| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 7:09:19 AM | After years of trying to date Vanilla and play BDSM... I have come to realize I need to be dating someone who is in the BDSM lifestyle. I have been BDSM since I can remember. I have tried vanilla relationships and found myself drowning in them... and the men breaking up with me because I was too "demanding"... go figure.
For me... it's a no go if the man isn't at least open to having his wrists restrained during a bj.
As for the stereotyping of BDSM being all about pain and dark, devious, sexual acts, I recommend anyone who thinks along these lines to read:
"When Someone You Love Is Kinky" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt
Please remember that turning the lights on during sex is considered "out of the box" kinky for LOTS of people. Doing a different position other than missionary can make many women feel dirty. Sometimes... BDSM has nothing to do with the act of sex itself... Being given a list and sent to the grocery store can be sexually exciting to some men... because their wife gave them orders. There is no sex even promised here... the only thing she did was tell him what to do.
What one person may find "Kinky" or "BDSM" may be another person's everyday life and love making. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:21:57 AM | | Does anyone know what BDSM stands for? You cannot have a BD relationship without the SM aspect of it. That's why it's BDSM not BD, you can have a SM relationship without the BD. If you don't know what BDSM is try reading the book "Screw the roses, send me the thorns" (not sure who the author is). Ds doesn't involve pain. SM involves pain and that pain brings pleasure. BDSM is about Pain, it's Ds that's not about the pain. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:08:56 AM | | I'm with the rest on here. It is all about control. In watching some of the people interested in BDSM it seems that the person being tied up has the control in many ways as the other person can't get off without a willing participant. I talked to woman from here who had a multiyear affair with a guy and all she did was get a call and go over to his place, he laid therre and she gave him head. he never even touched her. her comment to me was when he said "that was fantastic" she got off on that. showed who was in charge to me. not my schene, although play acting and fun stuff like silk scarves and blindfolds in with the toys can make a ladies evening something extra if she is game and wanting. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:18:46 AM |
Does anyone know what BDSM stands for? You cannot have a BD relationship without the SM aspect of it. That's why it's BDSM not BD, you can have a SM relationship without the BD. If you don't know what BDSM is try reading the book "Screw the roses, send me the thorns" (not sure who the author is). Ds doesn't involve pain. SM involves pain and that pain brings pleasure. BDSM is about Pain, it's Ds that's not about the pain.
Bondage, Discipline (some see the "D" as "Dominance"). Sadistic (some see the "S" as "Submissive"), Masochism.
Some in the life only do the Dominance and submission. Some only do the Sadistic and masochism. Some are only into the Bondage and Discipline. Some only prefer the Bondage (those who want restrained and left in a cage for an hour or so)... some only the submission (those who only want to clean house and cook dinner).
Yes, you can have bondage and discipline without the SM. To punish a naughty boy, one can tie him to a chair and make him write onto a paper 100 times "I am sorry I am a naughty boy". Some may see this as Sadistic torture... others may see this as just silly play.
Yes, it is possible to have the SM without the BD. One can be very easily verbally sadistic to another without actually tying them up and spanking them. And really, to be honest... the verbal torture can sometimes be more effective.
The joke goes:
A masochist begs to be spanked. The Sadist... says "no".
The denial of the act is more torturous than the act itself. To the masochist... the spanking is the pleasure. To the Sadist... denying pleasure is theirs.
why the restraints when BJ? ....now she had controol of giving pleasure.
For me... it's the control of giving... or not giving the pleasure. Stopping the bj just before he gets off then walking away. Leaving him restrained, unable to move.... usually blind folded... he doesn't know when the pleasure is coming back... and he doesn't know when he is getting off. In the way I play... he knows he WILL get off... he just doesn't know when. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:40:40 AM |
As for the stereotyping of BDSM being all about pain and dark, devious, sexual acts, I recommend anyone who thinks along these lines to read:
"When Someone You Love Is Kinky" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt
That's a great reccomendation. Dossie and Catherine not only know their subject, they are great writers. The illustrations are cool, too.  | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:10:53 PM |
Does anyone know what BDSM stands for? You cannot have a BD relationship without the SM aspect of it.
Are you saying that there is no 'Bondage' without the 'masochism'? All I have to say is my lifestyle focuses more on the Bondage aspect, with little or no SM.
