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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:40:15 AM | well it took alot of reading but i have gone through most of the posts on this thread, Taken or Gay.
and from what i have learned over the years, being that i have worked in alot of bars as a bouncer is that plain and simple most women find the nice guy to be boring, or assume as much cause hes not trying to get into your pants in the first five minutes. now i know that is going to generate some hate but look at it this way, 99 pecent of all profiles have it listed in them that they are looking for someone to have fun with. now an example of the nice guys profile- nice, honest, hard working, good with kids, loves animals, have traveled and would like to do some more.......blahh blahh blahh and so on. sounds kinda boring doesn't it, how many of you ladies overlook that profile cause it sounds boring and domesticated ?, guess what good chance that's the nice guy you say you all want but the bad boy profile is the one your drawn too cause it sounds like he is the one that likes to have fun .
And the same goes for the bar atmosphere the nice guy doesn't seem like a challenge and the bad boy that's giving the lip and the attitude is the one, that the women look at because hes the challenge, and the guy that looks like the most fun.
now be honest here how many of the women on here when they first meet a guy are thinking if a guy has all the traits and requirements that they are looking for in a long term relationship, or are you thinking of which one is going to offer the most fun and the least amount of wasted time if it goes south ?
now i could be just way out to lunch or pretty close to the truth but from what ive seen when people interact this is usually the way it goes. this isnt a bash against the ladies because guys have there own problems when it comes to picking a decent lady as well. but that's a post for a whole other thread. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:50:11 AM | Adam most women I know of all ages want the decent guy you described. Wild, carefree guys are for wild care free girls who don't care about love, or domestic things.
Women long to have a guy who will treasure her and adore her. Women long for romance, good conversation without a bunch of sex talk.
Women long for a man with substance and a personality that is endearing and inviting.
I am pretty sure of men and women would look past weight, looks, money, and all the other things that superficial people want and realized the best catches are the ones with substance and warmth. Not good looks, thin, and rich. That is for insecure people who need that to boost their egos.
I really like brown eyes profile as she is straight to the point and honest. She is not out to impress a guy or dress act or be a barbie. She is who she is and if they don't like it tough. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:58:33 AM | and as a side note most ladies turn the nice guy they are looking for into their best friend, see it a hundred times, all the ladies i know that know that are always looking for this guy or that guy tend to be the type of guy they made a best friend out of.  | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:00:23 PM |
Its kinda hard to avoid them when most men are like that.
Men are men. They are wired differently. If "most men" turned into women who happened to have Adam's apples and penises, "most men" would be gay.
I'd be the first to tell you that not every involvement I have with men has turned out well. Actually only one did...that one was spectacular. And he died. A couple of situations have been downright awful. Some have been disappointing. Some just weren't meant to be, couldn't get off the ground, or just faded out. But to say that "most men", or "many men" are "ugly in their ways",and that women would have to be nuns to avoid 'most men" who are ratb*st*rds of the first degree? I find that appalling.
You need to go into each new dating/relationship/flirtatious friendship situation realizing that it probably WON'T turn out to be 'happily ever after'.That doesn't mean it has to suck, or that you have to be resigned to getting used,abused,jerked around,etc.
Finding the love of your life is a PROCESS. And sometimes it just isn't meant to be forever,because something goes wrong.
However, I'm not going to suggest that you change your attitude or opinion of men, because sometimes a period of anger or at least disillusionment is part of a much greater Process,and unless you LET it kill you(so to speak), it WILL make you stronger.
Cindy O | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:20:54 PM |
Been there done that and I just don't have the right qualifications ...
Seems if a lady emails a man (especially at my age) she is a desperate old slut. I suppose if I looked more like Barbie I'd stand a better chance of capturing their attention, but most of the men my age are not inclined to go for the "plain Jane" types.
They do get in here and insist that they are decent ... and really aren't looking for "arm candy", but in the end ... if that's not what writes to them ... they bust their butts firing off a return email and let the lady know in no uncertain terms that she is a piece of trash for writing to them. Those men are ASSHOLES. There are a lot of angry angry people out there. Some people are just itching at the chance to tear down somebody else to make themselves feel better (superior).
