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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:28:40 PM | Firstly, in my life approx. 30% of the time the woman has taken the initiative and asked me for a date. Other times their flirting was so obvious that I had no nervousness of being greeted with rejection. It has never made me feel superior in any way, only flattered. I have wondered since my teens why women and men didn't share equal rights in the workplace and in relationships.
Lastly, as one of the women mentioned, why not go to an escort service if women are only good for sex? Women have been the blessing of my life. They've enriched it as both partners and friends. If you've never experienced that you've either got bad taste in partners or you're closed off to the possibilities which exist right in front of you.
Bitter people make bitter statements. | |
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recup_
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Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 53 | |
| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:47:06 PM | So it's not a power game. It is nature.
Yes and the author of nature set up a power game within nature.
Just look around at the animal kingdom and see more power over weaker creatures....it's nature.
Men aren't debased if they had to sexually service a woman for respect, but why are women offended if THEY have to do this? Being weaker than men, having to sexually service him for respect tacks on more humiliation. That's why. She's just hurting herself by not taking pleasure in it and gaining respect THAT way.
It's a power game she plays but there used to be a kingdom where the power roles were right: the biblical OT kingdom where women didn't play these games. Read about it in the OT.
The current world is a satanic joke attempting to bring in a different sort of kingdom. Too bad heavenly genocide immediately follows it (Revelation 19). | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/10/2009 11:54:13 PM |
I can see where that might appear to be an imbalance of desire,but what it really is, is a difference in how that desire is handled.
I believe you. I hope you see, though, that controlling your desire this way also limits your risk of rejection. Good, so far. By default, though, it leaves that risk to guys. OK, being rejected by someone you're attracted to isn't a major tragedy. Like a batter getting hit by a pitch, you dust yourself off, refuse to give the pitcher the satisfaction of seeing you rub the sore spot, and trot to first base. Even so, all things considered, you'd rather not have been hit.
It's become a cliche for women to complain about men leaving the toilet seat up. The actual harm that causes is certainly not that great. But what seems to rankle at least some women is the lack of concern for them it indicates. Well, for women to leave it to men to get things started between us seems a little like that to me. It's not that by being passive they expose me to anything all that terrible. It's more the thought that, even if the potential harm's minor, so many women are willing to have me risk it so they don't have to. And yet, if a woman's as glad as I am that I approached her, she will have benefitted as much as me.
Maybe that's fair, but it's a little hard to see how. I'd like to think we're in this together. Who wants to be part of a deal that's not fair to everyone involved? I'd feel better about all this if I could see that women, maybe at some other stage of things, ran some risk men didn't. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:08:46 AM | How about this for a shocking idea. Most women I know would rather get to know a guy before they make any move on him... most guys I know will start chatting up a girl the moment they decide they might like them. Therefore guys just get there first.
Plus what's wrong with the whole romance idea which seems to have passed you by completely? Dating shouldn't be about a battle for power it should be about getting to know the other person and OMG what a concept falling in love.
Just to add if your views are actually your views and not just the product of a bad breakup making you act out I feel very sorry for you becouse you will never know the security, happyness and love that exists in a truely equal partnership. You will only ever draw to you weak and flawed mates that are not your equal becouse that is what you are looking for. I hope very much for your sake and for the sake of any pore woman who's stupid enough to get involved with you that you get over this stage of your life, grow up a bit and realise that, wow what a concept, you are not the centre of the universe with all the answeres. I would also suggest you go and see a councellor to work through some of the issues you obviously have going by this and your other post. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:12:12 AM | | Id rather pay for dinner and have the lady prepare it! both sides win. Then again if someone was buying my dinner 24-7...haha id be set. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:34:31 AM |
why do women not like to show much interest in a guy,
Here's a better answer. It's because usually the initial interest is based purely on biology. And when women/men act wholeheartedly on that initial biological interest then it increases the potential for social consequences. Simply because initial interest does not equate to long term success.
