| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:43:00 AM | | missing-n-action - i just might retire single i just don't know what to do about that part of my life anymore, and it is not the women i am attracted to, good sense of humor beautiful personality a good heart and intelligent, and yes some of them have their own children but i think that they themselves are afraid of commitment | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:39:05 AM | its hard because it throws the relationship off from its natural course; initially when you date, its supp to be about you getting to know one another and focusing on one another to determine if this person is who you could/should be w/permanently.
but when you have kids, even if they don't live w/you; it can impact the direction of he dating cus you have responsibilities and issues that a)come before the other person and b)affects the other person cus of how it affects you mentally/financially/emotionally.
its really noones job to deal w/you or your kid or the issues as a result; its your child and its your life it impacts, some people just aren't gonna wanna deal w/it. An regardless of how nice, sweet or great you are; they just might say i want to date freely, w/out all the constraints and it is there choice..which there is nothing wrong w/ | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:48:24 AM |  well done there woman! How naive was I when I first left my husband...a few dates in the hope of a leg over and when that's not forthcoming they're off! However, I still hold firm that one day...my prince will come lol! Even if that means that he has children living at home himself  | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 9:57:02 AM | | Good job missing n action, there are a ton of shallow women out there. Even women with kids them selves and knw how it can b at times that is just amazing to me. The best advice is don't try so hard things happen when u least expect it. Wow me being positive. I have met a few women and they didn't work sometimes I think back and see it was better it didn't. Besides if anything having a good friend is better than nothing. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:37:21 AM | here's the problem.. i get it with trying to date guys too.
I guess it's human nature to believe that if you have kids you will be unavailable, constantly canceling and basically have no you and them time because of them. and if you actually have them living with you like i do.. they seem to figure i'm looking for a baby daddy.. and that the kids will be in the middle of everything adn make it hard to date solo.. ahem.. NOT TRUE! so i'm guessing it's the same for some women too thinking like that. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:51:59 AM | Spikole- not true. i'm very impressed you had the guts and heart to let that woman back in your home... expecially since she doesn't seem to be the best example for your babies.. however, that's her fault.. not yours.
your an amazing father. keep it up! you deserve the right woman, i hope you find one. :) i will it to be so! | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 10:52:33 AM | bravoboomer-well ok, think about this.. just as if you had kids you would be choozing someone to date you would be essentially be choozing someone thats going to be in your kid's lives too. and what if you got married some day?!?! then that's another father figure in their lives.. it's a lot to think about. a hard decision.
With me i just carefully watch my kids reaction and the person's reaction with the kids. and i date them for awhile before introducing them too. it's less stressful that way. and easier for the person i'm dating to find out if he can handle being around the kids.. lol kids are wild. that's for sure. :)
also if you have kids living at home, to some degree it is a responsibility someone your dating takes knowing they will be around kids too. and that maybe some day they will be a bigger part of the raising.. again, it's a lot to think about. :) | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:58:13 AM | HI JOSH
im 48 a widowed mother with twins of 14yrs old been on my own since jan 08 and im still wondering if i will fall in love again we all took it hard when my late husband of only 3months passed away but anyway life goes on Josh some people are just plain ignorent when it comes to one parent familys until on day it happens to them and there inthe same boat as us its like look ive not got kids how happy i am they wish as kids are wonderful little humans i cherish every moment ive got with mine and i agree with you people who have kids should not hide te fact that they have kids they should come straight out with it they should be 100% honest in that matter after all its there blood ive told men who ive dated and its only been a few that i have kids they do seem ok with that then they try to get me into bed on that first date there not people there animals who dont know how to treat woman and vice versa as woman can be just as bad as men take it from me enjoy live and if and when you fall in love you will know so always just be up front thanks for reading hope i has helped
Janette x | |
|
| |
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 6:59:32 PM | | I'm a mother of children and I have no problems with a man with kids. Actually I prefer it. However when you are still living with the person the leaves the impression that things aren't completely over or that you are dependent some how on the ex. Perhaps someone doesn't want to get their hearts broken and really when your living in the same house it is easy to rekindle the spark. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/20/2009 8:01:07 PM | Hey drumguy, I know how you feel, I am a single full time father, even though we share custody my daughter lives with me. It can be hard getting out meeting people, I have met single women who find it hard to believe that men can be nutures and take care responsibility without a women help. I have been doing it well for years now, I've find out these women are not for me, if they cannot accept man who is willing step up plate take care of his fatherly duties, then to bad. Don't give up, take care of fatherly duties with your kids, you and I will find that special someone. Just remember your kids are part of who are, so they are going to have accept it.
 | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/21/2009 4:57:22 AM | | hi, have been reading some of the comments to your question, and i dont understand why some women dont date men with kids (think it would be hard now to find one without) ive got a 19 year old and 12, and 7 year old child, obviously they come first before anything else in my life, they see their dad regularly. if i met someone who i really liked and he had kids it wouldnt bother me in the slightest xx | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:01:49 AM | Nah,
I find dating not a big deal being a single DAD. (Capitalized for a reason)
Since I am already a DAD, there is plenty of purpose to my life, the family I have created. As far as women and the way they treat me as a single dad, I've never been treated poorly for being a single dad or even rejected based upon that. And if I were, who cares? I am surrounded by my own family where their validation is all I have ever needed. As long as I get THAT right, it matters little if some woman I don't even know disapproves of me for having children. My title as husband seems to be that which shall come and go, my title as DAD is forever. No, there is no hardship in dating. I can live without a date, my kids, well, there is my purpose. | |
|
| |
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:10:29 AM | | ah, I became a single dad of 3 kids in 1990. I raised them on my own after my wife became unable to cope with settling down and doing the family thing. Dating wise,I went thru quite a few rough years,women admired me ...but that was about it!!! Eventually, I retreated from dating and just concentrated on being the best father that I could. A decision that I never regretted!!! | |
|
| |
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:27:07 AM | | I just experienced this. We had exchanged just a couple messages and once he found out I had kids...whammo! It's almost like if you have children, YOU aren't YOU anymore. Some of them can't see beyond our kids. I guess I need to change my profile to read the man I am in search of, "must have kids" that way I know he will understand. Ugh. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:44:44 PM | Ok, I agree that if a woman you are dating is put off by the kids thing...either
A. She is too young for you and emotionally immature
B. She feels your baggage is more than her status quo.
I've been in similar situations myself. I'm a single father who up until a year ago was raising my daughter on my own. Her mom would rather party than be a parent which was fine with me. As far as I was concerned, we were better of without her.
Now how this factored into my dating life was for the most part, younger girls that were into me backed out quickly once they found out I was a single father. I'm not ready to be a mom and other excuses of that variety were given. I wasn't looking for them to be a mom to my daughter. If they would rather assume than talk about it then they weren't a good match for me anyway!
The amazing thing is the difference in perception of a single father by younger and older women. For the most part, younger women view it as a huge challenge/barrier that they shouldn't have to face until later in life. Older women on the other hand admire and respect any man who does what every father should but a lot don't...raise a child. If anything, this shows them that you are mature and responsible and they are drawn to that.
So I guess it just depends on what you want. Either way, never settle! | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:32:44 AM | I am a single feamle w/o children..and have/will date men w/children. I love children and probably am unable to have my own. That being said, I have had some bad dating experiences w/dating fathers (as well as single-no children guys)...one guy's daughter did not want him to date..she was 9-10..I could clearly see that and advised him of same-->he refused to admit this, and I actually empathized with her as the divorce was recent and the parents had shared custody w/the mom playing games~my father died when I turned 11..That person should have waited to date, or at least get serious with someone. Now I always ask "Is your son/daughter OK with you dating?"..not because I want to meet them immediately, I want to know if I put time into the relationship, they will be "some what " OK with it. I realize children want their parents to go back together. I have also dated a dad w/ limited custody who did not want his son to even know I existed, even though the Mom had a BF and was out in the open with it. This couple allowed the chld to sleep with them (and individually after the divorce)..and he was 11. * I did not want to sleep over when son was there, so that was not the issue..I and the child's own psychologist thought this was unhealthy..neither parent saw this. This child also called all of the shots, and according to the dad, Ex was mean/nasty/psycho etc..Who knows the truth?
Before everyone gets on me for not having children..I admit having no idea what it is like, and I would love to share someone's...but it seems there are many dysfuntional situations. Do I expect children to misbehave and act out- of course..do I expect some type of insight about what the child is ready for vs. what the dad wants and for him to know how to handle it-yes. I have tremendous empathy for children who have lost thier parents due to divorce or death as I was one of them. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:51:50 AM | I find it very hard to find a good guy to go out with. I am 43 and a single mom, my daughter is 2 1/2. At my age, most men who have children have older children and do not want to start over. Men see that my daughter is so young and hit the not interested button.
