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LJK11
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Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 476 | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/31/2009 5:11:47 AM | Brenoso[[[[Ok, be honest everyone..
If a guy was to put that in his profile, he would be looked down upon. Almost like the OP is being jumped now.]]]]]]
We need to be upfront an honest on our profiles, about anything we feel THAT strongly about. If putting it in his profile gets him less dates.....to that I say hmmmm too bad. It's still HIS issue, and therefore he needs to be the one to say so.
Brenoso[[[[[If a girl puts it in her profile, there is no negative backlash. Exceptttt from herself if she takes offense to the fact that there are actually some women out there who do take advantage of men through ways of dates. ]]]]]]]
So? There are men who take advantage of women through dates. Since most women are NOT desperate for a free meal, it is not our job to ease a guys fear of being used for food. Women who do this are pathetic, but I don't think there are so many of them, that it is the rest of us womens job to clean up the mess.
Brenso[[[Basically, it does less damage for a women to put such in her profile. ]]]
I disagree. Many men may find it unflattering to see a woman discussing the dinner bill on her profile.I prefer to not make an issue out of money. My profile DOES state that I'm independant and not in need of recuing. I feel that should be sufficient, but I don't want to narrow it down to talking about the dinner bill. That's cheesy. If I start dating someone, we can talk about it then.
Brenso[[[And to bring up something that everyone keeps forgetting, men typically ask the girls out, contacts the girl. So why would a man have it in his profile? He should be weeding out who he is going to contact not the other way around (who she is going to respond too). Beggars cannot be choosers. And in the traditional scene/case (social dating game), women are the beggars. No offense, so drop your defenses..]]]]
Whaaaaaa? Now women don't even get to be part of the selection process? Just because men may do more of the asking, doesn't mean we girls don't have any weeding out to do. This is not Afganistan! Holy crap...lol. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:23:12 AM |
Ok, be honest everyone..
If a guy was to put that in his profile, he would be looked down upon. Almost like the OP is being jumped now.
Only by women who he doesn't want to date anyway, because they would expect him to pay. I still don't see how this is a problem. Any woman who agrees with him wouldn't care...
If a girl puts it in her profile, there is no negative backlash. Exceptttt from herself if she takes offense to the fact that there are actually some women out there who do take advantage of men through ways of dates.
Yes, but again - women aren't the ones with this problem. If men don't have a problem with this, fine - but if they do, women addressing it makes no sense. They aren't the ones complaining.
Basically, it does less damage for a women to put such in her profile.
Women don't bring this up. We don't want to date enough to care that men know this. We expect that men would deal with something that they think is a problem...post it in the profile AND/OR don't offer or pay for dinner. Simple.
And to bring up something that everyone keeps forgetting, men typically ask the girls out, contacts the girl. So why would a man have it in his profile? He should be weeding out who he is going to contact not the other way around (who she is going to respond too). Beggars cannot be choosers. And in the traditional scene/case (social dating game), women are the beggars. No offense, so drop your defenses..
Technically men ask more because women are less interested in dating and more interested in dating only if it's someone they have interest in. If there is no such person, most find something else to do.
What you're asking is similar to me saying I don't like traffic tickets so I feel all cops should let everyone know who will be looking for someone to pull over so I can avoid those cops. Instead cops let people know what to do to avoid getting a ticket, as they are the ones with the rules.
When women have a problem with this, women will handle trying to solve this. But we don't. We handle the sex thing, because that's something WE have a problem with. See?
If this comes down to men fearing that they'll get less dates because they post it, then we all agree that men are more interested in quantity than quality here. If that's the case then they get what they get and they set themselves up for it. You can't try and up your numbers without expecting to deal with traits you don't want. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/31/2009 7:34:26 AM | If a man asks a woman for a date, it is usually his decision on where they will go. If it's a first date, perhaps taking a woman that you don't really know is not such a good idea (especially to a 5-star restaurant). However, if YOU invite her out and selected the restaurant, then YOU SHOULD pay. If you don't want to outlay that much cash, then perhaps you need to become more creative on first date venues.
I actually prefer NOT to go to dinner on a first date; rather, I prefer lunch, a run along the beach, a free summer concert, a shared bike ride....afterwards we can perhaps sit with some fresh lemonade or a drink and get to know a bit more about each other. Early-on dates should be simplistic. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/31/2009 10:28:48 AM | but isnt that assuming that most women are not willing to pay for their own dinner in a resturant?
