| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:44:53 PM | No, you're not a gold digger.
Coming to a US Forum wasnt the best place to get opinions though, i think.
US men,..(some) of them believe that anyone expecting anything like a courtesy drink is 'Princess syndrome' 'Entitlement' etc.. and are deathly afraid that if they buy you a drink in return for the one you gave him, that you will be clearing out his bank account and wanting alimony, or whatever other mony they can think of.
Manners, decency, courtesy is dead in the US it seems, according to a lot of these men
You bought him a drink, here in dear old Blighty, we go..You buy me a drink, I get you one, and look to see if you've finished your drink and get you one.
I dont blame you for testing him by sitting with no drink.
At least you found out very early on that he's greedy, mean, and has no manners.
I mean, come on, it was a drink.
If he wants to date you, would it always have been like that?
Gawd help us and preserve us from greedy mean men.
They have no idea how amazingly repulsive their behaviour is.
No one wants to date or be around a mean person.
No one.
When getting to know someone gentlemen, for Lords sake, just buy the lLady a drink.
And yes Severin,.. the term lady is merely a polite way of referncing a woman here. There are no tabs in most pubs,.. and people do buy each other drinks.. its a common courtesy.
Well done for flushing out a loser, OP.
better luck next time.
G. x | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:04:51 PM | "Courtesy drink" - that's a good one... I will relish with great anticipation the opportunity to work the phrase "courtesy sex" into some upcoming conversation, with the easily predictable howls which will be sure to ensue. 
Maybe someday it will sink into certain segments of the female population that "Our Paychecks, Ourselves" is almost exactly the male version of the sentiment behind "Our Bodies, Ourselves". | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:59:24 AM |
Coming to a US Forum wasnt the best place to get opinions though, i think.
US men,..(some) of them believe that anyone expecting anything like a courtesy drink is 'Princess syndrome' 'Entitlement' etc.. and are deathly afraid that if they buy you a drink in return for the one you gave him, that you will be clearing out his bank account and wanting alimony, or whatever other mony they can think of.
I'm glad you're so infinitely worldly that you can boldly generalize all men in the U.S.
I'm also glad you missed my huge post prior to yours explaining exactly what the OP's problems are, why she didn't really explain enough for any person alive to defend her actions, and why her lack of information does 110% (beyond any doubt) make her appear to be a 'gold digger'.
Are there posts here offending women from the U.K.? Do we try to make gender/national stereotypes or prejudge you there?
Even worse, you feel comfortable enough to espouse your raw stupidity by blaming men (now all men, shew) rather than seeing such problems as not being gender specific (That means both men AND women do these sorts of things).
The only thing, the only thing you got out of my post was in regards to the term lady, and you proudly proclaim its use "here". Good lord you're one of the simplest women I've ever seen post.
To recap the facts, which you glided over in your hyper-defense of your gender/the OP: the OP failed to give details, stated that there are no other thought on her mind other than getting a drink...for 30 minutes. Wow. Just wow.
The one good thing that forums such as this provide is a way to see how some of you think. You do realize the last 5 posts you've made will show up on your profile, hopefully as a warning buoy for men. | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 179 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:16:18 PM | Such a ridiculous argument!
I went out with a guy here on POF, he bought me dinner and I bought him breakfast [not what some of you are thinking but I was from out of town so had to stay a night there because of driving].
Most of us women just want to know initially that you really wanted that first date. Makes us feel like we were important to you, I suppose if the woman asks you out as it seems the OP did this guy then I guess she might be considered responsible to buy for the date, don't know as I've never done the asking out.
This has never been an issue for me ever actually and I find it surprising all the resentments out there on both sides. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:35:40 AM |
Most of us women just want to know initially that you really wanted that first date.
First: Whether a first date is a simple coffee or an extravagant meal, if we asked you out then doesn't that mean that we wanted to go out with you? Seems rather stupid to assume that a guy is going to like you more because he spends more money on you. So, what I am getting from your statement is that if a guy isn't willing to spend a bunch of money on you right from the beginning then he isn't worth your time. To me this is setting a very bad precedence and while you may not be a golddigger, it doesn't bode well for the future.
