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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:17:46 AM | You know, I have always been a good provider for my daughter, and supported myself. There were tough times when starting my last business, but even then I managed. I have never been one to date a man for his money, nor have I ever expected a man to 'buy' me.
But you know what? My boyfriend has never, in the entire time we have been together, let me pay for anything. That goes for dinners out, shopping trips, getaway vacations or even when he runs to the store for me. He just flat out refuses to let me pay for anything, and sometimes his generosity and thoughtfulness just blows me away.
In turn, however, I love to shop for him. I have bought him some awesome clothes, a 18kt Redskins charm for his necklace when he got his Master's, and after the first night I stayed at his house overnight, I bought him a new bedside lamp, 800 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, a new comforter set complete with shams. I also picked out his new bedroom suite and through my business connections got him an amazing deal on it.
I also make sure that I know how he likes his coffee, I cook dinner for him often, and see to it that his thoughtfulness is appreciated...I don't just say the words, I show him with my behavior to him.
I am not oppressed or dominated by him...don't get me wrong. I just try to do the little things to show him that I love him. He does things like this for me too, like knowing that I collect cookie jars, he frequently surprises me with one I have been lusting for. LOL the man has actually educated himself on collectibles for me...how awesome is that???
You know, if you go into a potential relationship worrying about something so petty as who pays for the drinks, or who picks up the tab for dinner, what are you going to do when something substantial comes up?
If the OP can't afford to pay for a woman's meal, then he has bigger problems than his lovelife.
Beth | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 3:51:53 AM | | My preference is to do dutch, versus him paying for the meal. I never would want him to expect anything more, than just a meal with a friendly person. I've had experiences where a man expected much more than what was listed on the restaurant's menu, because he paid for dinner :( If the man is old fashioned, but respectful (meaning, not expecting instant gratification) and is understanding of my feelings, then that is the type of man that I would love to meet! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:35:15 AM | Least of all some cheapo who isnt gentleman enough to pay for a date.
so if he pays for the date, and thinks you should sleep with him cause he paid for the date, does this still make him a gentleman cause he paid?
also...
Its very easy for women to come on here and say "I will pay if I ask" when "typically" a man asks a women out MOST of the time....
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:53:26 AM | | Not a bad theory indianaguy but the sad fact is that there are plenty of try-hard opportunist types out there. Personally I dont feel the need to validate myself or seek public approval - this single mid-life dating thing is stressful enough without encountering all the let-downs that seem to come with it. I'm not jaded -just tell it like it is and apparently not every1 likes that!! This is the Australian stance anyway haha- Just my 2 bobs worth. Good luck to u xxSuzxx | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:17:44 AM | | if a guy is uncomfortable paying and feels used when he does, then he shouldnt pay. everything is a risk in dating. only risk what you are willing to loose. i dont want to list things im not on my profile to appease fearful men. i also dont want to list my fears. it puts a negative spin on everything. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 1:36:11 PM | M1ssL0vely wrote:
u are extremely creepy and I totaly understand y none of your dates call u back. WTF dude, u have got to be kidding me. Most guys are dishonest about their appearance on this site anyway, thats y they dont get a return phone call
I'd have to say that this is probably the most concise example of judgmentalism and unjustified bashing of a post that I've seen in quite some time. Bonus points for efficiency, though! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:44:40 PM | *
I'm not running a ploy to get free meals. I'm happy to meet at a restaurant and pay for myself, if you still think you'd like to get to know me.
*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... 
WOW... Really??? Cough Cough, if you guys keep gettin taken by chics who are so fuggin desperate for a meal, you should so smell her comin from a mile away.
If we have to put that, how about you guys put on your profile
" Im not trying to just get in your pants I SWEAR, I had sex yesterday(Twice).. If you still think you you'd like to get to know me"
^T^ | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:23:36 PM | ^T^ wrote:
If we have to put that, how about you guys put on your profile
" Im not trying to just get in your pants I SWEAR, I had sex yesterday(Twice).. If you still think you you'd like to get to know me"
Y'know, I was actually thinking once for laughs of putting a variation of that in my profile somewhere - something to the effect of:
"I promise that I'm not going to try to get into your pants on the first date if you promise not to try to get into mine."
But, perversely, I imagine that would make women MORE suspicious than if I were to say "Y'know, if we hit it off really well, I'll probably want to get in your pants."
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:51:36 PM | Bottom line, it's not about me or "him" and I do get emails from a total variety...and I DO respond to all that aren't the _______.
I do respect that they take the time, and thank them for doing so, sincerely there's no way I could find it in me to trash someone for writing me. They took the time, I can surely take the time to be respectful enough to reply. There are a select few...not worthy of a response. Some from women...go figure.
