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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:10:47 PM | | Uncle Grumpy I came from SW KS. When you are there, nothing is close. And if you are in a small town of 900 (mine was about 1200) everybody knows too much about everybody and that just isn't good. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:33:56 PM | I think it's the detriment of being odd. I mean if you live where you grew up, then why weren't you able to find someone there? Of course if you married and divorced someone from there then you may have already had and lost your best possible pairing from your hometown and most your age are married or have moved away by now. And if you live in a different city or town than the one you grew up in, unless it is a town full of out-of-towners, you are likely to be the odd one out as your ways and lifestyle would be drastically different from the locals although this could be a turn on for some.
So online dating allows you to meet up with other "free thinkers" and those who march to their own beat and possibly someone just looking for a pen pal.
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:10:48 PM | | The far away ones aren't any better than locals, they just seem to be because they're far away and you haven't met them. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:05:39 AM |
I was thinking of doing a test...putting an 'out of state' zip code on my profile, and then email these guys who live in my area. I know they would like me...but ONLY because I live far away...(they think). In other words, it isnt that the good ones are far away, the problem is the local good ones don't want you.
I kinda like your idea though. And I have noticed that its much easier (safer) to flirt with someone who lives far away. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:17:41 AM |
Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Its just Murphy's Law I'm guessing. I live in a city of 8.5 million people. There must be at least 1/2 million people who live within a 5 mile radius. However, I notice that most women who show interest in me live in farther away parts of the city, or in NJ or CT. Go Figure! | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:32:28 AM | I guess one of the odd things about the locals is their age. The ones that show an interest are either too young or too old. The ones my age don't answer email. Where to I find men to have crushes on but the forums?
dceeeee, this brings me to ask if you are noticing that many of the long distant relationships are coming from the forums? Do you think it is because we have "things to talk about" because we've already had a glimpse of someone's personality? | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:04:20 AM |
Why are the Good Ones so far away???
i figured it out !!!!
its because cool chicks havent yet figured out that the world is better where the rain never stops !!!!....
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:26:12 AM | Sorry to disagree but i do so respectfully..
Just what is too young or too old when it comes to wanting to have someone to share a conversation or your life with?...Ok of course there is the obvious; under 18 is too young and too old I guess might be someone with whom you have nothing in common with...
But in all honesty with this economy jetting around the country or world is out of the question and being alone until death isn't all that appealing so why not? if the younger guy is nice and not a jerk then give him a chance...If the older gal is nice and not a "jerkette" then give her a chance...
It's a rather upside world we have created, we as society are supposed to accept people of the same sex having relationships, people of diferent races, nationalities, religions, e.t.c. but God forbid that the generations intermix.
Just a thought. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:39:12 PM | WOW! This thread just took off, when I quit looking. I thought it had died! 
kpooks:Maybe that's why they look so good...BECAUSE they're so far away!!! Hang out with them in person for awhile and you might not think so highly of them. Kinda hard to hang out with them when they are so far away, don't ya think? (This is off topic, but do you mind if I ask where you came up with that name? I wonder, every time I read one of your posts)
Hi Bugsbro...I'm fine...haven't heard from you in a while...hope you are doing fine, as well. You say it's easy to be charming when you know nothing is going to come of it...well, it seems to me like the locals know nothing will come of it, too, so can't they be equally charming? I doubt that they'd be on here logging in regularly, if they weren't corresponding to SOMEONE...and most likely that 'someone' is many miles away. I wish I could take a poll of how far away the person is, that everyone is having the most correspondence with...I bet the results would boggle the mind! Another question...why would you have to 'listen to all the grief from your friends' about a local person, as opposed to a disant one?
zephyrmoon: Even when they CAN ask to 'meet in person this weekend', I don't think they worry about it enough to let it affect whether they are relaxed or not. JMO
guyd42:You'd THINK it was just a fantasy, but that isn't it, because I have MET some over the miles. It can't work because of the situation I'm in, and I tell them that, but I'll be darned if they don't insist on giving it a try anyway! (It must be the challenge?)
