| introvert
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:28:05 PM | | I am an introvent to and I worry sometimes that this may scare off guys. I don't see myself as shy but more of a quiet person but at the same time I don't like men who blabber too much and I can't get a word in or don't listen to me. It really makes me uncomfortable too when people say come on talk more or tell me whats on your mind. Thumbs up to you for staying on the date if this guy told me he didn't like quiet girls I think I would of left right then. | |
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b00m
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Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 52 | |
| introvert
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:31:30 PM | | Speaking as someone who is extremely quiet compared to the rest of my friends, I would be ok with either, so long as my desire for peace and quiet both from my own mouth and in terms of personal space is given consideration. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:11:16 PM | | I'm not shy either, but I don't like talking unless there's something actually relevant and interesting worth talking about. When talking, the subject of the conversation is what's important (to me), not necessarily the person I'm talking to. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:17:41 PM |
so guys a question...
are you guys really attracted to the type of girl that will talk your ear off?
or does anyone like the more mysterious type of girl?
I admit that I am a bit reserved. I don't really say anything unless it's necessary. Small-talk just isn't my thing. I just try to be careful with my words. I do the listening most of the time but I just can't deal with someone who talks nonstop. I get bored really easily and eventually become aggravated, especially when they finish their piece and then try to force me to speak. It's like, what the hell do you want me to say? You've said everything...nothing left for me to say.
I don't keep a lot of friends so if I'm attracted to a woman and there's a potential for a relationship, I'd like for there to be a balance. If she wants to talk about something, I'm there to listen and if I need to tell her something, I'd want her to listen as well.
Hopefully that made sense. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:32:13 PM | i can see why the guy got mad to be honest with you..i consider myself as someone who doesnt like to talk too much.BUT when I am in a situation where its important to talk i WILL talk..it's really no fun, and can be boring when you are trying to talk and have a reasonable conversation while the other person is barely contribution to the conversation. that is NO FUN! Generally I prefer girls who dont talk much, but there should be a time when they can at least turn the switch on a little and have a reasonable TWO WAY conversation with a guy..especially in the early stages of getting to know someone.
So yes, I would have definitely gotten frustrated as well...OP you are a pretty girl, but the reality is...you WILL have to learn how to talk a little more when it comes to getting to know a guy and have a PROPER TWO conversation. There is really no way around it. It's up to you to find a way to contribute to the conversation. no guy really likes a boring person who barely talks especially when he is trying to get to know her. So OP if I were you I would try to find a way to talk a little more, when you are getting to know a guy. You dont have to be a chatter box or anything, just be a little more assertive/talkative to the point where you can contribute reasonable to any conversation. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:02:43 AM |
It really makes me uncomfortable too when people say come on talk more or tell me whats on your mind.
I don't like this either, and I can create conversation easily. When the above happens, it has always meant that it wasn't a fit with the man involved. Or it happened when I was younger.
Conversation should come easily, but that doesn't mean it has to be constant chatter. A steady comfortable flow is what I like. To me, when you first meet someone and you "click", the conversation is easy - comfortable silences come after those first few dates because we were so excited to tell and hear about each other at first. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 6/28/2009 6:02:56 AM | | I'm very introverted myself & I like the women who aren't very social. I rather get to know people in more quiet settings. I can talk a lot sometimes if I feel conferable but I also like to listen & I enjoy quietly spending time with someone as well. I want someone who I can somewhat relate to & understand instead of someone who's going to keep pushing me to talk to lots off random people. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 58 | |
| introvert
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:10:50 AM | | biggest way to turn off an introvert is to talk too much. We are not impressed by personality (since we don't have one ourselves) We are impressed by intelligence. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:33:12 AM | Jenna, you are very welcome! | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/1/2009 1:40:05 PM | I don't believe there's any guaranteed formula for the combination of intro and extroverts.
be it intro-intro, intro-extro or extro-extro.
i believe it really comes down to the two people involved.
