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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/28/2009 4:05:21 AM | op with all your intelligence, i hope you're smart enough to realize that there are usually a number of ways to look at the same situation. and perception is everything when it comes to how you experience the world. a number of people here have offered different perspectives which is exactly what you asked for, but throughout the course of this thread, i don't see you demonstrating anything but:
(1) your unwillingness or inability to look at anything differently from the way you habitually perceive things;
(2) your unending need to be "right" (because you're ostensibly at the 98th percentile on the bell curve, right?);
(3) your unwillingness or inability to make any effort beyond the level of "the path of least resistance", which for you, on this thread, means taking the easisest way out by engaging in insipid one-upsmanship with the people who choose to get the most personal with you.
it's all bullshit, and it's all yours. and, what's maybe going to be the most painful revelation for you of all time, all that stuff pretty much means you're no different than any other mediocre joe blow out there who just can't get it together.
and none that bodes well for you in terms of maintaining a relationship with someone, not to mention even starting one.
so instead of doing the same things and getting the same results, why don't you try something different?
and now, i have to take my own advice and go give myself an attitude adjustment about something that's currently been displeasing me. back to you and another 13 pages of going nowhere fast i guess.
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:21:08 PM | motown-cowgirl
No. You're the one who's no different than any other mediocre Jane Blow out there who just can't get it together. You see, your stunted judgment of a man's "ultimate" worth is "can he make it with the chicks"? If he can't, then in your closed universe, he's a loser.
Trash him. Kick him. Destroy him. He's a big threat. Talk about ego! This is the same theme that repeats and repeats in practically every angered posting by a woman on this thread, that ultimately a man's worth to anyone or to the world is based solely upon his success or failure to relate to a woman.
It's in the literature as well. Lots of brilliant males and their contributions to western civilization have recently been brought low by "revisionist" historians proving that these men were somehow "dysfunctional" in their personal lives, especially with regards to "women" who are now the ultimate definers of value and worth. I've lost count of the number of females on this thread who presume authority to declare me mentally ill. I now see where this particular conceit stems from.
Isn't that what you have all been screaming at me for the past 288 posts? Excellence in any area of endeavor by a man is tantamount to treason and is worthless, if he does not also have the imprimatur of a woman? If he doesn't have the ability to keep a woman at his side then he's dysfunctional and probably mentally ill?
So a man only gains societal legitimacy by virtue of having a successful relationship with a woman. Until that happens, he is considered a "boy" or worse, ain't that right? Ultimately, then, it is woman who defines man. So--the men who refuse to have their entire existence defined solely by their relationship with a woman , and insist instead upon being defined by what they accomplish ON THEIR OWN, boy do those guys really piss you off!
[Hey Robert, thanks for switching sides. I just knew you had it in you. What a convert!] | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:43:58 PM | I would like to point out to you, op, I have not been screaming at you at all in any of the three posts I wrote on this thread.....but if you continue to think everyone has been, then I see you are failing in your perception quite seriously and disrespectfully, which is not appreciated by this poster.
I also see from your most recent post above this one that you have finally gotten around to what has really had your knickers in a twist all along, perhaps......that women might have some power over men, just as equally subjective (imo) as the other distortion that men might have some power over women.
I have been with pof two years and originally posted on the relationship forums until I found the number of really painful threads (imo) like this one that erupted out of this very intense subject of the male/female power struggle which has fed more and more negativity, as far as I could see. Duality to its extreme, pitting half the posters against the other half in many instances.
To me, if men and women continue to fight on paper and literally over this illusion of who is more powerful, I fear we (meaning all of humanity) will never see we are all equally as important as each other and there are far greater threats to our survival and far more important areas of trouble now that require us all stopping these energy consuming arguments and uniting in our differences and our similarities.
In answer to your original question - remember your original question?
My latest thoughts are a man with a complicated personality really threatens his own ego, just as a woman with a complicated personality threatens her own ego.
And one more little footnote, from what I have learned in life, a threatened ego is a good thing. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:49:11 PM | You have to be comfortable with any woman you choose to have a relationship with, giroditalia. Don't let others talk you out of being something you're not. Most of us who write in here are way beyond the stage in life where we're going to change that much, and that goes for "both" genders, so why so many demand it mystifies me.
