| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:10:35 PM | | I listened to a radio discussion on a similar subject comparing women who never tied the knot with divorcees. In spite of all the research some academics claimed to have done on the subject there was no consensus on any particular set of characterizations. Some single women, for instance, have raised more children than some married women and may even have endured longer in relationships than many married women. So whether you are looking at attributes such as empathy, self-sacrifice, responsibility, you may find out that the ranking has nothing to do with whether the person has been married or not. I think we all have our private biases about never-married people and although we may be convinced of our righteousness based on limited experience, the truth is often at variance with our prejudice. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:18:41 AM | Funny how some who has at least one divorce (if not more) under their belt is considered "normal" while someone who has not married is an oddball.
even funnier is that when the abnormal becomes the norm... then the normal becomes abnormal. and as today living together is becoming more common, and acceptable. i wonder if soon married people will be looked at as oddballs.
what i find outrages is how some people... with 3% knowledge of a situation will impart their values without even looking at the whole story....
besides i like a woman that has the courage to dance to her own tune! | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:38:23 AM |
WOW talk about sweeping generalizations, I've never been married and don't ever plan to be, I don't believe in it.
I think that sums it up, (if I can make a sweeping generalization).
Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone that has never been married, unless I was looking to get remarried. If you are looking for a spouse, then you have to wonder about someone at this age that has gone through life without once making the (insert one or all) commitment, mistake, impetuous decision, and that has never believed in another person enough to stand before friends/family/(God?) and vow to spend your lives together.
Again, if you are looking for a life time commitment from someone, why would you fight 30-40 years of history? I vaguely remember some wild-a** hippies that believed in free love but at some point most of them left the commune. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:06:35 AM |
Funny how some who has at least one divorce (if not more) under their belt is considered "normal" while someone who has not married is an oddball.
What I find extremely ironic is that some of the married people and even a few of the widowed people state that they are "single" on their profile yet are jumping right into discussions about all the negatives and red flags that a single person raises. Then you read their profile, read their posts in a forum or actually have a face-to-face meeting and find out that they have, in fact, been married. If being a single person is worse than having the plague, then why would you ever so proudly yet lyingly state that you are single? Kind of makes me go WTF. Hmmm, maybe these souls should be running for political office - they have the "speaking outta both sides of the mouth syndrome" down pat.  | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:26:24 PM | | I don't feel a problem with never been married. I don't know if I like admitting that I would not want to get involved with someone who's never had a long-term relationship. Been there with someone. I'd paint them all with the same brushstroke, yes. So, I'm suggesting I'd base my opinion on their reasons for never having made that leap. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:05:07 PM | She might be stubborn, resentful, downright vengeful.}
well thats a sweeping generalization! 
never been married & no kids (double whammy). Doesnt mean I didnt want em, it just never happened. So should I just jump off the nearest bridge? With my "unreasonable" number of pets?
Never said I didnt date or never had a relationship
Nah- am enjoying myself too much | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:36:14 PM | To Magic Fish, and all those who have posted in this thread:
I want to thank you for your insight, candor, and often humorous input in this thread. It has been both fun and educational. I have also seen a different side to a certain military man who is a regular poster here on POF. He is ok...even if he has been married more times than I have had my lens prescription increased, lol!!
I have made some very recent changes in my profile.
Bye for now.
Bella
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:56:53 PM | | I am 55 and currently in a 2-yr relationship with a man who has never been married. I am hesitant to put out over the internet what a wonderful man he is for fear of losing him, but he is WONDERFUL! He has loved and lost women the same way married men have loved and lost women (break-ups and death). I am divorced, left in a cruel way by my ex. The fact that my lover has not ever been married has NOT been a "red flag" at all. In fact, I wonder if because the "never-been-married" man is such a HUGE attraction to ALL women that this forum has not been posted by and supported by divorced/widowed men that still desperately want a loving woman in their lives. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:42:49 AM |
You are from the same generation I am. So, after high school most girls in our age group either got married or went to work. Very few went to college. You obviously chose work.
Sounds to me like a generation living in the past! I am originally from the UK where full time education was mandatory until age 16 with the option of continuing for a further year or even a second until age 18 which I did. Half my classmates in my final year were female and taking science courses, the majority also went on to college.
