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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:12:30 PM | Sometimes one is guilty of not adjusting behavior to the person he/she is with. If you listen to a good orator, he doesn't completely change the message he delivers depending on the audience but he does tailor it and speak in a way that is comfortable for the other person.
Vocabularies trip people out so you don't always need to use the one you pull out with an intellectual group. Some people think enough at work they don't want to be thinking all of the time when they are doing something else, perhaps you are picking chicks without inquiring minds that don't want to think unless they're getting paid for it.
The keeping part is only bad if you discount that you are not keeping people that are not suited to you because that suggests you are looking for the right person, not the first tolerable one that comes along. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:26:47 PM | At work I have usually found women in my age range are sympathetic to me and we become friends fairly quickly, but that's the workplace. Some very young women (early 20's ) also seem to be okay with me there. They say they like my sense of humor and that I'm "sweet" to them (their word). But it's the ones between my age and the young ones who really have the venom for me, maybe 30 to 50, like on this forum it seems...
By the way you guys are fantastic I never expected so many divergent viewpoints and insightful commentary as you all have shown. Regardless, if you've thrown everything back at me, criticized me, shamed me, held me in contempt , tried to damn me with faint praise, humbled me , or encouraged me, it is all good I assure you, and thank you all, and those still to come, for your contributions to the question, and for the time you've taken to respond! This has been a learning curve for me and I think I am going to be a better person and maybe a better potential mate for having taken to heart and acted upon what you all have had to say, particularly the women on here who have spared no feelings and pulled no punches.
Giroditalia | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:51:20 PM | I think you might have a bit more luck if you take the focus off of "yourself" rather than questioning if you are with someone worthy of your intellect, and maybe consider where the other person is at. Most people have areas of incredible knowledge and expertise. If you were really smart, you would be open to learn from others, rather than to disqualify what they know as insignificant or unevolved.
For myself, I don`t think I have ever gotten into a conversation with anyone, where I could not gain some scrap of new knowledge, some insight, or maybe just a heck of a good time. But if I entered the scenario,with the predispostion that this person`s conversation is of a lower quality with no value--------don`t you think that the other person might just pick up on that? Don`t you think that maybe, just maybe, you might be coming off as an intellectual arrogant boor? I can fill my conversation with flowery words, complex explanations, complex thought. Why? if I know from the start that this is going to make me unappoachable and offensive to the person I am trying to interact with.
As far as the ego question, in your profile, you ask people to rate your looks, display painting you have done ( that I am sure you are proud of, and likely would enjoy compliments) and tell of your membership in MENSA. All of these hae been included to impress and makes it look as if you are fishing for validation and compliments to your talents and attributes. Not a real good way to attract others. Maybe you need to look at the ego issue again and see who has the problem.
It is basically the same thing as going to a foreign country, and instead of trying to converse in their mother tongue, you demand to only speak English, and they need to conform to you. What is going to ingratiate those people more to you as a human, If you try, even if you make mistakes to respect their ways, or force your ways on them?
Maybe if you start focusing on the other person rather than yourself, a whole world of fun and diversity may open up to you. It is called being engaging and approachable. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:56:58 PM | | Thanks for answering my question about how the women in your workplace and acquaintance see you. Do you think the 'venom' as you put it is more of result of a jaded mindset among women (most that you meet)? I'm curious as to why you use the term 'sympathetic' to describe how women in your workplace deal with you...are they acknowledging (at least initially) that you are or can be somewhat difficult to deal with? | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:15:39 PM | I once knew a girl who, after a very few dates and without warning announced that "we were from different planets." What she was referring to was the difference in our intellects and the types of connections we made. I won't say which side of the chasm I was on, but I hope the speculation will not be too heavily in favour of it being the less complimentary. lol
Before that moment, although I was aware of this difference, I also thought that perhaps there might be something worth developing between us.
It saddened me at the time, but without the words to express it and with the gentle dulling of time, it is easy to see that what saddened me at the time was that we were not compatible. It doesn't matter in which way. We simply weren't. Eventually, we each found somebody.
There are too many of us out there to think that nobody is compatible.
From ASIS: "Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost."
That kind of thinking gets a lot of people shot. (Just kidding.) | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:50:37 PM | Your post screams ADHD, as if a coherent and focused conversation is impossible and while a girlfriend might want you to pay attention at any given moment, the priority you give to the many distractions you are "able" to see is also a kind of arrogance.
