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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:41:42 AM | Certainly not a conversation I'd initiate nor pursue or even want to know about!
This should be in the here and now. As healthy relationships develope so does the sexual aspect of it. The more comfortable you become with your partner the more you'll learn what flips the switch...as long as you listen! And sometimes you simply need to ask, or experiment.
As far as how long or short a period of time it takes for a woman to have an orgasm, yep, they can in 5 minutes or less, for those who think not..I'd say you're all wet......no, maybe not .....pun intended.  | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:11:59 AM | first off. you are young, she is young and I hope she isn't using you has a rebound or going to to you because she couldn't get the other guy.
Regardless, as other posters said, it is not her, it's your insecurity talking. Don't look at as this sucks, and my ego is crushed, look at it as maybe an opportunity to communicate with her. She has been completely open and honest to you. It takes balls to say that, I would've been like eh no....you are great and stop there.
Stop assuming you suck, stop assuming you thought she wanted it rougher...stop assuming. Just talk to her and ask her what she likes, who knows, imagine how good your sex is going to be if she is with someone she wants to be with and you're as good as that other guy because you asked her what she liked, and you also have to tell her what you like too. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:12:59 AM |
Sometimes it's better to let the past lie.
You asked, and she gave an honest reply.
She's not to blame.
Absolutely. If you don't want scary answers you should cease asking scary questions.
The OP should also ask himself WHY he asked in the first place. If he really wanted to know about the level of intimacy in her previouse relationship, how to physically please her, or if he just wanted his ego stroked hoping she would say he was the "bestest evaaaaah!".
I say again OP, you've got your work cut out for you. Stop whining and start doing your damndest to please her. Don't blame her for your failings, blame yourself for not trying hard enough.
~Justin | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:16:42 AM | | It isn't a competition. She is with you not him. If she is with you and not him because he threw her out, think about her comment that he was better and you'd better get used to not being enough for her. If she moved on, and is into you, why would she tell you? I think you're a goner on this one. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:29:04 AM | First off, how are you both emotionally connected? When a girl really loves a guy, she'll make him the focus when it comes to sex, but dude if you hurt your girl in any way emotionally, you can do handstands in bed and still not fullfil her desires.
That is just one thing guys will never understand.
When a girl really feels loved by you emotionally then you will see a whole different picture.
For just the sex part, what do you like about her physically, mentally? Let her know why you desire her and put a twist in it, everytime you jump in the bed with her don't make it about sex, and you will see how quickly your kitty will come crawling to you! | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:26:43 PM | Another example of NOT bringing up the past.......................
you opened this can of worms...............
you are very insecure to keep asking questions, and I am sure she relished thinking about how happy he USED TOO make her....
a complete hose down of any fireworks for sure.
One lady once told me, "wow that was the second best sex I ever had!." ..LOL
What an idiotic controlling statement.
No I didn't tell her, "boy you sure are self centered and average! What A TURN ON!"
yawn. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:45:48 PM | Think it was MSG 14# wrote it best. I was thinking the same thing--faking and wanting it over quickly!
My advice--when you have sex and you can masturbate yourself to a better orgasm. You didn't have good sex--Second, when she hints or flat out asks for more romance. Especially if she asks for flowers at work or in your case sent to her school! This is what you do, hint or flat out asks in frustration. Yes, take her flowers in person. See her don't give her them and oh gee here's some flowers honey--know let me use your vagina like its slightly better than my hand cause its a warm "hole". Nope, don't say a word kiss her gently just under her ears, either side does not matter slowly move gently kissing her neck. Pretend your going for her lips for that deep meaningful big screen kiss, gently place your finger on those lips instead, say: "see you later" slowly nicely soft gentle tone. Turn and walk away with a grin like the cat that ate, well you know the saying!
When she shows up too see you and she will. Repeat the under the ear soft gentle kissing down the neck, pause like your going for the lips. Instead pull her shirt off move down her body with gentle kisses and like your eating the best tasting favorite fruit peach or whatever (I'm turning myself on and I'm a guy). UN--button her pants or take off a belt, scoop her up and toss her onto the nearest soft area--repeat neck kissing with some passion. Move down her body--tease like your going to kiss her lips but don't--pull her pants off during the pause. Gentle kisses just above her underwear--pause like your about to kiss her lips--pull off under wear--go down on her with passion----just before you've had enough--pause like your going to kiss her lips--insert penis slowly--once all the way--pause--then give her that deep kiss big screen passion kiss on her lips---think you can handle the rest! Heck son don't wait for her to ask for flowers and or hint at romance--just do this on your own!
