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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 2/17/2009 12:54:24 PM | | Just want to say that your description of a nice guy is dead on in my eyes. I have met many men who don't treat women this way and I find it to be a big turn off not being seen as an equal or having my opinions count as much as those of men. The few I have met who do behave in this way, usually already have a wonderful woman in their lives! | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 2/22/2009 1:48:10 PM | What about the one...just because we message you first DOES NOT mean we are desperate! I mean seriously we are on here just as you are looking for companionship..or when we ask for more than that half ass picture you posted..like say a picture of your FACE and not the side view you have uploaded with sunglasses on to hide your face type picture and then following he has a picture of a lion, a sunset and a bird...Are you serious? Am I really shallow for wanting to see more pictures of you?!? Really because this is the internet, we are looking at people's pictures..we haven't previously met you in person..and we are looking to see if we find you in the least bit attractive to us on the outside, since you have already written about how great you are on the inside....lol. I have more pictures to follow of me if they are interested in seeing more by the way..I am who I am in those pictures, the rest comes later...So yea but he called me shallow for requesting those...I couldn't even gather up enough words to respond to his b.s. I just said pretty much..whatever, loser and had a good laugh to myself and as mean as that sounds. I figured oh well! Am I bitter? No. Amused YES thoroughly... | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:46:41 AM | Take a bow! You really can express yourself! You hit MANY points of interest and more than likely SEVERAL common road blocks that men experience. Might I add a few more? (not all apply to men only)
As a girl, (or "lady") I do not enjoy seeing posts that address the entire cyber world such as "hey all you ladies out there". This sounds more like an advertisment than a greeting, and many of us do not find this very personalble.
Being addressed with terms of endearment by someone you don't know, such as: baby, sweetie, hun (or the dreaded "darlin" which by the way is missing the G) are really not impressive. It is not really preceived as something "cute" but rather condisending. Perhaps a very young girl might find it complimenting, but a "seasoned" woman does not see it like that. Here is a clue: A girl likes to hear HER name from your lips.
Unless we ride, we are probably NOT interested in seeing tons of pictures of your Harley! Nor hearing you go on and on about how important Nascar is to you. Of course it is good to list your hobbies and interests, but it would be better to know some common interests that you could have with anyone, not just the "guys".
Seeing pictures of you holding a beer, and laughing so hard that your eyes are closed as you sit in a bar surrounded by woman does not make you look like a stud! (in fact, if the ole saying applies that a picture speaks 1000 words, well sorry guys, that picture is not speaking the best ones)
Has the English language gone to hell in a hand basket? Seeing LOL LOL LOL at the end of the majority of your sentenences....is that telling me that I "should" laugh at what you wrote??? Should I laugh with you, or AT you? And R and U are letters, not words. Seeing someone who has taken the time to fill out a profile and spell out words and complete thoughts is VERY impressive. It speaks volumes!
Here is one that always makes my eye brow raise: "I like to have fun". Who doesn't? Define "fun". Is that dinner and a movie? Or riding around drunk in the country, shooting mail boxes?
"Looking for a good woman, or a kind hearted woman". Hmmm.....that one is WIDE open. Along with your lists of hobbies and interests, perhaps a actual small listing of what you would consider the definition of "good or kind".
I realize that pictures are important, and profiles that do not post pictures do not get the volume of attention that the others do. But look beyond that picture, and READ what someone has taken the time to post in their profile. This will cover several things and assist you: #1 if she does not sound like the kinda gal that will be a quick hit, (if that is what you are looking for) then please don't waste your time or hers by sending the first message that only reads "nice pic". #2 by reading the profile thru, you may discover points of interest that both of you have. Then you can send a message that says "I noticed this or that about you.....I also enjoy that...." This will at the very least give you some common ground to begin a good conversation.
How about the favorites part of your profile? Are you really on 138 peoples favorites list? Do you communicated with all of them? (of course at one point you must have) but do you stay in touch with that many people? Or are you creating the illusion of a fan club?
Just some thoughts here, from my own experiences, and a collection of others I have compaired notes with. Not meaning to discourage anyone, but many so often state "what is wrong with my profile, or my approach".
Perhaps, this will assist you in weeding things out. Hopefully, it has helped.
Good luck to everyone. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:28:18 AM | I remember the adage "Be honest and practice what you preach." There is no gender implied. Over this site or any site, all we have is words. Good ol' Woody have 'Prefer not to say' in his profile meaning something changed. It is a good thing to write objectively in a critique of a person or persons like a technical writer, but that premise of precision does not work when it comes to the humanity of people. We are changing in subtle ways of every day, and "denial is the most predictable" (Matrix: Reloaded) action/reaction.