If it's at the point where plans are made, even on "oh GOD, the SPUR of the moment" yeah it happens...apparently not to the OP, all the threads about who pays, and who SHOULD pay and this...what ALL women should put in their profiles. I'll make this brief...it's just for him, so...step up and get the award. You are SO deserving. (can I get a drum roll....) A lifetime membership award..you will be here that long, if whatever home you end up in has internet access. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:08:09 PM | Ok, I probably shouldn't pick on bucsgirl specifically, but hers is the last post, and this attitude seems to be FAR too prevalent in this thread:
bucsgirl wrote:
...apparently not to the OP, all the threads about who pays, and who SHOULD pay and this...what ALL women should put in their profiles.
Funny, I checked the OPs history - he's posted to threads besides this one dealing with different topics.
Further, even as early as page 1, it's noted that it's not what all women should put on their profiles, but that his original post was somewhat tongue-in-cheek.
bucsgirl wrote:
You are SO deserving. (can I get a drum roll....) A lifetime membership award..you will be here that long, if whatever home you end up in has internet access.
Again, why do women feel there's NO problem with bashing the OP on this? Whether you know them personally (and I'm repeating myself again and again, but it seems a number of women on this thread either haven't read through it, or insist on tuning out something) or know someone who knows them, it's already been admitted, by women, that there are a number of women out there who do have the attitude of "Oh, who cares if I don't like him, at least it's a free meal and drinks."
Context people! Nobody said they NEED this free meal - but that they're taking advantage of the situation.
But wow, what did the OP do here? He committed the crime of suggesting (and have had other women confirm it, no less!) that not all women on a dating site have pure motives? Is THAT what's offending so many women to the point where they feel they can be harsh, degrading, and insulting to the OP? Did he violate some unspoken taboo by saying this, and the rule is just not to acknowledge that women have acknowledged what he suspected? | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/28/2009 10:15:23 PM | Note to self: ...There are some FREAKY MEN on this site.
I'm not running a ploy to get free meals. I'm happy to meet at a restaurant and pay for myself, if you still think you'd like to get to know me. ****Ladies, if you put this in your profiles you'll definitely impress a lot of men here. Mmmk...? Actually H-tothe-E-tothedbl-LL NO! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:01:46 AM | Bucsgirl doesn't need to degrade and insult an opie dopie.
They do that well enough themselves by starting a "I can't afford a cup of coffee" whiney thread.
You go out with the op elvis, and have a good time with him. I think any self repecting woman with a box of Rice A Roni would rather stay home and control the remote.
Ya'll can go to a pub and sing Hound Dog or Teddy Bear all night long and fight over the beer tab. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:25:56 AM | NotElvis[[[But wow, what did the OP do here? He committed the crime of suggesting (and have had other women confirm it, no less!) that not all women on a dating site have pure motives?]]]]]
No, I don't think that is the problem We already know that not all people in pof, in general have pure motives. What I'm wondering, is why does he say that this issue should be addressed on the womans profile? Why isn't he telling men to put it on theirs, such as "dutch only" or whatever he thinks it should be. He's the one with the issue...it should go on HIS profile. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:05:02 AM | | I disagree. Most women should not have to lie about paying for their own meal to get a date. Furthermore, I feel that if I'm not willing to pay for the entire meal, regardless of the cost, then she wasn't worth the breakfast/lunch/dinner date to begin with. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:55:08 AM | This is a wonderful statement for a women to put into her proflie. Some of my women friends have told me about several women who use internet dating sites to get free drinks and meals at upscale restaurants from men. In fact it used to happen to me until I wised up abut this scam.
First meets are just that. Meets. They are not dates and should not be treated as such. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 7:07:03 AM | I used to have an acquaintance who would meet men she had talked with online at least 4 times a week for dinner. She said that she had not bought a meal in over 2 years when she was telling me about it. She also had to cancel a dinner date with someone because she got married to someone else and they decided on a whim to get married one late afternoon. She was pregnant and they wanted to get married before they told their parents about the pregnancy. She had been dating the man she married for over a year and also had been dating all these other men because according to her he had not proposed so she would date who she wanted to date. This woman was a total unbelievable piece of work, and she was 40 when all this drama was going on.
If a man does not want to meet women and pay for the dates, he should state that he goes dutch in his profile. IMHO | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:35:00 AM | Anjelic wrote:
You go out with the op elvis, and have a good time with him.
Thank you Dr. Phil - I'm sure that, geography aside, your advice is fantastically sound.
In all honesty, were it not for geography - I just might - and since you and so many others missed the point in this thread, there wouldn't be a fight over the beer tab. After all, it's not so much paying for things that is objected to, it's the expectation that the man should do so, regardless of circumstances.
Still, are there any other gems of wisdom you have to offer? I'm all ears!