I certainly dont expect any man to pay for my dinner but dont feel i have to advertise it in my profile and wont. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/1/2009 6:58:19 AM | Women don't care for dating as much as men???? That's a 1st. Besides the generalization you made WIP (I'm pretty sure you do not care for dating as much and you expressed so in other post), women are a huge part of the dating scene. It's just so happens, for the most part, they are the passive part initially because of culture and tradition. Just because men ask women out does not mean women DO NOT WANT TO DATE. It means, they are "traditional" in the dating sense and they prefer or are more willing to wait for the male to talk to them. Let's be real, Women do complain if they don't get enough attention so your whole dating philosophy is wrong. To quote a new artist, Drake (and this is a very true statement-THIS STATEMENT, do not compare it to his other songs) "Women need attention therefore women will complain. Develop hatred for men and say that you're (man) the one to blame."
Cops arrest (negative action) people. Men do not arrest women. Men have positive motives (such as "potential dating, marriage, buddy-buddy, etc." for women. So we are not trying to catch you in a crime. We are trying to weed out the ones we do want to approach instead of going through so many rotten apples ( just as women want to do). That is why communication is soooooooo important. You can weed out your type just by stating everything upfront but both men ad women think that if they do that, they will have less pickings to choose from. But it just so happens that dating, money, equality, women and men are no longer what they used to be so a problem has arisen. Even if on the guy's side (but I know women who are conscious of there female advantages in the dating scene and they take action to curb it back to a balance. Just as I'm conscious-and I know other men- who are conscious to the many men who has taken advantage of women and we act accordingly to separate ourselves from that bunch). Like in any relationship, if there is a problem on one side, the other side, if healthy and understanding, will act accordingly to resolve the issue.
What I'm saying is, even if you do not put that post on your profile, please make it so that you do not use the whole "he pays all the time or if he suggest" mentality because that just perpetuates that ALL women are quick and ready to take and not ready to give. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/1/2009 7:39:25 AM | I say to you YEW4IC, that all women should put this in there profile instead then (because it's ALMOST universal amongst women):
"I will go on a date with a man, but if he does not offer to pay for his and my meal, he would be red flagged for not being a gentleman. I'm not trying to game you for a free meal but it is one of the test I put forth to see who is a cheapskate, frivolous, and considerate or giving"
Hey, since that is what it ultimately leads to if a women doesn't have such on her profile or it is not discussed ahead of time (before the date) or the man doesn't have such on his profile.
People think that there are perfect human beings out in this world so they do not even glance at insecure people. EVERYONE IS INSECURE ABOUT SOMETHING. As a fellow human being who understands insecurity from an esoteric perspective (as long it is reasonable and capable of being dealt with) should know that there are TONS of men who are insecure/cautious about women taken advantage of them and should know in order to prove they're different (that is if you want to find a relationship with someone-it's the new SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, the ones that prove they're different from the bad apples) should show initially and throughout the dating scene until it is well-versed in the potential mate's head that you are different from the sour grapes. The funny things is, women expect men to this in terms of "sex", "job attainability", "style", etc. but can't reciprocate the notion when all it takes is a little mutual expenses at the forefront of the relationship..
As for stating your independency, that is fine but that word alone has so many meanings. It can mean monetary independence, sexual independence, social independence, emotional, etc. That is why communicating a more narrowed down definition of "independence" is important. Since this is a dating site, narrow down your dating turn on and offs in detail.
Women have say in who they can weed out. But can men have the same say through obvious means as well. Here's how I see it..
Women (traditionally) are passive
Men are aggressive/assertive
Men will talk to women and show what they're about
Women can then say, because of such and such, I can't date you.
Men can only go on what a women is wearing, how she carries herself, but not what she says.
I know body language is nearly 80% of communication but is it even fair to have a women weed you out by body language and your brain when a man can only use the body language? Nope, not at all.
All I say is, communication initially helps. That is, if you really want to find someone for you..