Excellent Guy: Come on DC it's a fishing site. You know even when you're in your boat the guy on the other side of the lake is catching all the fish.
...THAT made me laugh..of course I realized that for many, it's 'the grass is greener on the other side' theory..but most of us should've outgrown that by now, wouldn't ya think? At least those of us that are over 30...and especially the ones MY age! Good grief! I'm almost sixty! (Don't laugh)
Justmeandmax: "You can't train an old dog"...ouch! Sounds like that comment was meant for me...Just kidding, I know it wasn't...cause I'm trainable! | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:52:59 PM |
All the good one are far away from me because I live in the fattest, least educated, poorest part of the United States.
It's really not a mystery to me.
Same here. All I have to do is do a look up on females in my zip code and every profile nearly looks the same. Bland, boring, short, and they all want some "country guy." I also sigh in the fact that nearly every female in my area, according to PoF and photos, has a weight problem or a serious weight problem. I had to dig deep, really deep to find someone who wasn't another country-boy-seeking-chunky-butt It wasn't just the weight, but the overall personality as well. For God's sake, there's more to life than just "mud-riding", staring up at the stars, and "well ill let u decid on wer we go."
I think I almost cried when I came across someone who appeared to be healthy, didn't lie about her photos, and had a personality of my own! I'm telling you, it's nice to comfortably hold someone who won't crush your legs and break your back. 
I just hope I never take her for granted. 
Of course, I'm "young", so my post shall be deemed null and void.  | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:15:24 PM | All the good one are far away from me because I live in the fattest, least educated, poorest part of the United States.
My coke hit the screen when I saw this, because I thought, "he's GOT to be meaning where I live"...... and though i never make it a practice to look at guys profiles, I had to do it simply to verify it. He's CLOSE ENOUGH!! And I can concur!!! Golden Coral buffets P and L statements definitely run in the RED in my neck of this old closed up factory town. It truly is amazing to do a zip code search from all the old areas of the country I used to live in at one time. I literally had to show my female friends so they could get an understanding of this phenomenon. I used to hope if I rubbed my eyes, the screen would change...... "okay...punch in south florida.....punch in Texas...punch in L.A.......punch in Chicago.......now.......punch in DAYTON, and FEAST YOUR EYES!!" Every time, I heard an "Oh my GAWD, you poor, poor MAN!!" (I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt right now) Now, mind you, I'm no spring chicken.... but when Ben and Jerry's can have a regional release of an ice cream called DUNKIN' DONUT GREASE, and Kroger sell out of it.....something is REALLY WRONG!!!
This topic kind of hits close to home, simply because I did the long distance thing once before. The knowledge I gained still stays with me till today. My relationship was long distance for about eight months till I eventually moved to be with her. We made it another five years after that. As one poster said, it IS a lot of work to keep it up when you're that far away. At the time, I didn't mind it though, and never considered it work, because "love" truly does know no distance. I can't say I want to put THAT much energy into something like that again though. I'm a 'hands on' kind of guy that needs the 'every day'. Even if it has it's supposed dreadful and boring times sometimes. (which I never really considered to be anyway....) I'll take the 'daily grind' over 'keeping it at a distance' any day.
It's kind of funny..... because, I'm actually in a situation to be able to pick up and move where ever I would like to go in a couple months after I finally finish recovering from my surgeries. But I can't see myself going somewhere simply with the goal of 'finding somebody'. The town would have to be some place that I can call home. Otherwise, no go. Because, if it breaks up, there's no reason for me to stay anymore. I've traveled and moved too much in my life as it is. I'm too old for this shit. I would have to have a literal sign from the man upstairs himself....it would have to be handed to me on a carved tablet saying "she's THE ONE" for me to do something impulsive and move again to be with her.
I've met and corresponded with some REALLY great women from time to time. But the distance thing is the thing that immediately prohibits me from even EXPRESSING a possible affection for them. Somehow, that just doesn't seem right to me. It makes things complicated.... and I think a woman deserves better than more complications these days with this whole internet love thing. I know I deserve it to not be complicated as well. So, at this point, I tend to not do 'flirting' or the like when making friends on the net. I know too much........ It's always fun until somebody gets hurt. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:48:05 AM | Greg, my wingwan  , at least women are actually interested in you from a place called "New York".
