|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:56:38 PM | | Wowser. 17 pages and counting. Agree the OP has been attacked beyond reason and degraded for his looks and his weight. Completely out of line. Women want chivalry and many men are willing & able to be chivalrous; on the same token men (and women of course) want respect. To the women who have posted non inflammatory comments here - I would opine that the bigger threat to you (women) is not the OP's opinion or subsquent comments from men, but rather the uncalled for hostile and derogatory comments from other women. I see a lot of invalidating, degrading and humilliation going on in many threads & posts. Its great when women challenge men and when men can challenge women. Thats what makes our society better than many other societies. However, humilliating, degrading, and invalidating others under a banner of honesty is uncalled for and only hurts your cause b/c mature people are going to be turned off and stop listening to what you're trying to say. Words have power and this guy doesn't deserve to be pistol whipped so to speak. Again, its great to share feelings and be honest - tell him you don't like what he said - but personal attacks and aggressiveness seem to show an underlying insecurity and anger that is beyond the scope of the OP or his opinions. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:14:39 AM | I'll admit the title got me to look at this thread, after all, I didn't want to miss out on what 'ALL women should put on their profile'. The way I see it, if the man invites he should pay, if the woman invites, then she should pay.  | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:23:00 AM | Again the simple solution to this if you are a man who's worried about having to pick up the tab on a date:
Don't offer to take women to dinner. Instead, go for coffee, drinks, apps only.
State in your profile you don't agree with picking up the tab.
Don't date.
If you're not worried about anything, then carry on. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:29:09 AM | The whole idea of women dating to get meals is kind of a degrading statement in the first place. I mean what percentage of women sit back and say "Man, I`m hungry. Better find some poor schmuck that I can maneuver a free meal out of." I just realistically don`t think that there are many women doing this on a daily basis for all of us to warrant a disclaimer. I mean, actually bringing this up as a valid arguement to me is very condescending and insulting to women in general. It`s the same as saying, men only date to get sex. It plain and simply is not true. Actually , I don`t know of a single woman who will go out with a man she is not attracted to in order to get a free meal. I know I wouldn`t. Not very many would. I can feed myself, as can most women.
And personally, I do feel that often, men that are not very good with women use the whole expensive restaurant thing to impress. Then they can feel the victim if things didn`t go as expected. It was YOU and your comapny that drove her away. She wasn`t looking for a free meal. If you don`t want to go to dinner, don`t offer it.
And offering to take a lady to dinner, and then begrudging to pay your fare share, when it was your idea in the first place, is just being a creep.
Maybe, just to keep it even, ALL men should put in, " I promise that I will not pressure you for , or even bring up sex on the first date." How would you like it if we required all men to put that in their profiles? | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:12:40 PM |
So yeah, you can be sure of one thing...when your date pays for that big expensive date, well he pretty much considers that an access fee for what will hopefully become a fun party. But please do not become delusional in thinking that a man will go out of his way to show you how good he is on the first date because he has noble intentions. That's not possible.
And you know this from all the “men” you have dated? What a croc of crap. It all depends on a man’s station in life. The more means a man has the less likely he will be to expect a women to pay unless he is a miser. Do you not realize that when a well-to-do man is seeing a woman he is sharing his lifestyle with her? That he can still have good intentions or are you that ignorant? The fact is that the more affluent a guy the least likely he is to expect anything from his dinner companion.
Also from this charmer:
and being that so many of you nasty responders were old nasty hags, it makes me want to forget the idea of marriage altogether. Cause it scares me that girls never grow out of their drama and nasty attitudes, even in their "wise" old age.
all the ones that have on this thread and have attacked and been straight up rude to other people. That's just unnecessary, unrefined, and extremely un-lady-like.
And your comments are not rude? You are obviously not a gentleman; your rants indicate you know nothing that is beneficial to either sex. Your first dates sound like tests.
You may not be old but you certainly fit your own nasty and deplete of wisdom categories. | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:25:18 PM | To yew4ic:
This is bullshit. I raised two sons, and thankully, they both have been taught to think much higher of women than this..... It's a guy thing.I may sound like an old fashioned idealist..but I think deep inside most men still are into the hunting, gathering, protecting, and providing role.
You DID generalize, when you said that if a man pays for an expensive meal in this day and age, it is impossible for it to mean anything but wanting to get in our pants. How can you make a generalization like this, about your own gender, and then complain about generalizations?
yew4ic, you sound extremely reasonable and I think we would agree about a lot of things. So let me clarify, I am not complaining about generalizations. I am the one that made the generalizations and somebody else in the thread got all touchy. I sincerely hope nobody here honestly believes they can claim what EVERY SINGLE person in the world is like; and obviously nobody should assume that anybody else makes comments referring to EVERY SINGLE person in the class they are talking about. So, if someone says "women are like ____" I would hope that every single mature adult would recognize that the other person knows that there are such a thing as nuns (for example) which will obviously not fit the description yet are still women. Hence a generalization is just that, an individuals personal opinion of what he/she believes the 51% majority of that class could be described as. But we all realize that there is a huge minority that does not conform to the same description.
yew4ic:
This is bullshit. I raised two sons, and thankully, they both have been taught to think much higher of women than this..... It's a guy thing.I may sound like an old fashioned idealist..but I think deep inside most men still are into the hunting, gathering, protecting, and providing role.