~Oso | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/1/2009 7:58:01 AM |
"I will go on a date with a man, but if he does not offer to pay for his and my meal, he would be red flagged for not being a gentleman. I'm not trying to game you for a free meal but it is one of the test I put forth to see who is a cheapskate, frivolous, and considerate or giving"
Take a stand and don't play the game.
If you feel all women give that test, refuse to take it. Don't show up for it.
If this means you end up single longer - then so be it if you're trying to make a point.
I still don't see how it's a woman's place to tackle an issue we don't have a problem with.
Bottom line, either announce up front you won't pay the entire check, or don't offer to take a woman somewhere that will cost you. Period. The consequences are what they are. If you feel this is an issue FOR YOU, avoid situations that put you in that circumstance. If it isn't, then carry on as usual. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:00:14 PM | lol she is not a gold digger...... women enjoy when men pay for their meal while on a date because it goes back to as u say the tradition of everything.... a man asking a women to pay for an outing (at least in the beginning of the relationship) comes off to some women as tacky and insulting more than anything else... having a guy splurge on her (alittle)!! lol is what gives some women a small boost and nurtures her a sense of femininity...... the same way same way sports and all that stuff nurtures some men's sense of masculinity =)
They is no shame in wanting to feel womanly by having a man dote on u lol.. as long as its in moderation and the women returns the favor sometime (treating him to an outing one day) =)  | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:51:08 PM | | Seems to me that the bottom line to some men is if they like the woman when they meet her they will pay, but if they do not like her then they will not pay for her coffee or snack or meal or whatever it is they are eating. So, if he looks at her and is not attracted to her, the coffee is on her, and if he looks at her and is sexually attracted to her then he offers to pay for the coffee. Guess I was raised differently, as if a man says that he will pay when we discuss it over the phone prior to meeting, and if he says he does not like me so he is not going to pay when we meet, he seems to be a bit of a jerk. Guess I could say that I do not like him before he says he does not like me and offer to pay for my own coffee, Any woman ever beat him to the punch? It is ridiculous to have to play these silly games in middle age. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:59:01 PM | For some reason, all of this reminds me of a conversation I once had, where I said someone had gotten all indignant about something. The person I was speaking to said, "You mean 'indigent'." And I thought about it, and said, "No, she was indignant, feisty, pissed of, unhappy about it, whatever." He said, "I'm sure you meant to say indigent. It's no big deal." I changed the subject. When I got home, I looked both words up in the dictionary to be certain I hadn't lost my mind. When this person called again, I had no interest in spending any time with him again. It was just such a turn-off that he was a rude know-it-all, and wrong on top of it! This wasn't even a dating situation.
So what's the point?
Though it's not a dictionary, you might consider spending some time with a book of manners and ettiquette, so that you realize you have lost your *^&% mind, especially if these posts are your idea of humor. Devil's advocate: maybe it comes across better in person, though I doubt it. Seems like it would be creepier and more offensive. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:40:40 AM |
having a guy splurge on her (alittle)!! lol is what gives some women a small boost and nurtures her a sense of femininity
This is very easy to say for someone who sounds like you dont have to do it. Its not cheap to date...just to let you know...
and the women returns the favor sometime (treating him to an outing one day) =)
I can live with this comment if it were true. Lets be honest here, if a women ends up paying for a "outing" as you put it, its probably in the relationship where they like eachother, and all is going well....To get to that point, your asking men to take all the burdon until she likes you...
I have NO problem paying for a female on a date, and im sure I have been taken by a few women for some free dinners and didnt even know it. It just annoys me when some women scream for the rooftops..."just pay and dont be a cheapskate", when your not the one paying...
its also very easy for women to say, "whoever asks should pay", and I agree 100% with this statement. Its usually the men who ask the women out....so in theory if you never ask a man out, you will never pay right? | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:12:22 AM | Ok, what are you saying? That women should be lucky that you have graciously ALLOWED them to meet you and that your company should be enough for them?
This is what men should put on theirs:
" I'm just looking to get laid, I didn't bother reading your profile, too much time , I don't care what you are looking for or who you are as a person, I have a hard johnson and any hole will do. We don't need to get to know each other as that's not in the cards, don't acall and or text me and I will call you when and if I have the time and feel like it but know that it will be for a booty call only, anything else reeks of a relationship and you'll only get in my way of hooking up with others. All I need to know is that you enjoy sex as I do and let's get it on. If you aren't willing it's ok, I won't waste anymore of your time, this is one big eye candy store and I will keep going until I find the one who IS willing."  | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/3/2009 1:03:02 PM |
I'm not running a ploy to get free meals. I'm happy to meet at a restaurant and pay for myself, if you still think you'd like to get to know me.