LMAO ... I guess I'm just gonna have to start taking up those younger guys on their proposals ... sigh. lol, it's funny because if a 60 year old man got offers from younger (some much younger) women he'd be dancing a happy jig till his kneecap gave out, LOL. Different strokes.... | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:30:13 PM | Ladyc I like your style and profile. You must be a hoot at parties. I agree that my anger is not only justified it needs to be vented. Not to harm anyone but too open up the lines of communication. Women have been keeping silent as long as I have known. They are so afraid to tell it like it is or let it out for fear they will never get a date. As I told my therapist, yes I have one, yup and he;s great btw. I told him about my not being able to keep this anger of men in any longer. I don't hate men I hate how they act. He said we are simple creatures, with simple needs. I said thats fine but for goodness sake the men don't need shove sex down my throat before I even get to know them or decide if I like them. Now I invited some jokes about that one I am sure.
Anyway all I am saying is give women a chance. no really, we are not sluts because we email you or call you or ask you over. We are not dumb broads, or a quick piece of ass. I have dogs that treat me better then men and they don't have any control over their sex drive. No I don' have sex with my dogs lol. I do think they are very loving and men could learn alot from them. I am not saying throw men in the trash and start over. What I am saying is men have been conditioned to disrespect women and use them for self gratification.
It would be so nice of we both men and women could see thinks from each others point of view. Maybe we would not be so skeptical and find a happy medium. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:37:39 PM | I have a new goal in life amongst many and it is to never become a bitter 30+ yeard old guy that thinks women are the problem.
Just reading this thread makes me barf at the total stupidity present. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:13:33 PM | kateri28, most good men are going to avoid a hostile and angry woman like the plague. Why be with someone who thinks your whole gender sucks? Men don't have a monopoly on behaving badly. It's kind of a human problem.
As a woman, I HATE it when women are constantly being painted as the victims. Are we all helpless little pansies with no say in what becomes of us? If you are an adult, you have absolute control over what you will put up with. If you don't allow yourself to be a victim, you won't be one. If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, then walk away, don't give them a second thought, and keep looking for someone more to your liking.
I dated quite a few guys from this site, and found most of them to be decent. I even landed a great one! All the men I've been in relationships with have been good and decent. I don't think it's just luck, though, or because I'm so wonderful, lol. I think it's because I know what a good man is, that's what I look for, and I won't settle for less. I expect him to treat me with integrity and respect, and it goes without saying that I do likewise.
A positive attitude is also helpful. I'm a believer in the self-fulfilling prophecy, and if you expect the worst, it will probably come to pass! | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:14:54 PM | why thank you Polyana brightestblue. Glad you have all the answers. So do you send out those everyone is doing great and life is perfect Christmas letters to all the family and friends?
Yes in a perfect world we could all be positive and have no worries or problems. That would be nice. However we don;t live in a perfect world. Shit happens. Your life might be picture perfect and I am happy for you but most people don't have that story book life.
I do know what a good man is. My dad who was murdered. He was the most loving caring man I have ever known.
I have been told by men i am too nice, too positive, and too together for them. So what do you say to that?
Just because I voice my feelings does not mean I am a bitter angry person. Its better to let things out then harbor them. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:11:37 PM |
Your words John.........
Are you more than just a pretty face? In southern California, finding pretty women is easy, but I'm looking for a woman with some actual substance, too. If you think that's you, then read on. If you don't, well, you might want to consider checking out the local bookstore's self-help section...
Just sayin'...
{Just sayin what? that your all that and your so perfect that you only want a perfect women.?)
So, basically, you are saying that it's not only wrong for a guy to just want to "get laid" but it's also wrong for a guy to want a woman with substance?
You're hopeless. Really. You're so enamored with yourself and your belief that you're so superior to men that you fail to see reality before you. All I have seen from you thus far is negativity.
I pity you. And I will waste no more time responding to you and your misandrist statements. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:12:43 PM |
Just because I voice my feelings does not mean I am a bitter angry person.
No, it's the fact that all the feelings you voice are full of bitterness and anger that makes you a bitter, angry person. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:22:10 AM | | you can never be to careful when u meet someone, i met someone who said they liked me in chat and saw my picture. But after meeting up and several more chats online, turns out she wasnt looking for long term relationship like i was, but someone to be there for her to talk to. Then she ended it as i was getting to strong by saying i liked her, just be careful | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:48:39 AM | Not all who are good are taken or gay. There are wonderful guys out there, they are just few and far between. Bear in mind though not all who are taken or gay are the nicest people either ...
As for the gay gentleman who wrote to you ... I understand there are those out there who are genuine nice folks. But I speak from experience when I say, if a man who proclaims to either currently be - or have been - gay - get the heck out of there the moment he talks about a relationship. The chances are incredibly high it will not go well for you. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:00:59 AM |
now an example of the nice guys profile- nice, honest, hard working, good with kids, loves animals, have traveled and would like to do some more.......blahh blahh blahh and so on. sounds kinda boring doesn't it,
If I'm attracted to him, actually this sounds exactly like a guy I'd respond to, and I've dated a few guys just like this. That's IF I'm attracted. That's usually the bottom line. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:13:08 AM | lol pirate thought you weren't going to respond to me anymore. Sounds like you got some bitterness going on there lol.
