| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:39:55 PM |
Since this would result in a large number of women either sitting at home alone or spending waayyy too much time w/ their "girl friends" I don't foresee this level of honesty becoming the "norm" any time soon.
I don't know funky phantom..myself and most of the women I know online and off are very upfront on where their sexual "etiquette" lies...
Knowing how men feel about this, and not ever wanting to mislead, or lead on..or put myself in an uncomfortable position..this is something we usually discuss early on...I understand many women on here actually have it on their profiles in one way or another( I don't for a myriad of reasons...first one being to me it draws unwanted attention)...since I subscribe to no particular timetable, and think it things should happen naturally, I don't have any real rules...except that I am not interested in any kind of NSA sex ..and always assure a man that if we connect and decide to date further, there will be sex...and it won't be months...but, things have to happen naturally for me...and certainly not on demand...Talking about this usually weeds out most of the men looking for the hook ups too...
I guess it happens, but, I can't imagine going on dates with men I'm not interested in sexually and romantically just to kill time? I have friends for that...
edited for typos..sheesh I'm getting old...lol.. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:29:42 AM | Yup and its so dissapointing!
You cant win, ive told them clearly at the start i am not going to sleep with them and they think im an ice queen. really really very annoying 
sex is great, but why not get to know each other first and hold it off a while boys? | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:42:36 AM |
Ohhh, Brother !!!!!!!!!!!!!
well hey, some of us guys just don't want to have sex for the sake of just getting our rocks off.
yea its weird, but thats how i roll  | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:22:58 AM | zekestone...honesty is not the issue. Maybe she needs to re-think her profile. However, the words in which you chose, and they way you chose to communicate by critisizing her, in that statement were abusive.
A major role of my career is to give my residents positive critisizm in a non abusive way. It creates the best results. If you want to help giude a person, in this case a young person, that is wonderful. I just don't comprehend how you thought your words could help her and not hurt her. "Words cut like a knife", ever heard of that expression? It was created for a reason.
In no way would I ever think or suggest in any form, she go for the guys that lie and bs her. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:55:13 AM | Sagman4u,
(someone makes a profile...they chat on line with you...they could be tell you anything you want to hear...this is the perfect place that perverts, playes, stalkers, killers like to dwell and find their prey.) I am sorry you could not understand this statement, let me try again....If you watch the news or read a news paper, you know this is a fact...I did not say "all" men are these things. Wait, I'm reading it again....nope I still don't see where it says that. The point is women have to be carefull not to fall prey to these type of people, men too!
(They could date you for a month or 3 months. All you know about that person is what they have told you and you hope that it is true. For anyone level headed with common sense...that is not enough.) The 3 months is just a number I used for an example...so you may pick any number you want, 6 mos, 5 years. I will agree to disagree with you. Fair enough? My experience and this is myself, friends and family. When you meet someone and this could be a man or woman, friend or a relationship. A certain amount of trust is a given but trust needs to be earned and once broken is difficult to re-build. We are not cynical, revengfull, bitter people at all. We are honest, loving, possitive people. We have been lied to, that person that we trusted was not who they claimed to be...after time their true colors came shining through and then comes the disapointment. Part of life right? You hope that people are telling you the truth about themselves and you never give up that hope. Oh an by the way, an interesting fact, I used to serve Art Shawcross beer for years and I had no clue he was a serial killer!!!!
Now lets talk about the rest of the people in the world....people that people thought they knew who they were...Art Shawcross, Ted Bundy, Robert Pickton, John Wayne Gacy, Joseph Mesa, Robert Eric Armstrong, Steven Avery, Elizabeth Bathory.....major dissapointments to those who loved them.
I could go on and on...the point is people trusted them to be who they said they were, they had family and friends, careers and lives...I'm just thank full I didn't date any of them!!!! Ok I took it to the extreme....to make a point.
The friend with benefit thing....I am sure there is a great number of women out there that are truly happy you are not looking for that and I agree with you on that point!!! Hey we agreed on something, cool!!! Then my point was and I will reword it for you...respect the womans values you are with if you honestly care...the sex will come in the right time and moment if it is meant to be. As for the dissapontment if it doesn't, the trick is, you just don't give up that hope and become bitter.
As for us women who have values and wanting to make sure the man we are having sex with is the right man...whether it takes one month or three months...You feel sorry for women like us.........Oh, and the "toy" comment...that is a persons personal preference if they choose to use them or not, alone or with a partner. Still lmao that you actualy spewed this statement..."maybe you should stay home and get some toys". Hahahaha Been there done that, ready for the real thing but I can honestly say...when the times right, we will both know it.  | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:29:29 AM | | Once you had had phenomenal sex in your life and you get older, yes you still want great sex but other things are just as important at least for a man who wants a longterm commited relationship with someone to share his life with. Ask a man wether he wants a hot meal or hot sex and if he pauses then he's a keeper cause now he's looking at you knowing you have many skills. lol | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:41:09 AM | sagman4u....