Realistically, everyone has a high ratio of how many people they meet to how many they keep. I mean, you only need to keep one, right? So what ratio were you hoping for?
I get distracted easily, I see the obscure, I understand connections that others don't get. Does it make me more clever or important or amazing than the men I've met over the years? absolutely.... :) j/k
It's time to learn to focus, if you want a woman to keep, she has to be as important to you as you are to her. Your complex personality needs a reality check. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:52:48 PM |
In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections...
Some may perceive such as being unable to make up your mind. My ex "thought out loud" a lot, but he never verbally distinguished between a firm thought/decision and when he was just doing more thinking. Drove me nuts. 
Or maybe you come off as very verbose which can be perceived a "conversation hog" or "liking to hear one's self talk" which usually indiates self-centeredness so that would be another turn off. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:01:26 PM | What it wrecks is their sense of security. Faithless as some women can be, women often confuse safety...thus leading to more lesbians and "strength in femininity".
Be yourself. There's a woman for everyone...even the complicated. 
Danz | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:08:04 PM | oh
my
god
oh dear, I think you entire group of comments could be classified as EGO bull. One of the things that has me absolutely amazed is people having laundry lists that someone will meet. as if to hold up and schematic and vulva a NON HUMAN BEING WILL APPEAR!
I read a woman's profile one time. It was long with all these wonderful things she is looking for in a man. Well this time I could not hold back and emailed her. The email said; "do you know that a man will email you?" How do I put this... ok, I'm sure most people know that we use about 10% of our brain. What is not generally understood is that the other 90% is running the show.
Good luck my man | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:17:27 PM | Anyone that "starts" out saying they are a renaissance person with high intelligence and low tolerance of anyone not as talented, well-rounded, and smart as them is a GIANT red flag, regardless of gender. I stay away from "anyone" that feels such arrogant superiority and not-so-subtle disdain for everyone they consider unworthy to be in their exalted presence (which is most of us, I assure you).
I'm reminded of that Dos Equis beer commercial with the man that is so relentlessly exciting and perfect (he lives vicariously, through "himself"...lol) that he "once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels".
Stay thirsty my friends.  | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:26:21 PM | So what I hear your saying is that you have a hard time with other people following you in conversation because your quick witted and your view points change as more information becomes available okay where is the problem?
Maybe what you really need to do is to make a priority list of things that are most important to you in a future mate.
I can see from your profile that you like to bike although your regular routine is a bit more than most people and I bike. so this may be tough if you need someone to follow your activity level.
You obviously are yearning for intelligent conversation so ARE you picking people that will be able to provide that for you?
I love intelligent conversation but I have went on a few dates where the person talked about themselves for 2 hours straight now here's my rule: I sometimes can be a chatty cathy also so I follow this rule.......
If you find after 2 hours that what you know about a person you can summarize in one paragraph you have talked too much and your meet was pointless because you already know yourself.
If you have ideas that are hungry to spring out of you and you just cant find anyone with the tolerance to sit and listen . WRITE THEM DOWN THIS IS WHAT AUTHORS DO! | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:40:53 PM |
At work I have usually found women in my age range are sympathetic to me and we become friends fairly quickly..
"sympathetic" 
You actually notice that they are sympathetic?
Gosh, I wouldn't be too thrilled with people becoming friendly with me because they were "sympathetic to me".
Of course that could just be me speaking from this wheelchair!
OP.. really... just be whoever you are.
Somewhere, someone will 'get you'.
That's all any of us are looking for, someone to understand us.
And who we can in turn understand. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 2:44:22 PM |
Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
I think it is tougher for a woman that is intelligent, articulate and intellectual than it is for a man.... it has been my experience that men have more fragile egos in this area than women do.... JMHO.
Being intelligent, articulate, intellectual, and open minded will make you unsuitable for a relationship with the majority of people you meet, because these traits are not widely found and when absent preclude enjoyable conversation. It's made more difficult by expecting that those traits are available through provocation, as if some extra work digging would uncover them; they are just not there. Also, for people whose thinking is original there is less of ready common ground to meet on outside art and academia. Popular culture is broad but relatively basic. You'll find millions who recognize a slogan from a TV commercial, and maybe twelve or so who catch your meaning when you borrow a phrase from a novel they have never heard of. It's kind of naive to plop yourself down at the corner bar and expect your neighbors to join you in discussing esoteric concepts. Relating well takes successful conveyance of meanings, so to speak well with someone you should find and use whatever they understand, and then if you want to bother with conversations that leave out what matters to you, it's a pastime but not a good way to develop a relationship that can satisfy you.
