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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:45:05 PM | OMG...I'm so tired of seeing the word "gold digger" misused on these forums.
Here's the ACTUAL definition of a gold digger from Dictionary dot com:
gold digger
Use gold digger in a Sentence
–noun 1. a person who seeks or digs for gold in a gold field.
2. Informal. a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.
A gold digger is NOT someone who allows a man to buy her a $20 or $30 dinner! Jesus. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:32:03 PM | Sure they are . . it's just that, in those cases, it's a very very small material gain.
That said, I'm still noting a remarkable tendency for women here to attack the OP, and completely disregard the posts from other women about how they know way too many women who, and I know I'm repeating myself, do EXACTLY what it is the OP expressed his frustrations over.
Why is that, I wonder? No, I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really wondering!
sam2800 wrote:
Am i the only real man out here who pays for 500$ suppers with no regrets??
Probably not, though I'm not among those few who can afford to do that on a routine basis. If you can afford it, though, or have the income level to maintain that sort of life style, more power to you! (I mean that seriously, by the way, not facetiously)
In all honesty, though, do you think most women should expect that sort of thing on a first date? I mean, aside from those rich-people-only dating sites or the sugar-daddy/sugar-babe dating sites (Yes, I was actually rather surprised that some people were so open about the "it's all about the money/arm-candy" thing, but I guess it's much better if they're candid about it)
But I digress.... I do that a lot... and, unfortunately, have somehow derailed my original train of thought beyond recovery! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:41:43 PM | ^^^yeah, who goes for a tasting menu on a first date? Please. The majority of us cannot afford that except for once in a while.
But if a guy is consistently paying for $20-30 meals, it could deplete his finances if he's the one paying all the time!
If a man is paying over a certain amount of cash on a date, it does lead a woman to think suspiciously - either he's trying to get you into bed or trying to show off.
If other women want to think differently and are the type that expect a man to pay, then fine. As you all may have witnessed, there are men who don't mind paying. This isn't going to go away unless we all go out and shoot these people. They are going to raise children with the same mindset, who cannot change and will not change and so it goes. Let's all come back in 50 years and I'm sure much will be the same.
Paying for a coffee, a hot dog from the vendor or a game of mini putt? Not so much show off and still a nice treat. Doesn't need to be pricey to be a treat.
If I suggest dinner, I expect to pay for it. I go out to eat all the time, it's a passion so if I'm going to suggest something like that, I'm paying for my own. People should not offer to pay (and this is for anyone - friends, dates etc.) because of anything other than having a nice time and wanting to treat someone. I never think that a man is trying to get into bed or show off (unless as I mentionned it's pricy), I prefer to remain positive.  | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:26:00 PM |
OMG...I'm so tired of seeing the word "gold digger" misused on these forums.
Here's the ACTUAL definition of a gold digger from Dictionary dot com:
gold digger
Use gold digger in a Sentence
–noun 1. a person who seeks or digs for gold in a gold field.
2. Informal. a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain.
A gold digger is NOT someone who allows a man to buy her a $20 or $30 dinner! Jesus.
Jersey, I was referring to a poster who said this
Okay, we have a winner here. This post.
who wrote this
Am i the only real man out here who pays for 500$ suppers with no regrets?? Wheter it goes further or not.I enjoy good food and if the lady im with does also, well we're eating and drinking all night and i'm paying.Obviously if your expecting sex out of it,then chances are you might feel like a fool at the end of the night lol
not the $20-$30 dates. I didn't misuse the term gold digger. She would associate with a man who spends $500 a date over a guy who spends $20 (which is smarter by the way especially when dealing with strangers). Is that not being a gold digger? If she was joking or referring to the guy's "lovingness" for eating out while enjoying a ladies' company than she shouldn't be offended. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:17:11 PM | Personally I myself have a problem when the woman pays. Not going dutch mind you but when she pays for the entire thing. I have been in situations of that happening and personally it makes me feel less of a man.
Treat a woman with generosity and kindness, be a man, and she'll repay you countless times over with love and affection that money cannot buy.
If there is a connection I agree whole heartedly with that statement. | |
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Icon3
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Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 382 | |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:23:39 PM | | I already get plenty of emails from tonnes of men...and am looking for ways to reduce them...maybe i should put the opposite in my profile.....am just looking for free meels from suckas! Please feed me...lol lol | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:29:06 PM | "looking for ways to reduce them"
You'd think just living in Fredericton would do it...
"I already get plenty of emails from tonnes of men"
Wait, this is the same place, you could blink and have already driven through it!*LOL*
wow...