If I meet a nice guy that treats me with respect I am ecstatic and enjoy every minute of it. But that does not happen often. Men want to blame women for attracting the wrong kind of guy. Its always the womens fault. It can't the fact that nice guys are scarce What should I do just pick any ole jerk and be happy? Sorry I can' t do that. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:00:33 AM | Here's an idea: If women want to attract "decent" men offer them something more than just your ultimate leverage contraption located in the groin region. It seems many women just seem to think being a women is 'reason enough' for a man to want to be serious with them and consider them for an actual relationship. Do you have anything interesting to talk about? Do you have thoughts/ideas of your own (not having to do with relationships but other things)? If you have something to offer a man OTHER than sex he will very likely embrace that and not be so focused on sex. He will elevate you and respect you more if you show that you can have intellectual conversations for example.
Part 2 of this equation is to DRESS DIFFERENTLY. Unless it's summer or crazy hot/humid you should be wearing some sort of pants and a shirt NOT showing your tit cracks. Why will this work? Because men a visual. It doesn't matter what you say if there are tits on display THAT will flood his mind and thoughts so if you want to make it so he can think of something else wear a shirt with a normal neck and cover yourself up please. Don't throw chum in the water then complain when the sharks come. You can't be on sexual display then **** when all a guy can think about is sex. Sorry that's just how it is. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:10:18 AM | | I find that in my dating age group (50's & 60's) it doesn't really matter how decent or indecent the guys are, the women just don't have time for a relationship. It's not a fault, just a fact. Between their job, their kids they want to visit, their grandkids they want to babysit, a few girlfriends they want to see, one or two solo hobbies and some volunteer work the time available for a relationship is 4 hours on a Saturday night twice a month. I admire them for the full and complete life they have built for themselves, but they are kidding themselves and everyone else to say they are looking for a relationship. They just don't have the time. JMHO | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:22:02 AM | They're not all taken or gay, but sometimes women, just like men, SUCK at picking what's actually suitable for them. It's a human failing that applies to BOTH genders.
For instance, given the choice between two prospective women, I've always seemed to go for the "wrong" one, e.g. the one that sparked my interest immediately over the one that was just pleasant. Usually the quicker fix turned out to be the wrong call IN MY CASE, and by the time I realized it, old simple substance girl was no longer interested/available... What can I say? I'm occasionally retarded... 
In the case of women dating ME, I get very frustrated at times with these online first dates that seem to go well, but then I get a message 48 hours laters about how they didn't seem to feel a "spark". Case in point, my last online date was a few weeks ago with a delightful professional lady one year my senior. We chatted for a week online via e-mails, swapped numbers and had a few quick phone convos trying to set up a date, and finally managed to haggle out a Sunday lunch date before she had to go in to work.
The first meet/date went swimmingly: good food, punctual arrival by both parties, I held the doors as usual, we had fun conversation swapping past history and silly stories, we laughed and even lost track of time. At this point I figure things are going ok. Then we reach that lull where you're wondering if they're going to stay for dessert or wrap it up, and SHE suggests we grab some dessert and coffee so we can keep talking. I'm ecstatic at this point. Finally we wrap it up, I manage to sneak the bill my way, she even lets me walk her to work, and when I lean in to kiss her on the cheek she dodges a little but hugs me warmly in return. I wait until she crosses the street into her building, and wave goodbye as we agree to hang again sometime.
I follow up with a one-line e-mail thanking her for a pleasant outing later that day, and 48 hours later I get a reply about "thanks but sorry, there's no spark".
How much more "spark" could I have generated as a gentleman, short of kicking over the buffet table and trying to make her "my woman" right then and there?! 
It was a SUNDAY LUNCH DATE. Not exactly the most conducive set-up to a passionate session, especially when she has to go into the office right after the meal.
I just don't get how men that act accordingly and abide by the so-called rules of conduct most ladies expect can win this game if we're supposed to be respectful and yet somehow evoke deep-seated lust.
Seems like hitting a dartboard bullesye blindfolded & drunk would be an easier exercise if you ask me...   | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:50:26 AM | They just don't have the time. JMHO
Agreed. However, this busy life is built when there is "no man" around, so it's not an easy thing to just pick up and go. That's why I like men who understand "scheduling" and don't get their panties in a twist that it's "not spontaneous".