From me to the reader, I present the question "Are you a serial monogamist or not?" If we were truly content with being alone, "independent", or whatever word you choose, there would be no dating sites to be had because no one would be using them. There are many aspects of loneliness that is harmful and damaging be it spiritual or physical. With that said, look at the matters of cancer. So many variations, cancer is a "withering disease", an atrophy of some part or organ of the body from lack or absence of use. A number of them can be tied to not being in a caring relationship, whether intellectual, physical, or sexual. However, each must choose for themselves from those who express an interest or not.
You have all prior to this message commented on the given 'suggestions', but never appearing to have considered the opening adage as to whether it is being honest to yourself first then expressing yourself honestly to all that may be interested, or telling those you wish interest from what they want to hear. For me, I have my own personal goals and as such, express an interest in a woman as I choose because my goals are a private matter being shared at a later time. Until she sees my profile to decide if she can accept me as I am now, what I want to know is in the message which I sent. Choosing not to answer my message for my message and ask her questions stemming from seeing my profile is her choice and mistake not to do so. (Failure of WYSIWYG mentalities) For which, I do not reply unless their reply is an insult or other derogatory response. Presuming as adults that we do not subscribe to the claim, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by the age of eighteen," I think as much thought given to the message should be given in the response in the perspective "Could and would I enjoy that with him," and reply accordingly to see what their intention was.
I part reminding, "Life is short" because it takes but a single accident, and the person you are is no more be it death or not. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:58:19 AM | ...this is all just common sense.
It's too bad most guys that read this and think it's an awesome guide - are unfortunately just too stupid to know any better...
Just another reflection on how dumb-downed society has become where they need written instructions on how to live and breathe...
...lame. | |
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| Hang on, hang on. Stop the freakin presses.
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:39:03 PM |
While in the meantime, a lot of the nicer guys haven’t been given the chance to even start their ship building process. So, where do I find them? lol, seriously I do feel sorry for the some of the guys though taking the half of the blame the way other men behave, same goes for women too. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:30:32 PM | @woodrow...fabulous darling  just fabulous. I enjoyed part one and part two...I'm waiting for part three
as for those who said " wish guys could read this " I couldnt help to think, would if every woman agreed to putting in their profiles..they wouldnt have a choice but to read it eventually right....throw them for a loop...omg I can just see their faces now.....klik next ...klik next ...klik next...huh?...wtf ...okay alittle humor....my bad...I couldnt resist...I'm leaving now....hehehe
woodrow..keep up the writing, its intrigued me to read more.
I have heard some say, they should have a dating class for most men.
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:30:37 AM | I love your profile and the work you did on the tips! And yes, I read every word of all of them!
I recently cancelled a subscription to one popular dating site because I kept getting marriage proposals. I also received a few emails from people telling me they loved my smile. The picture I have posted was taken when I was annoyed. I wasn't smiling! What the hell are these guys thinking anyway? Do they not know that we can tell when they're full of shit? Oh well...
I once had a guy who substituted his words with these annoying little critters to the left of me. (smileys) It took me way too long to figure out what the hell he was trying to say. I finally wrote him back and told him that didn't learn smiley in high school or college and asked if he knew where I could sign up for a course so I could read his ****ing email. I think he might have been a little offended, I never heard from him again. 
I am sad to say that I'm guilty of some of the things you've pointed out on the women's guide. As a result of your advice, I'm reworking it in word format. I will copy and paste it into the profile soon.
Thank you for the advice and the sense of humor! After all of the insanity we put up with on these sites, it sure is refreshing to read something real. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:04:00 PM | Woody,
I do believe you have managed to make it inside my head and dig out every little annoyance I have ever had with every chat room or dating site. I am glad someone had finally put it down in writing! Even with the Women's Guide I know several times I have seen profiles that make me want to scream. I have had several experiences where I have tried to politely reject a guy because for one he was creepy. For nearly two weeks he messenger'd me daily every time I logged in, calling me every name under the sun under new names and several different emails. (this was a totally different site). I have also been stalked at work by one person from another chat site. That blew.
The rule about C*ck photos is a great one. I don't even want to think about how many people have randomly sent me a photo of thier male member. I mean come on. I have a son. I know what these things look like. Unless yours is 2 foot long and double headed, I'm pretty sure it's not all that special. If I want to see it that badly Ill ask to see it.