Truth, more then meets the eye-TruthinessInc | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:22:53 PM | Brenoso
not the $20-$30 dates. I didn't misuse the term gold digger. She would associate with a man who spends $500 a date over a guy who spends $20 (which is smarter by the way especially when dealing with strangers). Is that not being a gold digger? If she was joking or referring to the guy's "lovingness" for eating out while enjoying a ladies' company than she shouldn't be offended.
No, not offended by your comment. I am not a gold-digger though. I am amused by the thought you think that might be the case by me giving "this post's a winnner! comment and to that gentleman's $500 post.
Now, I will get real and boring here...and possibly ruin my own fun for awhile by saying that much money would make me uncomfortable on the first date. a man does doesn't throw down that much money without hoping for something back most times. I don't put out (due to be a bible-confirming-Jesus-Freak) and I don't want to be under someone's thumb.
That said, I think I am more 0ld-fashioned that most gals here in NorCal. And I want the same for myself. I might have to move out of state to find someone who clicks with me who feels the same way I do about things.
but anyway, you are frustrated by my hyperbole and I don't blame you for throwing out the gold-digger label. But mister, I think you might be more cautious throwing it around. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:38:59 AM | but i have told them all from the start if all you want is sex move on
so with that being said when we meet thats all most are thinking about
does not seem to matter what you put in your profile | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:08:46 AM |
I have been in situations of that happening and personally it makes me feel less of a man.
I truly believe there are more types of these men around than the type that are comfortable letting a woman pay. Believe me, I've done it twice and both times the man was extremely uncomfortable.
Like I said, people can either bend with the way things are or buck them. Unfortunately the men that are going to buck this too much are going to get less dates. If one is fine with that, go for it. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:10:39 AM | I have read every single page of this thread and my biggest surprise out of this entire thread is how many women have completely badgered and attacked the OP for his comment. I mean seriously...many of them voiced their opinion in simple terms but also made sure to end their post calling him a cheap **stard, or a pig, or an ugly loser that nobody would want anyways, etc... All this just cause he made a very simple non-offensive comment about a personal opinion he had. In return, so far the only "insult" that has been given by any male in this thread is the term "gold-digger" and if you read it in context it was no insult at all.
Seriously...it is societal understanding that in the dating scene the men are generally the A-holes. But this thread shows much different.
Sorry, but from the first date on, I offered to help pay for my share of the expensive meals and events my boyfriend and I enjoyed, and he got FURIOUS! He said that he was the man, and if I couldn't just say thank you, then we ween't going anywhere again!!! I laughed and thanked him. I thank him after each meal for taking care of the check, and he says 'You are more than welcome, it is a pleasure having your company'
The above quote came from a woman (forgot name). The point of this is that in every relationship there has to be balance. And EVERYTHING is a relationship of some sort. Whether going out as friends, daters, or committed partners; the sort of expectation that creates balance is the offer to establish balance. If the offer is turned down by another then so be it that was their choice. But it is the responsibility of both sides to at minimum offer to meet at that middle point of balance.
I have gone out with women where she didn't even say thank you for the meal. The night went on but I was solidly decided that this woman will NEVER become a serious item for me. At the same time, in other situations I have had a woman that will literally argue with me to let her take the whole check. Ironically enough, I also will not want to be with this woman because she comes off as too aggressive and I can't understand her need to show off.
But here is the perfect woman for me... I take her out to dinner... If the dinner is not too expensive she might either say "thank you" or maybe even ask to put in the tip. If the dinner is expensive she will offer to pay half or at least will show interest in how much it was so she can share in the cost. Regardless of the bill...I WILL STILL PAY IT ALL!!! But, I will also allow her to play her part in the date and will tell her that she can buy me a drink later, or pay for the movie tickets or just the popcorn if the dinner wasn't expensive; plus I know that we won't buy any popcorn anyways so she'll get off without paying for anything.
AND BTW... For those women who say that paying for the dinner is part of chivalry, I say BS!!! I mean, do any women still believe that chivalry exists? It does not! That was something that existed in the days where there were very few men and women in a town and when a man found the ONE girl that tickled his fancy it was him who had to prove to her that she should pick him forever. Sorry to tell you but the world has moved on and dating is too much of a game. The original chivalry was for your hand in marriage, today's chivalry is to get in your pants. So yeah, you can be sure of one thing...when your date pays for that big expensive date, well he pretty much considers that an access fee for what will hopefully become a fun party. But please do not become delusional in thinking that a man will go out of his way to show you how good he is on the first date because he has noble intentions. That's not possible. The noble intentions come later and by that time the woman will be offering to share the bill anyways. So how about we all get over the BS games and start with the noble gestures from the beginning. The girl offers, and it helps the guy truly enjoy being able to provide for her.
