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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?      Home login  
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 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 101
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Msg1: Does it really matter if someone reject you for your LOOKS,PERSONALITY,age , income,religion , your lifestyle or misunderstood you ???? Rejection is rejection what ever the reason is, it is clever to move on until you find your true love who will take you of what you are and understand you.... And you'll never know ,perhaps that rejection is a BLESSING IN DISGUISE....Or think it this way, if someone close the door on you, there is others that will open the door for you...
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 102
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 1:20:18 AM

Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?


For me id say its worse to get rejected for looks. Couldnt tell you how many times ive been told by men that im great to hang with and alot of fun....just not quite pretty enough for gf material. Always' the friend'! So yeah...i know my personality isnt whats being rejected.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 103
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:53:33 AM
Compatability is so hugely important; what to one person is a celebrated trait to another will be a huge jarring red flag... depends on that person, their comfort zone, their preferences and their values...


so having two people uncomfortable in specific traits is understandable, and it is ok. Trying to force something when you know something will rub and cause resentment in future is worse...

So neither...

everyone has different taste lookswise, no biggie, and everyone has comfort zones personality wise, so also no biggee.

Being vain is ridiculous anyways... we're all just ourselves... be comfortable and be happy when someone appreciates us... and be comfortable and happy when someone doesn't. It's all good...
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 104
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:09:03 AM
I don't really care that much about rejection because it is better to know early then later. I think the main thing is to find people that you connect with and who is a real friend and or partner and they are hard to come by. If someone rejects you on the grounds of what you say or looks then are they really friend or partner material and would you want them in your life if they don't respect your thoughts and the way you are and the way you think.
 Motto_Bella
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 105
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:55:30 AM
I have no problem being a recipient of rejection.

^ Me either!

Rejection is rejection..it's real/relevant and very much part of the process.

On the flip-side: (on-line)

Physical: If I wasn't attracted to someone in the first place.. an opportunity to reject them wouldn't exist. Now, if I met someone on-line and found they misrepresented their physical attributes ~ yeah, I'll take "rejection" for $500, Alex. When people misrepresent themselves physically .. it's an UGLY assumption/risk to make or take.

Personality: This one isn't difficult (either direction) and never do I feel compelled to hold back as to why (if solicited).
 _SYN_
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 106
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 5:18:43 AM
I know it sounds vain, but I hate the feeling of not being found attractive. I know we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but the sad fact is that's what attracts the reader to begin with.

I want to be that book for someone that they can't put down, so full of mystery and intrigue that they wont want to skip pages to the end to find out the outcome.

lol ugh... that was corney
 RadioMark
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 107
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:08:39 AM
I'd say it's worse to be rejected based on looks. If my personality rubs someone the wrong way, I can accept that, adjust that, even change what might be off-putting. But when rejected on looks alone, personality never gets a chance, no matter how good it might be.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 108
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 10:27:52 AM
Actually, the one that wasn't part of the question would be my answer.


I have no problem whatsoever being rejected for looks or personality; I just don't want to be prejudged based on what I look like.

Those who take one look at you, make a "quick read" and make up their mind you are shallow, easy, somewhat dense and some weird kind of player...

When you are not even remotely any of those things...

I know it happens to a lot of people in a lot of ways (wrongly taken first impressions); and having people hit on you because of wrong assumptions being assumed about you because what a person looks like is worse than being rejected for them; because the very nature of the interaction is based on a hugely faulty premise; you aren't heard or interacted with.



But it's still all good; there are more good people out there than bad ones :)
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 109
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:41:48 AM

having people hit on you because of wrong assumptions being assumed about you because what a person looks like is worse than being rejected for them; because the very nature of the interaction is based on a hugely faulty premise; you aren't heard or interacted with.


you said it much better than I'd been able to. It's worse that way, because you get built up, before you get rejected, whereas the other rejection gets you at neutral.
 RF900Flyer
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 110
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 5:37:58 PM
It's all the same to me. I got rejected because I was,lol. Gotta move on.....the son is always shining.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 111
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 5:46:51 PM
I'm NEVER rejected! I dont know how to answer this post
 Halfaddict
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 112
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:59:04 PM
Who cares?
People get rejected for every little thing...

That's just how it works....

Funny eyes, funny toes, too fat, too skinny, too blonde, not blonde enough, no ass, too much ass, no abs, too many muscles, funny hands.... I could go on but you get it...

No use in crying about it.
 a bit nomadic
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 113
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 8:23:19 PM
I find it hard to believe that there are so many people who don't mind being rejected. It's one thing, sure, to not be much bothered if someone doesn't respond to an email because they don't like the way you look on your profile, but surely when you meet someone in person, there's got to be SOME kind of pang, on some level, if they immediately reject you based on your looks.

Even so, though, for me it would be worse to be rejected for personality....and maybe part of the reason for that is that I would think, for most, being rejected for personality could only really come if you have gotten past the "do I like his/her looks" stage. If you meet someone, you feel that physical attraction on both sides....then the business of getting to know each other takes place. And I think that's when we become TRULY vulnerable. If I know a guy thinks I'm physically attractive AND I am attracted to him, I sure would hate for him to then think my personality sucks....ESPECIALLY if I like his and there's not some dramatic and obvious point of difference (like political views or religion or similar). It's where I live--it's ME, my ideas, my beliefs, my sense of humour, my values and principles, intelligence, sense of self, awareness of strengths AND shortcomings...all of that is encapsulated in this thing, personality.

Of course, if you don't feel that interested in someone it's not something that one is likely to dwell on...but if you DO like someone and you know they like how you LOOK, what worse insult can there be than being told you don't have an attractive "enough" personality!!?