And sorry ladies, he's right about one thing. As much as I love and respect women, I find when it comes to dating too many have a serious disconnect between talk and behavior. I can't tell you how many times women "say" they can't stand men with traits they find offensive, only to go right for them. Goes the same for men vis-a-vis women, too. The dysfunction I see in dating is really incredible.
Bottom line is you have to be realistic about what you can attract and who you're compatible with. I'm sure there are many women out there that would love certain aspects of your personality, just as many others don't. The hard part is finding a partner where that compatibility and attraction is "mutual". | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:00:12 AM | .... whole buncha hostile stuff .... "You see, your stunted judgment of a man's "ultimate" worth is "can he make it with the chicks"? If he can't, then in your closed universe, he's a loser." .... a bunch more contentious stuff....
well hey there opie, not that i think you're actually interested in understsanding what i or anyone else here has had to say, but i can assure you that my universe is quite open. meanwhile, you must have gone waaay the hell out on a limb to come up with your incredibly armored conclusions in your latest sample of bitter invective because i certainly did not say anything remotely resembling the above to you, nor was it even implied. heck i didn't even *think* it.
which kinda begs the question that you raised in your very first post, doesn't it? i mean the lil' thing about communication.
i think your communication style is not only convoluted, it's disproportionately hostile for no particular reason and laced with negative assumptions that have no basis in reality except in your own imagination. now, there's people out there who actually like "convoluted", as the other motown pointed out, but my observation is that you go off on a tangent a lot and you're caught in a negative feedback loop, a.k.a. "self-fulfilling prophecy". e.g., an offense is the best defense and when you begin to experience the inevitable results of your belligerent interactions with others, it only justifies the shitty attitude that you started with anyway at square #1. do you like that? because you sure keep coming back for more of it, lol.
again i personally don't see anyone as "losers" because they can't "make it" with the opposite sex. but hey, it was you who raised the question about communicating with the women you've been dating and your frustrations around that. so if you want less frustration and more fun interacting with women or even anyone else for that matter, it requires learning how to communicate differently. not everybody is born with the gift of gab but it's a skill that can be learned. i would suggest a dale carnegie course or something similar, and/or perhaps professional diagnosis and treatment for what appears to be a flaming case of asperger's syndrome. or could it be that you just really enjoy the tiny little endorphin buzz you get from the feelings of interpersonal hostility you like to fabricate out of nothing?
it all boils down to this: (1) get new skills; or (2) settle for the status quo. perhaps that isn't complex enough for you, but there it is ;)
so hey good luck with that and let us know how that's workin' out for ya. have a nice day.
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:13:11 AM | It really sounds like you have pretty much decided that most if not all women are going to have trouble communicating with you because of your complexity and superior intelligence. Okay, That is a given, a fact to you. I doubt if this set in stone
perception that you have, is going to change. It seems as if you are extremely solid in this belief.
So,now you are talking about societal values, and how you should be looked upon as successful in your own right, without the company of a woman. Okay. that is fine too. Alot of men stay single because they don`t like the company of women, for whatever reason.
So, stay single. Don`t attempt communicating with women. They are not capable of interacting at your level anyways, right? I would equate that to attempting to have an in depth convesation with a baboon, not feasible either. If you believe that this is the case, and that all women are incapable of thinking at your level, then this is your reality.
So what do you want? Sex? If you have to have physical needs met now and then, there are alternatives to dating or relationships. And a whole lot of men chose to use those alternatives, when they come to the point of deciding that a relationship with a female is not in the picture for them. It`s actually a very simple solution. Choose to not interact with women in your life if it doesn`t work, and use services available to those men that choose this. So what is the problem? There is a simple solution.
Edit: I am beginning to thing that you just don`t like girls. And that is okay too.
Be with whomever or whatever it is that you like. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:33:52 AM | My oldest has aspbergers, and he is nothing remotely like the OP. He is the kindest person on the planet, has zero sense of entitlement, is hard working, constantly pushes himself, is very mentally gifted but absoluteyl positively stands on his head to not "bother" anyone in their personal space. He is the most respectful, self effacing person I have ever known.
I will not say whether or not I believe there is some chemical thing going on in the OP's brain, but please don't give aspbergers a bad name by labeling it on someone's deliberate, hostile, blanket statemented, prejudicial, EXTREMELY arrogant verbal flame throwing he has been doing for the past several days. You'll give aspbergers a bad name that is not deserved (in that way at least) :)
Obviously, he asked a question he does not believe us capable of answering (which begs the question of why did he ask it in the first place?)
