| introvert
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:38:35 PM | | i can relate to what your saying. im the same way. kind of the same as letting your guard down. and when im comfortable enough to do so it's usually too late. i wouldnt say im mysterious. but just quiet. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:47:22 AM | | It depends about to what extent that you're an introvert. If you don't talk hardly at all while on a first date, it could feel really awkward or boring for the guy. You do have to talk at least some, especially when someone is getting to know you on an early date. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:49:45 AM | Most the guys I have met have said they would rather have a too talkative female than one who sits idle and says nothing. Makes for a more interesting time.
And I have to admit. I'd rather have a guy who talks too much than one who says nothing. Borring!!!  | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 11:00:00 AM | I think you might be going out on the wrong kind of dates...
I think if you cast your vote for the kind of date where you actually did something together, you'd have a better time...
Go on a walking tour, climb a rock wall, visit a public garden... join a community garden and pull weeds/ pick vegetables together... or simply go to a pick your own farm, and then prepare a meal together...
I enjoy doing stuff with the person I'm with, & usually wish she'd just shut up when we're sitting around... I very much enjoy a companionable silence! | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 12:36:38 PM | thank you cat
nicely said | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 12:42:40 PM | Thanks for your post Jenna.
I'm an introvert who prefers dating an introverted woman because we both have a similar style of communicating. Communication is so important for a relationship to flourish.
I like big talk instead of small talk. I find small talk is helpful while getting to know a person. After that's established I like to discuss deep topics, profound ideas, etc. And some silences are a relief and welcomed. I like the feeling that two people can still feel comfortable with each other during those silences.
I find extroverted women [and men] are fun to hang out with for a while because there is so much externalized energy. After an hour or so though I start to get tired of it. Introverts do a lot of internal processing and an extrovert can fairly quickly overwhelm them. Extroverts are external processors and get a lot of their energy from other people.
Different strokes for different folks. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 12:47:06 PM | to each his own right.
:] | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:01:35 PM | Jenna, it's a shame we are so far away from each other and so different in ages.
If our situations were similar, I'd seriously pursue you.
Ironically I'd like to really chat you up.  | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:03:16 PM | I would rather talk to someone who says a lot while using few words, than a blatherer who says nothing.
But sitting across the table from a stone wall isn't a whole lot of fun either. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:09:59 PM | my grama was a shy girl and my grampa was freindly and could talk to anyone around. they would go out and he would keep them from getting things done because he was so popular with people.....
but they loved each other ... and complimented each other perfectly
and talking to grama years after grampa died she told me she never realised how much she would miss his freindly nature with other folks or how much it helped her to reach out and make freinds herself. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:14:13 PM | | There has to be flow to the conversation , give and take, otherwise its a lecture and thats no fun for either | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:48:49 PM | | Kudos wodever... a sweet sadness. A million other women would have simply resented him, maybe divorced him, while your dear grandmother made one of the highest uses of love AND religion out of it... "No offense given, no offense taken". As the Master would say, "Not all can accept this saying, but only those to whom it is given:" - cf. Mat 19: 11. Who can forget your story, powerful for its simplicity? Think how different the feelings would be now if the actions would have been different then. It made me experience honor for you and her. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:05:28 PM |
after having a terrible night the guy kept going on and on about how he doesnt like quit girls and tried to force me to talk
that just made it worse and from that point the date was over
Indeed. I can't stand people who try to force the issue.
are you guys really attracted to the type of girl that will talk your ear off?
If she's got something to say. If not, then no.
or does anyone like the more mysterious type of girl?
That's not really the opposite of your first question. The talker could very well be mysterious... she's telling you a whole lot of shit to cover up her true motivations. So if we're trying to balance things... then yes, I am quite fine with a woman who doesn't just talk to hear the sound of her own voice. Brevity has it's advantages.
However, when it comes to small talk, I also reply with simple answers that don't contribute anything to the flow of conversation. I'm very much an introvert, but have no problems with in depth conversation on matters that require more than a simple yes or no to answer a question because in such instances, that's about all the answer I'll give. I can't keep a conversation of small talk going for hours. It eventually has to lead to something more meaningful. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:14:11 PM | it's all the about the co-created conversational energy. i've had dates where there wasn't a moment of silence, and it was fantastic. completely in-the-moment pas de deux. others where the dreamy silences were opportunities to observe everything around, and draw the conversational relating from that - people, the stars, sound of footfalls, shifting breeze. i did a first meet recently with a gal who described herself as an introvert and had said she could find small talk exhausting. i tried to leave spaces in the conversation, but she rushed to fill them with questions. we won't be seeing each other again - not because of some lack in her, but because the co-creation to support further exploration wasn't there.
point is, any kind of conversational style can work when people are open and comfortably in accord. yours will match up just fine with the right guy's.
as far as 'mystery' goes, there can be a playful context to it that's fun, but most often it's a manipulation. nothing makes me leave faster than when i'm being gamed. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:30:15 AM | It really doesn't matter what type guys want.