I just don't get how men that act accordingly and abide by the so-called rules of conduct most ladies expect can win this game if we're supposed to be respectful and yet somehow evoke deep-seated lust.
Agreed again Tiger. You know what? I learned that men, and yes that includes decent men, LIKE sex. It's not a bad thing. I've met plenty of men who don't talk about sex right out of the box and others that have. It all depends on the delivery. Besides, I'm a big girl and really good at stopping a conversation that I don't want to continue.
Maybe we are looking for that feeling we used to have when we were younger, you know you went out and got all hormony and "made out". As adults we seem to have forgotten the whole "making out" part. It's almost looked at as immature. What's wrong with necking on the couch or just going to second base? Why does it have to lead to actual intercourse? TV gave us that idea. So now, we worry that if we only go to 2nd base, we are teasing or not being mature, so we don't flirt on a first date like that because we don't want to look immature. Does that make any sense? I'm not saying we should be walking around teasing people, but hopefully I've expressed the gist of what I meant.
Online dating has this problem because it does not provide the comfort zone a mutual friend's party would, where both parties would be relaxed and be able to get to know each other in a more natural atmosphere.
I also prefer weekend dates, so that we can relax and enjoy ourselves and perhaps be spontaneous and hit the dance floor afterwards if we are so inclined. That's just an example, but I can't stand week night dates because they are too rigid. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:58:13 AM |
I just don't get how men that act accordingly and abide by the so-called rules of conduct most ladies expect can win this game if we're supposed to be respectful and yet somehow evoke deep-seated lust.
Well, perhaps it's a matter of thinking that you must "act accordingly." I see a lot of myself in your post. I used to be the kind of guy who felt like I had to act a certain way to get people to like me.
I've learned the basic truth, though -- trying to get someone to like you is an exercise in futility. Someone will like me and some will not. Clearly, Kateri up there thinks I'm some sort of swine. But in the end, it doesn't matter at all if someone likes me or not, because I like myself, and I'm going to be around myself a hell of a lot more often than I am with anyone else.
If that woman didn't feel a "spark" with you, then all I can say is to move on. If she didn't feel a connection with you, then it's on her to continue wading through life in the attempt to find the guy who is the right fit for her. And if she doesn't, well, it's no skin off your nose, right?
But I do agree with you when you say that some people aren't good at picking people that are right for them, and I congratulate you on being astute enough to notice that in yourself.
It reminds me of a story related to me about a year ago by a couple that I had met. A friend of theirs was a bit of a fun-loving guy and was attracted to women who excited him. His life was a string of relationships with women who were fun, outgoing, and, in the end, cheated on him and broke his heart.
He could have gone the route of so many people on this forum and started blaming the opposite sex for all of his ills. Instead, he looked inside himself. He started to ask himself what it was about those women that attracted him. Basically, he went after the women who loved to party. Stands to reason that such women wouldn't be the type to find one man and settle down. Eventually, they just got bored of him and looked for excitement elsewhere.
So he decided to force himself to find a woman who *didn't* excite him. He found a woman who was just a little too demure and quiet for his tastes, but who had a lot of very good qualities. She may not have provided the "spark" that all those other women had, but nonetheless he found himself falling in love with her. She was the one he married. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:02:41 PM | Adam, you've hit the nail on the head and driven it right on through the board. I had some comments but there's no point adding them because you've spoken the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Ladies, listen to the voice of experience. You have the answer.  | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:25:42 PM |
Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay? Posted: 6/12/2009 9  21 AM My profile used to say I was here for "dating" and I got up to 25 emails every day. 2 weeks ago, the latest a-hole proved to be the straw that broke this camel's back, and i changed it to say "long term." Since then, I've gotten 2 e-mails, both of which sounded relatively skeptical. The one man I found on here who seemed to be legitimate (he was gorgeous, smart and "looking to settle down"--his also said "long term") turned out to be a gay guy who just really wanted to marry a woman and have a family. what the hell is this world coming to, anyway? is that saying true, that all good men are either taken or gay? i'm starting to really believe that it is.
Without faith life will burden the heart.
Live a high standard in your own life and you will find the miracles come about as to the things you desire.
Great standards and righteous people are like gold they aren't a dime a dozen.
The honest of heart require a search out as Jeremieh talked about (chapter 16.16).
To obtain the finer things in life requires a search. With lucifer he will always take the initiative; yet, with the Lord (who
works miracles in our life) the initiative is with us to bring our own level to a higher degree of excellence and then
what we seek is made known to us 'after awhile.' Let patience have her perfect work (James 1.4)
T.W. | |
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| Adam makes a very good point here. What he wrote here is worth the read..