When you do things like this, just make sure the single Mother bartender and is working to pay for school, so she can give her daughter a better life. Is not really living with a boyfriend and father of her kid. She'll show up the next day at your house with kid and garbage bags of clothes! Or maybe thats just me! (Gene Simmons tone)  | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:51:31 PM | | My rule of thumb is don't ask any questions if you aren't prepared to hear the answer - particularly if they are of a personal nature and especially if someone keeps pressing. Sorry that you somehow feel inferior OP but from the sounds of it, you don't know when to quit while you're ahead. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:17:13 AM |
"He made me feel so good about my body. He really made me feel beautiful."
"That's interesting. Could I ask you how he did it?"
Sooooo you cant duplicate this? It seems fairly easy. She basically told you what to do. Though it seems liek she may still be hung up on him. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:32:33 PM | Don't worry about that remark. Sometimes good sex is just good sex. The best sex I ever had was with a man who was a friend. He had wanted sex with me for some time and had asked me to go away with him to northern Michigan two or three times. Although I wanted him just as much, I could not afford to lose two days off from work.
We ran into each other one day (we were both in grad school) and he invited me to come use his sauna at the house he owned (he was a non-traditional student). We sat in the sauna for a time and then had totally joyous, totally non-committed sex.
He moved away briefly later that same year. I left grad school for a time and worked as a journalist. I ran into him about three years later and he told me how he had often thought of our afternoon together. I said that I remembered it fondly. He wanted another impromptu afternoon but I had to go back to work, so I suggested we get together in the evening, but he had something else to do and would not be available for several days. We exchanged phone numbers but I neither heard from him nor saw him for months.
When he finally called, I was dating the man I would marry and turned down his offer, which was just for sex.
You know what? It was a joyous and fun single event. We were friends the way people were in the 60s and 70s. I have no idea what happened to him as I married and left Michigan but we had a tremendous experience that we both enjoyed. After my marriage ended, I was in a long relationship where the sex was terrific for a long time but that single afternoon, after a sauna and before a cook out, was wonderful. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 6:49:53 PM | Bummer dude.....you probably shouldn't have pressed so hard to find out why her ex was such a good lover too her. I would think your feelings have changed because of your feelings of inadequacy in not being able to be the kind of lover she described to you that had her so enamoured with the previous guy. You should probably try to come to terms with your negative feelings and move past them so you can enjoy a fulfilling reltionship with the girlfriend you say you "love very much".
This is just my opinion of course.
Good Luck! | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:01:36 PM | Sigh.
OP, this is why you never ask about ex's.
This is why you don't dig into it.
This is why you never ask questions you do NOT want to hear the answers to.
Lord, to be this young.
You're hurt because you wouldn't allow her to not answer you.
You forced her to tell you the truth and now she has and you feel insignificant and hurt.
I'm very generous but I'm not exactly "gentle" I thought women liked it a bit rough around the edges, slam me against the wall type of thing
Jesus Freaking Cripes who told you this BULLSHIT????
Look, if you're at all serious about knowing why that guy was the bomb ask her to communicate it in her own words. Not describing the actions to you but how they made her feel.
Ok? For example - most every woman has one past lover who was The Best!
Why?
Start a thread and ask that question and you'll get a million answers from all the POF women. It'd be great to ask and great information if men would truly listen
And for each woman's response another woman would feel differently and want or need something different.
In my history there is one man who was without any doubt the best, sometimes when I am sexual with another man I find myself HOPING this one may be close to how he was in bed. And that's sad and yet I feel so lucky to have felt that way with him.
It wasn't about his size. Because he was not endowed well.
It wasn't about how great he was or how long it lasted or the positions.
It was about the prelude and the postlude.
When we talked about music, his art, the Simpson's. His eyes always were focused on mine, I knew at all times, he listened to what I said. While talking about something sensitive or painful for me, he was there. He was present in the moment. I knew he was in touch with my pain, my emotions and that I was safe sharing them with him. Whether by his touch, a hand lightly on mine, stroking my hair away from my face - whatever - he was there. He was right there.
After the love making - normally I want to move away, be independent and seek my own space. With him, it wasn't possible. He'd wrap around me, in every way, arms, legs, all pressing me closely and intimately against him. His lips pressed to my ear, my hair, cheeks to cheeks and yeah, occasionally I woke up with his drool on my face and his morning wood between my thighs (oh darn!)
