don't listen to them. It must be those who scream: "feminists!" They want to have the cake and eat it too. These are the ones that want you to just be happy with whatever treatment they are willing to give you. lol. Way to go girl having self-respect! :))  | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/30/2009 12:39:09 AM | If the man is so petty, or penny pinching - however it breaks down - that he wont pay his transportation to the date and buy you a glass of wine .. its a direct reflection in advance of the type of person he probably would be in the future.
Some people dont mind having a penny pinching cheap azz for a date - and actually believe that if they marry a guy like that - he will help them save for a comfortable retirement. But what about life today? and all the years between now and then?
A man does not need to spend his life savings to impress a lady - but being a tight wad only goes to his character - and nothing else. I wish that men were still required to be gentlemen at all times, but that is a high price we pay in exchange for womens lib. Now not only are we allowed to work, but its expected, and we are expected to spend it too.
In addition to that - there has been a very big movement of women who will do everything with a guy because he merely looks in their direction - men are not required to woo us or impress us anymore - the chick down the block only needs his nod, not his courtesy - if you understand what I mean.
I suggest to you if he wont buy you a glass of wine on the first date - you may want to carry a bagged lunch on the second! lol
Damn! lol | |
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astock
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Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 169 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:33:01 AM |
I wish that men were still required to be gentlemen at all times, but that is a high price we pay in exchange for womens lib. Now not only are we allowed to work, but its expected, and we are expected to spend it too.
i don't know who your dating but i pay for everything on the first date. no matter what it is. i'm not rich by any means but dinner and a drink, heck i shell out more at home depot a week on stuff i don't need than i would on a dinner with some woman. it's all about priorities | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:41:26 AM | | You are not a golddigger. You could have just bought yourself a drink and see if he would let you. Then you have full control of the situation. But men today are jerks, I had a guy tell me on our first meeting his kids are watching him close and no one going to get any of his money. Another one who said his ex wife got too much and no other **** will ever get a cent from him. It just is tough there is worse thngs than being alone and dating these jerks would be one of them. good luck Tecloy | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:37:02 AM | Your bad... You should have went to the bar to get another drink if you wanted one. Everything else from there-on could have been avoided.
In your defense, he should have asked or at least offered. In his defense, you shouldn't have been so quick to judge him for not seeing it.
Seems minor enough to not stress on for too long... | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:51:58 PM | I think times are a changing.
Regardless, your story is clearly one sided, and it's hard to pull out what's truthful here.
I'm not sure what a Mingebag is.
You sat there waiting, and actually thinking about when this guy was going to buy you a drink, then you got upset when it didn't happen.
1) you ruined your date- why so much emphasis on such a trivial thing.
2) Then you proceed to leave because of that. You failed to mention if there were any introductions, or small talk, but as stated- he drove a long distance, showed up a bit late, didn't talk, you thought of nothing but him buying you a drink (they don't do tabs in England?), and when he didn't, because you were sitting in quiet contemplation of that drink, you got up and left.
Wow. Just. Wow.
You know, dating takes 2 people for it to work. You expected him to put forth a lot of effort based on your story. And while I'm certain it's not the whole story, it's amazing you felt that you had been wronged. Over a drink.
You seem like a trivial person, concerned with trite and insignificant things in life.
As for what he said- I'm sure you said nothing, right? You were still thinking about that drink maybe?
As for a "lady"- is he a "lord"? I don't agree with the term, unless you're going to reciprocate and call the man Lord.
Yes, this is the 21st century. Welcome.
You should really use PoF better and find out what sort of person they are prior to meeting- are they what I'd called "traditional/old fashioned" (which tends to be regional or generational), or more...modern, and thus egalitarian.
I believe everyone should contribute to a date, or a relationship, equally. I'm dating now and we take turns picking the venues, picking up tabs, etc. We don't fuss or worry over it- if someone isn't around to get a drink we just get one.
What makes you an old-fashioned dater is that you 'expect' something. Don't expect. Take charge of your happiness, your life, your date, and just DO.
Really, I could go on and on schooling you, deconstructing you based on your post, but it's old. I feel your mode of thought outdated, anachronistic. I feel you should date accordingly. Consider that when looking for people online next. | |
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