Ladies, if you put this in your profiles you'll definitely impress a lot of men here.
indianaman
You will be far better served by changing your *own* profile. State on it that you would be impressed by the woman who will will pay for her share of the meets and dates. End of story! In this way, you will only be contacted and received by women who are on the same page. And isn't it compatibilty we seek?
I'd never put what you suggest on my profile. A man's attitude in dating is a reflection of who he most likely will be in Life. For me it's a weeding tool. At times, I'm inclined to share and/or pick up the entire bill but to have a date suggest that I pay for my share of the date (or what??? split it down the middle??? How do you guys actually do it?) I would conclude that he's the type who keeps score and nickels and dimes it through life. I'd slap my credit card on the bill and instruct the waiter to charge everything to me. It would be our last date!
And BTW...I wouldn't go on an expensive first meet unless it was my own suggestion and therefore my treat. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:48:40 PM | OP I let guys know during our first few talking stages that going dutch is a preference of mine. But during the meet, if I like the guy and I know he likes me, I will let him pay for it if he says he wants to. Next time though, the first drink is on me.
Having said that, I wouldn't let it get to the point of meeting him if I didn't feel like he thought I was worth buying glass of wine or cup of coffee.
I do want to put myself in the company of a gentleman as I try to conduct myself as a lady at all times....well, when its appropriate  | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:57:53 AM | Wow, so much hate going on in here lol. Well this is my way of thinking, I'm not saying it's right, it's just my opinion and the way I do things.
If I ask a guy out on a date, I'm paying for it, I know some men offer, but if I ask, it's my treat. If a man asks me out on a date, I expect him to pay for it, not because he's a man and that's what they're supposed to do, but because he asked me out, and it's the polite thing to do. If he can't pay then of course I'll pay it. I don't see a man's inability to pay as very bad. I pay if I need to or if I'm the one that asks.. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:06:07 AM | Brenoso[[[for stating your independency, that is fine but that word alone has so many meanings. It can mean monetary independence, sexual independence, social independence, emotional, etc. That is why communicating a more narrowed down definition of "independence" is important. Since this is a dating site, narrow down your dating turn on and offs in detail.]]]]
Brenoso, get a grip again. I have shortened my profile, at the advice from some female friends. However, if you want to know what independant for ME means:
Monetary-yes, definitely
Sexual-no. I've never owned a vibrator
Social-yes. I have my freinds, he has his, and maybe we make some mutual ones.
Emotional- I admit that one is a progress under construction. | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:11:00 AM | Whoops, just realized that didn't make any sense without this. Sorry, I'm new to this stuff.
I dont let the guy pay unless i really really like him ,if i pay for myself it means im not impressed with him and probably wont meet him again
Should i put that on my profile ????
Nah probably not | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:13:38 AM | "Having said that, I wouldn't let it get to the point of meeting him if I didn't feel like he thought I was worth buying glass of wine or cup of coffee."
You mean if he didn't think you were worth something of monetary value? That he should be attracted to you enough to pay for your company? That sounds vaguely familiar.... | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:09:48 PM | I couldnt possibly read all the replies, sorry. But i loved the topic lol very controversial, i can only assume its mostly women with thier claws out and men saying how they would pay no problem lol
well you wanted equals rights ladies, get a round in! hahahaha | |
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| Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:25:44 PM | Yew4IC, I'm hanging on the edge with a serious GRIP!!!
I'm not trying to date you, so I need not know what your definition of independence is. But for the guys that do want to date you, I think they may want to know such information. Hence by seeing it in your profile..
"Brenoso, get a grip again. I have shortened my profile, at the advice from some female friends. However, if you want to know what independant for ME means:
Monetary-yes, definitely
Sexual-no. I've never owned a vibrator
Social-yes. I have my freinds, he has his, and maybe we make some mutual ones.
Emotional- I admit that one is a progress under construction."
You should put exactly that in your profile then. And Yes, Keep my name in there. I'm trying to network nationwide.
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