And nothing made me feel more sexy than the look that he would get when I walked into the room in the morning after hastily looking for my clothes and finding only his shirt....I donned it and saught out a Mountain Dew and him.
Get over your hurt and listen to her heart.
Next time? Don't ask what you don't want to know.
Best wishes!
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:03:45 PM | Sort reminds me of the Carly Simon song "We Have No Secrets"
In the name of honesty,
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers
And though I know you say
That it's me that you adore
Sometimes I wish, often I wish
That I never, never, never knew
Some of those secrets of yours
Some of those secrets of yours
Some of those secrets of yours
We have no secrets
Telling each other most everything now
Being honest or asking someone to be honest with you at times has its down side, figure out what you can learn from it and move on either with her or without her. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:39:19 PM | Again we have a bunch of status quo that needs a push off the edge and I am really good at "the edge".....
So a guy asks a question .. he shouldn't have ..??? are you people scre-ws loose... pun intended... better to find out that she is already saying with her body language that she is not in the present moment emotionally because she is still emotionally connected to one person in the past ..
You cannot form a relationship with anyone who is already invested elsewhere... no matter how many times you rub their willies... it is time spent literally and figuratively wasted....
Only great sex will occur for two people who "desire " to be with each other ... one of the worlds best sex therapists for couples has emotionally detoxified people through therapy... and you really need to be over the past and able to connect and willing to allow your being to succumb to a bond that should be strong.. so he is wasting .. absolutely wasting his time here .. this won't get better without her getting therapy to detoxify her emotional being from what was likely something very .. dysfunctional...
ever talked to a guy or gal that put up with horrendous abuse just to have an available vagina and penis in the same bed...? we all know these types... miserable but the bottle is chilling .. on the wrong side of the Sealy Posturepedic.
For anyone that is in touch with who they are .. and lives in the present moment I am quite sure that you would know if your lover was actually present in the same time frame and having sex with you .. this guy knew she is not present and had it very candidly verified.. like I said .. why spend ten years with someone only to hear that " Ralph or John or whoever " .. is the penis god of their partners brainstem...geesus .. he takes some of the advice here he might get stuck with that scenario later .. haven't any of you ever heard of people who go back to someone after living with someone else for years .. because they were always emotionally invested elsewhere ... ? of course.. and likely you would all tell this guy in ten years that the idiot knew what he knew so now he deserves that too.. come on...
This guy got a bonus.. he found out that no matter how many f'cking somersaults he can do with his balls this one is never going to be capable of being with him .. in bed because "Johnie Wingnut .. will always be it ....
Telling someone to add more physical pizzazz to a relationship that doesn't exist .. is saying .. stay in denial and play user friendly till your head hurts so bad you can't see straight .;.. and maybe walk your big and little brain into a blender on high speed...
If someone is living in the past .. stay away ... it makes for lousy sex for you ... as you can't compete with a ghost and why bother ... unless you really enjoy the pain of being treated like second .. fiddler ...
If she was in any way a decent woman she would never ever have gotten herself hooked up with you til she got mister wingnut out of her system... she is for all intents and purposes using you like a player .. only monogamously .. until her best sex .. wants her back.. and then a trio starts .. and I got news for you .. this harlequin soap opera is not going to improve ...
You don't have to be a swammie to know that this is an emotional tsunami, predictably there is no way this will ever improve with any rubbing poking or toy box surprises.. he cannot compete with a head buried in the past ...
He needs to remove himself from her life and if she seeks help great.. date again.. if not .. move on and stop wasting time on a competition you will never ever win... you cannot win a heart that is already taken.... and it ain't about the sex.. her mind in the emotional centers of her brain cannot be infiltrated by d'ck slapping ... | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:58:55 PM | some of the women on here .. clearly are communicating that they are still emotionally invested in the past as well.... and being caught up with someone else is giving your present moment .. less of who you need to be... I don't even understand why they are actually dating ... you need to have every aspect of a past relationship put to rest to make YOUR sex life satisfying and to embrace with complete connection a man or woman or you are selling a lie... and denial is not a good requisite for a great relationship.... when you compare someone else to someone new .. you aren't even with yourself let alone the new conquest... you have no right to offer this form of abuse to someone who is ready to invest in loving you deeply ... and you have every right to get your brain back to invest 100 percent in your own life so that you can pick up on a discernment that is necessary to contribute to your life .. not contaminate this .. a cloudy head is less likely to have a great sex life as well you must be capable of being the person you are .. not the person.. who was with .." whoever"
Like Robert Wagner just wrote in his bio... he had no right to be involved with women who loved him when his mind was always on .. Natalie Wood.. he said .. he should have been seeking therapy not marrying out of lonliness and hurting women who truly loved him... the truth is brutal but much better than stumbling around in your own head in full blown.,. denial...
