| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/17/2009 5:19:53 PM | now thats another thing im finding out too. women who had a bad past with other men who had kids. it kinda ruins it for us nice guys. my kids are respectful to the 10 degree. but hey, no one can talk you out of how you feel toward the subject.  | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/17/2009 6:33:15 PM | | If you think it is hard to date when you have children that live with the mother and you get visitation...you should be in my shoes! I have an 8 yr old son that lives with me full time and that is almost like having the plague. I have tried several approaches to this whole dating thing, (telling them right off the bat that i have a child, not telling them until after a few dates, telling them after a date) and inevitably it all ends the same way. No further dates. I used to think that it was admirable for a father to have custody but am finding out now, the truth is, women run like you just told them you had an std. I wouldnt trade my child for anything in the world!!!! So I guess I will hit retirement single. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:13:57 AM | I think when most people talk about being a single father, they mean full time. I am and dating is deffinetly harder. I have to get sitters in which I can't always do as one is not always available. Most(not all) single women without children are really not interested in somone with a child. When dating somone with a child of their own, it can be kinda hard too, especially if you have different visions of how parenting should be done. I dated somone for a while before meeting her with our children and it changed things for me because we didn't agree on various parenting issues.
It can also be hard because you don't want your child to grow to attached to somone you are with if it is going to go wrong and that's another issue to contend with.
It's not impossible and it's still fun, but dating is deffinetely harder as a single full time father.  | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:24:59 AM | Hi everyone. I agree with tones on the fact most women will run when they find out u have kids. If u think about it good most women wanna b first in the relationship granted u have the 1% that doesn't u always have to consider a margine of error. But still in todays society woman are granted as the primary custodian, that being said they spend most of there time around there own kids, so when thet get a break frm there own to spend with a guy do u really think they wanna spend time around someone elses kids?
I knw this because I have been a single dad with sole physical custody of mine for 5 years give or take, and the biggest problem I have is one on one time being my kida are always with me. Sure women think it is respectible and nice to see a man stepping up but women also knw in the back of they're heads they will not b able to b number 1 the best they will b in my eyes is equal tied for being first but in the end my kids come first. My advice chill out make friends have fun with life. It will come when u least expect it. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:27:17 AM | the last two posters: now you know where single mothers are coming from - and have been for decades. men find out we have kids and they're gone faster than you can blink an eye! a woman will take over another woman's child who lives with their father faster than a man will - men always want to make their own children regardless of how many she already has!!! and then treat that child better because of the shared bloodline...
so, no, my answer is its not harder for a single father than it is a single mother. men are just finally getting a taste of what women have put up with through out history.
its not fun is it?   | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:01:59 AM | I'd say it's equally difficult for both sexes when it comes to dating, and despite the difficulties involved it is still fun.
No one said it was harder for men regarding dating, but being a single parent as a male is harder in some ways, as we live in a society where it is not the norm. Our society is geared up towards women being the main carer for children.
I don't agree with it not being the norm, and I think men should be given(and accept) more responsibility/opportunities when It comes to raising children. It would be another step towards a more equal society. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:15:39 PM | | i am a single parent of a 7 year old boy a 5 year old girl and a 4 year old boy, their mother and i both still have full legal custody of them but they live with their mother more because of my military career. their mother and her new husband are on a friendly basis with me and when it comes to my children we all go out of our way to make sure they are taken care of. my problem is that no matter what i do, as soon as my date finds out that i have 3 children she will basically run, and i guess i can live with that in a way but i really would like to find someone that is will to make a commitment with a guy that joined the military solely for his children, not for his country or any other reason. it has gotten to the point that when someone is interested in me and me in them i pull out my wallet and show her pictures of my kids and talk about how they changed my life to what it is now, that they are my world and how my pride i have for them, my oldest boy who just started playing on a baseball team, my daughter who wants to start taking taekwando for small children and my youngest son with how he wants to be like his daddy and be in the military. shortly afterward the woman will walk away and just only say hi to me every once in awhile. even single mothers will do this. women run away too, and honestly i am getting tired of trying. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:19:15 PM | | yea i have had horrible luck with women, i have two daughters, and on top of that thier mother lost her apartment and let her move back in with me to get back on her feet, she isn't, she is just freeloading and taking advantage of me, but i am assuming that the people you are meeting playing with your bands are bar flys, which you are never gonna meet a nice girl that you would want to have around your kids, at a bar. those girls are about going out and having fun, but i definatly know how you feel, i haven't had a real relationship since splitting with their mom two years ago, but am lucky enough to get to see the dirt bags she meets at the bar she works at come pick her up and take advantage of her... so look at the bright side, it could be worse. i have pretty much given up on finding the classy girl i wish i had, the classy ones don't seem to like the guys who have been married or have kids. judgemental biatches... j/k... not really though. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:24:31 PM |
yea i have had horrible luck with women, i have two daughters, and on top of that thier mother lost her apartment and let her move back in with me to get back on her feet, she isn't, she is just freeloading and taking advantage of me