Secondly: Sure you bought the second meal, but in the majority of cases there is no second meal. A guy may go out on hundreds of dates before there is a connection. That's hundreds of meals bought with very little reciprocation from the other parties.
Thirdly: Would you not consider a guy that is more fiscally reponsible to be a better catch then a guy who willy-nilly throws his money around by buying hundreds of dinners? That's money that could be in the bank waiting for a nice little wife or girlfriend to come along and spend it for him later on down the road. Or for him to buy nice little things for his wife/girlfriend like roses, perfume or a house!
don't know as I've never done the asking out.
And here is the whole cruxt of the matter. For centuries it has been the male's job to do the asking out, but now we have this little thing called equal rights where it's alright for a lady to not only work but also vote and, verily may I say it, ask a guy out and pay for date. But they don't, even though they make as much money as a guy, it still falls on his shoulder to do the asking out, because that's what is expected of men, and since a man does the asking out, it is required that he pay for the date. Seems to me you have this nice little clause built right in to keep from having to pay for a dinner, doesn't it, even though I am sure you make as much, if not more then some of your dates. Wow, kinda cool how that works out ... you get to save your money while getting a free meal.
And by you, I don't mean YOU personally in any of this, just as a generalization. What ruins all this dating for you personally, and causes us men to act the way we do now is to be blamed on all the women before you who just wanted a free meal at a guys expense with no intention of ever going out with him again. Sorry, it sucks I know, but that's just the way it is.
"Peace through superior firepower!" ~~S.A.C. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:21:26 AM | Expecting a man to pay for the first date isn't all that unreasonable. I think where you got it wrong is voicing that sentiment. Men are turned off when women base their attraction on how much a man makes.
Sure, the guy was rude. But so were you. What ever happened to finding someone who's romantic or funny or someone that makes you feel safe? Does money substitute for any of that? And please, don't reply with "I also mentioned drive and ambition". They're merely euphemisms for "I want a rich guy"
So get your head out of your ass and base your attractions on CHEMISTRY, not money! | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 182 | |
| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:32:44 PM | | By nature, I'm a generous person. I have no problems asking out a woman and paying for the date nor do I have problem picking up the tab if I'm out with a platonic female friend even if she asked me to get togther dinner. But nothing irks me more than a woman in this day and age who complans about the very FEW times she has to pay for date especially in comparsion to the number of times when she has been the receipent of someone else geneorsity. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:18:44 AM | | Phew this is one long thread. So many different opinions and sheds an enormous spotlight on the battle of the sexes. I blame the drinks industry. Where else in our social world when you buy something you are duty bound to ask your friend if they want one too. Only happens in bars and restaurants. And have you noticed the bar staff look at you in a funny way when you buy only one drink. It's a conspiracy I tell you. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:27:52 AM | No you're not a gold digger. You just expected something that isn't around much anymore. Respectable dating. I think I was born 20 years too late. I would've liked to have dated in the 50's. Going to the drive in or the skating rink, listening to Elvis and Buddy Holly. Oh ok now I've completely jumped off the topic.  Remember when men would open the door for you and hold out the chair for you? The last man I knew that did that was my dad.  | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:37:14 AM | I keep hoping in Batavia (just outside Chicago), the accelerator known as Fermilab cracks the puzzle of time. I'd love to take my 'je ne sais quoi' knowledge and wisdom with me Back to the Future. I'd love a drive-in date. I spend hours getting the look, just right before he arrives. He sweeps me off my feet, impressing me with his impressive jacket and car. We'd both be romantically rewarded for it making out with the top down. Wouldn't that be hot? Godzilla (the film, not stalker ex-boyfriends) in the background?
::sighs::
These times are tough. Godzilla. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:34:40 AM | | What a waste of time, sorry to hear it did not work for you, and you know the answer, this guy was a twit. Money, it is truly the root of all evil. Don't worry, he probably uses MacDonalds ketchup packs at home too, best be away from him. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:52:34 PM |
I would've liked to have dated in the 50's. Going to the drive in or the skating rink, listening to Elvis and Buddy Holly.