When someone else is in your emotional driver seat , you have given them power over your sexual being... .. you do not even own your orgasm .. and until you can own that you sell yourself short to you... some may not like this comment but the truth is what it is .,. gals on here .. that invest in a compliments and comparative analysis class better learn that the only person that owns their sexual pleasure is themselves .. when Johnnie g-spot from long ago owns it ....they have control over you not .. enjoying what is goin on right now... sad.. very very sad... !!! | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:29:26 PM | | and stop telling the guy that not to ask questions he didn't want answers to... I guarantee that without words .. he already knew what was eventually communicated wtih words... he knew he was in bed with someone that was not there.. unless he is not capable of living in his own skin... everyone understands that .. hell the singularly strongest reason most people on this site shouldn't be here is that they are incapable of investing in their lives because they are still living in the past... ! Unfortunately they don't understand that the clock is ticking and they waste the present moment abusing themselves with the past.. and it is abuse .. because until you own the present moment you cannot give to the present relationship...... | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/13/2009 9:10:47 PM | smellsealsthedeal
the singularly strongest reason most people on this site shouldn't be here is that they are incapable of investing in their lives because they are still living in the past......
because until you own the present moment you cannot give to the present relationship
If this is the case for some of the women here I agree with this part you wrote smellsealsthedeal.....there are memories and experiences in everyones pasts and hopefully it was beautiful ones. However, they may never go away unless you have dementia or some simular disease!!! Never forget them!!! But you do need to take the time and heal...and make sure you are healthy and ready to move on, because if you are not mentally healthy and you owe that to your partner...your new relationship will not work out.
I personally took a couple of years off to be alone and concentrate on myself and my daughter...I've done some dating but haven't found anyone on the same chapter let alone the same page. However, I am happy and hopeful!!! We are adults...there is nothing wrong with being honest and having a special person in your past and just think of how great it will be when you find the right one in the present or future to spend the rest of your life with...I for one am so excited!!!!  | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:22:32 AM | | Like Big Daddy Jinx said, you need not worry about being the best lover in the world, but being with a woman who isn't 100% commited to you IS a problem. I don't know you, or your gf personally, but it sounds like she still has strong feelings for her ex. It's human nature to remember our past relationships, regret mistakes we made, etc. But when you move on, you move on. You seem like you treat her good, so don't blame yourself. I would let her know how much that hurt you and see where things go from there on. It may be best to just break it off for awhile until she is able to leave the past behind and commit herself to you. | |
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| My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:51:30 AM | smellsealsthedeal,
I can honestly say each and everytime I've read your posts, I've thought where the hell does she get all this in depth knowledge, from books, special education? I am curious, because I don't believe I've ever challenged nor questioned the context of your posts, until now! And only on a couple things in these posts. So, I'll state some things and await your response.
First; as far as him asking the question, I think it was a mistake. And this is my reasoning. I live in the "Here and Now", at least that's the way I feel. So, why would I want to question someone about their past sexual experiences? I'd have to be quite arrogant to think I'm the best lover anyones ever had. And please, I certainly wouldn't want the details. Whoose to say he wouldn't become the best lover she's ever had if the relationship were allowed to grow without the knowledge of the past?
I simply believe that as a couple grow together in a relationship, if it's healthy, things get better. Including sex, because you become more trusting, more at ease, and you learn more about your partners wants/needs while engaging, if you're attentive.
Unfortunately now, because of his new found knowledge (and it could be false) he's left with the "what now?" or "how can I be the best". I guess because I believe in the here and now and the best is yet to come. My past is my past. And when I meet the right person I'll not only teach them, but "ll learn.
Second; based the OPs statement, " POF, I know I dug deeper and was curious, but I love my girlfriend very much, and I'm still very hurt by this."
Do you see anything wrong with that statement?
Oh, BTW, enjoyed reading your profile smell, had a question off topic, more of a response, but can't email you...restrictions. Pond vs Pond. | |
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