While I admire you for trying to help out someone you care about, I wouldn't date you because your ex is living with you. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:04:38 AM | | I find that same problem. It doesn't matter how great you might be, how witty or charming you present yourself as, or even what you're willing to accept in a mate. The fact of the matter is that there are plenty of thirty plus women who have a very specific criteria in mind as to who they want to date. You would think that as someone gets older, they would have the common sense to understand that similarly-aged individuals may have had a prior marriage and/or kids, and certainly not pass on a good thing just because they couldn't check off all the boxes on an imaginary scorecard. To expect a potential mate to be at that stage of the game, be pure as the proverbial driven snow and not to have had any prior long term relationships is a little ridiculous. I definitely think that when a man has shown that he has the ability to care for children that this should be a huge stamp of approval for the opposite sex, especially for the women who plan on having children themselves someday. How do they know that the supposedly single, never-married guys aren't lying about themselves? There's plenty of deadbeat dads out there, not paying their child support, who want to live the swinging bachelor life. I've actually had the misfortune of meeting some of them, and let me tell you, it did my heart good to see them wearing the only 'bling' they deserve: silver bracelets. That's right, they were lowlives. But I bet you they had plenty of action on facebook and sites just like this. I understand that a woman does have to be careful not to fall for another woman's "mistake," but that doesn't mean she should turn her nose up in disgust at every man in our situation. I agree with everyone who said to you that a real woman won't judge you for simply being a father. I'll end this by saying that I'm not afraid to change a diaper and I do what it takes to take care of my son. That's the real measure of a man. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 12:16:50 AM | | BTW, don't get me started on the court system, either. It is broken, and also seems to perpetuate another form of low-life: the woman who gets knocked up so she can get a meal ticket for at least as long as her kids are living with her. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 4:07:13 AM | | I simply ask upfront, when asking for a date. Do you mind dating a man with kids? If not that is cool with me. Saves both of us time. I don't know how you can get serious with anyone if you only have a few dates and they bail. So Bosoxfan, the question is how can you continue to date to get to that serious involved state. I haven't found that answer either. I agree about not going into detail about the ex. It sounds like you're bitter or bashing her. If you get along with her now, I would stress that over why your marriage failed. Stay positive. It is where you're meeting these people to, those that want to have a spontanous fun time, and lead the singles life. In your case since you're a weekend father stress that most of your time is yours but, you want to be a good parent so you won't be avilable some weekends. Just like you had a organization function. Oh for the other full time daddies out there. Lunch dates are good first dates. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:04:40 AM | It is definitely more difficult being a single dad...I have two daughters living with me full-time in their early teens that have no contact with their mother...and for a lot of ladies this is not a situation that they wish to be involved with...and that is absolutely their right to seek out a man without children...nothing wrong with ladies choosing to look for someone not in my situation and no need to belittle ladies not intersted in us single dads. We are just in different places ...no need to feel bad towards anyone if they are not intersted in you and your circumstance regarding having dependent children.
One of these days I expect a wonderfull woman will enter our lives (me and my kids) and she will have a heart large enough to embrace all of us...as we will her....and if not...well, that will be Ok too. I love being a dad and actually believe that any woman who has the opportunity to become involved with my girls will be very fortunate indeed...and yeah, I am a very proud father.
So I gues all I can say is be patient, do not become cynical, be grateful for what you have, live in the moment and keep on fishing ...good luck to everyone !!! | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:27:41 AM | When I hear something like my ex still lives with me or she moved back in because of...
that is just the biggest "game being played" ever. What she has no family or friends and now you allow her to bring all these guys home.. haha I am going to have to call you on it, thinking that maybe you are in an unhappy relationship, because no self respecting parent will allow the other parent go out and have sex all willy nilly and have the kids around it.
haha dude, come on, we are mostly single around here, but we are not stupid. Your little pitty me because my relationship is sucking does not work. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 1:27:49 PM | They live with there mother and are just a joy to be around. I have started to date for the first time since the divorce and I am finding it hard to get a date once the other person finds out I have kids.
Then he said that he has a split custody that he see's them everyday, so it is like they live with him. At no point did I see the OP say that the mother of his childern were living with him. As a matter of fact in his last post he stated that he would not let her move back in. From what I see his situation is almost mirrors my own. So what are you exactly talking about Bosoxfan? Because I did miss the part where the OP said that he had her move in with him. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:55:15 PM | they are talking about this protion of the post from spikole
yea i have had horrible luck with women, i have two daughters, and on top of that thier mother lost her apartment and let her move back in with me to get back on her feet, she isn't, she is just freeloading and taking advantage of me
and no matter the fact that my ex and i are still friends if not for our own peice of mind then for our children i would never let her move back in with me for any reason, she has plenty of family and lots of friends. i would on the other hand help her to move and get her stuff settled into a new place so that it makes it easier on my children. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:57:56 PM | | I know how you feel man.. It's crazy hard to say "I have 2 kid's" to women without getting shunned.. Especially at my age (23) with a 2 and a 1 year old.. But hey, they're my lil buddies and keep life more than upbeat day in and day out.. So ya just gotta work the hand you've been dealt.. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:17:44 PM | Hi Josh, the problem isn't you. It's the shallow women that you may be interested in. Anyone who has children already knows it's a package deal when your potential mate has children. If they cannot accept that then you perhaps should look else where. There are plenty of eligible women who would date a man that has children, if they can't more often than not they are selfish and count yourself blessed. Keep looking.She is out there! Have a super day!  | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:24:50 PM | | How is it that we as people keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Don't retire single, just look in a different direction. Some men seem to think women are looking for a father figure for their children. It is entirely possible that some women think men are looking for a mother figure to help raise their children. | |
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| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/19/2009 11:40:17 PM | You all have it made as single dads as I have read - at least you have a support structure that let's you get out to date, heh.
Single full time parent of a 'troubled' 12 year old son since he was 2. Each year that passes time passes so fast raising him that it's difficult to find time, when I do meet someone on here or somewhere else it's casual conversation and nice until I bring up my son then it's no more responses.
Yeah I say dating is difficult; moreso for those individuals like myself out there who don't really get out much to meet someone or have a troubled child.
Still .. I wouldnt trade my happiness of being with someone in exchange for my boy in any circumstances; but it would be nice once in awhile to have someone to share life with.
- Phil (Frumph) | |
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