BDSM is a BIG arena, a lifestyle does not have to follow the plan 100% to be considered that type of lifestyle.
Lastly, this thread is FAR from polite and understanding to this lifestyle. Run a thread search for "Men in diapers" if you want to see some real intolerance ;-) | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:17:48 PM | | Anything consensual between adults is fine with me. I do think however there is a point that steps over the line, for me anyway, that's mainly when permanent damage is being done. I have dated women who like to be tied up, or spanked and I don't consider that unreasonable, but I would never hit anyone (save a light spanking), or draw blood or do anything I feel is damaging/dangerous. I won't judge what others like, but certain things are beyond my limit. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:30:01 PM |
Does anyone know what BDSM stands for? You cannot have a BD relationship without the SM aspect of it. That's why it's BDSM not BD, you can have a SM relationship without the BD.
This will mislead those who don't know the acronym. The letters overlap:
BD = Bondage and Discipline (does not have to involve pain, for those afraid of pain)
DS = Dominance and submission (again, does not have to involve pain)
SM = Sadism and Masochism (usually involves pain to some degree; the classic dictionary definition of sadism is "sexual gratification gained through causing pain or degradation to others" and masochism is defined as "the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.")
So yes, you CAN have BD or D/s without SM. Some folks are into all of the many flavors of these aspects, some only into one or two activities - such as those who love shibari rope bondage without being either doms or subs. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:32:17 PM | | Now, now, there is NOTHING wrong with a little SLAP AND TICKLE !!! BDSM is NOT about beating the CRAP out of someone, unless they BEG for it of course ~smirks~. It is more about the DYNAMIC between two people and a mutual respect between them believe it or not. A Dominant and submissive get what they NEED from each other by assuming the roles both of them have, and SHARING in those functional parts being preformed. Myself being a natural born Alpha Female, I am NOT about to be tied up or put into any 'subservient' position. Therefore, the person whom I would choose to be in that situation with, must be of a yielding nature. Being in abidance does NOT mean WEAK either, which is a HUGE misnomer. Being a bottom merely means that they will do what is asked of them with no questions or argument. It is a small part of life reserved for the privacy of a place where two consenting adults choose to indulge in willingly and knowingly. It can go from mild to the extreme depending on the people's preference and what they are comfortable doing. All in all, it is about the mental stimulation and fulfillment, the physical is secondary. ~twirls crop,winks and licks lips~ | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 2:14:40 AM | Talk about BDSM, and some people's pantyhose/skivvies get in a bunch!
Ever seen a shark mating? Awesome, intense, and violent! Not everyone is right for it, and it is about trust and compliance. Without either of those, most will not like it. I am not one of those vanilla types, I just eat the cherries. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:38:20 AM | In reading this thread, it occurred to me that many couples are living in a D/s relationship and don't even know it or give it a name. That is, other then calling a man that submits to his wife's wishes, hen pecked or the wife taking the old traditional role of being the dutiful little woman that caters to her husbands every wish, command and desire. Whatever works for each couple's happiness is fine with me.
For those that give it a name, and know it is about a power exchange between a woman and a man, that's even better. True, it is not all about whips, chains, paddles, bondage and pain. However, it can include some consensual punishment or even some very harmless, playful fun with bondage, spankings and whatever floats their boat. It can also include some rituals and ceremonies to remind them of who and what they are to each other. It can be a beautiful thing.
So back to the question...Would I consider being in a relationship with someone into way to wide umbrella lifestyle called BDSM? Been there done that.
I was very much in love with her. She was a very dominant woman that I respected, adored, and loved immensely.
Would I now go out of my way to find a Dominant woman again? NO! When she left, she took that desire, need ...or whatever it was out of me.
Would I ever be in a relationship with another Dominant woman? For now, maybe the only one I'd ever completely submit to, is the one that took my heart. But the possibility of perhaps some role play for erotic fun would be nice. (wink) | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:36:47 AM | Nope OP, wouldnt consider it.
Its not in my nature, as it is in some peoples, so to do anything that makes me cringe wouldnt be right for me... and Im not talking just of pain, or the more darker sides of humiliation etc etc..