Obviously, he has already made up his own mind as to the mechanics of the female mind and all of our "rigid set in stone preferences" (ironic, considering the most inflexible, narrow minded, EXTREMELY judgmental tunnel visioning appears to be coming from his direction; I have seen conciliatory, respectful DIALOGUE from women towards him and I have seen accusations, blanket judgments, closed thinking and blind prejudices (which, ironically, are none things of a complex thinking mind; but a simple, shallow, paint the world rather than interating with it mind).
I am sorry he sees shots where there are car backfires. I not only did not scream, I only spoke with utmost respect; and I truly meant mine to help; I felt bad for him. I not only don't judge a person for being alone; I do not think anyone else besides a person defines that person's worth ; and again, the only one I saw truly labeling people as worth anything or not, was from, again, the OP. (ironically, other than him once hitting on desert wildflower, he bestowed no worth on anyone but himself)
But the OP is missing out on a bright wonderful world, in that dark, hostile, shoulder chip place that he is bound and determined to reside.
So I agree with the above. Ditch i nteracting with women, and find a service for releaese.
Because it is obvious the OP is convinced all women are incompatible, screaming, shallow, stupid, hostile, prejudicial and incapable of "keeping up with his depth"
And that is fine.
I give up. But what does it matter? I'm another of the stupid, shallow, prejudicial, screaming ranting "naked intellectual midgets" who he can't waste time on anyways.
I think I'd have more luck teaching a rabbit to talk then opening up a spring trapped utterly closed mind to what some women actually are about. He's got all the answers anyways, which again begs teh question, why did he ask us when he has not bothered to listen to so much as a sentence of any of the answers?
Best of luck OP, I hope your relationship with yourself is all that you hope; obviously you are the only one capable of appreciating all you have to offer and understanding the depths of all that is you. Be well.
moonbeamlover out. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:53:40 AM | So a man only gains societal legitimacy by virtue of having a successful relationship with a woman. Until that happens, he is considered a "boy" or worse, ain't that right? Ultimately, then, it is woman who defines man. So--the men who refuse to have their entire existence defined solely by their relationship with a woman , and insist instead upon being defined by what they accomplish ON THEIR OWN, boy do those guys really piss you off!
A complete strawman.
Now we're up to a conspiracy theory that women have it in for you.....
OP, your thread was about why you ain't batting 1000 with women. This thread was not about evaluating your own worth in a general context. It was about whether the issues were about "you" or if it were about "them", in relation to getting along while dating.
I contend that it is in fact "you". I've read your profile. I don't really see anything to indicate to me why you think that you are anything very noteworthy. I'm probably quite a bit more of a "Renaissance Man" than you are myself (you'll have to take my word for it, as I have little desire to get into a pissing contest with you), yet I just think of myself as a "dude". A 42 yr old "dude", who happens to like "chicks".
Get it? I don't take myself tooooooo seriously. And no, I don't actually think women are "chicks", I'm drawn to older women (as I've always like older women, and still do). I'm just youthful and playful, and don't take myself and everything in life so damn serious. I know how to let loose and forget about everything and simply enjoy the company that I'm with.
I've become friends with many female posters on POF. Some of them became my friend after having been pissed at me for my opinions of their posts on the forums. Many of them are more than equal to my intellect, and perhaps even more brilliant in certain areas. Regardless, I get along well with them, and we don't always talk about serious stuff. Lotsa times it's more about who can make the other spit their coffee the furthest...
Like other posters have said, this ain't a "dig" at you, but merely an honest answer to your original question. I (personally)think the answer to your question is twofold.
1- Your picker is broke. You may be simply choosing women with very little intellect to begin with.
2- You just might be either "too much", or egomaniacal, or just plain boorish to women, no matter what their actual intellect.
But I do not think, for a minute, it's because your intellect is that far above most peoples'.
As a matter of fact, when women are impressed by intellect, you have to be cautious of being a "novelty". Women are drawn to uniqueness... | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:58:23 AM | OP: In my experience, women aren't "threatened" by a man's complex and complicated personality. In fact, most are excited and fascinated.
Unless she's simply uneducated...........most women love to have interesting conversations with a man that can intelligently speak on many subjects. To them, it's a fulfilling dialogue.