Brainwashing kids into believing girls should either be married or working after high school seem very****nsian, that sort of thinking went out the window after WWII(at least in the UK!).
I don't think I'm broken, flawed, etc. So what gives with the red flags and the older crowd!
I'm with you magic fish, just because I never married does not mean I didn't have relationships. Marriage for me in my 20' and 30's was not a good option for me as I joined the Royal Air Force after high school which involved moving ever few years. Even in my civilian career, with a large defense contractor, I would often have to work away from home for extended periods.
It is only now, in later life, as a co-founder and owner of a small business that I can vastly reduce my amount of traveling and hopefully build a long-term relationship. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:05:31 AM | What gets me is that we it is like we have to clarify why we have not been married and if the reason seems okay, then we might possibly be considered as a potential date if the divorced and widowed women are not available at that time. Sorry, I want to be seen as a good catch because of who I am and what characteristics and traits I have that make me a person who has a lot to offer. I am often told that even though I seem to not be as psycho and/or desperate as the other women who have not been married that the men have met ( I know more than a few teachers who have not been married, and none of them are psycho and/or desperate)......it says to me that the man might not be worth my time if he seems to attract psycho or desperate women...I have not been a relationship that lasted several years, have had lots of dates and several relationships in the past years, but since either the men wanted to get married and I did not, or vice versa, or we both realized that the other person was not who we were looking for as far as a dating situation after dating a short period of time, so we ended the relationships. I am maligned since I have not dated a man for several years and/or lived with him. I have been amazed at the number of items men and women have on their checklists of what makes someone a potential dating partner, then they wonder why they cannot find someone who fits the bill, and if he/she does then they wonder why the relationship didn't work out since they were wealthy and attractive and drove a certain car or whatever it is that they had or did that was a must have....
---stepping down from my soapbox now..
Fifi | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/18/2009 11:44:31 AM | | I am sorry but I really believe that men or women who have misconceptions about individuals who have never been married are rather shallow and not very open-minded. I am very proud to state that I have never been married and it has nothing to do with no one wanting me since I had proposals of marriage when I was younger. For some of us it's more of a life decision based on our circumstances. I grew up in a rough area of the city and felt it was most important to focus on my education. I did not want to marry or get involved seriously with anyone during that time. I graduated from an ivy league university and law school and did not put the burden on anyone else to deal with my ups and downs during that time. I became more of an independent spirit, in the process travelled internationally and really enjoyed myself. So marriage was not on my radar. Do I have regrets? No. This decision worked well for me. My legal education impressed upon me how serious of a commitment marriage is and how many people do not take it so seriously, hence our high divorce rates. Now, I don't really have an interest in marriage at this stage of my life. A nice long term companion would be fine I don't really see the value of marriage since we would not be starting a new journey with a family, etc. So all those who judge people who have never been married should really take a broader look at life and realize that there are so many options life actually offers us and just enjoy! | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:08:12 AM | I have never been married either and get the same thing. "Are you gay, psycho, mentally challenged, etc?" I have things in my past that are very hurtful and private. A broken heart that won't mend. A man should want a woman to love him for the rest of his life. I don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone about my choices in life. If some of you people would rather be with someone that has had 2 or 3 divorces, financial difficulties, have to deal with your and theirs exes over everything under the sun, it would seem we would a prime catch because you don't have to worry about any of that. We come with a clean slate. We are not flawed. We are loving, kind, and giving people who may have walked your paths slower to get where we want to be.
RosemaryL | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:13:31 PM | I think it's an old prejudice. people who've chosen a different way to live than "married, house, 2 children" just suffer from this type of caution and discrimination. there are people who deny their orientation. there are people who are best on their own. there are people who are so damaged that they cannot (and maybe should not) form a deep, committed relationship. but this is very individual. and, in the face of love, it may not mean anything at all.
I waited until I was 37 to get married. and, it was still a mistake. I should have waited longer, looked harder, not done it, or whatever! I am still friends with ex-boyfriends and so I know that I am also not flawed/broken, but it does make me stop and think: about myself and the experience of men I connect with. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:55:39 PM | I disagree that it's a red flag.