First of all I will appologize that I offended you and I will try to do better from now on to be more carefull how I say things. I will explain what kind of a woman I am. I am the person I am today because of the experiences I have had. Most are great! But we are talking about sex. I love sex/making love, who doesn't? I just prefer to take my time...get to know the person the best that I can to see if I fit him and if he fits me for both our sakes. Now, I do realize that there aren't any guarantees, I'm naive but not that guarded. Please stop getting hung up on a number of time...it isn't really about a number of time...okay.
I do not make a man pay for any negative past experiences that I have had in a relationship....and I am sorry that somehow you percieved that from what I said. I am responsible for my actions. I am not bitter at all...some of what happened to me was not my fault either but I am healthy mentally, I know exactly who I am and what I want out of life and I see that as a possitive quality. I took a long stretch of time to be by myself and with my daughter. I am a very happy person and love our life. I can be happy alone but I want to share everything with the right man. Being alone is better than being with the wrong person, at least for me it is. I think men are great!!! I think people are great and we all have opinions and I love to hear them.
Now, I am sure you are all these things...caring, giving, loving, understanding, listening, communicating, respecting, a woman...and that is wonderful honestly I mean that. I did not think or say you didn't have those wonderful qualities. Maybe I perceived what you were saying incorrectly? I felt like you were bashing the women that repect themselves. I wanted to convay that we are not all playing games and being that way to punish you men in some way. I guess I took what or how you said it in a very negative way? That is what I meant by lacking not that you lack any of thoes qualities you have and hold so dear to your heart. It was a moment of stupidity of me!!! I honetly don't think any of my comments were as harsh as yours are...but we can agree to disagree right? | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:52:42 AM | Me Leona.......at the risk of getting bashed some more...very well...here it goes....
"No real effort or interest in actually understanding the original post or relating to it or empathizing with it"...
 peace | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 9:21:33 AM | ^^^^I know, I guess I was on a soapbox, I can't believe I actually said "shame on you." Makes me laugh now, but I still think what I said is true.  | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 10:04:42 AM |
A major role of my career is to give my residents positive critisizm in a non abusive way. It creates the best results. If you want to help giude a person, in this case a young person, that is wonderful. I just don't comprehend how you thought your words could help her and not hurt her. "Words cut like a knife", ever heard of that expression? It was created for a reason.
Yes... and what I've also seen is people going to counseling year after year and nothing gets resolved because the counselor isn't challenging the person to confront their problems in a constructive way. In my direct first hand observation, the 'gentle guidance' doesn't work a good part of the time... but it's fantastic for keeping a person coming back for more counseling year after year after year... great for the counselor's income.
And it's better she hears the cutting, and TRUTHFUL, words from me rather than someone she cares about.
Because I got news for you, the world often isn't a nice place.
Although she's a young adult, she is still an adult. And as an adult, she absolutely has to learn how to deal with and handle the realities of the world. Anyone who doesn't do that is sabotaging themselves.
And I also noticed you skirted around my direct question related to 'what is she offering that's more interesting than sex'.
*Maybe* she needs to rework her profile??? No... you've missed the point. She needs to rework her perception of reality. Her profile is just a symptom of that. If she wants a relationship with no thoughts of sex, then she should be looking for FRIENDS and NOT DATING.
I just don't comprehend how you thought your words could help her and not hurt her.
The truth is that I believed that my words MIGHT hurt her for the simple fact that at least half the people out there can't handle it when presented with the truth.
Everyone says they want the truth, but then they forget the saying "The Truth Hurts"... and it seems you've forgotten that saying as well.
Really... she actually believes (or maybe now *believed*) that people of the opposite sex are gonna approach her for a date/relationship WITHOUT the possibility of sex sooner or later. That is a serious detachment from reality right there... if you're a counselor, do you want to perpetuate a perception that is detached from reality?
And I'm speaking from direct 1st hand experience when it comes to dealing with people who get detached from reality... and I've seen directly how the 'gentle guidance' approach fails miserably a very large part of the time.