I'll be honest with you OP. You're post came off sounding self-centered and egotistical.
Women tend to lose interest in a narcissist fairly quickly. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:28:59 AM | OP..Post # 55 quite simply nailed it....
A man who is his # fan is not a threat to a woman's ego. A woman with a healthy ego doesn't want to be with a man who's ego needs filling up at the gas station every 30 miles.
A smart, sarcastic witted woman will tear your ego to shreds PDQ when you try to lay the patronizing attitude on her.
Stay with the fragile ego women who will treat you like a king. It works.
And.. you replied quickly that your ex-wife tore your ego to shreds....
My stepfather was like you in personality. My mother was a doormat who treated him like he was almost like God. It worked.
If he and I got into debates about things and then when he was starting to foam at the mouth, the coward would look to my mother to rescue him. My "fiercely protective keeper of his ego" mother would instantly go into a rage at me and scare the shi*t out of me as it was nothing for her to use physical abuse to get her point across.
Even when I was a grown adult he would always be making some egotistical smirking remarks about other people...especially people who were more successful than him. Interesting, eh? | |
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sls1
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 287 | |
| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:20:11 AM | | If I was with someone who was reworking a lot of his "communications and viewpoints and preferences" as he "went along" it would make me nervous. That has all the smell and feel of manic behavior with its constantly shifting patterns--are you bipolar?. I think most people like to sense that their partner of choice does not flip-flop on views, issues, dislikes and likes and so forth. It certainly would not threaten my ego for you to be the way you are--I just would not want to be around you because I like someone who is more stable. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:54:14 PM |
I'm more or less a "Renaissance Man"
No, you are not.
The one thing that intelligent, Renaissance men have in common is…..humility. They also have the uncanny ability to “get” others. They are as comfortable in the presence of the housekeeper as they are with the Princess….and able to relate to both, even fall in love with either one.
THE GOOD: Italian-American male, strong cyclist and physically fit, seeking an active female friend who may at some point become more if the ingredients for it are there and the desire is mutual and the effects are beneficial. With my sign (Leo) I find Aries, Gemini, Aquarius, Libra or Sagittarius women the most compatible in terms of personality. Appearance secondary to attraction. Age not a primary issue, physical fitness in a woman is. I complete three 2-hour rides, and one 3.5 hour 55-mile ride each week.
Lol, who cares. An intelligent, Renaissance man could care less about signs of the Zodiac. Strong cyclist? Lance is not interested.
I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure.
You have not demonstrated that herein.
Persons possessing superior intellect are usually successful at something – academia, in the work place or socially. You have not succeeded in any particular field. You believe that acquiring an extensive vocabulary, probably by rote, makes you more intelligent than those that do not possess or chose not to utilize an extensive vocabulary. It does not.
Used every unnecessary polysyllabic word you could drum up just to show me that you aren't pompous and foolish. Even though most of the words chosen aren't even applicable.~easytolike~
I find most disturbing the fact that you are jealous of all who have achieved more than you and reveal as such in your attempts to demean and degrade the accomplished:
I think the whole damned healthcare field is a magnet for bipolar disordered personalities. So I am thankful I am never ill. And , at 60, am twice as physically fit as most people half my age.~OP~
See what I mean? Please put this on a card and carry in your wallet – “Do not provide medical attention.” I would hate to see the efforts of talented physicians wasted on one such as you. Bet you would just love to have the pleasure of adding M.D. after your name.
I could go on as you have provided so much material but why bother. Just know that you are not merely disconnected from most but that you fail to appreciate most of what mankind is about.
There is nothing complicated about you, simply put you are tedious, monotonous, insensitive, self-seeking, self-absorbed, egomaniacal………………. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:01:07 PM | | OP!!!!!!!!!!!! I just came to the glorious revelation that you are totally right, Most women don`t get you, and don`t like you very much. It seems as if the problem you brought to us is very valid. And yes, women do have a bit of an ego when they are crapped all over verbally and treated like garbage. Totally agree with your hypothesis. This thread pretty much proved that you have a major problem with women. They don`t like you. | |
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psssst
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Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 290 | |
| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:07:48 PM | The best relationship I’ve ever had was with a man whose personality was so incredibly complicated that I was often left floored at his way of thinking, the many facets of everything about him… threatened? Not for a moment. I gloried that with his higher level of intelligence, that he challenged me to be a better person, to give more, to demand more and to simply be part of something that was so unique and precious. Never in my life was I more vibrant, more beautiful, more worthy than when he and I were immersed in our relationship.
