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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:40:04 PM | | Equality would be women coming to men the same as men come to women. For that to happen, women would need to want men the same as men want women. The imbalance of power is inherent in the imbalance of desire. Supply and demand might sound confusing with a roughly equal number of both sexes, but not when considering male desire as the demand and women as the supply. If a man and a woman are sitting thirty yards apart and the man doesn't walk over to the woman, she sure as hell isn't going to get up and go to him. She's not motivated to want to be with him. Men go towards what they want. Women manage men's desires, but haven't an equal desire for men, so, they have no reason to come to men. Nothing is gained by it, and nothing is lost by remaining alone. The woman goes merrily along her independent way untroubled by a desire for a man. The man goes nuts and does what he must, yet, and her's the punch line: Once he does get her he is still with someone who doesn't hardly want him. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:49:02 PM | Why do we want guys to come to us? Because it's attractive.
If you really believe that's all women are good for, I would say you've been missing out...but not because you haven't known any goodies, but because you haven't been paying attention. Live yourself a good, solid life and come back, tell me that the intangibles don't matter.
And I'm with chica above me...if you think intercourse is the only thing women are good for, why are you looking to date? PS, this post probably blew any chance of catching any sweet little fishy for you. But you don't mind, right? | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 4:50:38 PM | | Having someone pursue you is a huge complement and makes a person feel good about themselves. If advances are made from someone suitable they are desired even more. The more a man chases a woman the better he makes her feel. It is natural selection to select the man that makes you feel the best, in other words the man that pursues you instead of the man that doesn't. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:03:03 PM | I just wanted to say, this is one of the most amusing statements I've seen in ages:
"The bottom line is, females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX because he doesn't need anything else BEING STRONG AND SELF-SUFFICIENT"
No offense, OP dude, but it sounds like the one you're trying to convince is not out here in the audience.
Suggest you may want to look into human adult development to get a more nuanced view of men. Something like 'Seasons of a Man's Life' would be a good start. And 'Adaptation to Life' is another, but more dense, more Freudian. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:13:12 PM |
So we're back to "who pays" LOL...Here is the thing, you guys will complain about the princess complex, you'll whine to your mates that she's a bytch, she's hard to get etc etc...but at the end of the day it's the type of girl that keeps the man wanting more...don't believe me? look around BDJ you know I'm right.
AA -- I don't have to look that hard, and I never denied that those types get the attention. I'm just saying that men have this infinite stupidity about them that prevents them from growing a brain.
Those men can have the Princess types...I personally couldn't be bothered.
BDJ you want women to pursue you haha I bet plenty do.I guess traditionally men pursue and women looked easy if they did it.Plus you men are always telling us, you find women who give it up and are too interested boring.You like a challenge.Which is it, we want to know.
So girls dont ask out men , so they dont have to pay.Hello either does the man.The cost of dates can be shared.Quit dating goldiggers.it will brighten your perspective.
DJ -- I don't pursue, and I'm not being pursued either. All things considered, I think I kinda like it that way. The ego "ID" portion of me wouldn't mind a hunt...or to be hunted...but that's easy enough to turn off, so I do. There's just so much nonsense in the dating world right now, I couldn't be bothered with any of it. I'll take a FWB or f*ck buddy long before I'd take a relationship right now. Too many hidden agendas and archaic rituals going on for my liking, and it gets worse every day.
And really, I do like a challenge and indeed I would view those who gave it up so quick as not worth any more of my time...but who's preventing women from making that first move? Certainly not me. And if they initiated the hunt and the pursuit, why then does that automatically disqualify her from being a challenge? It doesn't. She can still initiate the first contact and such, and STILL be a challenge after the fact simply because she went after what she wanted, but doesn't wanna just give it up like a $2 whore. She started it, but still has enough savvy to make me work for it. I know it can happen 'cause it's happened to me already.
And I quit dating golddiggers a long time ago hun. The "Princess" type. That point was well evidenced over and over again in my posts here. Sooner or later I'll meet up with the one like that first one, that starts it all but keeps me coming back. I know she's out there. I'll know her when I see her. I just have to be patient. She'll make herself known eventually.
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:16:23 PM | | It's still survival of the strongest. Those who pursue are the strongest. I liked to think we have evolved to the point where we choice our SO based on compatibility. I suppose we will evolve to that, but right now we have a hybrid where the strongest wins at first, but doesn't get the prize unless he's compatible. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 5:31:14 PM | Power game....may exist however you can't stereotype all women in that category. I can only speak for myself...I have recieved alot of emails, more than I had ever imagined...I try to answer evey email...If I get a compliment I thank them from my heart. If they want to chat I chat. If they want to call, I give them my number. I compliment men as well.
So far not one man on this site has actually followed through after stating their intentions, whatever they may be. To be honest we need to weed them out. It takes time to get to know someone...to figure out which ones are the players, pervs and stalkers!!! And which ones are a keeper...even then they may end up dissapointing. It is a chance we take being on a site like this.
There are many types of women...sounds like maybe you need to rethink the type of women you are going for. You haven't met the one that fits you and there is no guarantee that you will. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 6:08:04 PM | women use the "men like to chase" yarn so often because they also have the same notion that "he asks, so he pays" mentality.