And believe me when I tell you and OP... there are plenty of things that cut worse than a knife than just words... | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 12:19:08 PM | | Oh where did i ever mention that i am a celibate person? Or that i don't have sex? Or that i don't plan on having sex while in a relationship? i love how everyone keeps assuming that just because of the fact i didn't want to sleep with someone right after they had just had sex with another girl the night before. Its funny only two people who actually read what i had posted actually knew what i ment and didn't bash me right away. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 1:42:11 PM |
Oh where did i ever mention that i am a celibate person? Or that i don't have sex? Or that i don't plan on having sex while in a relationship? i love how everyone keeps assuming that just because of the fact i didn't want to sleep with someone right after they had just had sex with another girl the night before. Its funny only two people who actually read what i had posted actually knew what i ment and didn't bash me right At least you weren't claused in as a gold-digger or dinner-whore with all the other assumptions. ****shrugs***  (I got what you meant ~ and concur!) ~OT~ I don't know if ALL people think about sex, but this sexless life of mine has just about ran it's course. I'm quite proficient at the abstinence/celibacy stuff ~ I think I'm going to try a new attitude on which includes a little dose of "No, I have NO intention of seeing you again, would you please just zip-it and unzip so we can proceed and I can get on with my evening?" That should at least put me on some level playing field with those I seem to encounter (at least on this site.) | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:36:38 PM |
what I've also seen is people going to counseling year after year and nothing gets resolved because the counselor isn't challenging the person to confront their problems in a constructive way. In my direct first hand observation, the 'gentle guidance' doesn't work a good part of the time... but it's fantastic for keeping a person coming back for more counseling year after year after year... great for the counselor's income. And it's better she hears the cutting, and TRUTHFUL, words from me rather than someone she cares about. Because I got news for you, the world often isn't a nice place. Although she's a young adult, she is still an adult. And as an adult, she absolutely has to learn how to deal with and handle the realities of the world. Anyone who doesn't do that is sabotaging themselves. And I also noticed you skirted around my direct question related to 'what is she offering that's more interesting than sex'. *Maybe* she needs to rework her profile??? No... you've missed the point. She needs to rework her perception of reality. Her profile is just a symptom of that. If she wants a relationship with no thoughts of sex, then she should be looking for FRIENDS and NOT DATING. I just don't comprehend how you thought your words could help her and not hurt her. The truth is that I believed that my words MIGHT hurt her for the simple fact that at least half the people out there can't handle it when presented with the truth. Everyone says they want the truth, but then they forget the saying "The Truth Hurts"... and it seems you've forgotten that saying as well. Really... she actually believes (or maybe now *believed*) that people of the opposite sex are gonna approach her for a date/relationship WITHOUT the possibility of sex sooner or later. That is a serious detachment from reality right there... if you're a counselor, do you want to perpetuate a perception that is detached from reality? And I'm speaking from direct 1st hand experience when it comes to dealing with people who get detached from reality... and I've seen directly how the 'gentle guidance' approach fails miserably a very large part of the time. And believe me when I tell you and OP... there are plenty of things that cut worse than a knife than just words...
Brilliant post. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:19:21 PM |
I was wondering if these Cute rabbits can talk, I bet they would say they don't care about sex,, they were so adorable and innocent, but they multiply so fast...Hmmm...
im kinda confused here, my sarcasm translation matrix is in the shop. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:22:01 PM | | Verity, you make it interesting to note how in one thread I can completely agree with you yet in another think totally different. Whether it's "brilliant" or not isn't the issue in my mind but whether the OP was addressed decently and accordingly. Two totally different subjects really. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:43:39 PM | Let me think....yep...sex is all I think about when I'm awake....really can't say what I think about when I'm asleep. Ok...I think about the occassional Guinness when awake, too!  | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:42:43 PM | short answer... yes.
It's first and foremost in every animal mind. Some travel great distances, do absurd feats and even starve themselves just to have the chance to get some. | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:49:33 PM | zekestone
I did read her profile and I'm sorry...I don't see anything in it that has anything to do with sex at all? Show me where it mentions it...what am I missing? | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:56:05 PM | | Must not be looking for intamate encounter? Is that it, missed it the first time...to me that means she doesn't want someone looking just for sex only.....am I wrong everyone? | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:40:46 AM | Thumperitis,
I didn't say she has stuff in her profile that had to do with sex.
I said her profile didn't indicate she was OFFERING anything MORE INTERESTING than sex.
My point was that from the point of view of someone dating her, and assuming her profile is accurate, I don't see anything in her profile that would hold the date's interest more than the possibility that things may lead to sex.
Do you believe a guy would date her because of her job or her horse?
It's like me asking you if you'd just date a guy because he has a job and a decent car... No ... that's not gonna make you want a 2nd date with a guy...
But feel free to try to prove me wrong... | |
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| Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:53:28 AM | Majesticbeauty,
Oh where did i ever mention that i am a celibate person? Or that i don't have sex? Or that i don't plan on having sex while in a relationship?
Nobody is saying that. But we are saying it's naive to think that dating DOESN'T involve thinking about sex most of the time.
i love how everyone keeps assuming that just because of the fact i didn't want to sleep with someone right after they had just had sex with another girl the night before.
Nobody has an issue with that either... if you don't want to have sex with a guy... fine...
But was is ridiculous is you saying you feel 'small and degraded' just because a guy is sexually attracted to you... along with some other girl.
Unless you're in a monogamous relationship, it's ridiculous for you to feel 'small and degraded' just because a guy is attracted to you... even if he had sex with someone else the day before.
If you're not comfortable with him, just refuse to have sex... and walk away at least with the knowledge that this guy thinks you're attractive, even if he isn't what you want.
It's a silly thing to feel 'small and degraded' over this... UNLESS you compromise standards you set out for yourself. | |
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