I personally still believe in my heart that there are amazing sincere women out there, and I actually meet everybody and think the best of them right off the bat. Always have always will. But in reality I have had enough experiences that have proved me very wrong and I have been witness to countless experiences other people have had which negate all my positive outlooks on women, men, and relationships in general. So my logical mind says that IN GENERALIZATION, most humans are full of it. But in my heart I still believe that people are good.
As far as chivalry... listen, I pay for all dinners, I open all doors, I walk on the street side of the sidewalk, I NEVER call a person nasty names in an argument, I will never leave a woman behind to be with my "buddies"; I have NEVER taken home a woman when she's drunk to take advantage of her... All in all, I was raised with GREAT values. However listen to this... If I ever open a door for a lady or do any of these other actions, it is by default and courtesy, NOT as part of the hunt or to make myself more desirable. I will do the same for any woman. I hope your boys will be the same. I actually find it awkward when an older couple watches me being courteous to the woman I am with and they say "aw, I guess chivalry isn't dead" because I wasn't even aware of it. And how can I be competing without being aware of it?
But when other men do it for the purpose of showing their worth, it is not like before where a man met a woman was mesmerized by her and decided that she would be his life companion and mother of his children. That was the concept of chivalry long ago. Now the chivalry is basically the HUNT like somebody else said. The hunt and chivalry are two different things. The concept of the hunt is a conquest based on power, while the concept of chivalry is based on inducing admiration and respect. So, the hunt now is basically a man that wants to know that he did what he had to do to have the power to sleep with or somehow temporarily control that woman. So, if women want to consider that a hunt with this outcome is the new definition of chivalry then so be it, but that's sad. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:34:27 PM | Wowser. 17 pages and counting. Agree the OP has been attacked beyond reason and degraded for his looks and his weight. Completely out of line. Women want chivalry and many men are willing & able to be chivalrous; on the same token men (and women of course) want respect. To the women who have posted non inflammatory comments here - I would opine that the bigger threat to you (women) is not the OP's opinion or subsquent comments from men, but rather the uncalled for hostile and derogatory comments from other women. I see a lot of invalidating, degrading and humilliation going on in many threads & posts. Its great when women challenge men and when men can challenge women. Thats what makes our society better than many other societies. However, humilliating, degrading, and invalidating others under a banner of honesty is uncalled for and only hurts your cause b/c mature people are going to be turned off and stop listening to what you're trying to say. Words have power and this guy doesn't deserve to be pistol whipped so to speak. Again, its great to share feelings and be honest - tell him you don't like what he said - but personal attacks and aggressiveness seem to show an underlying insecurity and anger that is beyond the scope of the OP or his opinions.
Thank you friend...I couldn't have said it better myself. I may generalize a lot and be abruptly honest in my opinions, but I will never make any offenses to any direct individuals here or anywhere else. There are too many factors behind every single person that a direct attack would be very ignorant on my part. Women...please notice the difference between generalizations and direct comments to an individual. If you personally choose to take a generalized comment as a direct insult then that is your choice. You might want to realize that although the comment does not fit who you believe you are, there is a high percentage that there are many other people out there who the comment does fit for. So, to maintain the peace and harmony, might as well assume that the offensive comment was meant for the other side of the scale which does not include you. :) In return, I respect all attacks on "men as a whole" because like Excelsiur said, it is great for us to challenge each other. But whenever anybody directly attacks another person they don't even know, I feel that it's pathetic and appalling. And I feel sorry for the insulter more than the insulted. | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:21:24 PM | You know. I just think that it is a really sad state of affairs that today, a man can not invite a woman to dinner to get to know her, without there being all kinds of percieved ulterior motives both ways. I for one, turn down dinner dates, because I just don`t want to deal with the whole scenario. Then I wonder. Is this really what men want as a whole? For women to be so disenchanted with dating, mating, and having a partner, that they simply choose the safe route to stay alone. That way , at least they are not creating any scenarios, stress or getting involved in something unpleasant. They can not be accused of using, teasing or playing a man. They simply pass on the whole thing. I mean, I don`t want to be alone. But at the same time, I don`t want to be labeled as a user if a man pays for my cup of coffee, or frigid if I don`t offer my body to him on the first date, or the last scenario, a whore if I do. So I just pass on the whole thing and become a troll on the forums. Hope all the lovely gentlemen are happy for the ones of us who have basically given up. But at least we aren`t costing you anything.