P.S. Someone else got defensive by generalizations. Note that none of my statements are directed to ALL women. Just some of them and sadly a majority. And definitely all the ones that have on this thread and have attacked and been straight up rude to other people. That's just unnecessary, unrefined, and extremely un-lady-like. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:53:53 AM | [The original chivalry was for your hand in marriage, today's chivalry is to get in your pants. So yeah, you can be sure of one thing...when your date pays for that big expensive date, well he pretty much considers that an access fee for what will hopefully become a fun party. But please do not become delusional in thinking that a man will go out of his way to show you how good he is on the first date because he has noble intentions. That's not possible. ]
This is bullshit. I raised two sons, and thankully, they both have been taught to think much higher of women than this. My late husband always paid, when we dated,and he wouldn't have it any other way.That was his choice, And I didn't have to drop my pants to earn it.I offer to pay my way, or take the tip, drink tab...whatever..because I am sensitive to the fact that times are tough for everyone at this time.I think alot of men might accept this offer, because they really can't afford not to. But if they had the means, would always prefer to pay in a heartbeat. It's a guy thing.I may sound like an old fashioned idealist..but I think deep inside most men still are into the hunting, gathering, protecting, and providing role. Economic troubles, is what gets in the way...it's not that they don't WANT to pay.Then again, in our granparents day, the man would never dream of taking a dime from their date, and this was the depression era. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:14:54 AM | | I know plenty of women who have never offered to pay for anything, and they seem to have snared the men, married them and continue to be spoiled rotten in their marriages. I do not understand the hold these women seemed to have over the men from the first date, guess some men are enthralled from the get go and will do anything to get the woman. I doubt if the women had sex with the men on the first date, as they either do not believe in premarital sex or had sex when they realized the relationship was serious and both people were monogamous. I used to have an acquaitance who used to tell men when she was meeting them online that she expected them to do this and that and pay for everything and she told them if they did not comply with her wishes that she knew a lot of others who would, and she seemed to have a lot of men who always wanted to date her. I have insulted some men when I have offered to pay for my dinner or tickets or whatever, have had some say thank you and did not take me up on the offer, have had some who did not like me after meeting and then said I needed to pay for my dinner, and some who thanked me and said being with me was a pleasure and they were more than glad to pay. Seems as if sometimes the woman is damned if she offers to pay and damned if she does not offer to pay. I always try to clarify the who will pay question before we meet, but that does not seem to make any difference, the men seem to not do what they say a lot of the time. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:15:55 AM | | Hi I really do see your point - it's an expensive thing, dating these days. I never accept a dinner invitation as my first meeting, I always suggest drinks. If the guy insists that he wants to have dinner (which often is the case) then I insist on paying for myself. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:24:52 AM | I think that a guy paying for dinner does not equate to chivalry.
Parents in this country should rather concentrate on teaching their children from a young age already about standing up and offering their seats to women old and young . This just does not happen anymore - I witness daily on the trains and tubes how the men, young and old sit while the ladies young and old stand. This is more about chivalry then paying for a bloody meal. Come on people get your priorities straight | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 5:44:26 AM | [P.S. Someone else got defensive by generalizations. Note that none of my statements are directed to ALL women. Just some of them and sadly a majority. And definitely all the ones that have on this thread and have attacked and been straight up rude to other people. That's just unnecessary, unrefined, and extremely un-lady-like.]
You DID generalize, when you said that if a man pays for an expensive meal in this day and age, it is impossible for it to mean anything but wanting to get in our pants. How can you make a generalization like this, about your own gender, and then complain about generalizations? Your long post was on the right track for a while, and I was right there with you, till you got to the chivalry part, and it was all downhill from there. I still say that men really want to pay, they just can't always afford to, and I understand that. Todays men have child support, and alimony...it's not easy for them. But if they have the means, they will pay everytime, because they WANT to. I don't think there is a man on the planet, that earns 3 figures a year, who will accept a woman offer to go dutch, or pay the tip. I know I am generalizing here, but I don't care. I stick by this. So, if any big money makers out there, want to refute what I said, please correct me. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:15:03 AM | AND BTW... For those women who say that paying for the dinner is part of chivalry, I say BS!!! I mean, do any women still believe that chivalry exists? It does not!
It does exist, but money doesn't enter into it for me. To me it means opening my door for me - simple stuff like that. Paying for my dinner doesn't enter into it.