To win the love of such a man is a rare treasure, and as an intelligent woman, I valued it as such.
Google verityone...
Then we can both smile... Now this I find utterly sweet… to show a crush on someone on a public forum is so cute. From his posts, he’s definitely a man of value to pursue… g’luck!!!!  | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:23:31 PM | | I am going to interrupt this thread to indicate that everyone is just beating a dead horse to death. Perhaps the Mods, should consider that sometimes the best thing to do is to retire a thread, put it out to pasture. Everyone has made their points add infinitum. Perhaps, even the OP would agree with this assessment. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:41:13 PM |
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication : Leonardo Da Vinci.
why didn't I say that?
The OP tenor has changed as this thread has progressed and it has became a game of sorts for him. Everyone's got their own ideas about what entertainment is. ~ As for myself , I'm about Micheal Jackson'ed "OUT" ~ and looking for some relief, ~ People are nuts!
This one black personality, was saying "The black Community shared Micheal Jackson with the rest of us" ~~ ??? Gee Thanks Mister Black Man.
I'm off the TV for a week ~ It'll take me that long to forget that statement.
As you can tell, ~ I'm in a mood swing here. ~ Stupid people, coming into my house via TV.
I think perhaps the OP had some humility in the beginning but He's ran out of it lately, reading his response to motown cowperson , I didn't hear any.
I see this thread as more of a "personal attention" thread really, considered the way the original thread was worded ~ I read it as more of a f provocative, condescending, gendered statement and asking only for some validation.
Ofcourse, I couldn't, ~ for it goes against everything I know about women ~ normal, garden varity ones anyway. You know? ~ 90% of them.
I know of the other 10 % as well, but that's not unique to "just" women, it never been hard to find the unscrupulious " Devoid of scruples; oblivious to or contemptuous of what is right or honorable " or the "legends in their own mind"
People that process knowledge and insights don't solicit affirmation has been my experience.
So it's an attention thread ~ Did he get what he wanted?
I think so. POF delivers ! once again
nite, buckaroo's ~ 4:30 comes early.
Dance | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:09:01 AM | I'm a Renaissance woman. Most women AND men seem to get stuck in an era and are totally inflexible in this regard. The seem to seek people who are also stuck in that same era.
You mention retain what was good from the past but seek to experience what is even better in the present and look ahead to the future and they lable you as a flake.
It is what it is. Keep on being who and what you are. I'm hoping for a "fit" but the field narrows with the increase in your IQ and your acceptance of and embracing of the new. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:49:41 AM | I have read this thread for several weeks.
It has a lot of responses and replies.
I can't add much but I have gleened what each of you have said.
As Paar Jack once said, "I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely.
My personality is not split; it's shredded."
Our personalities can be very complicated and many-sided.
But that is what makes each one of us special. They are formed thru all the years of our lives.
Personalities and Ego both are a part of us.
It would depend on the individual alone as to what they consider complicated.
Our ego is our identity and it is who we believe ourselves to be.
As our identity, it sets us apart from other people's identities.
It does provide our sense of being separate from other people and from the world in general.
Our ego creates "ego boundaries"; in that separateness, our ego distinguishes itself as being unique.
The ego is a center of consciousness. It is how we look at the world.
The ego is an executive. It makes decisions. It implements our will.
Pat | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:36:10 PM | | Last time I met a guy who said about himself what you said, turned out he can't bloody stop talking, on auto-pilot from beginning to finish. It can't be that every single one of these ladies can't take a Renaissance man, maybe it is something else? | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:54:49 PM | The more complicated the better! Means that mind is working overtime. Note: When I say "complicated" I do not mean a guy who has a girlfriend/wife, and wants some fun on the side to complicate his life. I mean a guy who has been through the world, and come out on top. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:14:51 PM | | I think that you may need to have some self-examination, perhaps with assistance from friends or a therapist. Are you driving people off with something negative in you, or are you genuinely a unique person. If it is the latter (which I understand, because I'm very different, too), then the right people will come into your life based on activities you pursue which you feel are central to your identity. | |
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