So you should be happy with that. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:28:19 AM |
All in all, I was raised with GREAT values. However listen to this... If I ever open a door for a lady or do any of these other actions, it is by default and courtesy, NOT as part of the hunt or to make myself more desirable. I will do the same for any woman.
This is exactly how I view it. As someone who has brothers that do these types of things for me, I don't view it from other men as a way to get into my pants. My brothers have cleaned my car of snow, opened doors for me, treated me to an ice cream etc., etc. I have male friends who do the same.
The twist is that men who do do those things by default are always more desired (at least by me). I freely admit that there are things I cannot do and would like a man's help (I can't move a bloody couch!!).
That's the difference between me and some of the men on here. I don't think negatively of men when they do things like that, I gladly accept them. It's when men come on here and start whining about women having used them. You know what? Men have used me for different things, men have hurt me. Does that mean ALL men are going to do that? Of course not. The men in my life (friends and family) have taught me that. However, there are people on here who should NOT be dating. If they have the current outlook of "one woman can make one man hate all women", they shouldn't be on here trying to date folks who don't have the same view.
That's why I don't want to date a man who talks about money. Either whining because he's doesn't have any or that some woman screwed him over or that he has too much and brags about it.
And I do think there are differences between women and men and that there are certain generalizations that can be made. But I honestly don't think that these things are really worth getting all het up about. Sometimes, men are men and women are women. I don't think it's really a big deal. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:29:07 AM | Interesting subject!
As a fella that posts on his profile, that I will pay for the meal, I have no other expectations! HOWEVER, I have had several "Luncheon Dates", where it was obvous from the start she was there for just a nice meal! I followed through with my statement, chatted and paid the bill, no questions or attack on the "Lady"!
You can tell afterwards you are correct in the assumption, because the ladies who do this NEVER even write a thank you and some even delete your message without reading!-lolol
Ahhhh Ladies--and you thought it was just men who were cads!-lolol
From now on it will be coffee only-lolol | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:44:16 AM | | The ladies might not have liked something about you, it might have had nothing to do with the fact that they may or may not have been looking for a free meal. I always offer to pay for the meal when I meet someone, and have had plenty of thank you for the meal,etc. type email either deleted before they are read or read/delete and never hear from the men again. Am I to assume that they did those things because I offered to pay for the meal? I doubt it, they did not like me and took the easy way out. | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:51:52 PM | ........................................................................ wutta d@@sh is this guy still on POF? i would never meet a guy for first date for a dinner. how presumptuous. i havent even checked out this winner's profile or pics yet. what a catch. .................................... c l u e l e s s ...... | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:56:25 PM | second thought ME AGAIN Where does that guy live? Since it's summer time, I have a hankering for a good lobster meal, maybe start out with some steamers, surf and turf, a nice steak, chocolate souffle for dessert, really fine imported wine, Im starving! ...oh, and this thing im carrying? its not a cooler,,um no,,,its a large purse...big enough to carry home ample leftovers. Call Me $$oon. Ill leave my wallet at home.  | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/10/2009 2:18:16 PM | Nootherids:::I personally still believe in my heart that there are amazing sincere women out there, and I actually meet everybody and think the best of them right off the bat. Always have always will. But in reality I have had enough experiences that have proved me very wrong and I have been witness to countless experiences other people have had which negate all my positive outlooks on women, men, and relationships in general. So my logical mind says that IN GENERALIZATION, most humans are full of it. But in my heart I still believe that people are good.
I have had to do a big reality check on MYSELF when it comes to this. Everytime I get disappointed in someone who turned out to be different than what I thought, when I met them...I can say that in every case, and I mean every single one...the red flags were there, and I made the choice to ignore those red flags. I am therefore responsible for all consequences I suffered because of that decision. I was never duped. I still fight the urge to pull that card though. :) | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:16:15 PM | Indianaman,
I so disagree with you. I'm glad that woman feels that she should go dutch on her meals. Good for her and I sincerely support her choice. While what follows may seem like a rant, it was actually written with a smile on my face.
I can honestly say I've had dates where the only thing that prevented me from highlighting a rot-infested soul, ill-advised opinions, bigotry, or generalizations was the chewing of steak into small pieces. I’m not out to generate death with my words so I chewed my steak in meditative silence while I planned the most effective escape route. That being said, if I had pay for my share of such disgusting talk it would have been completely unbearable.
I'm an attractive woman with wonderful conversation, sense of humor, and a nice smile. Why shouldn’t a guy buy my dinner, present flowers, and dazzle me? He asked for my time...not the other way around. I can cook and cook well. Why would I leave my comfy home to drive to a restaurant to pay for a meal? I have books, knitting, and exercise videos at home. Why would I leave its warmth to go and then pay for “entertainment” with him?