I couldn't say it better myself. 
I don't think you should change yourself when meeting someone.... or "dumb it down" as I have heard suggested to several friends. I think a successful relationship depends on being yourself and being honest from the very beginning.... and that includes not hiding your light under a bushel. That doesn't mean you should use every long word you know in the first five minutes.... or that you should tell them your life story in the first few dates.... it means, be yourself.... but also remember to take things slow. Get to know who they are and show who you are - there is a time and a place for everything.
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:15:49 PM |
In fact I function on several levels at once and frequently rework at lot of my communications and viewpoints and preferences as I go along because I become aware of connections and relatedness between topics and experiences that may not be so quickly visible to others or which may just be obscure.
You mean yer fickle!! Hey, I can relate!!
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:25:00 PM | I used "sympathetic" to describe the way in which we, as individuals of similar age, tended to see workplace issues. These were not issues affecting me personally; they were issues affecting the entire workplace.
Yup, I'm thinking you're doing entirely too much thinking inside your own head and lacking in communication skills to some extent if the above was to be construed by the reader, from what you initially wrote with respect to women in the workplace, as being "sympathetic to you". Perhaps all that multi-tasking that goes on inside that complicated head of yours neglected to note that the thought didn't quite fully reach to your fingertips. Then again, I'm in that vemomous age group you referred to, not the 20-somethings that apparently "get you". What is it that you perceive they "get" that the 30 to 50 age range don't get about you? Just curious. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, however, 20-somethings can "sometimes" be bedazzled by b.s. from an older individual more readily than one in the 30-50 age range. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:32:34 PM | I'm seeing this in a number of responses, so just a general plea: I never stated in my original post that I had a low tolerance for anything or anyone. I did state that the women I had met had a low tolerance for me. So how does this make me arrogant?
People attack, and are hostile toward, either that which they cannot understand, or that which frightens them. Enough said. | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:52:11 PM | ^^^ don't take it personally. Your original post comes across as arrogant my dear....though we should not judge you for it. You are asking if a woman's ego gets threatened by a complicated personality. Do you truly expect everyone just to get your complicated personality on here? I think that perhaps you mean "complex" and not complicated. You like being challenged but not judged. That is clear. Nobody likes that and it's not playing fair. If you get insulted try imagining the person who posts as having a Donald Duck voice. There are a few posters here who have Looney Tune voices in my head. See? I told you I could relate!! Peace.  | |
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| Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego?
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:52:37 PM | Pointing out that your communication seems to be taken by many of the respondents as a bit self absorbed, arrogant, or narcissitic is an observation ( by several, by the way). This is not an attack, it is an observation.
If you came on her to commiserate how you are taken wrong, and seem to annoy women, and don`t know why. We are trying to tell you that your communication style, at least on here seems condescending and arrogant. Again, not an attack, an observation. What you do with this insight ( from impartial strangers) is totally up to you. If you wanted us all to say " Yeah, poor guy, it is just so sad that there are so many people out there that just aren`t at your intellectual level. That is the same thing as saying " I`m so good looking, and it is so sad, that I just can`t seem to find a woman that is equal in their physical prowess as me." Can`t you understand how this sounds arrogant?
Do you not think that there are a whole lot of women that have this same problem?
My hobbies are the study of religious beliefs throughout history, plate techtonics,
anthropology, natural science, archeology etc. etc. I could go on and on. I often feel the same way you do. But I don`t feel like I am superior. When my girlfriends were putting up posters of the Monkees, I was fantasizing over Dr. Karl Sagan. Does that make me more complex or better?maybe, but maybe it makes me a nerd. I certainly don`t expect a date to understand what I am talking about. He doesn`t care about it. I`ve worked very hard at seeing the interesting things in people, not disqualify them. Do with these insights what you wish. Think real hard. Do you want a girlfriend or an audience? If you want a girlfriend, try moving out of your own head and paying attention to what is going on in her head. | |
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