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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 74 | |
| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:12:22 PM | Well, you have to know how to be both. You can't expect a person to be a blabber mouth simply because you have nothing to say, or find anything worthwhile in speaking because of some preconceived ideal at that moment..
I am the the type of personality that can get a staunch executive to open his shell, or to let his guard down. I think what is not being taken into consideration here is not necessarily about communication. It is about people having guards or walls around them and knowing how to create, or to bring out their best abilities with their personalities..
I call it "creative interception". A person needs to take responsibility to know if another person is genuine or nervous, or carefree, caught-up in the moment, serious, playful, business, on or off topic oriented, or something simple as what they had for breakfast to create an entry. At the same time, the instigator can make the other nervous and not themselves because of the preconceived ideals they either are or not displaying outward, which can make the conversation end up completely against their nature.
It takes effort on both parties. Let's make a note that "introvert" does need to be in the same aspect as "lazy". A chatter bug isn't always about chatter. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:46:09 PM | OP:
Thats pretty interesting. I think he showed poor form in trying to force you to talk. Opposites in terms of personality do attract so don't give up on extroverts just yet. That said, in terms of a conversation, flow is just as important as content. Personally, I'd rather have a quiet moment than try to come up with things to talk about - it should feel very natural, you know?
To more directly answer your question:
-> If all she (or anyone for that matter) likes to do is superficially complain, or be petty / vein / jealous in reference to others ("I can't believe she got a red convertible.. omg.. just last week yada yada") - then it gets really tiring really fast - its alright sometimes, but not all the time, and certainly not when you meet someone for the first time.
-> If on the other hand she loves to talk about everything - generally be the type of person that likes to share her life, and her stories, takes pleasure in life, tries to have fun / laugh / laugh at her self - there are very few instances when I'd want that girl (or that guy, for that matter) to shut up.
-> Many girls are naturally introverted - to me this just means that they need more time at first. This may actually be a good thing - it means that they don't just let anyone see their kinder / gentler / warmer side. After a while though, if they remain guarded and closed then it raises concerns of mistrust / lack of warmth. Mystery is good - but only if there is any hope of solving it. And as they say, hope springs eternal, hahahah..
- V | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:48:53 PM | | I am also an introvert, mostly proud of it. If they want me to talk, strike up a conversation | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/26/2009 2:48:56 AM | As with all personality types, there's good and bad of both.
An extroverted person who thinks that because they talk a lot, everything they say is likely interesting or such, can be wrong.
An introverted person who thinks because they talk rarely, they never talk crap can also be wrong.
I don't think these types are set in stone, they're more reflexive, and some of come and go depending on who you're with, or at the least magnify or shrink based on the person.
An introvert will likely go much quieter if with a very, very talktative person who won't let them get a word in sideways.
On the flipside, if the chatty person is chatty because they are a good conversationalist and invite the shyer person many oppotunities to enter the conversation, then they could bring the other person out.
I don't think it really matters what type you are, so long as you're comfortable in conversation with eachother. A healthy mixture of listening and speaking, and building upon what each other has said and such. Forcing small talk out doesn't really contribute to this, specially if it's done in the "quick-fire question" way. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/26/2009 3:20:56 AM | I don't need my ear talked off.... but "mysterious" ? No. I don't like mystery. I feel like I'm too old for mystery. (And I'm not that old.) I like the cards on the table where I can see them. You, in the back, get that ace out of your sleeve! You think I don't see you?
It is important that the "getting to know you" part of dating actually involves, you know, getting to know you. Otherwise what's the point? Trying to seem somehow mysterious just gets in the way.
(I'm an innie outie... I'm very shy with most people. But professionally [by necessity] and with close friends I talk constantly.) | |
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| introvert
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:16:42 AM | y'all are getting it twisted. introverted doesn't just mean quiet, that's another topic. an introverted person is one who internalizes things. almost all girls i've dated were extroverts and always came a point they would ask me, 'what's wrong'? 'youre not being yourself' i would say 'nothing is wrong, i don't want to talk about it, change the subject'. it's not that i don't want to talk, just that i don't want to talk about myself or my emotions. i think lots of you do not understand because you haven't been there. my ex- fiancé, on the other hand, was introvert as well and instead of badgering me to express myself she could sense what i was feeling and no words were needed. that's what i'd like to find again...hope that i will.
and yes, introverts have very few close friends, and do not feel a need to know anyone & everyone. 90% of my friends are introverts and 90% of girls i've dated, and i'm still single, were extroverts.... seems pretty obvious that birds of a feather do indeed flock together. | |
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| introvert
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:15:08 AM | Heh it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for... j/k
It's give and take... If you are shy it can be hard for you to actually do enough to let the other person know you are interested.
You have to find a way to get out of your comfort zone a bit...
Kenetics works great...
A nicely placed touch on the hand, or on the shoulder can let the person know you are interested but shy...
You could even mistakenly brush against him or act clumsy and initiate some physical contact...
Or you could just smile alot and stare at him and laugh nervously which might come off a bit weird at first... | |
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| introvert
Posted: 9/2/2009 4:01:10 AM | {introverted doesn't just mean quiet}
What he said! ^^^^
{introverts have very few close friends, and do not feel a need to know anyone & everyone}
Again what he said!
I am basically introverted, I have no desire to be around people all the time. As a matter of fact for the most part I'd rather NOT be around people at all. With the exception of my kids and a wonderful man. And even then I need alot of alone time. BUT once I am comfortable with a person I can deffinatly talk their ear off! Go figure. | |
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