for example, an extrovert may be outspoken and verbalize everything, but that doesn't make him a good conversationalist.
i mean, one may say a lot and not have a lot to say.
the same can be said for the introvert, he may take his time to internalize and process his thoughts before speaking them out loud, but that doesn't mean they will have substance when they are finally heard.
i believe the combination of the two opposing personality types has an equal chance for success as two matching ones.
if i were in a conversation with an introvert, being extroverted myself, i can't see why it wouldn't work.
i could say my piece, she could comment on it, or say her own. Then i would expound upon it in length, something that comes easily to me, and while i'm talking she could have the time to consider her response and deliver it when she was comfortable. opposites do compliment each other often, i think.
in the case of the OP, however, i think it was just a matter of a guy being frustrated that he was unable to force a connection. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:37:34 PM | The super extrovert, exuberant, have-tons-of-friends-and-hobbies tone of so many female profiles also leave me overwhelmed and turn me off, no matter how impressive are the photos (Disclaimer: my observations are biased by that I have been mostly browsing for the NY metro area, where a fast-paced lifestyle is the rule). I don't mind the excessive talking too much as long the content is interesting (though often it's not, it's just smalltalk blabber). However I am more put off by the impression that these people almost seem to regard staying at home as solitary confinement, and if their daily schedule is not filled up from dawn to dusk with yoga classes, happy hour, theater going, dancing, etc. they're wasting their life. I am sure they would find my life boring as much as I would find their life an overwhelming circus.
Still I wouldn't mind being with such an extrovert as long as she's fine with me not participating in most of her busy life and can mellow out when we are together. She won't feel the need to have me meet her dozens of friends or drag me to the latest art exhibition I could not care less about. Is something like this realistic or do the individuals lifestyles have to be similar in the first place ? | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:46:41 PM | If he has to make you talk, then he isn't a very good conversationalist. I like good conversation, either I'm not talking about anything you're finding interesting, or, you've already decided that you don't really want to talk to me. Either way, it's a good indication that there isn't going to be any sort of relationship there.
However, if the conversation flows smoothly and you're able to open up to them, then there might be more there and worth looking at another date. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:03:18 PM | | I don't mind quiet at all, sometimes I even prefer it, but you also should at least make some effort to show that you are interested or there is a good chance that your introversion will be misconstrued as a lack of interest/boredom. I can be an introvert sometimes too, it depends on my mood, and I think it would be nice to be with someone where there is enough mutual understanding and trust to not have to feel as though I always need to keep a conversation going. Not that I don't like to talk but it can be pretty draining sometimes to always be trying to come up with stuff to talk about. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:22:01 PM |
so guys a question...
are you guys really attracted to the type of girl that will talk your ear off?
or does anyone like the more mysterious type of girl?
Talk my ear off? Hell no. I'm a believer of Quality, not Quantity.
Mysterious? Hell no. Last thing I want to have to do is guess what a woman is thinking if I want (or need) to know.
Effective communication skills are key in every relationship, whether the woman is talkative or not. Lots of talkative women (and men too) spewing verbal diarrhea have nothing of note to say.
Life shouldn't be a total mystery. It's nice to know what a lady is thinking every once in awhile.
On first dates, it can get awkward with lots of silent pauses. Even if you are an introvert and don't like to fill dead space with words, it's important to recognize that nobody is saying anything. Jenna, anyone: if you are interested in the other person and feel like filling dead space with words, if possible I like to suggest an activity. Shoot some pool. Throw darts. Go to the jukebox and select some jams. Maybe take a walk. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:30:27 PM | The choice isn't between saying nothing and talking someone's ear off. There's a middle place in between.
When you're out with someone, especially when you first meet, I think both people have a responsibility to try and make it pleasant including holding up your end of the conversation. Talking so someone else can't get a word in edgewise is selfish. However, not contributing to the conversation is inconsiderate, too. You shouldn't expect someone else to do all the work. I think it's good manners to help make the time spent together pleasant enough and bad manners not to.
