| Looks?
Posted: 8/22/2005 5:54:01 PM | | I've dated ugly men who became very attactive in my eyes, once their personality came shinning through. Last guy I lived with was very nice looking but had a very ugly soul. Sometimes there is something very attractive about men and it has nothing to do with looks! I think a man that is very self confident is very attactive. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 8/22/2005 8:06:28 PM | yes and no...there has to be pysical attraction...we all know that. but looks arent everything...i think im average and my ex husband was average...but my kids are extrodinarily beautiful..go figure?
i think a great personality and good communication can often help us overlook a few physical flaws...i know it has for me!
anyways, im no cali bomb...just a regular all american northwesterner that likes to talk in forums 
Melissa  | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 8/23/2005 3:03:08 PM | | Why can't alot of men think that way?? We women do,,atleast the good women,,LOL | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 12:40:14 PM | Well now....I agree with most of the posts on here! 
Looks aren't everything. Yes they are an eye pleaser at first, but the most beautiful man or woman could have the ugliest personality...that would eventually surface over their good looks in due time! Of course...now take that statement and vice-versa it. 
In otherwords, most of us would like the Shallow Hal's to pass us on by!  | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 12:55:17 PM | this has been asked so many times as well....... let me put it this way
it's first attraction (eyes set upon one another ) that initially 'grabs' us is it not ? From across the room or wherever... as someone put it before in another post...
it's not like someones personality 'JUMPS' out at you first..... you don't meet 'personality' until afterwards..... after the initial eye contact or whatever.
Everyone has their own taste.. so yes.. looks matter but again.. personality is what holds the relationship together in the long run :)
^^^^ Totally agree Country.... | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:28:20 PM | I concur with belladona and country.
I just have a really hard timne being into a girl if their not attractive. That's when the eye's wonder elsewhere. There definitly has to be a combo of personality and looks though. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:34:27 PM | The packaging draws us in, the substance within is what has the potential to enthrall us indefinitely. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:37:08 PM |
it's first attraction (eyes set upon one another ) that initially 'grabs' us is it not ? From across the room or wherever... as someone put it before in another post...
it's not like someones personality 'JUMPS' out at you first..... you don't meet 'personality' until afterwards..... after the initial eye contact or whatever.
Everyone has their own taste.. so yes.. looks matter but again.. personality is what holds the relationship together in the long run :)
Yes, I also agree with this assessment. But that's unfortunate for me. I have a face that looks like; when I was born the doctor slapped my face, my mirror is threatening to sue me for visual abuse, there is no ugly stick in the world that could do this much damage, can't even get a shark to attack me, too scary for a circus freak show... Am I being to hard on myself? Not really. Since women wont allow themselves to get to know me what else am I to think? Sure, they are missing out on an opportunity to be with a man that is friendly, kind, affectionate, caring and loving. Perfect? No. But a man who tries his best to be a good person. I take care of myself. I keep good hygiene. Have a good steady job, my own place, newly paid off car. But if they're not attracted to me initially then there is nothing else I can do. And I really can understand this. After all we are visual creatures. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:49:06 PM | Well let me put it this way YES YES YES and YES... all that crap about looking for a nice funny guy does not exist. Women will still go for the bad boy type no matter what because those guys are exciting keep you close to the edge type of guys. Nice guys have no chance and yet women still say that a nice guy is all they want. I'll never understand it ...
..oohh unless you're a rich guy .. then they will date you and still see the bad boy on the side... lol | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:59:59 PM | It's interesting how so many people cling to old ways of thinking. Many have written about the physical attraction, the catching of the eye, the initial moment when you spot them across a crowded room, etc.
In here, none of that applies!
In here, you get a carefully chosen pic or series of pics that show the person in the best possible light, from their favourite and most flatering angles, possibly old and misleading pics or worse still - completely fake or doctored pics! This is the BEST case scenario.
Seeing what someone writes, what their opinions are, what they like and dislike...these are the things that we see first about people online. We've turned the tables upside down and changed all of the rules.
I think it's fascinating and undoubtedly, there are young sociologists, etc out there right now studying this phenomenon. Dating and mating in the future could be very different indeed.
However, despite the opportunity to meet a person and get to know them a bit before you ever see them...we still judge a person on their looks. Really nothing has changed at all. All this crap about it's only natural to be attracted to looks because it's the first thing that draws you to someone is total bunk! It isn't true at all and I'm guilty of it myself.
You can meet someone, get along like a house on fire, think she's sexy and intelligent and you get all excited about meeting up and then her pic leaves you cold? I've been on both ends of this scenario.....let's face it people, the truth is we are pretty shallow.