I've never gone on ONE SINGLE DATE thinking "he asks, he pays". It has always been I bring my own money and expect to pay.
I don't play the whoever asks pays game. I don't worry about it, but always go in expecting to pay half.
As someone who used to drive an hour for a date and never say a single word about gas money AND still pay for my date, I wish men would stop with the effing cheapness. I sure ain't cheap. I put both money and effort into going on a date. It's alot more I can say than the majority of the men I have dated in the last year. In fact, I think only one "passed the test". And hey, we didn't end up a couple, but we respect each other and are friends. So if women are all after money, logic would have it that I should have stayed with him right? Right. Pft.
And I quit dating golddiggers a long time ago hun. The "Princess" type. That point was well evidenced over and over again in my posts here. Sooner or later I'll meet up with the one like that first one, that starts it all but keeps me coming back. I know she's out there. I'll know her when I see her. I just have to be patient. She'll make herself known eventually.
That might take a while. Remember it's Daddy who usually turns these girls into princesses.....And men out there are still treating "their little girl" like that. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:09:06 PM | I really like what farceur had to say in "the imbalance of power is inherent in the imbalance of desire." I believe that men have more desire to be with and pursue women. I have rarely seen a woman approach a man with romantic intentions, or show strong desire towards a man. Again from farceur "women manage men's desires" this is also true to me. It seems like women focus more on the defensive in dealing with "men's desires" than on the offensive or being more aggressive and showing their desire for men. So, the reward goes to the man who approaches women not the one who is sitting around waiting for a woman to approach him.
-Mike | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:32:30 PM |
So here is what I propose for why women don't like to give too much attention to a man, and just play hard to get:
How do you account for the women that do approach men?
Women, weaker creatures, already feel a loss of power
Do you know any of these women? I don't.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, women use the "men like to chase" yarn so often because they also have the same notion that "he asks, so he pays" mentality.
Maybe they do, I don't know. I kinda get off on the chase myself, so if that old saying is right, I can see the appeal. And FYI, I can't imagine women NOT pursuing you.
They exist so that we can't use expressions like "all women..."
Oh ppppshaw... that's not why, but you're right about not enough women approach.
The bottom line is, females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX because he doesn't need anything else
Good lord this song is so annoying. How do YOU know what all men need anyway? You don't. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:35:57 PM |
Women manage men's desires, but haven't an equal desire for men, so, they have no reason to come to men.
Nope, can't agree with that, not my own experience, anyway. I think women have an equal desire for men, but perhaps,whether it be from social conditioning, a couple of negative experiences, strict parental training, she has much more CONTROL over that desire. And I cannot speak for anyone else, but I've experienced that a woman CAN come to a man,but it has to be a very subtle process that can easily go awry if he is a guy who was taught that "nice girls don't chase after boys". Yeah yeah I know that's utterly STUPID on the face of it,but that double standard does tend to come into play, particularly with the "baby boomer" generation.
I do not believe there is an "imbalance of desire". Where the "imbalance" MAY exist is in the ability to control that desire, rather than being controlled by it.
I for one might feel very strongly drawn to a guy, but if his words and actions revealed him to be a man who was angry at, or resentful of women, no matter how strong that draw was, I would be very careful about how involved I got with this man. But I've seen men practically destroy their lives because they desired a particular woman, even though he HAD to know this was a prelude to disaster. I believe it's often described as "thinking with the little head". Now tell me, do you ever hear anyone say a woman is "thinking with her clitoris?" No, I didn't think so. Trust me, the hormones DO have a significant voice. But they don't get to completely run the show. I can see where that might appear to be an imbalance of desire,but what it really is, is a difference in how that desire is handled. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong or better or worse. It just IS.
Cindy O | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:39:45 PM | haha.. OP your funny.
to me it is a game. the point being to get them so interested that they can't help but give you that attention. cause you earned it, you have kept her interest, i want to know more about u... the flirtation, the seduction.. like fluting a serpent.
i love it. wouldn't want it any other way. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:00:21 PM | Well, OP, now that you have had the big insight, the shattering insight and got it all figured out, now...WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT?
Just wondering if it is in anyway useful to anybody.
The subject of men chasing and pursuing women is almost as stale as "why don't they answer my emails?"
If you turn your piercing perception onto what I just wrote, then you may understand why I do not approach women and most of my dates come from women who approach me first.
Usually by faving me. I take over from there. No, I don't think they are desperate sluts.
I don't assume anything. The only thing I DO wonder is what they see in me.
Anyway, being a provocateur in such a childish and transparent way...
Your "theory" is shallow, without nuance, and has little veracity. Go out and drink yourself stupid. You think too much. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:21:39 PM | My experience here is every man I have approached has answered me with summaries like this: I looked at your profile. We are a 50% match. Or, they have whined: You live too far away. Or, they simply ignored me.
The whine that I live too far away is the most annoying. However, on the other hand, any man who would say that is a stick in the mud and it is better to end something before it begins.
Frankly, I want a man who lives in NYC.