And men could hit women and the police would look the other way, women didn't have much in the way of career opportunities, and they weren't much good other than for cooking, cleaning, and making babies. Sure sounds like the good old days, huh? | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:13:15 PM | Lets say the roles were reversed. What if I was the one who got there early, and SHE showed up late? Should she have to buy me a drink?
I went on a date about a month ago, and it went so bad that I left her with the check. I had only had 3 beers, but there was no way in hell I was going to sit there any longer lol. Women need to stop putting the blame on men all the time. Maybe the reason things arent going too well is because of YOU, not him. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:31:05 AM | "... women didn't have much in the way of career opportunities, and they weren't much good other than for cooking, cleaning, and making babies."
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There's nothing wrong with that. For thousands of years women knew their place, as did men, and it'll never change. Even today in many countries around the world the same mentality is there and who's to say that it's wrong in the first place? Just look around you, I wouldn't call the lifestyle that people are being indoctrinated to believe is better than previous ones. It's in our nature. Some people don't like to be men/women and I pity them. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:58:40 AM | I wouldn't say that your a gold digger but i don't see what the big deal is either?
He was late, but maybe he got stuck in traffic?
Was there more to you leaving than him just not offering to buy you a drink? was the conversation ok or was he actually a horrible person?
I wouldn't personally wait for him to offer to buy me a drink, if i wanted one i'd just go and get one myself, if he offered to pay as it was his round then fair enough if not then i would just get my own and leave him to buy his own drinks for the night.
I don't like freeloaders and i would never expect the man to pay for more than his share either, buying rounds, splitting the bill is fair in this day and age. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:31:02 AM |
and they weren't much good other than for cooking, cleaning, and making babies. Sure sounds like the good old days, huh?
Women used to be good at cooking and cleaning too?!
Wow, that does sound like the good old days! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:50:35 PM | | I will buy my gf drinks all night long. Never will I buy a drink for a random woman in a bar- I don't want to be the man who has to get a woman drunk to hook up with. I ain't no sucker. Plenty of suckers out there for women looking for free drinks. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:58:45 PM | Too many people missed the whole point here.
Since you asked the guy out, you need to pay. You should have offered him a drink as soon as he arrived. If you don't want to pay, don't ask someone to meet you for drinks, dinner, coffee or whatever. Meet them at a public place and go for a walk.
I do agree with some other posts that it is almost always the guys who asks the woman out. When he asks her out, he should pay.
There is another thing you sould think about. If you are getting annoyed, your emotions on your face can probably be seen by your date as well. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:35:39 PM | I think fellas nowadays use this equality badge to think that they don;t have to make much of an effort whatsoever .....
I so totally agree! You aren't a gold digger just for expecting a drink. I get so annoyed that men now expect women to do everything, be a career woman, bring up the kids, look after the home, and be great in bed, and all they have to do is drink beer and watch soccer! I want a real man who wants to look after his date/gf/wife and treat her to nice things (within his means), and who knows how to support his family.
stand up for yourself girl! | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:47:55 PM | | Face it. Women are all for equal rights... As long as it works to their advantage. I'll buy a woman a drink, without a second thought, if I want to. If I get the feeling that she expects it, then I probably won't want to. | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:24:59 PM | This is such a dumb argument. Whenever I take a woman out (whether she invited me or not) I pay. It's no big thing, and if it ever gets to that point, I think it's time for me to stop dating. In fact, I'm to the point where it kinda riles me when she wants to pay because at no point am I intending on "buying" something from her. It's stupid and ridiculous.
However, if this is of importance to you, just bring it up at the beginning of the date. I'm just not seeing the rocket science of the topic.
Now, the only thing that I'd probably monitor is how many drinks she pounds down - not because of cost, but because I'm not into alcoholics. Sorry, that's my hang-up. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 199 | |
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| Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink?
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:47:53 AM | The situation is unique. Normally, I would never buy someone I just met in a club/bar a drink, just so I could spend a few minutes talking to them. If they want to talk, its going to be because they're interested in the conversation, not the promise of free liquor.
However, these two were talking on line, so its not like they were complete strangers. I think if she buys the first round, you better believe he should buy the second. To me that seems pretty 50-50.
If the tables were turned, and he bought the first round and she asked for but didn't get the second round, then he shouldn't buy her any more... and probably end the date in short order. | |
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