Or simplistically put it's because they get burned more often than soothed when they do show interest. So people learn it's better to be cautious to protect oneself from getting burned. To let Mikey try it first. It does not necessarily equate they will manipulate Mikey into trying it first. Some people will just wait and see if he does, and keep themselves from doing it.
even then, responses don't prove anything,
Then why post a question? Unless it's simply to stroke your own ego?
(a) misunderstand what I say (b) feel ego-slapped by an insightful idea from someone other than them, or by the idea itself, so seeking to salvage their intelligence or virtue, they address 'WHY' I wrote it to atleast look deep and insightful enough to discern my character, and look 'virtuous' enough to belittle it.
So really, there is no reason to pay any attention to what you say. As you are doing the same thing you accuse people of doing.
Because with these "insights" you can disprove anything you don't want to hear.
If someone disagrees then they must be ego slapped and simply seeking retribution.
If someone disagrees then they must not understand what I'm really saying.
Yeah, that's 99.99999% of POF posting responses.
99.99999% of POF posting responses posts are simply trying to determine or validate social placement. To determine "them" and "us." To define oneself as part of a group, agreement or dissent. For stroking one's ego/mental masturbation. And/or pure entertainment.
Simplistically put it's "Dating is scary and hard work. But I'm lonely and need social contact and emotional validation. I'm gonna go to the dating site forums where I can reject people, or accept people, without having to face them doing it to me."
Every serious question regarding individual behavior, dating behavior, and relationship behavior has been studied. Tons and tons and tons of books on the subjects. Entire fields of study, courses, and understanding that is constantly changing. But to reprint them here, on this tiny site (compared to the enormity of the fields), would be rather pointless. As this site is primarily focused on personal opinion. And finding people of similar opinion.
Not the dissemination of knowledge or elucidation.
It's a POWER game.
Sort of. It's in every individuals best interest to control their environment to the greatest degree possible. But there are different degrees or focus of control depending on where their position along the spectrum, of individuality to solipsism, lies. One extreme works to control only themselves, the other extreme attempts to control everything but themselves. It's not a man vs. woman thing. It's people needing to feel secure, consistent, and better about themselves thing. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:35:02 AM | | Listen OP men have never had power............we just make you guys think you do............Wars from the beginning of time were fought because of women...........case and point why werent women in the battle fields because we were at home saying JACK thinks I love him but I love his best friend who I have been screwing for the past 6 months..............yeah keep believing that women are the weaker species and yes we will let you believe it but let me tell you the world revolves around PU$$Y........ | |
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| Why women DO NOT WANT "recup" to message them
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:40:13 AM | Much more appropriate title and question is "why do you, specifically, feel that you can't get any attention", OP
Pickle Awards nominee for the loonies posts
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 12:44:04 AM | | Tis just simple social dynamics my friends. We men are just as guilty of establishing these "standards" as the fairer sex. Perhaps it's just that women seem to instinctively understand these dynamics better than us brutes, so some of us seek to explain it through logic and reason, when most human behavior is far from logical or reasoning. Instead of trying to explain it I find it preferrable to simply adapt. It's not gonna change for any one person. | |
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recup_
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Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 62 | |
| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:00:04 AM | yeah keep believing that women are the weaker species and yes we will let you believe it but let me tell you the world revolves around PU$$Y........
Yeah and men need food just as bad, but food isn't 'more powerful' than its eater.
Men would have to be stupid to give food rights; letting the animals resist being used as food..... and that's exactly what happened. Men stupidly gave you rights.
There's a man in heaven more deceptive than women. His name's Jesus Christ. The bible testifies of a kingdom that didn't give women such rights and it enforced this system with stoning. They crucified the man who was to be its king, so you don't see it anymore. It'll be violently brought in by force when he returns on a white horse from heaven (Rev 19). God is merely letting you have power over men since we're in a Satanic kingdom that replaced Christ's (Luke 4). So the joke's on you. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:10:32 AM | Listen sweetie.............I read nothing of your post right now and I already know you smoke crack...............you werent breast fed were you and you probably got beat as a child......................like I said why dont you just say you pitch for the other team fruity............... | |
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recup_
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Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 64 | |
| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 1:19:11 AM | Listen sweetie.............I read nothing of your post right now and I already know you smoke crack
Joke's on you. The only reason women have power over men today is because we're living in a satanic kingdom that replaced the one Christ tried to set up, where women had no rights to resist men's needs. So, God is merely letting you THINK you have power until he shows up to overturn the current order (future event). Read the bible.