Conversely, I've also met more than a few women who consider me cute or hot and yet can't get over the fact I smoke or that I'm not looking for a LTR so while looks are given more importance than they merit, generally, it is not the end all and be all of human interaction. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:39:52 PM | I know what you mean. I have been called thick thighs, etc on the boards - but I don't care.
Guys that are looking for substance in a woman will look for women with confidence and personality.
I know women who never will be cover models (one that is over 250 pds.) yet they are in wonderful relationships - with nice men. These men realize that looks may not last, and that its the whole package that the person has.
When a person can look beyond such trival and shallow things, thats when a real man will show.
Dont worry hon - there are good guys out there - just have to wade through the 'shallow pool' to get to them.
There are a lot of men (and women) that are looking for that perfect 10 - and most of them will be lonely and sad when they are in their 60's still looking. And relationships based on looks are always doomed to fail - look at Hollywood.
And you are cute - so get that confidence girl and give them hell! | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:46:41 PM | I know for some people looks aren't as important. I suppose there's a positive for those people in not being concerned about it.
Not me though. I make no bones about it... I am physically disgusted by obesity. I don't mean some extra pounds, because that I can understand... but unless you have a pituitary gland problem (which my friend has) there is likely something pyschologically wrong with obese people - they don't take their physical well-being seriously... or they have self-esteem issues, much like bulemics on the other end of the spectrum. I know I myself am actually underweight for my height, but I have a very fast metabolism so it's hard to gain and sustain pounds. I can understand the problem of having a slow metabolism (try eating spicy foods-it speeds it up) and having it be hard to lose weight too, but I'm just not attracted physically...
Physical attraction is big for me, but to me, I'm a picky S.O.B., I value just as much, intellectual capacity... I can handle attractive but not model-esque... but she'd better be intellectual too... I'd love to find 10's in each department, but she'd probably not be interested in a guy like me, cause I'm no 10, physically at least.
I'd settle for7-7!!
The other posters are right too, there is someone for everyone...  | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:54:10 PM | In my youth I had dated guys that other women drooled over -including a male stripper. (yes, that was shallow of me). Then as I grew older, I needed substance. I got so bored with them.
I'm no model either - but I have dated men that a lot of women asked what the hell they were doing with me - and the reason was, because of my outlooks on life, confidence, humor, and values... | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:23:01 PM | ^^^Some of us love the fact we don't have to worry about breaking your femur. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:27:42 PM | well Queen didn't write a song about
thin assed girls :) | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:43:28 PM | Ok Here I am involving myself in a topic thats gonna make people like me or hate me for my observations....But would you want me any other way?......Most of us Americans are Superficial thats a fact. if you think I'm wrong lets take a look at the media as an example
Victoria Secret: when was the last time you seen a portly woman with buck teeth sporting a Bra and panty collection?? (I said Victoria Secret not Walmart Underwear!)
Vagisil or any Vaginal problem commercial: Always the sexy Lonely Housewife with a Yeast Infection. Do I need to make some more examples??....I don't think so I think you know where I'm going with this. We as a society are always wanting to see the best of everything...we are bombarded on a daily basis on what is ATTRACTIVE!! We can't escape it. Its on a billboard, a magazine...a burger commercial (a sexy young woman eating a burger while on a bullriding machine!) We are told what we accept as Attractive. Now lets go one to my other observation....yes I observe I can't help it. will some one get me a beer? I get thirsty typing after awhile. Scenario: I'm with my Male friends at a party or bar
and one of the firends is a porlty man...oh hell with it he's Fat. We scope out a gaggle of women comming in and they are "Attractive" except one! they wanna dance so do we. Now we tell our "Fat"friend hey hook up with wanda...she needs a partner....he is willing to take one for the "Team" ....he approaches her and guess what?...she turns him down becuz he's "Fat". Ever wonder where the term " Calling the Kettle Black" came from? I think the Irony speaks for itself. Now Scenario number 2. imagine a couple young attractive and in Love inseparetable sex is good kisses are good get married....have a child...or 2....then someone is gaining weight someone is losing hair.....some one has let themselves go. they still love each other but the sex is a happy time in the shower by yourself. they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder....but the truth is by whose standards are we accepting that proclamation? I know what I'm attracted too...and she's not the Cali Hottie she's the one that accepts coupons for sexual favors....I mean she likes to give hand jobs as a massuse.....ooops nevermind you get the drift. we have a preference and we have to stop thinking about what everyone else thinks of it. So in closing even the fat homeless guy with no teeth will attract someone....another fat homeless woman with one tooth. These are Just my observations....but then again what do I know. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:51:47 PM | I know I am not going to be on the cover of Cosmo anytime soon! But honestly it does play a part in a relationship. Sorry it just does. I am not going to date someone who I feel is ugly. And if you say you would.. You are just laying to yourself.