All that matters is that you keep being you and find a man that likes you as you are. | |
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Ettien
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Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 41 | |
| introvert
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:36:55 AM | I'm an oddball kind of guy. I'm extroverted and introverted at the same time. If I'm comfy, I can ramble on and on. Sometimes I have to remind myself those "awkward silences" are A-OK and normal.
I find I tend to connect with talkative girls the best. Too introverted often makes me feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting, so to speak, and after a while that can get exhausting and even a bit frustrating.
However, sometimes the introverted ones are the ones worth persuing. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:02:06 AM | I find that introverts are more desiring and often more capable of depth than extroverts.
Depth is one of the traits in a woman I desire, so I may find myself drawn to those who are also capable of introversion, though sadly for my chances, statistics show that around 75% of the population shows a preference for extroversion over introversion.
I find myself to be balanced between extroversion and introversion, which is reflected in my Keirsey Temperament Sorter score on the extrovert-introvert scale.
Thus it's understandable that I'm not really drawn to extremes of either.
But those women in my past with whom I've had the deepest connection showed a marked preference for introversion.
Being capable of depth, however, requires more than just the introvert's ability for introspection.
Depth requires a marked preference for intuition as well, again, a comparatively infrequently encountered trait (about roughly 20% show a preference for intuition on the sensing-intuitive scale (sensing being "outer senses oriented" and intuition being "inner senses oriented").
Also depth can manifest itself as deep thinking and/or deep feeling.
Because I'm drawn to a woman who's ruled more by her feelings, I desire depth of feeling in my mate, more so but truly in addition to depth of thinking.
Sadly, only about six percent of the population will likely meet the depth desire I seek.
So those of you who do, in my opinion you are rare and beautiful, a genuine treasure. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:16:00 AM | | You should be with someone that you can be yourself with. You shouldn't have to change who you are for anyone. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:25:15 AM | I personally am not one to waste words. Unless there is reason for it, I usually avoid a topic. People who rant for hours about their hair or the girl at a salon bugging her usually don't keep my attention very long. I'd prefer an intellectual/deep conversation over something petty, or just sit and enjoy being simply around the person. No need to talk 24/7. A constant problem of, what are the odds of always having a good topic if it goes long term?
My answer, I do like deep conversation. Excessive talk annoys me and I for one am a bit more attracted to the quiet type. Especially since most who are the quiet type can still get chatty, but mainly when it's appropriate or the mood is right for it. Enjoy silence as if you can enjoy being around someone without the need for constant stimuli, it's a good sign. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:10:59 AM | i agree.
SMALL TALK IS SO BORING
well it might be boring to you but it's a part of being in society and considered polite. even when you have a job interview, you are expected to make small talk so you'd better learn how to do this. it's a part of life. and truthfully, it's NOT that difficult. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/21/2009 8:37:29 AM | 1. Take they online "free" version of the "Meyer's Briggs Personality Profile Test"
I have had my accessed twice in college 5 yrs apart and was ESFJ. I took the one online and even though less "professional" I scored the same.
2. I prefer a woman who talks more. A woman who does not talk much is either insecure or not very intelligent in my experience.. That whole "mysterious" crap does not work on me because I used to play that game. Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss or "The art of seduction" by Robert Green if you want to learn all those "tricks" that work on inexperienced and naive woman and men.
3. Also, women who don't talk much are quite a deterrence for me now. In my experiences, these type of women will not let you know when they are upset. It bottles up and then one day when you are taking a simple drive to the grocery store, she BLOWS UP out of now where.. WTF??
yeah..
And as we all know communication is paramount in any successful relationship.
So I'm all for an Extrovert.
Unless the girl is truly pure and shy. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:44:46 PM | 1. Take they online "free" version of the "Meyer's Briggs Personality Profile Test"
I have had my accessed twice in college 5 yrs apart and was ESFJ. I took the one online and even though less "professional" I scored the same.
well i'm actually an introvert but i talk non-stop so go figure. sometimes you can't shut me up, lol. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/22/2009 2:53:27 AM |
so ive had dates before that have went fine
im an introvert meaning im mostly private, not shy, but im not your typical blabbermouth
well anyways
after having a terrible night the guy kept going on and on about how he doesnt like quit girls and tried to force me to talk
that just made it worse and from that point the date was over
so guys a question...
are you guys really attracted to the type of girl that will talk your ear off?
or does anyone like the more mysterious type of girl?
It's all in perspective from one person to another, in fact, it is probably one of the earliest signs of compatibility. I prefer to carry a conversation most of the time, I enjoy feedback and someone who can follow what I am saying, so for me someone who can listen well and add in tidbits is what I prefer.
I also like to feel like I earn the information a woman gives me, makes it fun and exciting. So for the question you ask, it depends on you are whom you are with, this case was obviously not a good fit. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/26/2009 11:48:12 PM | | id say find the balance of just being able to sit there and stare together and then be able to converse, random small talk about the weather can just lead to awkwardness, im an introvert myself and prefer others to talk first and then i just build the conversation from there | |
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