Female powers of deceit are nothing compared to God's.
He's blacker than your soul. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 3:47:06 AM | good one SilkenFire
yeah, I'm pissed that I even answered this Tool.
You know youre a bit bored and distracted when......
you spend five minutes trying to compose a reply to a punk that threw out a question just to see how many peeps he could piss off....
jeeeesus h keyrist...I thought I was gettin a little sharper too
kimbo | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 3:57:44 AM | yeah, I'm pissed that I even answered this Tool.
You know youre a bit bored and distracted when......
you spend five minutes trying to compose a reply to a punk that threw out a question just to see how many peeps he could piss off....
jeeeesus h keyrist...I thought I was gettin a little sharper too
LOL 'Bo... Don't be so hard on yourself!
I didn't post to him but I certainly was following the thread and I can tell you that if THAT was truly his pic he had posted to his profile, he was NOT someone who was happy to have made his so-called "discovery" of the mystery of women... If anything, his cheese has literally slid off his cracker with that news...
When I was a little girl, I knew a woman who was all Hellfire and brimstone and "there will be writhing on their bellies and gnashing of teeth for all of eternity...". At the time, she had 23 kids (plus a few miscarriages and stillbirths...) believing in the biblical "ye are blessed who are fruitful and multiply" stuff. She caught up with me and convinced me that my parents were going to Hell. I left early and spent the rest of the weekend trying to convince my mother to repent...  (My poor mother...LOL). I've heard that that woman is now wandering through the US in her bare feet, preaching on street corners and virtually insane.
That's who this OP reminded me of... I think it's sad for anyone to end up with nothing but an angry, vengeful God when they reach out...
I have, however, offered him a conciliatory pickle in the interest of spreading the love... If you're REALLY feeling bad, you could offer him one too...  | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 4:23:35 AM | thanks silken fire, but , we don't want to overpickle the guy
I'm sure he already is having fun with your pickle and a crucifix
in his altar...or shrine....listening to some Marilyn Manson whilst waxing the pole.
and..uhhh....I don't feel that bad, no probs
sounds like your friend went past insane, with no 'get out of hell' free cards after her...oh....Id say 7th or 8th kid....
seeeya bye
Kimbo | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:49:51 AM | I think the wicked shoe theorem, in its stark reality, highlights this to be a continuing problem in an age bequeathed in so called equality of the sexes; a small minority not notwithstanding.
And ive not mentioned it for a while it goes a little like this
Girl gets 100 pairs of dubious shoes thrust under her nose. (100 emails)
Girl bemoans the content whiny style.
Girl requires a new pair of shoes (actual shoes)
Girl visits many shoe shops, a great many shoes shops.
Girl chooses from a gabillion million shoes she went to the actual bother of looking at - real choice.
Thus in theory many a girl, not all, hold in higher esteem the action of picking a new pair of shoes as opposed to the complete apathetic inaction of choosing ones true love and have the brazen cheek to whine about it.
I don't see it as a power battle OP, though concede some residue of archaic programming from the last 2 million to 10million years (depending on your origin theories), may play a part. Men hunt, women cook clean. Men come back from hunt and claim the prettiest and a hearty plate of char grilled mammoth with side plate of muffins. Women desire to be claimed by the most successful/provider.
Though I cant help but think the realms of fairytales, magical kingdoms and TV play quite a significant role in perpetuating the mythology mr right will materialize out of fresh air and whisk her away on gallant steed clipity clop style. (possibly to the shoe shops)..
My additional thoughts!
Perception, and therefore, lack of true choice being the biggest offender.