If you're not a real talkative person, find some questions to ask someone so you can get them talking about themselves. Then you can help keep the conversation going without having to talk much.
I like doing things like going to an outdoor art fair. It gives something outside to stimulate some conversation. Just sitting at a coffeehouse or a restaurants, two strangers, is kind of awkward.
You could just let guys know up front. "Hey, I don't talk much so if you're a blabbermouth or you're okay with silence, we'll probably get along fine, but if you expect me to hold up my end of a conversation, you should probably pass me by." | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:42:42 PM | ~OP~ I'm introvert as well. I agree, I hate being badgered into conversation and when it's happened in the past ~ the conversation probably wasn't what "he" wanted to hear.  I don't really know what men in general want when it comes to talking or lack thereof, I tend to mesh best with other introverts and that usually means comfortable silences are more than welcome. I was married to an extreme extrovert. OMFG ~ I got SO sick of his incessant yammering and working the room and needing to be seen and yada yada. I think I became much more introvert during that ordeal just because my own head was much more quiet than my normal environment.  At any rate, the only thing I know for certain is that if there are enough commonalities with another party ~ conversation flows wonderfully and if not? It really doesn't matter what personality type either of us is, it's not happening.  | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:44:07 PM | hmmm...I know what you mean.
by nature, I am a solitary person....that is...a lot of my pursuits are quiet and somewhat introverted. I can go days....weeks just doing my different things, and be totally absorbed.
On the other hand, I am approachable and do indeed like to talk when in company of another.
But, your question really leads to this. Of course, it is always best to be just who we are....the minute you're 'faking' it.....well, it's pretty easy to spot.
If you are very quiet on a first date, this could lead to a lot of flat spots....where the man might feel like something isn't going right, or perhaps you are bored. I think the whole idea of first date puts a lot of undue pressure on many a man and many a woman. And, if you are a good listener....that's something to be proud of. Most people aren't.
An important thing is to notice when you have a flow with someone. That's really it. And as you get to know them, and they get to know you, the different moods you are in, on any given day.....will either be accepted by them...as 'that is who you are'.....or...it won't.
It is indeed hard to be 'on' all the time....and , in fact, it is quite unnatural. Most of life is not like a straight line on a screen, but rather like a giant sine wave on a screen.
It's tricky. Most of the time, we are a contradiction within our very own selves. To expect another human to read us correctly and accurately at all times, is a bit magical in belief.
regards
~ Kimbo ~ | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:59:29 PM | i usually only hook up with extroverts and its been fun but not too rewarding...
i'm lost inside myself | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:13:43 PM | | I was very introverted at one time, but over the years I forced myself to become more talkative. Now I can email in great length, as well as carry on a conversation very easy. The woman has to at least meet me halfway, though. If I'm the only one talking it would become a very boring time. I have a lot of varied interests, so I can adapt to whatever comes up. Truthfully, I have never dated anyone who was a real introvert. I find it easy to keep a conversation going by asking questions such as "what makes you feel that way?", "what do you think about this?", "have you ever been to. . . . .?, I'm not probing, just trying to get a good topic going. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:47:09 PM | | I'm going to put it like this can you like this, I would like a little bit of both, like for instance i would love to hear about a woman's story if it's about some crazy vacation trip she took or studied abroad, but i would not like to hear about a trip she had to the shopping mall and all the clothes she tried on, there is a time to talk and a time to be quiet, every person has to have secrets that's what is intriguing about a person. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:55:56 PM | i can put up a front and carry a conversation with someone i don't want to, and listen and respond and so forth... meanwhile i'm thinking "back away and leave me be"
i'm happy alone, and have no desire to "fit it"
although if you find comfort in someone then you do seek their company, that's human nature. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 5:35:29 PM | | I consider myself a social introvert so I like to be out with people every day, but then I take time out to work on projects alone ie. working on the car, painting and I find this grounds me. Most of my closest friends are introverts, as well, 'cause I don't like being dominated in a conversation, which is how I generally experience extroverts. I also prefer dating introverts, but I have been on a few dates with extroverts. So, finally getting to the OP's question: yes I like quieter girls/women. -Mike | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:06:53 PM |