For me, NJ, CT, PA, IN, even CA....oh, and let me not forget ON, Canada, and the UK. But interest in me....in a place, called New York??? Don't be ridiculous.
DC, it's relatively slim pickings here and I pretty much stopped looking for New York City women from about last September or October. You've gotta make them break down the cynicism wall to have any real interest in you...or get them extremely drunk. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/20/2009 3:31:35 AM | | I find that I am not typically interested in most men my age who live near me and to quote one man " You are every man's worst nightmare as far as a potential date" and he went on to tell me why. (no ex husband, no children, 5 feet tall, brunette short hair, wears glasses, average looking, feisty, opinionated, educated, well spoken, not thin, busty, knows a lot about cooking, and the most offensive thing of all seemed to be that I had self confidence and he didn't know why as I am such a disaster. ( I truly believe that some people grow up under rocks and/or are raised by wolves.) There are some male forum posters who seem to be on the same wave length as I am about certain topics, and yes, most seem to live very far away. Larger cities seem to sometimes attract the type of men I mesh well with (although some posters in this thread nip that idea in the bud), guess it is just meeting the right people at the right time, etc. and being at the right place at the right time kind of thing. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:31:45 AM | | The answer is simple. If you make the search area larger, there are more people from which one might find an ideal match. If only 5% of those people are close, then it is much more likely your match will be found elsewhere. Actually, this is probably a good indicator of someone being too picky, not that there are no suitable matches close by. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:10:12 AM | Eski-bro: It doesn't matter why you couldn't find anyone in your town, whether you grew up there, or move there later. The point is...they are right here on POF...just like the distant ones...actually the local ones are more easily accessable...yet people seem to go for the distant ones.
rockondon: Oh yeah...the local ones don't want me...you hit the nail on the head...but how do they KNOW? Because of my zip code? It's not like they KNOW me here because I just moved here about a year and a half ago.
GoodmanGreg: Ya know what's the real kicker about these distant people contacting you? They have to try twice as hard to FIND the people who aren't local, as opposed to their profiles coming to YOU!! I didn't realize the POF guys were so ambitious!
thebugisback: Nope, the ones I have been contacted by, don't do the forums here. The one I moved here to be with, played in the forums and that's how we met...but I contacted him. I agree, though, that it is much easier to get to know someone that way. Some are just so adorable, but as usual, they are all sooo far away...*sigh*
seekndestroy: I don't know about that, if it refers to the guys, too. One of the men contacting me from afar is in WA with all the rain, like you.
BrianSnoCO: I assume you are responding to bugs post, since I said nothing about age. Since you mentioned it, I'll put in my thoughts. Age is an individual preference, just like the other things you mentioned. I have had relationships with guys 10 years younger when I was in my 40's, but it was because I had my child later in life, and the people this age are who had kids the same age, and therefore I had more in common with them. Now, however, my chld is grown, and I'm looking forward to retirement so someone 10 years younger just wouldn't fit into my lifestyle so much...make sense? Of course, no rules are cut and dried when it comes to matters of the heart.  | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:15:26 AM | MSG: 25
Why does everyone fly off the handle and assume THEY are going to be the ones asked to relocate - if and when the relationship evolves to that point?
MSG 25 dedicated a paragraph to explaining why he wouldn't want to move... ok... so? What if your match happened to live four states away, had no kids, no ties to the area other than a job? How do YOU know she wouldn't be more than willing to move to a new area for a fresh start - whether it work out with you or not?
You don't, you can't - and because you've put this is silly wall preventing anyone from more than 20 miles aways to get through - you never will. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:47:43 AM | Pashune: why would your post be deemed null and void because of your age? I don't think this problem only exists for us old people...I'm sure it's an 'online' thing. I'm glad you found your special mate...and local, at that!