Anjelic wrote:
I think any self repecting woman with a box of Rice A Roni would rather stay home (than go out with the OP) and control the remote.
And you determined this based on..... ? Judgmental much, are we?
yew4ic wrote:
No, I don't think that is the problem We already know that not all people in pof, in general have pure motives. What I'm wondering, is why does he say that this issue should be addressed on the womans profile? Why isn't he telling men to put it on theirs, such as "dutch only" or whatever he thinks it should be. He's the one with the issue...it should go on HIS profile.
Thank you - I'm not being facetious, I actually DO appreciate that you addressed my question. The reason he says it should be on the woman's profile (once again noting that the OP's post was somewhat tongue-in-cheek in the first place) was, because, well, he actually FOUND that exact line on a woman's profile.
That said, I'd arguably agree with you that it should go on a man's profile, much like a woman's profile will often state that she's not looking for a one-night-stand, etc.
However, would you say, in all honesty, and given the context of followup posts, etc., that the OP has earned the venom that's been spewed at him in quite a number of these posts? I certainly don't. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 2:50:11 PM | | I don't put it in my profile, but I always tell anyone before I meet them that I will pay for my own meal. And regardless of whether there is a connection there or not, I will still stay to enjoy their company through a meal. We all have to eat, and there is no reason you can't share a meal with someone you've never met before, even if you don't find them attractive! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:25:40 PM | He doesn't suggest he says ALL women on pof should put in their profiles. That's not suggesting. So what we ALL do that for HIS benefit? haha As if! 
Why doesn't he just ask the women that he talks with.........oh yeah, ehh...doubt he's got that problem. So...IF a woman should talk to him he could just ask her and save all this bandwidth. He's either incredibly ignorant or incredibly lazy.....maybe both.  | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:46:50 PM | | Sorry old fashioned getleman here I don't understand the hooplah about paying for a meal if your trying to impress or not its just a da## meal in pleasant souroundings if you get so many dates that paying for them is gonna break the bank I suggest you trim the fat a lil and try to stick to one at a time. Just a hopeful suggestion to keep you out of the poor house. Oh only think I exspect from anyone is please and thank you and thats just because its good manners not because I am a male. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:51:46 PM | Personally I'm pretty offended by any woman putting this in her profile. She may as well let it be known she thinks most, if not all, women are only after free meals.
Not so. Not so.
I would be happy to pay my own way if I found decent company. A reasonably cute guy with some good manners and respect for me and I don't care if he's broke.
But I will admit, if you like someone and want to continue seeing them, there is a difference between he CAN'T afford to buy you a meal and he WON'T buy you a meal.
I've met plenty of broke guys and it didn't bother me, but I've also met guys who wouldn't dream of paying for a woman.
If he wouldn't occasonally pick up the check, I wouldn't be seeing a guy anymore. And yes, I have paid for guys before when I've dated. If a man or woman WON'T pay for someone they care about to eat now and then, there's something wrong. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/30/2009 3:22:56 AM |
women are only after free meals.
And free milkshake.. ...J/K
But yes, there is a difference between can't, or won't..
People don't make as much money as they used to these days. Well, I am not..
So, my "dating" changed a bit..
Lucky for me, I never run into this problem. Had meets at the park, local ice cream shop, at the mall. Didn't even had a chance to spend too much money on her. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:51:12 AM | NotElvis[[[However, would you say, in all honesty, and given the context of followup posts, etc., that the OP has earned the venom that's been spewed at him in quite a number of these posts? I certainly don't.]]]]
Venom? no, I don't think he deserves venom. It takes a real vile comment before I will throw any venom out there. I just think he should put it in his own profile. And I have said this before, but I still think because of the way most men are wired, that most of them prefer to pay regardless of the circumstances, but just can't always afford to. I haven't met a man yet, who makes 3 figures a year, that will accept a womans offer to pay for herself. Money becomes an issue when there is a shortage of it. I know men are usually the ones who have to pay out the child support. I'm sensitive to this, and understand that something like that has to come first in his financial priorities, and it could mean there is not always alot left over for dating. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/31/2009 12:43:41 AM | And here I am again..
Ok, be honest everyone..
If a guy was to put that in his profile, he would be looked down upon. Almost like the OP is being jumped now.
If a girl puts it in her profile, there is no negative backlash. Exceptttt from herself if she takes offense to the fact that there are actually some women out there who do take advantage of men through ways of dates.
Basically, it does less damage for a women to put such in her profile.
And to bring up something that everyone keeps forgetting, men typically ask the girls out, contacts the girl. So why would a man have it in his profile? He should be weeding out who he is going to contact not the other way around (who she is going to respond too). Beggars cannot be choosers. And in the traditional scene/case (social dating game), women are the beggars. No offense, so drop your defenses..
~Oso | |
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