The second issue that I have is that my daughter is on a special diet. She cannot have milk, soy, citrus fruit or any grain except corn. Because of cross contamination, she cannot eat at a restaurant or fast food place. I have to supply almost all her food to the day care. When we eat together at home, I have to make sure that most of the food that is on the table is Janna friendly. I am creating a cookbook. I thought the brussels sprouts were quite good but she wouldn't eat them! She is supposed to outgrow her condition by time she is five. I do hope and pray that she does because it will be easier for her when she gets to school.
I know that if it is meant to be, I will find someone one day. Yes I do get lonely sometimes but I know that there are plenty of people who love me and care about me out there and I can call them anytime. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:51:56 AM | hello there i just needed to chime in here because of the topic i am a single dad in every since of the word i raised my son from the time he came to live with me full time and that was about 8 years old he is now almost 21 and he turned out to be a fine youg man and humanbeing i firmly believe if he stayed in the enviorment that he was in with his mom he either would have been taken away by dcf or would have been total degenerite in reform school or both i to have the problem of dating even with lady,s that have kids them selves i am a decent hard working man that would give the right lady the world but so far no taker,s i am coming to my wit,s end in the dating game all i want is a decent relationship for the long term ( any suggestion,s )?
bear 712 | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:50:13 PM |
If a women looses interest as soon as she finds out you have kids that DON'T live with you, get over it and move on, she's shallow and won't ever realise you need to put your kids first Just curious. Why is a woman shallow for knowing what kind of person she does not want to date shallow? It is not as if she does not like your choice of clothes or car and therefore does not consider dating you. There is usually a reason single women do not have kids, and that is because they do not want them in their life yet or maybe they wanted to wait for marriage to start a family. In either case, why would she want to date someone with kids already? She is entitled to pursue the life that she wants for herself. We know that the kids should come first but if we do not have kids why should we be looked down upon because we want someone who has an equal amount of time and energy to put into a relationship, or share the experience of starting a family for the "FIRST" time with whomever we choose to be with? | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:17:54 AM | It doesn't need to be difficult to be a single dad who dates. My kids are mature enough to understand that, while I love being their dad and wouldn't trade it for anything, I want to be more than just a dad.
I also have a good enough relationship with my ex that a woman who wants to date me has no need to fear the so-called "baby momma drama" - it doesn't and won't exist. And if it ever did become an issue, I'd put a stop to it immediately.
I'm also not a fan of profiles that specify that "my kids will always come first" or something similar. I see no reason to communicate to a prospective partner that they're a second-class citizen. What I'd love to find, honestly, is a partner who would over time become just as important to me and to my life as my children already are. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:32:32 AM | Jonathan-
It is wonderful that you do not have the "baby mama drama". How would you react to a child who would not allow you to speak on the phone for 5, yes, five, minutes w/out calling out your name and demanding your attention?? The person I was speaking of is well trained by his child, as he immediately got off the phone with me. How do you think I felt? Every single time. He also had made it crystal clear that son will come first, plus has a job which limited our time to be together as every free weekend was spent with son, any days he was out of work early, he was with son. I know he had/has a huge guilt complex, but he and ex had problems since the child was 2. IMHO he should not be trying to date as he is not going to be able to treat a female special, or fairly, although he wants this for himself. I know his son can handle mom being on the phone for more than five minutes. In my mind it was his choice.......I am not saying do not do right for your child, but be realistic when trying to date. Or do not date. It is onething to be understanding and compassionate, it is another to be treated poorly and use your child as an excuse. | |
|
| is it me or is being a single father hard when it comes to dating?
Posted: 7/15/2009 4:48:38 PM | I'm sorry you had to deal with that. The way it is with me, if I'm on the phone with someone, that's my time with the person to whom I'm speaking, and if it isn't urgent, my kids can wait until I'm finished with my conversation.
I don't have guilt issues and I don't allow my children to manipulate me. They have had plenty of my undivided attention over the years, and they know and accept that sometimes Dad needs some time to be something other than a dad. I realize I'm very lucky in that sense......now if I only had more luck in the dating department itself!!  | |
|
Home
login 