One can know, rationally, that our value is not measured by the estimation of near-strangers, but still I don't believe that SO MANY people are unaffected by rejection.
 Halfaddict
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 114
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 9/26/2009 8:25:41 PM
No the pang goes away eventually....When you look like me you get used to it =P
 808 syndicate
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 115
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:48:20 PM
I would much rather get rejected on my personality.
 a_chris79
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 116
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:49:58 PM
Looks are amendable to some extent. Personality...not so much.
 dot*
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 117
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:50:40 PM
Definitely my personality. I couldn't care less if somebody rejects me based on looks.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 118
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 6:49:26 AM
unless the other person is excessively overweight (500+ pounds) or has a very bad facial deformity, I find it wrong and offensive to reject someone just because of his/her looks. I used to laugh at how people say "Get used to rejection" or "A lot more women (maybe men too) are going to reject you than accept you unless you look like someone famous that everyone loves," but maybe there are right.I understand rejection after 1 or 2 dates or several online conversations because you learned a lot about the other person and realized that they are not your type, but rejecting someone just by looks (like reading and deleting a message after just glancing at their profile picture without even reading their profile) shows you want someone who is "perfect." and can also be discriminating. FYI, there is so such thing as "perfect" in life and doing this may prevent you from ever finding our S.O. You never know how someone is like until you meet him/her in person or talk to them.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 119
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 7:03:18 AM
i reject and get rejected in turn. so what. the way i see it, who cares whether it's my looks or my personality that does me in, because the net result is the same. in the meantime, if you're more insecure about your looks than your personality, then being rejected based on appearance will naturally have the greater sting. of course the reverse is also true. i guess this means that i'm just as insecure about my personality as i am my looks! either that, or i have enough of a sense of my own self worth that i really don't care one way or the other. the sting of rejection is directly proportionate to the degree to which you take it personally. so that's your control point: whether you choose take it personally or not. and it IS a choice, so don't fool yourself and play the "poor me" card. why make a big deal out of it, when simple logic would tell you that you cannot possibly be a match for most of the people you'll come across?
 Bobis35
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 120
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 7:53:45 AM
Actually, what I think is worse is not getting rejected either way, why stop a good thing after all?
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 121
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 8:22:23 AM
For me, "looks" get the first attention.... and "personality" makes me stick around.

I've been rejected for one or the other... big deal. I've done the rejecting before so i know how it works both ways and I know that it doesn't matter what you're rejected for, rejection is rejection....

...although few times when someone good looking is rejected (for whatever reason), i've heard the old "You can't handle someone this good looking anyway"... makes me wonder if some people make themselves look good to cover up their horrible personality.

Being rejected for both at the same time = Double whammy!
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 122
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 12:06:22 PM
I would think rejection over personality is worse. At least you have had time to develop personality--you can have the best personality in the world if you work at it. As for looks, we had no say. At least personality can get better over time....looks fade. But you can file suit for looks--beauty discrimination.....http://www.newsweek.com/2010/06/04/our-beauty-bias-is-unfair.html
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 123
Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:54:56 PM
Seems to me that the either/or of "looks" or "personality" is leaving off some major sources in online dating of why someone doesn't want to get to know or continue getting to know someone.

People read other people's profile info and statements and perceive incompatibility in:

approach to POF/online dating
goal(s) in using POF
beliefs about online dating/dating

values
beliefs

thought patterns
thought processes

lifestyle
family status/desires
culture
world view

dress
grooming

I'm sure there are other things.

These things are part of who we are, of course, and have an interactive effect with our looks and our personalities ... but the fact that someone isn't interested is not always some sort of negative judgment.

Saying out loud or to themselves "we don't match" is a far cry from saying "he/she is _______ [fill in the blank with some negative judgment]."

Regardless of whether the other person is just not seeing a match or whether they have made a negative judgment, why concern yourself with it?
-In the case of "not a match," if they've perceived correctly ... you aren't going to get along anyway.

-In the case of "not a match," if they have perceived incorrectly ... their loss ... and quite possible you wouldn't get along anyway since they have trouble "reading" you correctly.

-In the case of negative judgment(s), it doesn't matter if they've perceived rightly or wrongly ... um, screw 'em.

Are any of us going to change who we are based on what we guess is some stranger or near stranger's assessment of us?

We can change ourselves ... for ourselves. Move toward our own well-being.

MrF, I agree that we had no say in the genetic crapshoot of inherent physical characteristics combined with environmental factors as we developed (such as nutrition and a healthy, safe environment).

That said, I believe that we can all choose to work with what we got, or we can work against what we got.
I don't mean we should all become fashionistas or metrosexuals. I mean putting our best selves out there - which takes into account both "looks" and "personality."
If someone rejects our best self, well ... f 'em ... he/she isn't for us anyway.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 124
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 2:01:28 PM
Neither - because:

1. If a man's not really hot for me, that means he's not a consideration for me. A trait I require is mutual attraction - so no loss there.

2. If a man's personality and mine don't jive, then he's not a consideration for me. A trait I require is someone who gets me, and vice versa. No loss there either.

Shrug and move on. It's better to skip dating than date someone who's not attracted to you, doesn't like your personality much, or both. It's kind of a wash, honestly - unless you take things too personally, or want to date so badly that it would bother you.

And yes, I've posted something similar in this thread before.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 125
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Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality?
Posted: 7/8/2010 3:17:07 PM
My answer would really depend on what type of rejection we're talking about, and how polite of a rejection it is. If I were to initiate contact with someone to express interest and they politely told me they didn't feel we were a good personality fit based on my profile, OR they told me they were not attracted to tall blondes and preferred short brunettes, one wouldn't bother me any more than the other---we just weren't a good match. Apples and oranges both taste good, but some prefer one over the other. No biggie. If the rejection is rude or snarky, that's a different story entirely.
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