| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 6:10:00 AM | I always pay my own way (and I often gladly pay their way also AND I don't biitch or whine or expect anything in return because of it) and it's something I (would) discuss well in advance, therefore putting it on my profile is moot and redundant.
Also, anyone who takes the time to read my profile (and has two clues to rub together) can come to their own conclusions as to whether I'm one of 'em golddiggin wimminz that so many men claim to have been made a "victim" of (wha wha wha). 
Lastly, I have no need to impress anyone, let alone someone who is (possibly) bitter, sexist, narrow-minded, delusional, self-important, paranoid AND who by his own words is a victim who can't take responsibility for his own actions/life.
In other words OP, I've been in bad situations before also, yet I have NEVER felt the need to blame, shame and accuse an entire gender for the actions of a few AND I fully realise that in every one of those bad situations I was in, I could have walked away or said NO - it's called owning your shyte.
So please, do not even attempt to make me feel guilty or ashamed (by association of my gender) for YOUR actions (or lack of). You don't want to pay (or do whatever)? Then DON'T!
JMO
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:15:08 AM | OP apparently doesn't like paying for a woman's meal.
This message summed him up best.
Op,why dont YOU put on YOUR profile......"Im too cheap to pay for your meal".
I wouldn't put something like that in my profile, but kudos to the woman OP quoted, if she actually feels that way.
For the record, I have zero problems going dutch. But if a man offers to pay for our meal, not a problem.
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:16:37 AM | I don't think the first face-to-face should be dinner. Not only because of the $$, but I personally do not want to be in an uncomfortable situation where I meet someone, realize there's no attraction/chemistry (what if someone lied about something important about them). I state in my profile I prefer something CASUAL...like meeting for a cup of coffee. And I bring $ to pay for myself.
Before we jump on the OP'S back, I have to say I know a lot of women who look at dating as "oh, I'll just meet him...at least it's a free meal/drinks!". I've actually had women (from all different backgrounds) tell me this when I decide I don't want to meet a guy...I would never do this, I don't think it's right. On the other hand, it's not right to believe all ladies feel this way. I normally will turn down going to a really expensive place at the beginning of a dating period/relationship...but that's just me. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:11:56 AM |
won't go out a second time with a man who is not a comlete gentleman on a first date. That means taking care of the first bill. I do all I can to weed through anything that would comletely reclude us from being matches with one another, so if we get to that oint, it's clear that I'm checking to see what kind of man he is.
Paying for the bill doesn't necessarily make a man any more or less of a gentleman. A man could be a complete jerk and still pay the bill because he is expecting sex or is trying to "buy your love". | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:19:59 AM | | I'm actually sorry that your experience has been that women don't pay for themselves. I'm also surprised. If I agree to meet someone for the first time, I'll be damned if I let them pay. Why should I? We both have taken a chance. Paying my share at the onset of a relationship is simply a matter of pride. If you are foolish enough to want to meet at an expensive restaurant, then you are both nuts. Can't imagine spending all that money and taking a chance on the company. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:20:50 AM | Sounds to me as though you feel women have taken your money --- dated you to get a free meal, and now your angry. Seriously, stop asking women out for dinner until you get over your beligerance.
I'm not saying there arent women out there who use men for a free meal-- of course there are, but YOU have to give EACH AND EVERY new women an opportunity to prove herself before slamming a "gold digger" label down her throat -- its not fair to expect the same from each woman--- she deserves a chance to prove who she is.
Usually though if a woman pays for her part of the meal-- she feels guilty because she's not interested in the man and wants out... LOL
I dont know what the current traditions are these days-- but seems to me its still pretty much in vogue for the man to pay for the first date.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:35:33 AM | I guess Im from a different world here in Alabama but I was brought up to believe that if a gentleman asks a lady out for dinner, he pays....no questions asks. I have 2 boys of my own and I too have raised them that way.....thats just the way I believe it should be.....however, once in a relationship, I see nothing wrong with treating my honey to dinner ( or buying him gifts, but thats another post)....I have dated men from all over the country and have never been in the awkward position of wondering who will pay the tab, but I always have my debit card just in case! Ive never heard so much dribble drabble from guys about paying the tab, until I joined POF....geeeez!!! | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:45:04 AM |
Usually though if a woman pays for her part of the meal-- she feels guilty because she's not interested in the man and wants out...
That might be true for some women. But not all. There have been times when I paid the entire date and she wasn't interested in another date. There have been other times when we went Dutch and she was interested in another date. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:49:48 AM | I don't think the first face-to-face should be dinner. Not only because of the $$, but I personally do not want to be in an uncomfortable situation where I meet someone, realize there's no attraction/chemistry (what if someone lied about something important about them). I state in my profile I prefer something CASUAL...like meeting for a cup of coffee. And I bring $ to pay for myself.
I agree with this.
I will meet someone for exactly 15-30 minutes the first time, for coffee. I will get there before hand and buy my own coffee, bring something to read, and never go anywhere to meet someone I wouldn't go by myself. Essentially I will go somewhere alone, and he'll stop in while I am there. I will then either leave or dismiss the guy if there's no interest - sometimes within 15 minutes, sometimes within the half hour if I feel polite. If I have interest, I will let him know that I'm open to meeting a second time for a longer stretch, and if he's up for it we will go thru our planners and pick a time either there or over the phone.
The first date may go something like this: I get there early, get a table while sitting at the bar enjoying a drink, request separate checks and then have the hostess bring you over when you arrive (and walk you out at the end too, depending on how things go).
Anyone who either insists on paying or insists on dutch I don't bother with, it shows issues that go beyond money and speaks volumes about the fact that the guy probably shouldn't be dating.