I live in western Massachusetts.
The way I see it is I can offer him the country and he can give me the city. I want to take a looonnnngggggg time before I live with someone and I want a man who would probably never retire. Ideally, I want a college prof who will die teaching at least one class a semester or a physician who will always maintain a small practice. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:33:49 PM | BTW, I am 62. A coworker who turns 60 this summer and I have compared notes and we find men become less aggressive with age. I work in a liquor store. Had my 23 year old self worked in the same store, I would have had fairly regular invitations from male customers to join them for drinks or coffee. While several men have been complimentary toward both of us, no one has asked us out.
I suggested that many men our age have been beaten down by life and she has agreed with me.
In the fall of 2007, I had an experience with a nice looking man with thick wavy white hair, a neatly trimmed white beard and a charming English accent. We were at the public library, using the public computers. He switched the chair he had been sitting on (a Danish modern chair with striking turquoise upholstery that is not very comfortable) for the empty chair next to me. He said something about giving me something nice to look at. Because he was attractive, I considered saying, "oh, are you going to sit there?"
And, because the statement was a surprise, and I was rather involved with whatever it was I was looking up, I just sort of nodded.
However, he continued to stare at me, which made me think that the chair statement was an attempt to flirt. I had to go somewhere and left shortly afterwards. I assumed he lived in town and that I would see him again. Not so.
So, guys, should I have given him my card? | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:51:27 PM | "I suggested that many men our age have been beaten down by life and she agreed with me".
That's really funny, because some of my guy friends and I had the same type of discussion, except it was the women our age that had been beaten down by life, i.e. married and divorced 3 or more times etc. Lifes funny isn't it. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:56:28 PM | | I didnt even have to read the OP to say boldly without caveat that people prefer to be the chasee vs the chaser for very obvious reasons. Being the object of someones affection is empowering, an ego stroke and self confidence boaster unmatched in the sociological game of life. Its got nothing to do with gender or gender roles. Simply put people want to be accepted and feed of that accordingly. Nothing else to it. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:47:40 PM | | You can spend your whole life trying to understand men or women, depending on what side you're on, and you'd die confused as ever. No point in trying to make logical sense out of it. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:48:28 PM |
And I quit dating golddiggers a long time ago hun. The "Princess" type. That point was well evidenced over and over again in my posts here. Sooner or later I'll meet up with the one like that first one, that starts it all but keeps me coming back. I know she's out there. I'll know her when I see her. I just have to be patient. She'll make herself known eventually.
Ah but grasshopper, what we resist persists...you need to ask yourself why you're resisiting these type of women...why are you so terrified of dating a golddigger ? no one can take your money if you don't allow them too...I think your fearing your own weakness...never mind me BDJ, it's just a feeling i get
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:51:00 PM | The bottom line is, females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX because he doesn't need anything else BEING STRONG AND SELF-SUFFICIENT, so whatever she offers other than sex (caringness, emotional connections, etc) is useless.
That makes no sense at all. Since you're coming at this from an outdated paradigm, you don't even understand what that paradigm even is. Men USED TO pursue women because they took care of everything for them on a daily basis, in exchange for money to live off of, she took care of the execution of that life, feeding him, clothing him, doing all the little nuanced domestic things AND sex which was for the purpose of giving them babies and thus ensuring the propagation of the species.
You're living in a warped bubble that you've obviously created. Women can more easily do without men, which is why they don't bother. Men chase women out of an old habit, and a tendency to be more aggressive in many other ways.
Women expect men to be taller than them? Look around you, genius, it's because men ARE on average much taller than women. I can't even believe I read that.
And finally, in this day and age, women are strong and self-sufficient. So all a man has to offer, since HE is the one pursuing (in your scenario) is SEX. Women DON'T need men for money and power anymore, they need them for sex. You're describing why the man is chasing her as though by being chased she has offered something, when she hasn't. HE'S offering sex. That's like saying someone cornered by a salesman is offering him their money. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:52:37 PM |
Maybe they do, I don't know. I kinda get off on the chase myself, so if that old saying is right, I can see the appeal. And FYI, I can't imagine women NOT pursuing you.
Mariachi -- Thx hun...I appreciate the compliment and ego boost  Truth is, I don't play hard to get - I play hard to want. Some have tried to call me on that, but they usually come back sooner than later with "but you're so damn frustrating" lmao. So there's little in the way of chases these days. Whatever I'm doing to keep them away seems to be working lol.
But I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless and you get hugs for that 
As for the rest of that quote, I just call 'em as I see 'em. I'm not dumb enough to even hint that all women are like that, and possess the "he asks, he pays" mentality...but pound for pound, anywhere I look especially here, it's self evident anywhere I look that the vast majority have that mentality. I value and treasure the one-offs that don't, but they are the rarest of breeds and generally unavailable anyways (or live too damn far away lol).
Add to that, some raw confessions by those femmes I do associate with who have actually been bold enough to tell me as much face to face. Told me directly that they will not ever in their life chase a man, because then she'd be expected to pay for all or part of the date...and they will have none of that.
So yea, I don't make the news, I just report it.
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