| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:43:00 PM | Good question I personally know by this point in my life when I start rumenating over someones actions that insensed me or pissed me off if you will and it doesn't get resolved within a certain time period that things are not right with me. If the other party is not into resolution and just wants to prove a point.
I can usually resolve issues in my mind fairly quickly because I am capable of forgiveness if the person makes an effort to change.
for me its all about conflict resolution skills If someone can have conflict without inflicting pain by: browbeating verbally,
using intimidation tactics, like yelling, threatening =a huge no no with me I need to know someone is willing to fight for our relationship.
bringing up old crap, or the silent treatment
If someone can show that they are willing to do what it takes to
resolve things in compromise than I am good. | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:01:11 PM | I have always been the leaver. Even though there were many times I should have left long before I did. When I became an angry person and no one could stand to be around me and my smile left my face, is when I hit the road. Sometimes I wallowed in self pity for awhile doing the I am a failure routine. Sometimes I just picked up my boot straps and moved on. I only started dating right after a break up once and that was a horrible disaster. I usually take a couple of years to come back.
This time I was in a 4 year relationship that should never have lasted that long. It has been 3 years since we parted ways and now I am having a hard time finding a future anything. I am happy, I am going out and keeping myself busy, but for some reason I have nothing to say to anyone. I have been alone for so long I have nothing to talk about. I am finding at 54 it is the hardest time finding anyone to even go out on a date with. If they are available it's because there seems to be something wrong with them and if there isn't anything wrong with them they aren't available.
Maybe someone with more luck than I can help me get jump started too. | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:11:45 PM | | I have to comment on your, " I have quit letting maybe it will work run my life, there just isnt that much time left and I refuse to waste it on what might be." I agree with you whole heartedly, there isn't enough time to waste it on maybe's. | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/18/2009 11:28:01 PM | | it is true and i love this | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/18/2009 11:29:10 PM | | it is true and i love this | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:39:53 AM | 1: How do you know when its time to say goodbye?
OP, I knew it was time to say goodbye when my love for him (and his love for me) was prompting others to try the best they could to make our lives miserable. (He's going through a divorce as I type this and I've never, ever seen people treat anyone so badly as he's being treated by his own mother and father simply because their son wants to leave a loveless marriage and have one last shot at being happy.) Well, I won't tolerate their shabby treatment to him any longer so I said goodbye.
It was the most heartwrenching, heartbreaking decision I think I've ever made in my life but letting someone go because you love them and want them to have peace is one of the most unselfish acts any of us can perform. I don't regret for one minute loving this man and I'm just so grateful for having had just one fleeting moment (it seemed) of knowing what is was like to love and to have been loved.
So, to answer another one of your questions, I left him and quite frankly I feel like shit and will for a long, long time to come but his happiness will always come first to me. I told him as I left "When you need me mouse (yes, he's 6'2", 210 lbs and I called him "mouse") just put your hand over your heart and you'll see me blowing you a kiss and telling you how much I will love you forever."
Sorry, I just had to get that out.
Sans | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/19/2009 7:54:03 AM | Sorry about the decision you have to make Sans. I can only imagine how much that must have hurt. It shows me what a strong and intelligent person you are. Yes, it will hurt for a long time, but sometimes we just have to do the right thing and the right moment. Hopefully it will all work out when the dust settles. | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:05:31 AM | Why is it people in relationships write on the profiles looking for how to end a relationship and what do I do next?  this is not the first post I have seen from happy couples or one of the happy couple.
Good Luck, leave dating sites, and move on hun, stop looking or the new relationship aint going to work for sure. | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:25:47 AM | ^^^^Thanks, babe. (Mora) Not everyone that leaves the love of their life has left with hatred and contempt in their hearts. I made the decision for him, not me and I left with so much love in my heart you can't imagine. I never believed two souls could be one so easily (you had that mora..you know exactly what I mean) but I know I made the right decision and I've never seen a man cry such as he did when I left him.
And yes mora, when the dust settles our souls and hearts will once again be reunited. I would rather remember the awesome times I had with this man and for him to remember what we shared than for him to be tortured daily by his family. I've never been in so much pain in my entire life. A love like this comes around one time in your life and if anyone knows that it's you, mora. At least I have the peace that now no one will call him with constant put downs, berations and overall telling him that he's 'no good' as a son any longer.
Sans | |
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| Goodbye?
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:26:15 AM |
1: How do you know when its time to say goodbye?
• Generally – When old beliefs on his part is what holds his identity and most of what he does is without considering others way of thinking (respect) - goodbye…lol
• When mood altering ‘stuff’ excuses any behaviour he might take responsibility for.
• When he always thinks someone is trying to change him and cannot decipher that his behaviour - belief is changing the person he thought he fell in love with …lol
• When he uses the term ‘always’ in every sentence.
• When his ego - outwardly appearance is played out in words and actions by how you would appear on his arms – more an accessory – a show piece
• When his sexual agenda is non existent …lol
• When confronting the question of my trust with him with all supporting facts he disregards it even when I show it reflects on my behaviour with him – his fear of becoming vulnerable and surrendering to the moment to allow us to move on.
• When other obligations in his life take a piece of self from you – eventually leaving you to think he does not hold you in high regard.
• When he feeds off others thoughts and has none of his own to assert himself (no self)….big big no no…lol
• When he defines a thin line one does not cross in his profile – placing tons of limits without a foot to stand on – no supporting information he has depth to support his beliefs….lol
• When he displays arrogance in thoughts of others - ridicule - sometimes sourced from a display (or belief) that this is what society wants or forum readers.
• When he says “oh you don’t sound First Nations “….lol
• When he thinks you are trying to control him when you give your opinion regardless of how compassionate I bring my information across to him…lol
SHOULD I go on???? Lol
2: How do you personally deal with it when your the left? when your the leaver?
• By expressing who I am today as a result of having had the relationship – positive and a learning event
• By dealing with the relationship as a situational event in my life and does not paint a picture for others that might come into my life.
3: What do you do to "start again" using what you learned in the just ended relationship without allowing it to ruin a potential new one?
• Hmmmm potential – each person is an individual and needs to be treated with respect and trust. Life experiences are situational and does not reflect a general view.
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