Piano4te: Dayton, Ohio, huh? fattest, least educated, poorest? Funny, I was born and raised in Ohio...(Massillon)...and didn't find that to be true at all. Even now, when I go home to visit, my friends are mostly thin. But then, my friends don't go online much at all...I guess they keep busy doing other things, which keeps them in shape. I also did the long distance thing before...and moved to be with him...mine only lasted 8 months after the move. It didn't completely sour me on the long distance thing, but I doubt that *I* would make the move again, unless it's an area where I have some common friends or family already....like you say.."A place that I can call home". It's expensive, to say the least...and if it doesn't work out, it leaves you in a strange town where you know no one.
lovesmesumboys1: Bingo! Someone who is having lots of luck with the locals! I guess you win the prize, my dear!!! Oh okay...I just read your profile...and you aren't there yet! THAT explains it all!
danzandsing: I know what it's like in a big city...you'd think it would be better, but it's really not. I noticed that when I lived in San Diego...but then I wasn't really interested in most of the guys there, as they weren't my type. Most were health nuts, and I was into rednecks.
Fifi47: I can't imagine a man saying that...but he has GOT to be the rudest man around, and I'd just consider the source. Yeah, it IS about being in the right place at the right time, but when the right place is 1,000 miles away, how do you get there? Seriously, when you get my age, you have no way of knowing which ones are single or not...or where the people my age hang out...but this thread isn't about people 'my age'.
abelian: Well, I've contacted some people in my area...put others in my favs....but even the ones that I end up having contact with, seem to not be into actually meeting. They don't SAY that, but after awhile, it becomes obvious. I have had better luck meeting the ones who aren't close.
bobisthe14u: see above.
cinsay: This is why, when getting close to someone who is far away, a discussion has to be made from the get-go on who would be willing to move, if anyone...a 'what if' type of scenario. I think msg 25 was just giving ONE point of view...not speaking for everyone. Maybe the distant people HE has been in contact with have expected HIM to be the one to move? After awhile, you just say 'no more!'...ya know? | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 10:59:11 AM | This is why, when getting close to someone who is far away, a discussion has to be made from the get-go on who would be willing to move, if anyone...a 'what if' type of scenario
That is correct. When you are messaged by someone who lives a considerable distance away, you very well SHOULD make one of the first conversation topics about the necessity of one or the other moving. This is where honest communication comes into play. For example: "You understand I have children and I cannot reasonably pack up and move to another state?" If he/she replies with understanding that, and is willing to consider on their part that relocating isn't going to an issue for them - then you can move forward. If niether party is willing to make that consideration - then you know it's probably not worth exploring any further.
Maybe the distant people HE has been in contact with have expected HIM to be the one to move? After awhile, you just say 'no more!'...ya know?
I disagree. How difficult is it to sit behind your computer keyboard and write messages? Because he is the one being expected to move 9 times out of 10 doesn't there isn't someone out there who won't put that expectation on him. Part of the beauty of this type of vehicle in finding your partner is that it doesn't require a great deal of work at the start. Is he not having the discussion about the potential to relocate at the start? If not, than it's his own fault for investing his emotions in someone before such valuable information is brought to light. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 12:00:34 PM | How can it be, that soooo many people aren't interested in those that are within 50 miles????
1) They're married/ attached <2) Somebody waved an ugly stick in their neighbourhood.
3) They live in a small town full of 1st cousins (see #2 and the movie "Deliverance")
4)People like to act like a-holes in somebody elses city. < | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:19:56 PM | | Talk about distance. My mother found a guy all the way in Australia. Then after she split with him, found another guy in New Zealand. Usually long distance relationships don't work, but the two of them actually just got married. So go figure. | |
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| Why are the Good Ones so far away???
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:48:30 PM |
lovesmesumboys1: Bingo! Someone who is having lots of luck with the locals! I guess you win the prize, my dear!!! Oh okay...I just read your profile...and you aren't there yet! THAT explains it all!
Before this profile...before I got ready to move....I always had luck with the men in my area. | |
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