I cant see myself laying in bed with someone talking about OHHH BABY I JUST LOVE YOUR PERSONALITY! Not gonna happen! He may not be hot to all my friends but he is going to be HOT to me! | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:02:32 PM | Well yes you have to be attracted to the person - but they don't have to be a 10.
My ex fiancee was overweight, but that didn't matter to me. But he still cared about his appearance. I wont date anyone who doesn't take care of themselves, shows up with dirty clothes, hair, that sort of thing. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:04:18 PM | Rhiannon, (Fleetwood Mac reference?)
Yes, I know what you mean, substance will carry the relationship. But as someone else said earlier in the thread, the first thing that attracts most of us is the physical appearance.
Sure it can be misleading...
My "portly" best friend of many years is the one who has the pituitary problem, wasn't diagnosed for years... anyway, he has a good personality... total comedian, will always make you laugh, even if his comedy borders on distasteful (comedy often does).
Conversely... I've met hot girls who the personality of a bump on a log in the hole of the bottom of the pool; possibly because with their looks, they've never been short of suitors and they've not had to develop one... I can't say that is fact, but it's something to chew on.
I do know as I've gotten a little older, I don't spend time worrying about why someone doesn't like me, I've got plenty of my own experience to draw on - why I haven't found this or that girl attractive - on the Whole!
The mental connection is always going to play out eventually... unless you just do one-night stands.
If looks really aren't important to you, then don't worry about how others perceive yours. The guy that likes you won't care what someone else thinks either!
I do agree that we place a big emphasis on physical attraction. However, generally speaking, that'd suggest people are in good health, which IS a huge problem in this country... same as with people who starve themselves or bulemics who eat only to force themselves to puke so they don't gain weight... | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:10:11 PM | Actually Rhiannon is my middle name - but I have heard the Fleetwood Mac References in spades ( I was named after the Welsh Goddess)...
I know the eating disorder too well to become attractive to someone - and I was dating him. He eventually dumped me in the end anyway (I was 30 pounds underweight). He destroyed my self confidence, and it took me a while to get it back - but never again.
One should take care in their appearance, make an effort, but that doesn't mean I expect the men I date to be models. been through that - got bored.
My ex fiancee - I was attracted by the way he carried himself, and he did have the most gorgeous blue eyes. One can be attracted to other physical features other than just weight or height (I have dated guys 6'6 inches tall, and 5'2 inches tall). | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:22:54 PM | Unfortuately, without "looks", or that physical attraction, there can never be a solid relationship. Fortunately though, everyone's perception of beauty is different, and there are certain features that will attract certain members of the opposite sex. For example, you say you feel that you are not attractive, and to many people that may be the case, however there are other people that will feel the opposite, and find you quite attractive physically. You just have to look for those people.
CG | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:31:05 PM |
Rhiannon said:I know the eating disorder too well to become attractive to someone - and I was dating him. He eventually dumped me in the end anyway (I was 30 pounds underweight). He destroyed my self confidence, and it took me a while to get it back - but never again.
I think I follow you there... I had a g/f in Germany when I as stationed there that had a friend that was absolutely beautiful, and at one point I found out that she was bulemic. I was stunned really... I just couldn't figure out why she felt so self-conscious about it. I know how it is being underweight... I've heard all the comments about my lack of weight. I'd have to eat like 3000 calories a day to actually gain weight. That's quite a lot of trips and money spent at GNC... I'd like about 10-20 more to fill out some areas, but still, I don't care if someone else doesn't like me because of it... just a waste of time. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:44:58 PM | Well he had me so convinced I would never get anyone like him - and that I better look the way he wanted me too. I am built more like the girls from the 1950's, but he wanted me to look like how the olsen twins look now.
Funny thing is - after I had gained my weight back - he started stalking me.
Its good to take care of your appearance but never EVER change for anyone but for yourself. If a person wants to make you into something you are not - they can number 5 themselves! | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:16:08 PM | | If I can't picture myself kissing that person, I can't date them. Call me shallow but hey. | |
|
| Looks?
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:19:38 PM | And looks are bound to change when you get older, especially for women. Unless you are rich and have a trainer - or really , really good genes - things are not going to be where they were when you were 21! Especially if you plan on having kids.
My dad when he met my mom, ya, she looked identical to a young elizabeth taylor (she actually dated robert goulet - but fell for my dad), and she had an amazing figure= but as she had her kids, she gained weight - and he never lost one ounce of love for her. She went from 115 to 195 - and he still gooses her every chance he can get lol. | |
|
Home
login 