Danger of some girls falling for those lovable rogues silvered of tongue and holding all guys in equal contempt for the choices they made as to the ones they were blissfully (ignorant) unaware off .
Curious women like many options and dont like the idea of one of these options having many options of his own.
Still I cant help but be a little interested in how some of the opposite sex pass there actions of apathy off as some format of true equality | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:23:12 AM | Well fellow posters, the one thing recup did was prove that majority of us are on the same wavelength. I enjoyed the fact that we all felt basically the same at heart about men and women despite our differences on other topics.
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:46:39 AM | Not all women expect men to come to them.
Last summer I was just hanging around for the forums and POOF a woman started contact with me and after talking for awhile she came to me.
Granted after a few months things did not work out but it was very refreashing to see that there are women out here willing to put forth an effort.
The normal side is all the men contacting women and then the women get to review those that contact them and select those that hold an interest to them.
Many ladies have a nice full inbox all the time, but how many actully turn into anything?
Yet when you ask many of the ladies that start contact with men that hold an interest to them, I would bet MORE of them get to the meeting stage.
Except for a few that i just did not get a good feeling about almost every woman that has contacted me has at least been granted the offer to meet them in person.
Is it about POWER? I don't think it has power as the root. I have spoke to several women about similar issues and many told me if they require a man to come to them that they do so to ensure the man will put forth the effort required to see them.
Here is the silly part that I pointed out to them and made a couple have a HUMMMM moment.
The number one fear and/or worry women have with online dating is that they would end up finding a man that is either married/in a relationship/or a player serial dater.
Just one change in the way things are done can have the ability to foil those types very quickly.
The players count on the fact that women want the man to come to them. Not only do they count on it, it is required for them to get away with their deception.
being a hour or so away from the ones they are pursuing is the norm because then THEY have the power to keep the women at arms length from their lives.
As I have said I usually meet women that choose to come to me because I see it as offering a piece of trust right from the start. Nothing to hide. No secret women tucked away or deception.
I started doing this because of coments that were made before.
Women saying that there is no way a man like me is still single and not snatched up already. (Pretty sure that was a compliment)
So ladies...
If you are not happy because it is starting to seem like there are many fake profiles emailing you that never amount to anything. If you are worried that when you do find one that wants to meet you, that they may be a player or married man. The easy way to fix that is for you to go to them. Toss a wrench right in their normal plans.
just my opinions | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:45:20 AM |
Yet when you ask many of the ladies that start contact with men that hold an interest to them, I would bet MORE of them get to the meeting stage.
Except for a few that i just did not get a good feeling about almost every woman that has contacted me has at least been granted the offer to meet them in person.
The number one fear and/or worry women have with online dating is that they would end up finding a man that is either married/in a relationship/or a player serial dater.
Some good points there. However, every single man that I contacted I never even got to a date with. When the man contacts me? It has.
And I agree with your other point. It's pretty easy to weed out the players. There have been quite a few men who have hemmed and hawed when I point blank ask them out. That begins the end to any further conversation I have with them.
And frankly, if I find out he's married and playing around on his wife, he'd better damn well hope that I don't know anyone he knows. It IS a very small world here in Ottawa and I have a really good memory LOL. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:16:41 AM | Pioneer Valley Woman,
Did you feel any kind of attraction to this gentleman who was trying to flirt. I am assuming you didn`t make any kind of eye contact as you were doing your research. Life gets to be too busy where we don`t take time to stop and smell the roses or to look up and see see the spirit. There are connections made every day that people miss. It seems communication is lacking too. If I say that I am attracted to a woman does she hear I want to sleep with her. That is like me saying the sky is blue and her hearing that I want to be an astronaut. | |
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| Why women want guys to come to THEM
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:26:40 AM | | I must be a woman or something then because I've been on quite a few dates and the woman was the aggressor or the one doing the asking in EVERY case. I think saying women wait for men to ask them out is a major generalization given my experiences. I'm usually reluctant to ask for dates and have always been the one approached not the other way around. | |
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