I'm talking about the overview of what that huge unbrella BDSM is.. which is power, I dont really see a lot of exchange in it, although most Subs, to my eye, are very manipulative, vague creatures, who crave that total destruction of self that is 'Subspace'
I think theres something inherantly sick in the symbiotic dance of destructive sexuality and mind games that is BDSM.
An addiction of sorts, that is played out in a lifestyle, or sexual playing, rather than addressing the fact that if you feel the need to dominate or be dominated, in such a degree, then theres something a little wrong with you.
Its not all fun and games, its psychologically harming, IMO, and just take a look at the sites like Coller me and IC, to really see how Effed up in the head some of these people are.
I know practicioners of BDSM will say it promotes a new level of Trust, Intimacy and Lord knows what other nonsense, to justify their mindset, but most BDSM players are just that,.. players,.. you will rarely see a loving monogamous BDSM couple. Most are Poly, swingers, open relationships etc.
If you wish to walk down a very dark, mind game playing road of cheap and frankly tacky thrills OP, go ahead and date someone of this ilk.. me? I prefer my life to be lived in the light and openess, and not get my jollies in a parasitic way.
G. x | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:55:29 PM | "BDSM isn't about hurting someone.. it's about pleasing them. "
I stronly disagree. BDSM is NOT about pleasing, sex is about pleasing. BDSM is about control and power.
BDSM people are not " horny" or "aroused", they just have control and power issues.
NO, I would never be in such a relationship. My ex turned out to have such tendencies, which I could not have known of course before it was too late, that is I was attached as we dated for quite some time before actually introducing sex in the picture. It was evident right from the first sex it was a big thrill for him. The problem with this BDSM people is actually that BDSM games give them better highs than sex itself, so you start wondering what is wrong with YOU. This was one of the many reasons why i broke up the relationship.
No, but no thanks. | |
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:54:37 PM |
Nope OP, wouldnt consider it.
You'd have done well to stop right there.
Its not in my nature, as it is in some peoples, so to do anything that makes me cringe wouldnt be right for me... and Im not talking just of pain, or the more darker sides of humiliation etc etc..
I'm talking about the overview of what that huge unbrella BDSM is.. which is power, I dont really see a lot of exchange in it, although most Subs, to my eye, are very manipulative, vague creatures, who crave that total destruction of self that is 'Subspace'
I think theres something inherantly sick in the symbiotic dance of destructive sexuality and mind games that is BDSM.
An addiction of sorts, that is played out in a lifestyle, or sexual playing, rather than addressing the fact that if you feel the need to dominate or be dominated, in such a degree, then theres something a little wrong with you.
Its not all fun and games, its psychologically harming, IMO, and just take a look at the sites like Coller me and IC, to really see how Effed up in the head some of these people are.
I know practicioners of BDSM will say it promotes a new level of Trust, Intimacy and Lord knows what other nonsense, to justify their mindset, but most BDSM players are just that,.. players,.. you will rarely see a loving monogamous BDSM couple. Most are Poly, swingers, open relationships etc.
If you wish to walk down a very dark, mind game playing road of cheap and frankly tacky thrills OP, go ahead and date someone of this ilk.. me? I prefer my life to be lived in the light and openess, and not get my jollies in a parasitic way.
Wow...what a bitter, close-minded and totally misinformed screed. This is so wrong on so many levels.
If you don't want to be kinky, then don't - it's certainly no loss to the kinky world! But hating on the kinksters with name-calling like this? THAT'S "cheap and frankly tacky".
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| Would you ever consider being in a relationship with someone who is into BDSM?
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:14:53 PM | Pittsburgh Vixen says in reply to my comment of:
Nope OP, wouldnt consider it.
You'd have done well to stop right there.
And YOU Madam, would do well to realise that not everyone responds well to orders, unlike some Sub types, who absolutely revel in it.
My views are my own, call it hate if you will, I simply have a distaste for people who have power and control issues.It always makes me smile to be called close minded for not being a bloody headcase.
Kinksters is it now? Well, alright then, call it what you will, you can call me Nilla, I'll call you.. whatever i like
You'd do well to remmeber this is a Forum, with rules, one of which is NOT being told what I can say or cant say, or even having it suggested to me by another poster.
Luckilly, Madame.. you're not in control of me.
G. xx | |
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