My current flame is 45 and never married, and has a lot of friends who are the same. Some people are just really busy -- school for 10 years, moving around a lot, starting a business, or just working a lot, or even playing a lot at sports and hobbies. So they're never settled enough to settle down. This seems common in major metro areas, where the real type-As are doing their thing. If you go to NYC, London, Paris, or Northern Virginia and DC you'll find a lot of middle aged people who have never been married.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the higher up the economic and education ladder you go, the later people get married and start families. It takes a long time to get there! People with blue collar careers, enlisted military, etc., are pretty much settled in it by their mid 20s, so they're ready get married and start families.
My guy has had two other "women of interest" in the time that I've known him. Both are his age (45), smoking hot, super intelligent and accomplished, and never married. One has been a college professor for a long time and the other just became one after a long career in the arts. I've now been exposed to this whole world of being middle aged and single, and it kind of scares me. It can happen all too easily, and some of the greatest people wind up single (and probably lonely).
Red flag? My ass. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:26:03 PM | in CA they have registered partners, many of whom have been together for more years than someone with one or more marriages. many have been harmed by religion or see it as an economic ploy and just won't get married for those reasons alone. i've been married twice and someone the romantic notion still lingers, but i'm not set on it--more about the quality and the substance.
as time goes by and social mores change, i think the question is whether someone has been in a full, fledged relationship for any length of time and if not, why not? just being married for a long time, doesn't mean you didn't cheat or were non abusive. or marrying every person you meet for a short time, does not make you a necessarily better person.
so, it's a legitimate question, but so are the other questions. this is why it takes time and why i am so nosy. i wanna know the answers before i waste too much of mine. yet, i now that it's not the way it works. after all, the person may lie or talk about intention versus ability.
i know two people-- never married or cohabited before their mid 40's. they met each other in church and are emotionally now in their mid twenties. it's "cute" and i think they will last. it depends upon the integrity of the people and what they do with what they've learned. those who want to repeat the past and are not willing to do the work (aka quick fixes) are going to raise extreme suspicion in my mind. at this age, we gotta have practiced our lessons, whatever they may have been. or be wide eyed and willing to take risk. such as this older couple. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/31/2009 4:00:52 AM | I am not attracted to ma man who has not been married who has had more than a few relationships that lasted several years. If he wanted to get married, why did he not marry these women? These men are more of a red flag type men for me.
A divorced acquaintance of mine dated and married a man who had not been married. She was impressed by the fact that he had dated someone 7 years previous to dating her. I saw this as a red flag, as he had no intention of every marrying the woman, and as she wanted to marry him, he wasted 7 years of her time, If he told her he would never marry her than she was a fool for wasting her time with him. He says women who have not been married are always strange, did he not think that women he met who had not been married might have also found him to be strange? He said that a lot of never married women were needy, but a divorced woman was great since she needed him and so did her children. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/31/2009 5:29:16 AM | I guess the answer to this question all
comes down to equality...
Many men (many NOT all) feel..
"why buy the cow when milk is so cheap.??"..
about a year or so ago I fell hard for a lil honey-bunny that
I begged, pleaded, and finally demanded a valid
reason of WHY she'd not marry me...
She puckered those full lips, leaned forward,
kissed me gently... then whispered ever so quietly..
"why buy a pig when all you want is a little sausage""..??
Another of the few times I was lost for words...
---SoldierByte---
P.S.
And fellas, we have no one to blame but ourselves..
allowed em to vote, drive, and even hold political office..
Now, even outside of the bedroom, many of em are on top too.. | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 7/31/2009 8:14:42 PM | ^^^ well if armageddon comes I know you will be able to protect me & provide for us! Except you are prob 1000 mi away & that wont do me or the dogs any good!!>>> read your profile- you are an interesting guy!
Yep I am on some favorites lists- but you know- have only met 2 of the guys; have no clue about the rest & it really doesnt matter.
have a great weekend!! | |
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| If s/he has never been married that's a major red flag
Posted: 8/1/2009 7:20:16 AM | This thread showcases some really odd preconceived notions about people who haven't been married. Honestly, I'd be more concerned about people who haven't had a reasonable number of serious relationships, which is not the same thing as being some undesired recluse who lives alone with their cats.
Moreso, a huge red flag for me would be someone married 5 times and that being held up as some standard of normalcy. There are also issues with someone who might have had 20 boyfriends/girlfriends by the time they are 30. I'd opt for someone who hasn't been out there quite so much, rather than either of the aforementioned options.
Namaste....... | |
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