You want equality - you got it. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:42:16 AM | | I did have something very similar in my profile back when I was looking. I don't believe it brought more responses than women who did not have such a statement in their profiles, nor do I believe it contributed to me finding someone. I could be mistaken. I didn't conduct surveys or anything. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:43:45 AM | I dont presume for one second a man reading my profile will think "oh she might running be a ploy to get free meals". In fact I find her statement deaming to herself. And before the blabber continues, I pay for myself.
In fact, if I need to say that, then i dont need to know you. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:49:22 AM |
Ladies, if you put this in your profiles you'll definitely impress a lot of men here.
I doubt that. I see that in a lot of profiles. It just (mixed with a few other profile things) highlights a general personality type. IMO it's the same as "likes walks on the beach, and horseback riding."
IMO it's just another meaningless phrase that some people find important and relevant where the veracity of it can only be tested after the formation of a face to face or personal relationship. Until then it is simply a way to manipulate the viewer into forming a desired picture of the writer.
It would definitely impress more men than those "cut & paste" breast cancer messages.
That's not really saying much. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:04:41 PM | If you're begrudging someone a dinner that you invited them
out to...well I don't know what to say except
Don't invite anyone else out unless you have the payment method
agreed to in advance.
Some people just assume if you ask someone out...you're paying.
Some people like to pay their own way no matter what. Just ask
in the future so there will be no confusion.
I've never heard anyone say well the date sucked but the dinner
was awesome. I don't know anyone that enjoys eating out with
someone that is obviously not into them...or vice versa.
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:19:55 PM | | I have been in situations where the man asked me out, made a point of saying that he was a gentleman and of course he would pay, we met at the restaurant and he said that he was not going to pay since he did not like the way I looked or acted, etc. First time it happened I sat there and ate my dinner (we had ordered before he said that), second time it happened I stood up, did not say a word and left my tasty steak dinner sitting there for him to add to his bill. I am more than glad to pay for my cup of coffee, etc., but part of me says it tells me something about him if he does not get the tab for 2 cups of coffee (independent/semi-feminist/Southern woman) here. My daddy would say that the man needed some manners if he did not get the tab for 2 cups of coffee. Sometimes wish my daddy was around to talk to about this crazy world of dating. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:15:52 PM | EVERY (yep, I said Every) Woman that "requires" a man to pay for the first date, meet, or find it "distasteful" if he doesn't is truly, in my book, a hypocritical witches with a capital B. Obviously, he must be interested in you "enough" or you are "worth it" or it's the "gentleman" thing to do- these rationalizations are complete BS! A man is interested in you on a superficial level, so he asks you out on a date (you probably had a few talks on the phone, msn, etc.) but still it's superficial because the chemistry that is present when you are in each other's presence is what really matters. So at this date, meet, WHATEVER, he is getting to know you. Should he have to pay ANYONE (whether it's the bar, food chain, waitress/waiter, YOU) for him and you? NO! Where is the sense of entitlement coming from? Someone please explain. I hate to make this even remotely equivalent but if a man takes you out, pays for everything, and you have a great time with him- there is more ENTITLEMENT on the man's part to be able sleep with you than there is for a man to initially pay for the date/meet between the man and woman.
What the OP was trying to get across is that, men have been duped and society has a subculture of women (not necessarily you) who do you use men on first dates just to get a free meal, free movie, a great time with no strings attached. Guys for a while had to counter the jerks that most women encounter by saying they are not a certain type and had to prove themselves. Why is it so hard to just separate yourself from the women WE perceive you MAY be? I honestly think that the women who disagrees with the OP about putting the copy/paste in their profile want to keep the option of the man paying open (Keep it an option). And for that, I say post this:
"If I agree to go out on a date with you, I am more than happy to pay for myself. But as a traditional woman, I would not have any problem with a man paying as well."
Now, after the first date-DISCUSS WHO's GONNA PAY! If you guys are in a relationship, make paying a mutual thing.
~Oso | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:18:19 PM | Oh yeah, my good looks are getting me so many free dinners.
I prefer the coffee meet just to see how the person behaves and whether or not we would want to see each other again. Should we do dinner I try to have enough on me to cover my portion of the bill (if not there is my handy, dandy debit card), but I will admit to thinking it's sweet when the guys pays. However, if I were to meet a man that is obsessed about being screwed over dinner that would be the last date.
Why would a guy think it's accpetable to worry about being a free meal ticket and not ok for women to worry if the man is just being nice for sex? | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:31:02 PM | Of course, I'm going to be accused of sucking up or pandering, but a statement along those lines has been on my profile since I joined this site donkey's years ago.
I simply don't understand the concept of adult women and men NOT sharing the expense of mutual entertainment. It has nothing to do with feminism or attraction or "owing" anyone anything. It just makes sense (to me): if two people connect and want to spend time together, you can spend twice as much time with one another if it's not a financial burden on either one.
Maybe it's a result of dating (as far as I know) people who are about on par with me financially. We want to have a nice time, have a nice meal, etc. It just makes sense to pay our own way. I honestly don't understand why anyone (women or men) would have a problem with this. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:32:04 PM |
What the OP was trying to get across is that, men have been duped and society has a subculture of women (not necessarily you) who do you use men on first dates just to get a free meal, free movie, a great time with no strings attached.
Umm..then perhaps the Opie should have also suggested ALL men put a disclaimer on their profiles that they were not taking a woman out to dinner and a movie, and saying sweet things to her just to get laid. That is a far older dupe than a woman trying to con a guy for a free dinner. | |
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