im an introvert meaning im mostly private, not shy, but im not your typical blabbermouth
well anyways
after having a terrible night the guy kept going on and on about how he doesnt like quit girls and tried to force me to talk
that just made it worse and from that point the date was over
OP
Having one person carry on the burden of "entertainment" is not really fair on the one doing the yapping. There are times when small talk is needed and that is when you have to step out of your comfort zonne and do your fair share of "yap yapping". It can be very uncomfortable if you are into meaningful conversation but not all meaningless conversation is bad. My de facto state is "introvert" but I make conscious effort to contribute to the conversation so that its not just one person doing all the work - and I know how the other party could feel because I have a certain friend that likes to call me and then go quiet. It goes like this
He calls
I pick and say hallo
He says hallo and is quiet
so my mind starts running really fast and I immediately go into actress mode
I ask him about various things of interests he laughs and says one line or two
then I talk about myself while looking at my watch
when 5 minutes are over I come up with perfect excuse to exit...sometimes I pause to give him a chance to talk
he is just quiet
These kind of conversations take a lot out of me so whenever I see him calling...guess what..>VOICEMAIL lol!
so guys a question...
are you guys really attracted to the type of girl that will talk your ear off?
or does anyone like the more mysterious type of girl?
Sometimes when you are too quiet a guy might be curious about you but after he makes the initiative you have to be willing to open up a little bit. I used to notice when hanging out with acquaintances that I would do mostly litsening and at some point its almost like the focus would shift on "me" everyone is now waiting for me to talk - like there is an elephant in the room, a quiet girl! I worked on that and it has helped me contribute my share in socialization.
Good luck. | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 74 | |
| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:12:22 PM | Well, you have to know how to be both. You can't expect a person to be a blabber mouth simply because you have nothing to say, or find anything worthwhile in speaking because of some preconceived ideal at that moment..
I am the the type of personality that can get a staunch executive to open his shell, or to let his guard down. I think what is not being taken into consideration here is not necessarily about communication. It is about people having guards or walls around them and knowing how to create, or to bring out their best abilities with their personalities..
I call it "creative interception". A person needs to take responsibility to know if another person is genuine or nervous, or carefree, caught-up in the moment, serious, playful, business, on or off topic oriented, or something simple as what they had for breakfast to create an entry. At the same time, the instigator can make the other nervous and not themselves because of the preconceived ideals they either are or not displaying outward, which can make the conversation end up completely against their nature.
It takes effort on both parties. Let's make a note that "introvert" does need to be in the same aspect as "lazy". A chatter bug isn't always about chatter. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:46:09 PM | OP:
Thats pretty interesting. I think he showed poor form in trying to force you to talk. Opposites in terms of personality do attract so don't give up on extroverts just yet. That said, in terms of a conversation, flow is just as important as content. Personally, I'd rather have a quiet moment than try to come up with things to talk about - it should feel very natural, you know?
To more directly answer your question:
-> If all she (or anyone for that matter) likes to do is superficially complain, or be petty / vein / jealous in reference to others ("I can't believe she got a red convertible.. omg.. just last week yada yada") - then it gets really tiring really fast - its alright sometimes, but not all the time, and certainly not when you meet someone for the first time.
-> If on the other hand she loves to talk about everything - generally be the type of person that likes to share her life, and her stories, takes pleasure in life, tries to have fun / laugh / laugh at her self - there are very few instances when I'd want that girl (or that guy, for that matter) to shut up.
-> Many girls are naturally introverted - to me this just means that they need more time at first. This may actually be a good thing - it means that they don't just let anyone see their kinder / gentler / warmer side. After a while though, if they remain guarded and closed then it raises concerns of mistrust / lack of warmth. Mystery is good - but only if there is any hope of solving it. And as they say, hope springs eternal, hahahah..
- V | |
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