Another good rule to follow for guys AND girls is DONT SEND YOUR PHONE NUMBER OUT IN THE FIRST EMAIL. Do you really want to know how many random phone numbers I have from first emails, ones from guys (and chicks) that I haven't even talked to since they sent me the email? I mean, to me that just kind of screams "FREAKYYYYYYY!!!" If I want your number, I'll ask for it after we've talked a few times. Good grief!!!
And I think that's all I have to say at this moment......
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 4/16/2009 7:12:34 PM | | Woodrow you are a genius. I think similar to you, but sadly I do not have the time to write a book like you have. So thanks for taking on the challenge. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 4/25/2009 8:32:34 AM | | My first visit to the forums and have to admit....I couldn't stop reading your posts! You hit the nail on the head and love your abilitiy to articulate with humor what the rest of us all have experienced and know to be true! Hopefully guy and gals alike appreciate your efforts to correct the obvious blunders and disasters of dating! | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 4/25/2009 11:53:20 AM | Woody by the time it takes to read your "book" I went on a date, eventually got married and had a kid.
I think your part 2 should be how to communicate something is 20 words or less so the other person doesn't get bored.
I think you have some good points but come on. I think also being a smoker and putting up on the smoking part that you prefer not to say that you are is a bit much too, but thanks for all the advice. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 5/2/2009 11:06:14 AM | Again woody; you are trying to cure cancer and it's comical.
Anyone using online dating as their only tool is a tool; actually get out there and meet people.
People are so pathetic in public; the internet generation must have thought people were grown in test tubes before internet dating.
Be yourself, be honest and everything will be fine. I think your writing is pretty much learned in high school and you are not shedding any light at all; but you obviously like the attention, and who knows you might get a date out of it.
nicely played my friend; nicely played. | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 5/3/2009 5:21:24 AM | | i find it ironic when women preach about how men portray themselves , with all the bullshit we as men put up with , with how society and the media portray women as sex symbols and how u women feel the need to live up tp this reputation always in competition with each other , it makes me sick equal rights? ha! look up brisbane where im from all there is is single mothers , and most are overweight with an attitude to match theyre not out to impress , family values have been lost in our society , women wanna preach about how righteous u are , treat the opposite sex with some respect , and have some respect for yourself . Everyones different and a few kind words go a long way , once upon a time girls were made of sugar and spice and all things nice , now all they are are pretentious , arrogant , and obsessed with there bodys and image or the opposite and think being a fat pig should be accepted , if theres one thing that men have always been its consistent , weve never changed ,but have we ever been accepted for who we are ? funny thing is we do accept the fact that one day ull probably n**** us over!! | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 5/4/2009 5:42:50 AM | Seriously...You could have the next hollywood flick reversed!
To add...
Girls go for the "bad boy" cause he needs to be saved. The "good guy" is too good (let's face it, we are on a dating site so the woman is already feeling a littel substandard as are the guys).
I guess that sums it up! | |
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| Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:28:51 PM | | dude you really know your stuff man i am imperssed thank you for such great advice and i will follow these guidlines so i dont fall into the pansy jack ass affiliation | |
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| on the nice guy issue
Posted: 5/14/2009 12:21:37 PM | I think if someone is such a 'nice guy' that they avoid all confrontation, ie the doormat, the girl may feel like 'you're not being yourself', don't know who you are or what you want, are trying to be manipulative in the sense of behaving 'how you think people want you to' instead of in a sincere fashion... some girls do the barbie doll thing, with guys sometimes its the 'nice guy' syndrome.
Sometimes, conflict is good. You need to communicate. You won't always agree.
One can be respectful and compassionate, yet also honest and direct (or you can at least try).
If you are 'blaming girls for never liking the nice guys', it is possible you are doing some transference, and behaving in a passive aggressive manner. Choosing not to be aggressive, in reaction to how we 'nice guys' sometimes perceive males to be, as a$$holes, doesn't mean the opposite, of avoiding all confrontation, is better. If its hard at first, or you are not confident, try to let the other person do more of the talking, and try to listen, and understand first (probably good advice anyways). It may also give you time to think of how to broach a subject which might be sensitive gracefully (guys tend to be less skilled at this, I think, but it is worth practice if you want someone you love to open up, especially if you like people who are very sensitive and have been wounded a lot...) rather than letting it fester or fade. You don't have to give advice, but a well-thought out opinion, even if ignored, may let her know you care about her problems, if you can find the courage to share them, when you should (and hold your tongue sometimes, when you shouldn't... no, I don't know, I'm still learning the difference, it depends on the person... but timing is everything; if you remember what was said, rather than sharing when someone is still sensitive and raw, if you wait a day or so, and mention something when they feel stronger, safer, more confident, it may be more useful to them, anyways.
Michael | |
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