I'm saying the problem today is too few men try to impress women.
They want to:
do nothing,
offer nothing,
contact us little if at all,
mass reply in text message groups to many of us,
send us forwarded emails to other women,
ignore us,
and then still expect us to be GRATEFUL for spending time with them?
Frankly, it’s not the guys fault. I’ve know too many women that are SO GRATEFUL to be with a man because of his (looks/education/paycheck/stature) that they stopped requiring men to earn their time and attention. Even worse, there is a pop-culture myth that accepting a gift obligates you to some sort of sexual favor afterwards. It doesn’t.
Indianaman, I'm sorry, I'm not going to reach for the check first. I'll stand beside that until the end of time. And just know that if I do reach for that check first (and you’re not my husband), you’ve automatically reached the realm of friendship from which you will never exit. And to those that have a problem with that, please feel free to find someone more interesting, fun and relaxing to spend your time with. | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:02:30 PM | Womaninprogress [Again the simple solution to this if you are a man who's worried about having to pick up the tab on a date:
Don't offer to take women to dinner. Instead, go for coffee, drinks, apps only.
State in your profile you don't agree with picking up the tab.]
Good point! Whoever has an issue with the tab, should be the one to state it in their profile. Sounds like a good solution to me. End of story. Everyone agree? | |
|
| |
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:45:18 PM | I just don"t understand the whole thing. You meet a woman that you would like to know. She is minding her own business, going through life, not asking a thing of anyone. So you are wanting to draw her into your life. So you ask her to join you for dinner. Then you want her to pay for her fare share. You invited her.
If I invite someone, man or woman for a meal, I expect to be the hostess and pay.
Sure if I am cooking dinner for people , it is great if they offer to bring dessert or a bottle of wine, but not expected, and considered very gracious. I did the inviting. I expect to hostess the event.
What is the big deal about being universally gracious and of good manners and breeding? It comes down to pretty simple dynamics. If you ask, expect to be the host.
If you do not want to be the host, don`t ask. I wouldn`t ask someone out and then expect them to pay their own way.
That is very unrefined and tacky. I work very hard at keeping things even for the most part. I mean, I don`t believe in using men, not all all. But at the same time, good manners are good manners, gender inclusive.
The final thought is-------if a woman is really attracted to you and wants you around, the absolute LAST thing she is thinking about is what food she is putting in her mouth . Hopefully she is thinking about putting other things in her mouth, and it aint food!
 | |
|
| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:20:15 PM | Posted: 7/10/2009 5 15 PM
Indianaman,
I so disagree with you. I'm glad that woman feels that she should go dutch on her meals. Good for her and I sincerely support her choice. While what follows may seem like a rant, it was actually written with a smile on my face.
I can honestly say I've had dates where the only thing that prevented me from highlighting a rot-infested soul, ill-advised opinions, bigotry, or generalizations was the chewing of steak into small pieces. I’m not out to generate death with my words so I chewed my steak in meditative silence while I planned the most effective escape route. That being said, if I had pay for my share of such disgusting talk it would have been completely unbearable.
I'm an attractive woman with wonderful conversation, sense of humor, and a nice smile. Why shouldn’t a guy buy my dinner, present flowers, and dazzle me? He asked for my time...not the other way around. I can cook and cook well. Why would I leave my comfy home to drive to a restaurant to pay for a meal? I have books, knitting, and exercise videos at home. Why would I leave its warmth to go and then pay for “entertainment” with him?
I'm saying the problem today is too few men try to impress women.
They want to:
do nothing,
offer nothing,
contact us little if at all,
mass reply in text message groups to many of us,
send us forwarded emails to other women,
ignore us,
and then still expect us to be GRATEFUL for spending time with them?
Frankly, it’s not the guys fault. I’ve know too many women that are SO GRATEFUL to be with a man because of his (looks/education/paycheck/stature) that they stopped requiring men to earn their time and attention. Even worse, there is a pop-culture myth that accepting a gift obligates you to some sort of sexual favor afterwards. It doesn’t.
Indianaman, I'm sorry, I'm not going to reach for the check first. I'll stand beside that until the end of time. And just know that if I do reach for that check first (and you’re not my husband), you’ve automatically reached the realm of friendship from which you will never exit. And to those that have a problem with that, please feel free to find someone more interesting, fun and relaxing to spend your time with.
THANK YOU! So well and graciously put, much better than I ever could! If women started feeling that they deserve more, perhaps things might change for the better, more eyes might be opened. I will kick up my heels and let you talk, your post is a refreshing piece of oasis in the midst of the spiritual desert full of .dehydration
 | |
|
|
| Page 17 of 21
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 |
|
Home
login 