What I don't get is WHY you are paying if you don't believe in chivalry/gentlemen etc. WHY do you pay? Ponder that one. It's because that's what you were taught and what is culturally acceptable. Until all people like that go away, this is NOT going to change - EVER.
Fifi, I have explained why the so-called "gold diggers" have men. It's simple, these women are princesses. Raised by men to be like that. Nobody is good enough for my daughter type outlook. All parents have this outlook, but men have it for their daughters more than their sons. I've watched it in action.
I see men flocking to this type of woman, because she is soft spoken, knows how to give good ego etc., sorry but this is the way it is. Most men can't admit their ego. Why, I have no clue because I've long accepted the way men are and frankly it's not going to change. Most men will laughingly admit their c*ckiness when teased by a woman they like. It's happened to me many times and I am a big observer of human behaviour and I've seen what happens when a woman pays the bill completely.
The amount of couples I see where the woman is constantly either being princess-like, nagging or emasculating their man is quite high. These men are usually great guys who are extremely generous and here they are with a woman that most of the men on here say they would never date.
Okay. Whatever.
If you don't like the way things are, don't date. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:24:23 AM | | I am not asking you nor did I ask you to explain anything. I need no explaination. Some men like princesses, some princesses act quiet and feed the men's ego until they marry them, then the real personality comes out and the women are aggressive and the men can never do anything right. I used to feel sorry for these men, but now just figure they were too dumb to see the real woman, are now too passive to get a divorce, and/or love the woman. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:34:56 PM | THIS is why they made coffee houses. For men and women who don't want to go down the expensive restaurant route.
Bingo! Yep. I don't do first dates beyond this. Coffee shop or Baskin Robbins. I never met a chick who turns down ice cream (unless she's lactose intolerant and even then there Sherbert).
Men generally want to pay for things..
You repeat this in the mirror over and over don't you.
Parents in this country should rather concentrate on teaching their children from a young age already about standing up and offering their seats to women old and young . This just does not happen anymore - I witness daily on the trains and tubes how the men, young and old sit while the ladies young and old stand.
I do it, but most times the women will decline. (Maybe out of fear, I don't know). But I don't mind keeping my seat. I'll offer it to those closest and honestly I'm not going to jump through hoops to give my seat away. And chivary is dead because many men say that when they've treated a woman too well she screwed them (and not in any way they'd like to be screwed) or later on saw it as a ticket to use them. And some modern women think you're being "overly nice" or showing off (which was said about me once). My friend always teases me about walking on the proper side of the street when I'm with her. I always say "Marry me and then worry about it." :roll:
Parents in this country should rather concentrate on teaching people to keep their flies zipped and their skirts down until the act actually means something. But that's just me, I guess.
So basically who you are dismissing are the very guys you are looking for because they are displaying independent thought and not following the status quo. Often men are paying only for the reason of avoiding any negative social stigma. Do those sorts of men display independence? Hell no. They are showing that they care more about pleasing a woman THEY BARELY EVEN KNOW more than respecting themselves and withstanding the ire of society for daring to buck the norm in the name of what is right.
@ cmdrfunk: This is true. Normally I won't date a woman for long if she doesn't offer me something. I'll pay for dates but I expect her to take me out too even if it's just a picnic in the park. If I'm only important to her when I'm taking her out she'll soon find herself taking herself out and I have no qualms telling her why. Dinner/date whores get no love from me.
-Nate | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:13:01 PM | Quote: Currently FUNEMPLOYED! No job, very little money, plenty of time !!! Hey, life doesn't just grind to a standstill because you're not in the 9 to 5 rat race!
(Sorry if someone has already quoted indianaman on his profile, but this was there.)
I do believe this means you are too poor to pay for your dates dinner and you would love if she paid for yours as well. It's okay to not be on anyone's favourite list. Also... stop trying to, for a lack of a better word, be "cool." | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:09:21 PM | manderbrat on 7/7/2009 901 PM
@ cmdrfunk: This is true. Normally I won't date a woman for long if she doesn't offer me something. I'll pay for dates but I expect her to take me out too even if it's just a picnic in the park. If I'm only important to her when I'm taking her out she'll soon find herself taking herself out and I have no qualms telling her why. Dinner/date whores get no love from me.
Women are "Dinner/date Whores"now not just gold-diggers who believe men should pay? This thread has now reached a brand new low. That's just ghetto. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:29:27 PM |
This thread has now reached a brand new low. That's just ghetto.
No, what's ghetto, is the fact that there ARE women out there who do exactly as he states.
Maybe you're not one. But that doesn't negate that others are.
Some women just aren't honest and have ulterior motives! | |
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