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:33:32 PM |
..that they (gals) are looking for someone to have fun with. now an example of the nice guys profile- nice, honest, hard working, good with kids, loves animals, have traveled and would like to do some more.......blahh blahh blahh and so on. sounds kinda boring doesn't it, how many of you ladies overlook that profile cause it sounds boring and domesticated ?..
Adam makes a very good point here. What he wrote here is worth the read..(I'd recommend to go back and read his whole comment!)
People's psychology so often sabotages themselves. What happens is they get what they think they want and find out their choices
have consequences and so rather live in a dream world rather than reality and to be out of touch with the way things really are (reality) is known as neurotic in terms of the nomenclature of the psychological world. To make it simpler in terms of wording "We reap what we sow!" (Gal 6.6-8).
T.W. | |
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| Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:55:21 PM |
and as a side note most ladies turn the nice guy they are looking for into their best friend, see it a hundred times, all the ladies i know that know that are always looking for this guy or that guy tend to be the type of guy they made a best friend out of ..adam_lounsbury on 10/22/2009 11  33 AM
I can attest to what Adam is saying here is correct (this Canadian knows what he is talking about w/o question) and when he says he has seen it a hundred times it is no joke. The results are not just anecdotal they are pervasive. I saw all this play out a few months ago with my niece.
She is a hot little number (eye candy) that gets the 1st looks and she goes with a real nice guy for quite awhile (a few years). He was nice to get me a reflective vest jacket from the road crew he worked on (hard / sweaty / difficult labor of a job) so it would keep me safer at night riding my bike for exercise in the evenings.
I was taking a final in a foreign language class and Alex (trying to better himself off the road crew) came into the library (at that point he was the now dropped boy friend of my niece, unfortunately, I greeted him kindly as usual and thought inside what a waste my niece gave up such a great guy). I really liked him/trust him and he is just a good guy all around; yet, my niece (evidently) goes after this more exciting guy and come to find out she is knocked up in nothing flat (gratefully the baby naturally aborted several weeks later so as not to be born into that kind of a mess); yet, the nice guy (Alex) is the respectful/helpful one (gals seem to forget).
The nice guy who gets easily taken for granted. Alex' parents even co-signed a loan to help my niece get a car (an expensive Lexus no less---way over her head financially). See, gals, want everything, their fantasy things, they think they should have even in cars. Even though my niece hasn't really the capacity for that kind of car living in subsidized housing; yet, gals so often just 'don't want to be denied' anything they think is their right to have. Then complain and shed crocodile tears when it all goes to ashes and end up with troubles, misfortunes, and compounded disappointments.
The writing is on the wall the reason history keeps repeating itself is nobody bothers to read it or write it down the first time.
T.W.
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| What Adam said is not only true it is pervasive occurs more than we may realize
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:14:18 PM | What Adam said is not only true it is pervasive occurs more than we may realize
I can go one step further (as this hits even closer to home). I was dating (decades ago), so that you know this is time tested, as well,
a beautiful gal (Miss Missouri). I used to save of my menial wages from difficult dirty manual labor jobs to buy her nice things and take her to interesting places (I was a Jr in High School at that time) saving up for a mission to serve for two yrs for my church so I any discretionary funds I had was something I had to be very frugal with and spend with wise discretion.
This gal played me all over the place (as time told out later) and was acting true and romantic to me while I found out later dating whatever was convenient (on the side with as much passion) and then the death nail in the coffin was the last day I was in America before I left to go overseas (to fulfill my mission call) she sat in the 3rd row with a guy she just married a few weeks before (he had a Mercedes and all) and here I am up there at the podium giving my farewell address before leaving for a two yr church mission to Europe over the next two years.
Well, time always tells the story, this guy she married Jim M. ended up cheating on her with her aunt no less. She ended up in
a broken marriage there and then married another guy which was another broken marriage and her son (from that marriage) actually lost his life as a side note. I truly loved that gal, when I was dating her, and would do anything for her except break any of the Lord's commandments with her.
Yet, it is no secret I was the boring one and yet look at her choices. I think I would rather live my boring life than caught in the
vortex of a woman's whirlwind of emotion that are like the waves of a sea driven with the wind and tossed (James 1.6).
Life even with sort of a 'boring motif' as may appear to others is still at times tedious to work through trials and difficulties maybe like pilots say of their jobs 98% boredom filled with 2% terror. Life will give us enough to deal with w/o trying to make difficulty or drama.
T.W. | |
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